Having Problem with Social Anxiety a.k.a Cold Approach

[J.A.F]

Hello, so I don't really know where to begin with so i will go straitght to the point, today I discovered I had more social anxiety than i tought, after several years without any action I decided to change that, read a bunch of books and finally understand that if i want to have some action I must take action.

So I went for a casual walk just to get over with what i taught it was a little bit of social anxiety and after that try to get some numbers, in my mind i wanted at least to talk to 5 girls and then return to home, but well as always is more easy said than done.

I walked for 3-4 hours and talked to 0 girls is like everything in the street goes really fast,I see a girl I begint to overthink and in the end say nothing. So any tip where some1 trying day game and is a totall p***y can have more chances?

For example in the gym I talk to a good amount of girls cuz i can build the courage and i dont need to rush but ouu mama in the street things change a lot.
I know after the first ones it will became more easy but holy sh*t no word came out of my mouth. even if I made eye contact with severals and they smiled back and all that IOI but i just walked past them.

 

[DonJuanjr]

Approach anxiety is diminished with exposure therapy... You have to just go and approach some women. Sure, you'll be awkward, and some may look at you like you're a serial killer or something. So what.... You'll live, and see it has no effect on your life. Then do it again, and again, and you'll notice the anxiety lowering. If you power through it and do several back to back, you'll be surprised how quickly it will lower.

 

[Gamisch]

Approach anxiety is diminished with exposure therapy... You have to just go and approach some women. Sure, you'll be awkward, and some may look at you like you're a serial killer or something. So what.... You'll live, and see it has no effect on your life. Then do it again, and again, and you'll notice the anxiety lowering. If you power through it and do several back to back, you'll be surprised how quickly it will lower.

Its not much different from having a fitness coach vs doing the exact same things by yourself. A dating coach will take hunderds of bucks just to force you to talk to women.

This is a typical case where it's unclear whether the protagonist is failing or winning. Imo you are winning. You took the first step to get what you want out of life( in this case women.) You cant expect to try anything one time, and be successful right away ..if that was the case you-1. Wouldn't be here.-2. You would get the key to rewrite the dj bible, because you would be a SUPER duper natural.

Lower your goals. Instead of getting 5 numbers, reduce to saying hi to 3 women. Just say "hi" and your mission is accomplished. To add an extra dimension you could even ask for the time, directions or whatever. Just an excuse to prolonge the conversation, and gauge interest.

Approach must become a second nature, and like any other skill in life it takes time and effort to become good at it.


Report back once you finished this task

 

[Bingo-Player]

Everyone does these days because "online interaction" has become way more normal than IRL interaction

The cure is the cause , just talk to people anyone

I have been doing something similar in the gym recently just forcing myself to chat to random people

The key is to expect nothing

Do not go out expecting to get numbers this is weird , you chat be friendly maybe have a little laugh build some rapport

You can usually tell if a girl is interested in taking it any further , because she will be super positive about the fact your approaching her

Only then can you get the number

 

[DonJuanjr]

reduce to saying hi to 3 women. Just say "hi" and your mission is accomplished. To add an extra dimension you could even ask for the time, directions or whatever

You beat me to it. I was going to suggest something like this if he replied with skepticism or emphasizing the first step to actually approaching the first woman isn't passable.

I was going to suggest just giving the first woman a compliment. Then the next give her a compliment and add a sentence. Then the third woman, give a compliment and add two sentences.....

 

[Gamisch]

You beat me to it. I was going to suggest something like this if he replied with skepticism or emphasizing the first step to actually approaching the first woman isn't passable.

I was going to suggest just giving the first woman a compliment. Then the next give her a compliment and add a sentence. Then the third woman, give a compliment and add two sentences.....

I Iike these threads, because the things I suggest and the things you guys say all become mental notes.

I've been approaching women on the street since I was 15. When I was 18 I already went on solo missions because ive learned wingmans can be more of burden than a pleasure. If there's one thing I've learned it is that approach is similar to fitness. You might've been good at it 2 years ago,if you don't "train the muscles " you'll lose your abilities.

To stay with the muscles analogy; experience does give you a certain amount of muscle memory. So a guy whose new to this must first gain enough "strength "and some muscle memory before he tries bigger things.



Don't try to run a marathon if 2 miles will already kill you...

