Can you rebuild a relic DJ?

[ManFromTartarus]

I'm just a man who wants to make the best of what time I have left on this earth, and I have many challenges, most brought on my my own decisions. Let me give you some background, forgive the long post but this is not easy for me to reveal.


Years ago I was a good looking man with a decent job and a part time music career, no major hits but performed regularly and had no problems meeting women. I gave most of that up to marry beautiful woman and have a child, who turned out to be the wrong person to invest my life in. This led to divorce, 7 court battles, 3 states jurisdictions, child abduction, parental alienation, and ultimately estrangement. I spent the last 20 years, almost every penny I made, put all of my personal relationships as 2nd priority, fighting to be part of my child's life and ended up with less than nothing but emotional scars.

My post divorce midlife crisis actually went well, I was still decent looking enough, but I got tired of dating women much younger than me and their problems. As I went on to women closer to my age, and the logistic and financial toll of my battle took its toll, on my love life, social life, and financial stability. Sometime after that I had a spine injury that forced me into early retirement and a modest fixed income, augmented by modest stock market investments, a small commercial fishing side hustle, and music gigs when I can get it. But make no mistake, I barely scrape by, and have limited options.

As it stands now, I'm not getting it enough, don't have a rotation of old chicks, and when I do get it, I end up with what I feel are sub par sex partners that I rarely want to spend much time with afterwards, leading to a long line of sporadic and short relationships, and eventually a type of depression. (Of which I have had to seek counseling at times)

Rebuilding a social life after the pandemic, with younger people, as I am usually the oldest guy in most social situations, with limited resources, has been tough. The bars are tough as I can't do much approaching of younger women without coming off creepy, and waiting for them to come to me doesn't happen often enough, so I end up drinking more than I'd like. OLD has been a major bust, between the fact that even though I'm a decent looking old dude, I'm not very photogenic and carry myself better in person, and the batshyt crazy women that play online games, I can't stand it and paused my acct even though I still have months to go on the subscription. My day game is confident, but not that effective, and sometimes attracts wannabe sugarbabies and cat ladies. Club scene is out but I do go to see live music sometimes, I just try not to waste my time and attention on youngsters. I've been joining mature groups on meetup, but that's where my financial restrictions really hinder me, I'm not as well off as most retired people, and a lot of the events aren't cheap.

My only goal is to better my situation while I'm still here, get it more often, with women I'm inspired to be with, and not just trying not to be lonely.

Weaknesses/challenges:
- Limited finances & options
- Small social circle (most friends are raising families, hard to make younger friends)
- Fading looks & not photogenic hinders OLD
- Spine issues limits music gigs (which would be a godsend right now)
- Conversational and seduction skills need work (the effects of sporadic relationships, small social network, etc.)

Strengths:
- Decent looking for an old guy & in shape in spite of past spine injury
- I dress & carry myself well
- Music/Art talented although limited
- Still have my hair
- Can still fucc and don't need a pill ...................... yet.
- Confident and won't hesitate to speak to the most beautiful woman I see. (Usually my downfall.)
- I don't want to give up.


Thoughts, impressions, suggestions, suggested reading, are more than welcome.

 

[Billtx49]

I am an older man myself. I’m not going to say I have any clue or cure for your life, but your post brings to my mind a story about my father.
He had a knee surgery while in his mid 80’s and had to stay in an upper end nursing home for 4 weeks to get the physical therapy provided there.
One time when I visited him there, he commented about how he couldn’t wait to go home because everyone there was Old.

It drove home to me that as I age, and my life conditions change, my mental expectations of my life will need to change also.

 

[ManFromTartarus]

It drove home to me that as I age, and my life conditions change, my mental expectations of my life will need to change also.

Appreciate the input, and yeah, my expectations have changed drastically over the past year. It was my first year of trying to get back out there after the pandemic, and it was filled with a lot of ups & downs. So much that it made me face some hard realizations, especially of how much of the last 20 yrs I've thrown away. Even when I think of it now I get a little anxiety, which although I keep it in check, it does make rebuilding myself just a little harder.

I know I'll never soar like a hawk like I used to, but this year so far has been a drought, and I'm taking a lot of steps to better my situation, it's just not paying off just yet.

As I said from the beginning, I have some challenges to overcome, I've done a little reading around here & archives to get the basics back, but I could use all the help I can get. Any reading suggestions would be appreciated.

