So, I was on a second date with this girl, and we went to a place that was essentially 35 rooms, and each room was a different puzzle to solve together. It was fun, but I noticed that I would put my arm around her waist to guide her to where I wanted to take us, put my arm around her while driving, touch her thigh playfully, etc. She occasionally reciprocated by grabbing my arm or putting her arms around me, but looking back; I feel like her overall interest level towards me didn't justify the number of touches I gave her. I am generally a touchy person overall with friends and people I like, so I am curious if there is a balance to be struck. Or even to avoid touching a girl unless I know I have 100% IL from her. My thought is if I don't have 100% IL from her, the touching might cue her to believe I am overly interested and thus decrease her attraction toward me. What are your thoughts?
Is there a balance to be struck in terms of being playfully touchy on dates?
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SargeMaximus
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Touching for me serves 2 purposes:
1. To gauge her IL (if she responds positively, she’s interested)
2. As a reward
1. To gauge her IL (if she responds positively, she’s interested)
2. As a reward
Atom Smasher
Master Don Juan
I think it can be easily overdone. I’m married now, but in the past if a girl showed definite interest, I would pull back the touching a little to make her crave it.
It’s amazing the effect you can have on a woman by “noticing” her fingers. You take her hand and inspect them closely and mention she has nice nails, or whatever you want to notice. For me, things like that always had more of a positive effect than the old arm around the waist type of stuff.
I always advise against showing all your cards. Keep them guessing as to whether you like them or not. If you’re constantly touching her, she knows you’re “all-in”.
It’s amazing the effect you can have on a woman by “noticing” her fingers. You take her hand and inspect them closely and mention she has nice nails, or whatever you want to notice. For me, things like that always had more of a positive effect than the old arm around the waist type of stuff.
I always advise against showing all your cards. Keep them guessing as to whether you like them or not. If you’re constantly touching her, she knows you’re “all-in”.
Right, that’s good feedback, I appreciate it. Ill pay attention to my touches and be more intentional with them
Dude, I appreciate the straight forward rules. That helps a lot
CollegeMan22
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Touching is a gauge of interest. Every time you escalate further (putting your hand on her arm/shoulder after she gets playfully upset, analyzing her jewelry with your fingers, arm around waist, rubbing thighs, getting VERY close to her face and talking, kissing), you gauge her interest. The key point is that if she COMPLIES with your move (does nothing), then you are good. If she reciprocates your escalation (e.g. leaning her head onto your neck, squeezing your hand), you are very good.
So why touch at all? You are testing out her interest. The girls who are less interested will repel and physically say “no” to your move. They will turn away or take your hand off of them. If this happens, that is ok. You can try three times for every step of escalation (with moderate breaks in between each attempt). The most important part is that you keep trying, and you tease her if she physically says no. Always assume she likes you.
So why touch at all? You are testing out her interest. The girls who are less interested will repel and physically say “no” to your move. They will turn away or take your hand off of them. If this happens, that is ok. You can try three times for every step of escalation (with moderate breaks in between each attempt). The most important part is that you keep trying, and you tease her if she physically says no. Always assume she likes you.
CollegeMan22
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Story time: about three weeks ago, I went on a first date with a girl. We walked around the nature of areas of my college campus, and then sat down on a park bench. We talked deeply for an hour or so while I physically escalated. We were very close and I went for the kiss two times (15 min apart), but didn’t get it.
So then after more talking, I got up and told her we’re going on a walk. She’s already asking me all these questions about sex and my ideal night, cause I set a sexual tone from the beginning. Our walk ends at my place, but she won’t come in. That’s ok — you don’t always win on the first try. We walk back to another park bench. We talk deeply more and I get the kiss.
Then we go on a second date. Her mood is off. She’s been influenced by her friends who don’t like me. We sit down and she is argumentative and off-putting. But I keep a light-hearted mood, neg her some, and punch her shoulder. Get her laughing.
