Bit of Help

[CrazyClubber]

Ey up lads, looking for some guidance and support, split with my wife after 11 years in early 2021, read Dr Robert Glovers "No More Mr Guy" realised i was suffering from nice guy syndrome, read the book, life was good but three times I've bloody relapsed into old habits and ended up ****ing **** up.

Decided to reread the book and actually follow the principles, rather then just know the theory, step one, get some support, so I've come here.

Any help would be appreciated

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

What are you looking for?

Are you looking to spin plates and fvck around?

Are you looking to win back your wife?

Are you looking for a relationship, but in a stronger frame?

Also, it's not the end of the world either. My dad divorced my mom around 40, same shvt 11 years, remarried to a younger woman and has kids/building a gorgeous house, and 13 years into the marriage lol.

 

[CrazyClubber]

This is probably my major problem, I don’t know.

I regularly debate fixing my marriage, but I realise it will take patience (which I lack) and I know that an exclusive marriage will likely involve me comprising something big.

So I then debate having an open marriage, but while i like the idea of me shagging about, my egos not keen on the wife doing it.

Had a good but not perfect relationship with another girl, was over the moon when that ended, 2 months later regret started to seep in, slapped some sense into myself a few texts too late

Then there’s dating / shagging around, which I’m good at and enjoy, but within a few weeks I’m sick of it.

 

[CrazyClubber]

Just writing that has actually helped

I think im looking for a relationship, but in a stronger frame.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Thar is a lot of years of conditioning and brain wiring. You are not ready, nor should you, commit to a relationship.

What other books have you read? I can suggest a few to start. But ultimately, you need to spend time alone. You need to build yourself from the ground up. You need to suffer and struggle a bit more.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Divorce. Work on yourself. Get back in the game.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

This is probably my major problem, I don’t know.

I regularly debate fixing my marriage, but I realise it will take patience (which I lack) and I know that an exclusive marriage will likely involve me comprising something big.

So I then debate having an open marriage, but while i like the idea of me shagging about, my egos not keen on the wife doing it.

Had a good but not perfect relationship with another girl, was over the moon when that ended, 2 months later regret started to seep in, slapped some sense into myself a few texts too late

Then there’s dating / shagging around, which I’m good at and enjoy, but within a few weeks I’m sick of it.

Then you need to take a 2-3 month (or longer) break from women and dating all together. Take a vacation somewhere by yourself. Go somewhere nice or something.

 

[CrazyClubber]

Thar is a lot of years of conditioning and brain wiring. You are not ready, nor should you, commit to a relationship.

What other books have you read? I can suggest a few to start. But ultimately, you need to spend time alone. You need to build yourself from the ground up. You need to suffer and struggle a bit more.

I've read a lot of them, find a lot of conflicting messages, which do you reckon I should read?

 

[CrazyClubber]

Thanks lads, I know you're right, I just dived back in within a couple of weeks. So no woman at all ?

 

[Stanley]

I've read a lot of them, find a lot of conflicting messages, which do you reckon I should read?

Book of pook, Camus the myth of sisyphus, The Art of Happiness by the 14th Dalai lama, Marcus Aurelius Meditations, The Power of now by Eckhart Tolle to name a few... and if you are willing and ready to take the 'red pill' The Rational male by Rollo Tomassi... maybe hold off on that one for now.

There a **** ton of books worth reading, but Pook is great. The red pill is a hard pill to swallow and it might not be the right fit at the moment if you're still tender from the split. No more mr nice guy is a fantastic book and i'm glad you've read it. Pook is fairly palpable and the guy had some great insights in a philosophical lense.

I've not been married, but after an 11 year relationship you probably wanna go 'monk mode' and spend time reflecting inward and not dealing with women. No relationships for now...

 

[CrazyClubber]

Cheers buddy. Much appreciated, will start with the book of pook

 

[SW15]

I regularly debate fixing my marriage, but I realise it will take patience (which I lack) and I know that an exclusive marriage will likely involve me comprising something big.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7

It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Perhaps not going to the clubs crazily would be a good first step?

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I've read a lot of them, find a lot of conflicting messages, which do you reckon I should read?

The Way Of Men by Jack Donovan
All volumes of Rollo Tomassi books (Preventive Medicine is not really a must)
The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida
Of Boys And Men by Richard Reeves
Start With Why by Simon Sinek
Mindset by Carol Dweck
More Than Enough by Dave Ramsey
The Code of the Extraordinary Mind by Vishen Lakhiani

PS: @Stanley has some really good recommendations as well. Some of which I have not read myself and now I will. Thanks Stanley.

I would avoid any "gaming" books as your focus should not be women but yourself, and only yourself for a while. I'm not saying don't rail the occasional girl into bed but it should not be your focus.

Aside from reading, you should be doing a lot of introspective work. Meditating, breath work, mindful practices, and also focus your health and fitness.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Richard Cooper is a great start. Don’t even attempt a relationship. So much is going to go wrong. You will use her as a therapist. You will become attached.

I would prefer, you start working out. Redevelopment of your closest friendships. Redevelop family ties. If you have kids throw yourself into being the best you can for them. Do everything, and I mean everything possible, to keep your divorce civil. Find and explore interests, whatever that may be. If you think you can have non committal sex then try it. Do it discreetly, maybe you have a single friend to go to run around with. Don’t waste money at the bar on women, you don’t need to and you’ll go broke.

keep reading here, make sure you take the red pill, keep your sense of your own character and don’t be a robot, eventually it will click.

 

[bat soup]

Ey up lads, looking for some guidance and support, split with my wife after 11 years in early 2021, read Dr Robert Glovers "No More Mr Guy" realised i was suffering from nice guy syndrome, read the book, life was good but three times I've bloody relapsed into old habits and ended up ****ing **** up.

Decided to reread the book and actually follow the principles, rather then just know the theory, step one, get some support, so I've come here.

Any help would be appreciated

One way to be avoid being labelled "Mr Nice Guy" is to end every sentence with the word "biiiitch".

 

[lgbs2004]

One way to be avoid being labelled "Mr Nice Guy" is to end every sentence with the word "biiiitch".

...and a slap in her butt

 

[CrazyClubber]

Don’t even attempt a relationship. So much is going to go wrong. You will use her as a therapist. You will become attached.

I'm pretty sure this is what happenend to me, should have got on here sooner.

Thanks lads

 

[Divorced w 3]

Don’t even attempt a relationship. So much is going to go wrong. You will use her as a therapist. You will become attached.

I'm pretty sure this is what happenend to me, should have got on here sooner.

Thanks lads

Why do you think I’m able to tell you that myself my man.. it gets better just keep coming