 

[Stanley]

You're about the age of my father and several of my mentors. I don't have any semblance of wisdom to shed on the matter and I am hardly a mature man, but I want to say i'm certain you have the capacity to take life by the reigns and change your mindset.

Someone close to me who is now in his late 60's spent much of middle age pursuing his goals and remaining single. He is fit (ex marine), intelligent, fairly well off and good looking for a man of his age. He is someone I turn to for advice and guidance on things I am naive about often and someone I greatly respect. He has told me how he wished he spent those years shared with someone he cared for deeply, but he accepts the time he spent was not wasted. He spent that time pursuing other things and building himself in other ways. He admits that he wanted what he didn't have. He accepted this and now as he is pushing 70 he is dating multiple women. No, not young girls in their 20's, but women closer to him in age.

If the qualities you have are genuine then with confidence I think you could pursue things with quality women despite being relic'd. if you're a musician i'm sure you are familiar with vintage instruments and how desirable they are to some. To the extent that it is now trendy to desecrate a brand new pristine instrument with fake battle scars. Maybe adopt the mindset that being relic'd means you've been forged through the crucible of hardship and have the real scars to show it? Going through "7 court battles, 3 states jurisdictions, child abduction, parental alienation, and ultimately estrangement" sounds like some extreme hardship. To make it through that and come out of it wanting to soar like a hawk again is admirable and shows character, resolve and strength.

As for the spine thing. I suffered injuries to my lower back alongside arthritis and I am a musician as well (Guitarist/Pianist). I could not sit and practice comfortably or play gigs standing for more than 20 minutes. I would wear a back brace when I practiced and constantly had to roll my back out due to the pain. Physical therapy helped a little, but getting in the gym made things much better for me. A book that helped me with that which is a little hoo-hah, but makes sense is Healing Back Pain by John E. Sarno MD. Might be something worth checking out?

https://a.co/d/6Kbds87

Also, music therapy and music meditation is my go to when in heightened states of anxiety or stress. Nothing makes me feel better then having a lengthy practice session, or mellowing out to a drone and playing modes until I leave reality for a bit. I always come back more grounded and with a clear head. I'm certain you know this benefit as well given you are a seasoned musician.

 

[ManFromTartarus]

You're about the age of my father and several of my mentors. I don't have any semblance of wisdom to shed on the matter and I am hardly a mature man, but I want to say i'm certain you have the capacity to take life by the reigns and change your mindset.

Someone close to me who is now in his late 60's spent much of middle age pursuing his goals and remaining single. He is fit (ex marine), intelligent, fairly well off and good looking for a man of his age. He is someone I turn to for advice and guidance on things I am naive about often and someone I greatly respect. He has told me how he wished he spent those years shared with someone he cared for deeply, but he accepts the time he spent was not wasted. He spent that time pursuing other things and building himself in other ways. He admits that he wanted what he didn't have. He accepted this and now as he is pushing 70 he is dating multiple women. No, not young girls in their 20's, but women closer to him in age.

If the qualities you have are genuine then with confidence I think you could pursue things with quality women despite being relic'd. if you're a musician i'm sure you are familiar with vintage instruments and how desirable they are to some. To the extent that it is now trendy to desecrate a brand new pristine instrument with fake battle scars. Maybe adopt the mindset that being relic'd means you've been forged through the crucible of hardship and have the real scars to show it? Going through "7 court battles, 3 states jurisdictions, child abduction, parental alienation, and ultimately estrangement" sounds like some extreme hardship. To make it through that and come out of it wanting to soar like a hawk again is admirable and shows character, resolve and strength.

As for the spine thing. I suffered injuries to my lower back alongside arthritis and I am a musician as well (Guitarist/Pianist). I could not sit and practice comfortably or play gigs standing for more than 20 minutes. I would wear a back brace when I practiced and constantly had to roll my back out due to the pain. Physical therapy helped a little, but getting in the gym made things much better for me. A book that helped me with that which is a little hoo-hah, but makes sense is Healing Back Pain by John E. Sarno MD. Might be something worth checking out?

https://a.co/d/6Kbds87

Also, music therapy and music meditation is my go to when in heightened states of anxiety or stress. Nothing makes me feel better then having a lengthy practice session, or mellowing out to a drone and playing modes until I leave reality for a bit. I always come back more grounded and with a clear head. I'm certain you know this benefit as well given you are a seasoned musician.

Thx for the input & uplift.

My spine is healed as much as it ever will and is always close to having to consider major surgery, but with therapy, acupuncture, and spine injections I've been able to avoid it and keep trucking.