Everyone does these days because "online interaction" has become way more normal than IRL interaction

The cure is the cause , just talk to people anyone

I have been doing something similar in the gym recently just forcing myself to chat to random people

The key is to expect nothing

Do not go out expecting to get numbers this is weird , you chat be friendly maybe have a little laugh build some rapport

You can usually tell if a girl is interested in taking it any further , because she will be super positive about the fact your approaching her

Only then can you get the number

This. Talking to everyone is your jab, actually bagging a number is your haymaker. Keep jabbing untill an opening appears and you can hit a Ko..timing and form are essential. You don't wanna be laying your bed thinkng "I should've said this or that. Why wasn't i sharp when I had to"

 

[Stanley]

I get social anxiety every so often since the pandemic. Just expose yourself to more social environments and when you feel that discomfort lean into and know you are in the right place. Just talk to people, not just women. Have no expectations and don't care about the outcome. Just aim to be a little more social and be consistent and you're golden. I had no clue what a 'cold approach' was until I started reading about game and realized it was something I've always done.

Just start small and build small victories.

This. Talking to everyone is your jab, actually bagging a number is your haymaker. Keep jabbing untill an opening appears and you can hit a Ko..timing and form are essential. You don't wanna be laying your bed thinkng "I should've said this or that. Why wasn't i sharp when I had to"

Yup. Get spammy if you have too. Just remain positive in your interactions and you'll come across hopefully as charming and not creepy. Mode one is not the medium for you if you're dealing with social anxiety as of now. lol

 

[jaymbrs]

I’ve learned something about myself and that is if you dare me to do something, I’m more inclined to do it. I’m an idiot that way. Next time, do the walk thing with a friend. Let your friend know the intention and have him/her challenge you to approach a woman. You just might be more inclined to do it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Feel scared to death and then do it anyway.

Literally that's the only thing that will help you.

Even if it's just saying hello. You have to show your brain that it isn't going to be the worst case scenario you are dreaming up.

As you continue to do it, it will become easier. Saying hello will turn into short convos, short convos will turn into asking for her number, asking for her number will turn into asking her out on dates, asking her out on dates will turn into going on dates, going on dates will turn into sex.

But you have to crawl before you can walk and walk before you can jog and jog before you can run.

 

[FlirtLife]

@Bingo-Player @Gamisch I lack experience with cold approach myself, which leads me to a question @J.A.F and I may find useful.

I assume strong emotions mess up cold approach. Instead of approaching the intimidating, gorgeous woman, what if someone flips this around and approaches the ugly, fat woman? I know, not the goal - but overcoming disgust could be a pathway to overcome awe of hot women. What is your take?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

@Bingo-Player @Gamisch I lack experience with cold approach myself, which leads me to a question @J.A.F and I may find useful.

I assume strong emotions mess up cold approach. Instead of approaching the intimidating, gorgeous woman, what if someone flips this around and approaches the ugly, fat woman? I know, not the goal - but overcoming disgust could be a pathway to overcome awe of hot women. What is your take?

Why are you allowing a random person that you don't even know have so much control over your life?

 

[Gamisch]

@Bingo-Player @Gamisch I lack experience with cold approach myself, which leads me to a question @J.A.F and I may find useful.

I assume strong emotions mess up cold approach. Instead of approaching the intimidating, gorgeous woman, what if someone flips this around and approaches the ugly, fat woman? I know, not the goal - but overcoming disgust could be a pathway to overcome awe of hot women. What is your take?

Again, approach gotta become a second nature. Some people are naturally social , which will help a ton. If you are an introvert you have to PRACTICE.

Lets say the gorgeous woman is level 10 and the ugly one is level 1. Are you even able to get passed level 1?

This is just an analogy. Because on real life the ugly one might reject you while the gorgeous one wants you. If the ugly one is less intimidating to you, that might be reason to practice your skills on her. Just be careful uiu dint end up with one..

It's essential that you understand the value you'll bring to a woman. The moment you got one on the hook you should have no doubt about YOU.

"Ofcourse the silly girl wants to be a part of my world. "

 

[FlirtLife]

@Bingo-Player @Gamisch I lack experience with cold approach myself, which leads me to a question @J.A.F and I may find useful.

I assume strong emotions mess up cold approach. Instead of approaching the intimidating, gorgeous woman, what if someone flips this around and approaches the ugly, fat woman? I know, not the goal - but overcoming disgust could be a pathway to overcome awe of hot women. What is your take?