We move to a darker bench. We’re getting close again and I’m teasing her about how she needs to become a better kisser. I ask her if she wants to improve. Yes. So we start making out, and she literally starts climbing on top of me on the park bench, cowgirl style. Cars are going by us haha. I tell her we should do this in a more private place. And we go off to my room.
Funniest thing is that while I was banging her, her friend calls. Friend is on speaker and she goes: “I thought you were cutting things off with him!” and my girl goes “things changed” and hangs up. Good night.
Motto of the story is to always assume attraction and keep escalating. You are a man and you work hard. You lift, you’re strong, and you got **** going on in your life. How could she not like you? So don’t worry too much about “too touchy”. Just escalate when the moment is right and try to pull. Making the attempt is the most important step.
So then after more talking, I got up and told her we’re going on a walk. She’s already asking me all these questions about sex and my ideal night, cause I set a sexual tone from the beginning. Our walk ends at my place, but she won’t come in. That’s ok — you don’t always win on the first try. We walk back to another park bench. We talk deeply more and I get the kiss.
Then we go on a second date. Her mood is off. She’s been influenced by her friends who don’t like me. We sit down and she is argumentative and off-putting. But I keep a light-hearted mood, neg her some, and punch her shoulder. Get her laughing.
We move to a darker bench. We’re getting close again and I’m teasing her about how she needs to become a better kisser. I ask her if she wants to improve. Yes. So we start making out, and she literally starts climbing on top of me on the park bench, cowgirl style. Cars are going by us haha. I tell her we should do this in a more private place. And we go off to my room.
Funniest thing is that while I was banging her, her friend calls. Friend is on speaker and she goes: “I thought you were cutting things off with him!” and my girl goes “things changed” and hangs up. Good night.
Motto of the story is to always assume attraction and keep escalating. You are a man and you work hard. You lift, you’re strong, and you got **** going on in your life. How could she not like you? So don’t worry too much about “too touchy”. Just escalate when the moment is right and try to pull. Making the attempt is the most important step.
RazorRambo24
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It sounds to me like you're looking for more feedback for your touches.. You gotta understand, not all touch illicits feedback or reciprocation. Some women just like being touched by their man and thats that. Women when focused on an activity won't really reciprocate touches or playfulness, in the same way men won't when they're busy doing something that's fun.
Not every girl is touchy / feely btw. I dated a stripper few years back and she didn't like being touched at all by anyone. Since I dated her, she was a bit more easy going for me but she was still weird about touch at times. She had been through an abusive relationship with an older guy when she was younger so idk if that had anything to do with it but probably.
Also this is the 2nd date .. she's probably just warming up to ya
Not every girl is touchy / feely btw. I dated a stripper few years back and she didn't like being touched at all by anyone. Since I dated her, she was a bit more easy going for me but she was still weird about touch at times. She had been through an abusive relationship with an older guy when she was younger so idk if that had anything to do with it but probably.
Also this is the 2nd date .. she's probably just warming up to ya
Damn bro, with that story you got my blood pumping. Like damn, did I miss out on an opportunity? I took a walk with her after the games and we definitely could have sat down and made out and I could have escalated things. I kinda want to text her like, hey, some plans fell through tonight what are you up to (but that’d require a double text so idk). Also, maybe I’m jumping the gun with something like that. Or do I just text her asking for another date tomorrow? What’s the move?
CollegeMan22
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I would be patient. It is always better to be (or appear) busy to girls. There's nothing less attractive than a man that has nothing going on in his life. I would wait until later tomorrow and ask her out again.
Yes sir. I was kinda thinking that. It’s probably always best to defer to appearing busy or at least not as interested as you actually are. So I’ll stick to that motto. Thanks
Stanley
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I will admit, when with girls with high interest I become a full on tease (no shame) and don't give em an inch. Eventually they loose it and find any excuse to touch me and it always makes my day. The amount of times ive been told i'm "playing hard to get" cracks me up