The time lost I will never be able to look back and say "it was all for the better", I've lost so much over some very hard times, and can't help but feel like I'm making up for lost time. It's a reality too strong to ignore.

Working on getting a music thing going to get out and perform this year, but the vocalist I intended to work with flaked and I have to start from scratch again, but if I do get it going it will make a huge difference for me socially.

My inner view at this point is that in order to at least better my condition with women, I have to go a little further, learn a little more, make some extra effort (more than ever before), in order to overcome my many challenges.

Any suggested reading material from this forum or otherwise would be appreciated.

 

[ManFromTartarus]

I also have a few months left on my OLD subscription so if any of you want to experiment and ghost write let me know, I'll unpause my dating profile and take your suggestions.

 

[FlirtLife]

My spine is healed as much as it ever will and is always close to having to consider major surgery, but with therapy, acupuncture, and spine injections I've been able to avoid it and keep trucking.

Decades ago I seeing a list of ways to address back pain, with a percentage effectiveness next to each. I was shocked to see surgery in the middle, being a coin flip - which may have improved since then. But at the top was yoga. If you drop a banket on the floor and watch a YouTube video, you might have yourself a DIY yoga class for $0. I couldn't find that study, so let me quote Harvard Public Health:

"Yoga is a gentle practice that is ideal for maintaining back strength and flexibility."

The safe way to do yoga for back pain - Harvard Health

Yoga can help strengthen back muscles and alleviate low back pain. However, older adults can encounter injuries from yoga. By taking preventive measures, people can safely practice yoga as a way to...

www.health.harvard.edu

It does sound like life is using you as its punching bag. If I can presume you feel a bit lost, I have some food for thought. At some point your child may question whatever their mom told them, and seek you out. What do you want them to find?

 

[ManFromTartarus]

Decades ago I seeing a list of ways to address back pain, with a percentage effectiveness next to each. I was shocked to see surgery in the middle, being a coin flip - which may have improved since then. But at the top was yoga. If you drop a banket on the floor and watch a YouTube video, you might have yourself a DIY yoga class for $0. I couldn't find that study, so let me quote Harvard Public Health:

"Yoga is a gentle practice that is ideal for maintaining back strength and flexibility."

The safe way to do yoga for back pain - Harvard Health

Yoga can help strengthen back muscles and alleviate low back pain. However, older adults can encounter injuries from yoga. By taking preventive measures, people can safely practice yoga as a way to...

www.health.harvard.edu

It does sound like life is using you as its punching bag. If I can presume you feel a bit lost, I have some food for thought. At some point your child may question whatever their mom told them, and seek you out. What do you want them to find?

Yes surgery is something I've avoided for that very reason but I've been dealing with this for years, and have my therapy more dialed in than Yoga. It's as good as it's going get and although it hinders my financial options, it's not what's holding me back as much as the main reason I made this thread. Trying to rebuild my social life and seduction skills with limited resources and a lot of obstacles.

As for being a punching bag, I said from the start that much of my misfortune is from my own decision making, I can only avoid the victim mentality, look at myself and learn.

Your food for thought is insightful, just 15 years too late as I've had to wrap my head around that right after my divorce, sadly at this point in my life and after all that's transpired, it's not a high priority.

I can't help but feel the most significant thing I can do is elevate my social and seduction game to the highest level I can in order to make up for my many other weaknesses and challenges. Ending this years drought, and raising the quality of women that i do get involved with will do so much more for me at this time in my life than a couple more bucks or a little less back pain.

 

[ManFromTartarus]

At the risk of repeating myself, folks *I could really use some guidance on what to read here and other sources* because the more I discuss and evaluate my situation, the more I realize how much I need to rebuild and raise my social and seduction skills to the highest level I can, it's why I came here.

There's not a lot of options for me professionally/financially, I'm doing well physically in spite of my injury, I just can't help but feel that I need to really work on what's between my ears the most.

 

[FlirtLife]

At the risk of repeating myself, folks *I could really use some guidance on what to read here and other sources* because the more I discuss and evaluate my situation, the more I realize how much I need to rebuild and raise my social and seduction skills to the highest level I can, it's why I came here.

You have my apologies for drawing the focus away from that.

Of the few books I've read, Rollo Tomassi's "The Player's Handbook" provided me the most insight - YMMV. "The Rational Male" has more broad appeal, and "The Game" might focus more on quick seduction.