Broke up with my girlfriend

[Murk]

I've posted threads about her in the past so wanted to update you that I did brake up with my ex gf a little while ago. She was pushing for more commitment hard, moving in, babies, and engagement. I still hadn't gotten over the issues of her past and her age/declining looks (same age as me).

Many of you suggested I break up with her in the summer when I found the list of 30 bodies (plus 2 mmf threesomes) in her phone notes and the lies that came with it. I just wasn't ready to pull the trigger then, and I did love her. I had too much on my plate with my business to add more stress to my life. I coasted and went through the motions over the months, had fun, did fun things with her, but it was hollow, and I felt empty and angry towards her. She kept pushing for more, and deep down I couldn't degrade myself and ultimately, I couldn't respect someone that hadn't respected themselves. The respect for her was gone and it was just pity I felt for the longest time.

I put my foot down and said she would never be moving in with me, I had already told her previously I could not marry and have kids with someone with a past like hers. I guess maybe if she'd come straight out and told me 5 years ago when we met (together for about half that time), I'd have a different opinion. She glossed over my words and hoped I'd cave eventually, she stuck around, but I always resist and push back on pressure and manipulation. She was frustrated the relationship wasn't moving forward and I wasn't even enjoying the company she provided and there was no more peace.

Anyway, I'm very happy I did the right thing. I was close to just knocking her up last year as I do want kids and I can provide for them now. I've learned to properly vet, the questions to ask, the signs to look out for in the future. I'm in a much better position than when I first met her too, physically, mentally, financially and spiritually. Some part of me is sad, because she was a good and loyal girl. But she wants kids so I had to let her go find some other guy. I'm not going to be saving any h0e or taking the easy way out. It was a difficult thing for me to do and looking back, I should have left much sooner.

Not bothering with any girl late 20s and above.

 

[Murk]

You dont get a break up trophy. She will move on faster then you reguardless if you are into or not.
Sperm is cheap. Hate her just a little bit

I'm not bothered one bit, I've had 2 posters in the last couple weeks ask or insinuate about my GF so just making it clear I moved her on. I smashed some chick from OLD last Tuesday, I have a date on Friday, I'm good.

 

[jaymbrs]

You broke up with a ***** who had 2 trains ran on her. Congratulations?

 

[Murk]

Ok. Cool
Why post all the "feels"
I get the talking to bros. But be real about it.
Dragging out a breakup overtime to feel good is not frame. Never will be.
But your good so who fcking cares?

I was under immense pressure at work, dragging out the break up was a bad call but I did what I thought was best for me at the time.

You broke up with a ***** who had 2 trains ran on her. Congratulations?

Just stating the facts not looking for applause, as I said 2 people had asked about my gf recently so after all the threads I thought I should make this one

 

[RazorRambo24]

Damn shorty was writing journals about every dude she was f-ing? Sorry you had to find out like that. I don think 30 bodies is crazy but to journal about it and then have 2 threesomes on top of that? Def not gf material imo

Good for you for breaking up with her.

I find no reason to be hard on you for anything in your post.. because i dont know the circumstances and ultimately, you did what you had to do in the end.. and moved on.

 

[jaymbrs]

I was under immense pressure at work, dragging out the break up was a bad call but I did what I thought was best for me at the time.


Just stating the facts not looking for applause, as I said 2 people had asked about my gf recently so after all the threads I thought I should make this one

Just busting your balls man. Hopefully it’ll help you screen better next time.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

So you felt angry with her for basically finding stuff out through illicit means due to your own insecurities.

Holy sh!t, I don't even know what to say on that.

 

[Murk]

So you felt angry with her for basically finding stuff out through illicit means due to your own insecurities.

Holy sh!t, I don't even know what to say on that.

Anger is not the right word, it was frustration and disappointment, I'd built her up in my head to be someone I could cash my chips out on because our religious and world views were aligned and she was supportive during my come up. I realise now that, that isn't enough to fully commit to someone.

 

[Murk]

Damn shorty was writing journals about every dude she was f-ing? Sorry you had to find out like that. I don think 30 bodies is crazy but to journal about it and then have 2 threesomes on top of that? Def not gf material imo

Good for you for breaking up with her.

I find no reason to be hard on you for anything in your post.. because i dont know the circumstances and ultimately, you did what you had to do in the end.. and moved on.

