How to accept a LTR/marrying a non-virgin

[startstrongtoday22]

I am sure at one point each one of the members of this forum has thought about this or there may be other posts just like this on here, but I wanted to hear everyone's insight.

I have dated a lot of women, and sometimes after a breakup you do hear the truth about their sexual past and history and it is sometimes very difficult to understand how you could have been dating that person. As I have gotten older and now looking for a more permanent partner, I find it difficult to accept the fact that that a certain prospect for an LTR/Marriage has had a sexual past, and how many fvck friends or buddies they had, or who their previous boyfriends were. It's not about insecurity, but there have been women that I have had some kinky and some interesting s3x stuff with who are now married and have kids, but I do not meant to sound selfish, but it kind of irks me to know that some other Chad has been with a prospect of mine and now I am getting seconds. I just feel like the Chad would laugh at me at some point when I ended up tying the not or getting serious with a chick that he had used...



how do you guys come to grips with that? Can you ever?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

By simply not being delusional enough to think you are going to find a virgin these days and accept that's how the world is.

 

[member160292]

It's simple to accept that it's just a part of life. I've banged women before I met my LTR, flings/relationships are fleeting. All that matters is how she treats you right now and what both of you are doing to build the emotional bond and connection together.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I am sure at one point each one of the members of this forum has thought about this or there may be other posts just like this on here, but I wanted to hear everyone's insight.

I have dated a lot of women, and sometimes after a breakup you do hear the truth about their sexual past and history and it is sometimes very difficult to understand how you could have been dating that person. As I have gotten older and now looking for a more permanent partner, I find it difficult to accept the fact that that a certain prospect for an LTR/Marriage has had a sexual past, and how many fvck friends or buddies they had, or who their previous boyfriends were. It's not about insecurity, but there have been women that I have had some kinky and some interesting s3x stuff with who are now married and have kids, but I do not meant to sound selfish, but it kind of irks me to know that some other Chad has been with a prospect of mine and now I am getting seconds. I just feel like the Chad would laugh at me at some point when I ended up tying the not or getting serious with a chick that he had used...



how do you guys come to grips with that? Can you ever?

First things frist: How old are you?

I tried LTRing a divorced woman once. I told myself "Well, at least she got married?" Still didnt work out.

Most guys here dont care about womens sexual past or have come to terms with their personal reality (which they project on to others). This is the reason I dont think they can help you, even though I imagine they mean well. I get them, years ago I might have told you something similar.

Women´s virginity or lack of it seems to be a trigger here and a very polarizing topic. It´s been like that for years. I dont think it´s worth it to discuss openly. Please PM if you would like to talk to me some more about this topic. I also recommend you PM with @pipeman84 , @CyrusTheGreat and @Giovanni SouthSide on this. They are very cool on this topic.

 

[pipeman84]

I opened a thread a few months back discussing this very issue ... went on for 10 pages or so.
As I see it, marrying a woman - meaning going to ask her hand from her parents (father in particular) and her wearing a white wedding dress when she's been with others before makes the whole thing a masquerade and the guy a clown.

Also, LTRing a woman in her 30s (when her biological clock is ticking) and having children with her, knowing she's fvcked other guys when in her prime just looks as a bad deal, a recipe for a broken home and seeing kids on the weekends/roommates type of relationship. Why is that? So let's say the woman got her first BF at 17...now she's 35 yrs old and 5 BFs later, she marries you. Logically it doesn't make sense that if for 18yrs she went through 5 guys but she'll stick for the next 18 to one guy (she may physically be there, because he's a good provider and she has no options, but her pvssy will be dry and he'll beg for sex).

Now, it also depends on what a guy wants .... a LTR/marriage based on true love or on some transactional reasons? If it's the first, I can't see how one can take seriously an 'I love you' from a woman who already said it to other guys and has been fvcked by them (unless something major happened, ie he died, got hit by a brick in the head and went insane etc). When does that 'I love you' become meaningless to you? If you're her 2nd, 3rd, 6th?

 

[pipeman84]

All that matters is how she treats you right now and what both of you are doing to build the emotional bond and connection together.

That makes no sense whatsoever. Her past is a good indicator of who she is and the likely future....if she had 5 guys, been with each for 1 year, and now you're her sixth at 2 months mark and she's all over you with 'I love you' 'you're such a good guy for me' bla bla....1. how can you actually listen to her and not feel like you're living a lie and you're wasting your time?
2. how can you consider investing emotionally in this? it's like trying to build a house in a place where every year there's a 7.8 earthquake

 

[Dr.Suave]

I opened a thread a few months back discussing this very issue ... went on for 10 pages or so.
As I see it, marrying a woman - meaning going to ask her hand from her parents (father in particular) and her wearing a white wedding dress when she's been with others before makes the whole thing a masquerade and the guy a clown.