Why are you allowing a random person that you don't even know have so much control over your life?

Whare do you get "so much control over your life" from my post?

 

[FlirtLife]

@J.A.F started this thread almost a month ago, and has a post history of "1", so they never returned. I guess this becomes a thread for everyone else to ask questions.

Again, approach gotta become a second nature. Some people are naturally social , which will help a ton ...
... Because on real life the ugly one might reject you while the gorgeous one wants you ...
"Ofcourse the silly girl wants to be a part of my world. "

Nice quote at the end.

A few weeks ago I practiced only looking at women HB7 and higher, and wound up locking eyes (several seconds) with a few women, so I know the potential is there. On an elevator, I started talking to a younger woman because she was acting nervous, giddy, and stealing looks at me. Apparently women have no intention of motivating me to lose weight and increase muscle, but I'd rather prioritize those things first.

I'm asking about cold approach for later, after I've prioritized my health and fitness. But women definitely want me to cold approach now, when I don't wanna be startin’ somethin’. Women with 8/10 and especially 9/10 looks still leave me wanting to stare, and that won't work for cold approach.

 

[J.A.F]

Thanks to all of you guys i have been trying this month several things (walking to womans and ask directions or things and hitting more at the clubs, talking to randome ppl at the street, etc..) to lower down my social anxiety levels, as some1 stated i cant do a marathon if i dont know how to walk so i'm building slowly my confidence, will keep grinding guys and will try out the tips you gave me

 

[J.A.F]

@Bingo-Player @Gamisch I lack experience with cold approach myself, which leads me to a question @J.A.F and I may find useful.

I assume strong emotions mess up cold approach. Instead of approaching the intimidating, gorgeous woman, what if someone flips this around and approaches the ugly, fat woman? I know, not the goal - but overcoming disgust could be a pathway to overcome awe of hot women. What is your take?

will try it

 

[BeExcellent]

Feel scared to death and then do it anyway.

Literally that's the only thing that will help you.

Even if it's just saying hello. You have to show your brain that it isn't going to be the worst case scenario you are dreaming up.

As you continue to do it, it will become easier. Saying hello will turn into short convos, short convos will turn into asking for her number, asking for her number will turn into asking her out on dates, asking her out on dates will turn into going on dates, going on dates will turn into sex.

But you have to crawl before you can walk and walk before you can jog and jog before you can run.

^^^This.

Nobody is going to bite you. Social anxiety is a real fear, but it is completely irrational. Years ago in my teens and early 20s I suffered from it. I also had a mad fear of speaking in public. What did I do? I made myself go places alone and I got involved in organizations where speaking before a group was necessary. I became a VP of my sorority, did student government, sang karyoke in front of complete strangers and then eventually in front of friends, etc. I trampled those fears and that social anxiety after a bit, and I have never relapsed, ever. I am fearless now socially, which has other (sometimes amusing) consequences.

You have to just be scared and do it anyway. That is the only way this boogey man gets beaten and chased away.

 

[espanish]

I read al the replies. some of the advice is good, some of it is wrong.
you don't reduce approach anxiety through logic. repeat to yourself "she is not going to bite me" "even if she rejects me it doesn't matter" 100 times. then go out and tell me if your approach anxiety is any better.
op, please do not start approaching fat girls thinking they will be desperate and boost your confidence. fat girls have higher standards than hot girls, and nastier attitudes. hot girls are much softer with their rejections. they will say "sorry I have a boyfriend"
fat, disgusting girl that I wouldn't even let clean my toilet will start laughing at you and tell her friend something about you in spanish "ew, oh my god, vamonos"
op, read the book she is six steps away.

 

[J.A.F]

I read al the replies. some of the advice is good, some of it is wrong.
you don't reduce approach anxiety through logic. repeat to yourself "she is not going to bite me" "even if she rejects me it doesn't matter" 100 times. then go out and tell me if your approach anxiety is any better.
op, please do not start approaching fat girls thinking they will be desperate and boost your confidence. fat girls have higher standards than hot girls, and nastier attitudes. hot girls are much softer with their rejections. they will say "sorry I have a boyfriend"
fat, disgusting girl that I wouldn't even let clean my toilet will start laughing at you and tell her friend something about you in spanish "ew, oh my god, vamonos"
op, read the book she is six steps away.

will give a go to that book, thx m8