30 is too much for me, but the 2 threesomes (one she actually told me about 2 years ago), including banging some dude, his friend and brother - way too much.

Here is the OG thread for context: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/murks-relationship-sos.274445/

There were some other threads around this time but I forgot what they were.

Edit: Just want it known that I knew her 5 years and had thoughts of committing BEFORE I learned this new info 8 months ago.

 

[Bokanovsky]

So you felt angry with her for basically finding stuff out through illicit means due to your own insecurities.

Holy sh!t, I don't even know what to say on that.

His "insecurities" and "illicit means" helped him dodge a bullet. He was going to have kids with that woman. What a disaster that would have been! Ignorance may be bliss...but only in the short term. Do your due diligence by whatever means necessary (or be prepared to pay a heavy price later in life).

 

[BackInTheGame78]

His "insecurities" and "illicit means" helped him dodge a bullet. He was going to have kids with that woman. What a disaster that would have been! Ignorance may be bliss...but only in the short term. Do your due diligence by whatever means necessary (or be prepared to pay a heavy price later in life).

Eventually you'll drive yourself insane because if you dig deep enough everyone has something to find. Best be happy your woman didn't use this dillegnce on you.

 

[Murk]

Eventually you'll drive yourself insane because if you dig deep enough everyone has something to find. Best be happy your woman didn't use this dillegnce on you.

You're conflating one of deep dive on a girls phone due to some red flags and gut feelings, with an obsessive insecure mindset/habitual tendency, something I do not have, I'm 34, I've been around the block, I've never once gone through a girl's phone and only twice in 58 woman asked a body count, that's not me. I now know to vet straight off the bat and categorise a woman into recreation or potential accordingly. Rather than "go with the flow" which we can all be guilty of sometimes.

 

[Stanley]

Seems like the right call to me

A person's past is a part of them and if you don't agree with it, you don't agree with it. Inversely, someone is free to judge you for your past actions as well, it goes both ways.

We can get on our soapbox and tell you what we 'think' about her past and your response, but ultimately you do what you think is best for you. You know the woman far better than we do and if you find you weren't compatible and unwilling to diminish yourself or change your values to maintain the relationship then moving on seems appropriate.

Always be aware of when you are getting the unicornitis.

You built this girl up on what you THOUGHT you knew and when you went deeper and actually knew you didn't like it. Not a fun experience, but it is better to have known about the things you disagree with than to move further along with this woman.

Good to hear you are in a good place

 

[Bokanovsky]

Eventually you'll drive yourself insane because if you dig deep enough everyone has something to find. Best be happy your woman didn't use this dillegnce on you.

It's matter of degree. Finding out that a girl had an ONS or two is one thing. Finding out that she's into MMF threesomes and keeps a diary with pictures of dudes she banged is something else entirely.

It's just like buying a used car. They all have issues. One might have a broken radio; another might have a blown engine. Would you buy a car sight unseen, without a carfax and mechanical inspection? Not unless you're an idiot. So then why wouldn't you do due diligence on a potential life partner?

 

[Dr.Suave]

This is a good thing. At 34 you havent peaked yet, you are still on your way up.

You are now free to meet girls that WILL make you HAPPIER. Enjoy.

I took a glance at the older thread, some people were telling you to keep her. Good thing you didnt listen to them.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

You made a clean swift exit brotha
I would have ejected as well
You are guarding your peace of mind and livelihood at all fvckn costs.
Women w/ two digit count/3somes are damaged goods with no more capable bonding qualities in my scrapbook.
more than 3 bodies and she is not LTR wifey material

you will never know her true # but her behavior and vocabulary always intertwines with her past dude exposure, it reeks of that sh1t, Bet

I run a make on chicks even before I contemplate making em official. I screen their social medias and if I see a lot of attention whoring and sh1t like that then I know what slot to put the beezy in. These lizards do all the ground work to screen themselves out.

Keep sharpening the blade and moving big dawg.
She will be alright. they all are. the branch was ready. the betas or one of her 30 will always console her.

 

[pipeman84]

Some part of me is sad, because she was a good and loyal girl.

How the heck was she a loyal girl while at the same time racking up 30+ dycks? You mean loyal to you? Firstly, how do you really know that? Maybe she just got better at covering her tracks. Secondly, if she indeed was loyal to convince you to get her pregnant, then it's just the calm before the storm, ie once she gets what she wants, her nastiness which in the past manifested as being a hoe will manifest itself again, either like in the past or some other way.

if I never saw the list I would not be able to tell this girl was a h0e. Maybe I’ve missed something but thinking back there were no clues to this promiscuity.