Also, LTRing a woman in her 30s (when her biological clock is ticking) and having children with her, knowing she's fvcked other guys when in her prime just looks as a bad deal, a recipe for a broken home and seeing kids on the weekends/roommates type of relationship. Why is that? So let's say the woman got her first BF at 17...now she's 35 yrs old and 5 BFs later, she marries you. Logically it doesn't make sense that if for 18yrs she went through 5 guys but she'll stick for the next 18 to one guy (she may physically be there, because he's a good provider and she has no options, but her pvssy will be dry and he'll beg for sex).

Now, it also depends on what a guy wants .... a LTR/marriage based on true love or on some transactional reasons? If it's the first, I can't see how one can take seriously an 'I love you' from a woman who already said it to other guys and has been fvcked by them (unless something major happened, ie he died, got hit by a brick in the head and went insane etc). When does that 'I love you' become meaningless to you? If you're her 2nd, 3rd, 6th?

I remember that thread. Entertaining, but pretty much nobody changed anybody's mind. That's Part of the reason why I think some specific topics may not be worth discussing in certain ways.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I am sure at one point each one of the members of this forum has thought about this or there may be other posts just like this on here, but I wanted to hear everyone's insight.

I have dated a lot of women, and sometimes after a breakup you do hear the truth about their sexual past and history and it is sometimes very difficult to understand how you could have been dating that person. As I have gotten older and now looking for a more permanent partner, I find it difficult to accept the fact that that a certain prospect for an LTR/Marriage has had a sexual past, and how many fvck friends or buddies they had, or who their previous boyfriends were. It's not about insecurity, but there have been women that I have had some kinky and some interesting s3x stuff with who are now married and have kids, but I do not meant to sound selfish, but it kind of irks me to know that some other Chad has been with a prospect of mine and now I am getting seconds. I just feel like the Chad would laugh at me at some point when I ended up tying the not or getting serious with a chick that he had used...



how do you guys come to grips with that? Can you ever?

You just set your standards. What are you willing to tolerate vs not? Especially for LTR. For me, it's more than 5 guys in her past. Past that, I would consider not appealing. I'd bang them (use protection) but would not take them seriously. And I would let them know and set expectations of purely a physical relationship.

The last girl I dated was a freak and surprisingly had only been with 4 men (I was the 5th). Whether that was true or not, who knows? But sometimes you just have to convince yourself that's the real number.

The girl I am currently dating was a virgin when I met her (I was her first) and it's going wonderful. The previous LTR I was on before my current girl was also a virgin (I was her first). So I'm trying to set that pattern for myself of what I expect and tuning my standards the older I get.

Obviously, that is an ideal and rare situation, of course, which is why you have to be more realistic and expect them to have some past butt do set your standards/limit.

A few months ago I was talking with this girl, and she openly expressed having a list of the guys she had been with. I asked to count them and they were about 20. No need to tell you what the outcome of that was. Next. But this is more the reality of female empowerment.

 

[pipeman84]

I remember that thread. Entertaining, but pretty much nobody changed anybody's mind. That's Part of the reason why I think some specific topics may not be worth discussing in certain ways.

But I'm not here trying to change anyone's mind. I stated how I felt about the subject and gave the reasons for why that's so ... it's only natural that different people will have different opinions.
I don't even think it's a right or a wrong way of looking at it ... I mean, certain words (like marriage) should have a standard meaning, otherwise everything gets confusing. But if a guy decides to live together or be in a relationship with a woman who's divorced and with kids, who am I to say ' that's wrong dude! '.

On this topic, the case of Eckhart Tolle comes to mind ... he seems to me to be a pretty enlightened guy....yet, have you seen his partner (Kim Eng)? She's divorced, with kids, and in some videos she has the laugh of a crazy woman. What's that all about? Well, for him some aspects that for me (and others) carry a lot of weight, don't seem to matter.

 

[member160292]

That makes no sense whatsoever. Her past is a good indicator of who she is and the likely future....if she had 5 guys, been with each for 1 year, and now you're her sixth at 2 months mark and she's all over you with 'I love you' 'you're such a good guy for me' bla bla....1. how can you actually listen to her and not feel like you're living a lie and you're wasting your time?
2. how can you consider investing emotionally in this? it's like trying to build a house in a place where every year there's a 7.8 earthquake

OP is referring to past partners. Would it be better or worse if it was 5 guys in a year?

We can all make assumptions, but it doesn’t matter to me. It’s all about the present and how your partner treats you. If it isn’t right, you always have the option to walk away

 

[The Duke]

Partner compatibility is much more important than virginity.

 

[bmp2cpm]

I am sure at one point each one of the members of this forum has thought about this or there may be other posts just like this on here, but I wanted to hear everyone's insight.

I have dated a lot of women, and sometimes after a breakup you do hear the truth about their sexual past and history and it is sometimes very difficult to understand how you could have been dating that person. As I have gotten older and now looking for a more permanent partner, I find it difficult to accept the fact that that a certain prospect for an LTR/Marriage has had a sexual past, and how many fvck friends or buddies they had, or who their previous boyfriends were. It's not about insecurity, but there have been women that I have had some kinky and some interesting s3x stuff with who are now married and have kids, but I do not meant to sound selfish, but it kind of irks me to know that some other Chad has been with a prospect of mine and now I am getting seconds. I just feel like the Chad would laugh at me at some point when I ended up tying the not or getting serious with a chick that he had used...



how do you guys come to grips with that? Can you ever?

Forget virginity. Focus on very low partner count.

Des’ high score theory comes into play here.

Women with low partner counts tend be be the more religious ones.

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

All that matters is how she treats you right now and what both of you are doing to build the emotional bond and connection together.

This is poor advice. It works perfectly for short term fun, but is the recipe for disaster for an LTR or marriage. This is how women chose guys, based on feelings, connection, and all that.

It might be unrealistic to find a virgin, who also matches your other criteria these days. But as others have mentioned, you can just set some standards and stick to them.

Also you are overthinking what people think about you. They probably don't think about you at all! Second, do you really think of the guys whose wife you banged in the past as loosers? Third, the only factor to consider when find women isn't virginity. There is so much more to it.

But your point is def valid. There is no point to commit to a woman in 2023 in the same way men committed to women in the "good old days" mostly because the women in 2023 don't commit to a man the same way they did before. That's why you should take all legal precautions when LTRing a properly vetted woman, and be ready to leave in blink of an eye if need be.

 

[member160292]

This is poor advice. It works perfectly for short term fun, but is the recipe for disaster for an LTR or marriage. This is how women chose guys, based on feelings, connection, and all that.

It might be unrealistic to find a virgin, who also matches your other criteria these days. But as others have mentioned, you can just set some standards and stick to them.

Also you are overthinking what people think about you. They probably don't think about you at all! Second, do you really think of the guys whose wife you banged in the past as loosers? Third, the only factor to consider when find women isn't virginity. There is so much more to it.

But your point is def valid. There is no point to commit to a woman in 2023 in the same way men committed to women in the "good old days" mostly because the women in 2023 don't commit to a man the same way they did before. That's why you should take all legal precautions when LTRing a properly vetted woman, and be ready to leave in blink of an eye if need be.

Appreciate the feedback, but I’m living life the way I want. I found a needle in a haystack for now that does everything I want, not much of a hassle to reciprocate her affection. If it doesn’t work, I walk. Don’t mistaken me for someone who hasn’t alpha widowed ex’s before

 

[Stanley]

Appreciate the feedback, but I’m living life the way I want. I found a needle in a haystack for now that does everything I want, not much of a hassle to reciprocate her affection. If it doesn’t work, I walk. Don’t mistaken me for someone who hasn’t alpha widowed ex’s before

Is the same chick the other day you thought was bipolar among other things and was giving you a massive headache on a trip?...

 

[FlirtLife]

..., but it kind of irks me to know that some other Chad has been with a prospect of mine and now I am getting seconds. I just feel like the Chad would laugh at me at some point when I ended up tying the not or getting serious with a chick that he had used...

Wouldn't the more serious problem be a woman who feels Chad was "The One That Got Away"?

bmp2cpm alluded to this as Des' high score list, where the top score(s) are from Alpha Widowing.

 

[member160292]

Is the same chick the other day you thought was bipolar among other things and was giving you a massive headache on a trip?...

It wasn't a headache, just a small argument because she asked me if she was just there for 'entertainment.' She got emotional with my response, which I admit was a bit confrontational on my doing and she is sensitive. Still unsure about the bipolar part, only time will tell.

We spent everyday together and it has been very smooth, aside from that incident. Though as many members here have mentioned, I might not be ready for an LTR. I'm planning to have a conversation with her today and delegate her down to plate status for now.

 

[Stanley]

It wasn't a headache, just a small argument because she asked me if she was just there for 'entertainment.' She got emotional with my response, which I admit was a bit confrontational on my doing and she is sensitive. Still unsure about the bipolar part, only time will tell.

We spent everyday together and it has been very smooth, aside from that incident. Though as many members here have mentioned, I might not be ready for an LTR. I'm planning to have a conversation with her today and delegate her down to plate status for now.

just go slow man.

 

[Dr.Suave]

It is about insecurity

I think what @startstrongtoday22 means is that insecurity is only one factor in a longer equation. When he says "its not about insecurity" I guess he means that even though it is a factor, if it was isolated in a vaccum maybe it would be a different story.

Just my guess. In any case, I dont think we should judge others based on their preferences. Most people dont care about the girls sexual history, cool; some people do, cool.

 

[pipeman84]

That's why you become a top 10% male; muscle, money and game, that you'll be the best and when you see Chad Thunderc0ck, you say to yourself "wait is that my competition from her past? pffff that's nothing.

Or you could say ... I'm top 10% of men and this is who I give my surname to and make the mother of my children? Someone who's been pumped and dumped by some Chad?