This can't be possible. Your radar must be broken. A girl who's been with 30+ guys including threesomes gives off a hoe stench that most probably can be picked up on photos alone, never mind spending time with her.

 

[Murk]

You made a clean swift exit brotha
I would have ejected as well
You are guarding your peace of mind and livelihood at all fvckn costs.
Women w/ two digit count/3somes are damaged goods with no more capable bonding qualities in my scrapbook.
more than 3 bodies and she is not LTR wifey material

you will never know her true # but her behavior and vocabulary always intertwines with her past dude exposure, it reeks of that sh1t, Bet

I run a make on chicks even before I contemplate making em official. I screen their social medias and if I see a lot of attention whoring and sh1t like that then I know what slot to put the beezy in. These lizards do all the ground work to screen themselves out.

The thing is I don't even doubt her pair bonding potential, she stuck to me like glue since I met her, I think maybe as I was the first guy with his head screwed on that stuck around. Her socials are clean, no attention-seeking, doesn't do drugs/drink excessively, there was no obvious red flags to her extensive past until I looked through the phone, that's what threw me off and was a major hit to my brain. Whether she was truly faithful I don't actually care, it's history now.

How the heck was she a loyal girl while at the same time racking up 30+ dycks? You mean loyal to you? Firstly, how do you really know that? Maybe she just got better at covering her tracks. Secondly, if she indeed was loyal to convince you to get her pregnant, then it's just the calm before the storm, ie once she gets what she wants, her nastiness which in the past manifested as being a hoe will manifest itself again, either like in the past or some other way.


This can't be possible. Your radar must be broken. A girl who's been with 30+ guys including threesomes gives off a hoe stench that most probably can be picked up on photos alone, never mind spending time with her.

You're probably right, there were h0e warnings when we first met, I smashed her and kept her on the back burner, it wasn't until 2 years later we got more serious. Lockdown we nested, I probably brought the best out of her. I think I got clouded, but also I met her at 29 so she was alreadt getting off the CC and changing to supplicate me (as women approaching/post wall do). There's no doubt she's not that same person now she was then, shes old and run through, so how could she be. I can't give my all to someone who WAS that person in the past despite all the feminine boxes they tick now. The signs were there initially I'll give you that. My radar is sharp moving forward.

 

[Stanley]

there was no obvious red flags to her extensive past until I looked through the phone, that's what threw me off and was a major hit to my brain. Whether she was truly faithful I don't actually care, it's history now.

I dated a girl who kept mementos from her ex's. I thought it odd, but understood that some girls are just like that and extra sappy nbd. Months into the relationship while helping her pack for a trip I stumble across a box. She seems on edge that I found it and promptly packs it away. (This girl was damaged and a BPD and all the fixings.) I don't press her about the box and just move on back to what I was doing.

Later on in the relationship I found she kept everything from ticket stubs to shows we went to, to scraps of clothing and any little 'sentimental' thing she could find. It wasn't cute, it was creepy. This girl had a history of sexual abuse and was going through some hard **** at the time of dating. She claimed her past boyfriends were using her for s** and she was a 'good' person. She was not, she supplicated to me because "I was the first guy with his head screwed on that stuck around". In reality, my head was only screwed on because I based my views on her only from what she showed me and told me. Not what she did behind closed doors, in the past, in the present and so on... naive of me. She claimed "I brought the best out of her" and how "she's not that girl anymore". She was also a girl I 'knew' from years past...

Of course we know how the story goes, she was that girl and she'd not changed. She was a ***** who put on the facade of a good girl to meet my standards. I did not bend to her will or attempts at manipulation ever and she later went on to cheat on me as I checked out of the relationship. I later found out through a mutual friend that the aforementioned box was filled with journals and poetry about all her past relationships and "sexual conquests". This girl nearly 5 years later is a train wreck who has attempted multiple times to get in touch with me and has a known 'reputation' as being generally awful.

You made the right call

 

[Bokanovsky]

This can't be possible. Your radar must be broken. A girl who's been with 30+ guys including threesomes gives off a hoe stench that most probably can be picked up on photos alone, never mind spending time with her.

This is true most of the time but some girls are exceptionally good at faking the "wholesome" image.