BeExcellent
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2015
- Messages
- 4,729
- Reaction score
- 6,719
- Age
- 55
It gets back to the value equation.
@pipeman84 values innocence and purity and is holding out for a virgin who will commit to a 38 year old man. Check. That is what he most values.
@catsmeow2 has a husband who values her life experience more than he values innocence and purity. He’s looking for a partner not a daughter.
My fiancé (46 years old) is similar to Cats husband. Frankly he finds me rather vanilla at times compared to the promiscuous background he’s had. And that is one issue you run into with previously promiscuous men. They like a sexually experienced woman. They expect a woman to know her way around a man, expect her to know how to satisfy him sexually and they have a whole library of bawdy experiences to drawn from. They do not have interest in or patience for a completely innocent woman whose emotional well-being is totally wrapped up in the sexual experience and they do not have the patience to lovingly show a virgin everything she will need to learn in time, never mind the tolerance of whatever fears and hang ups and preconceptions the innocent has about sex.
Men have the fantasy that they will capture a virgin, turn her into his own personal vixen, and it will be perfect. This is largely not how it works. This can be true when BOTH the man and woman are inexperienced and they can learn and bond together without the bias of prior experience. In fact that is the best way I think. But when a large experience gap is present? You are going to often times have a mismatch in expectations and other areas that create challenges you were not expecting.
And even if a woman has had a great marriage let’s say, and a great sexual experience in that marriage and finds herself widowed? She may have only have had one partner, but had sex with that single partner hundreds or thousands of times in the marriage. She is now an experienced woman as far as sex is concerned (and has demonstrated loyalty to death do us part too), but those women are very very rare, and go off the market quickly if they become widows, or they remain forever off the market (like my mother in law) who never felt right about dating or sex with someone else after she lost her husband.
So this is a much more complicated topic than @pipeman84 realizes.
Furthermore I think it is a cope often times for men who are themselves inexperienced sexually and who hide behind the lamentations of purity into their middle age but yet they didn’t make finding that innocent virgin a high priority in youth when they had exposure to such women OR they were not desirable to the women they sought and were not interested in the women who were interested in them.
My 20 year old son does not have this problem. But he’s got his values sorted too. And he is consciously shunning promiscuity for commitment as is his GF (a virgin when he started dating her) and only his 2nd partner.
The fantasy is to have it both ways. But that is often a fallacy.
@pipeman84 values innocence and purity and is holding out for a virgin who will commit to a 38 year old man. Check. That is what he most values.
@catsmeow2 has a husband who values her life experience more than he values innocence and purity. He’s looking for a partner not a daughter.
My fiancé (46 years old) is similar to Cats husband. Frankly he finds me rather vanilla at times compared to the promiscuous background he’s had. And that is one issue you run into with previously promiscuous men. They like a sexually experienced woman. They expect a woman to know her way around a man, expect her to know how to satisfy him sexually and they have a whole library of bawdy experiences to drawn from. They do not have interest in or patience for a completely innocent woman whose emotional well-being is totally wrapped up in the sexual experience and they do not have the patience to lovingly show a virgin everything she will need to learn in time, never mind the tolerance of whatever fears and hang ups and preconceptions the innocent has about sex.
Men have the fantasy that they will capture a virgin, turn her into his own personal vixen, and it will be perfect. This is largely not how it works. This can be true when BOTH the man and woman are inexperienced and they can learn and bond together without the bias of prior experience. In fact that is the best way I think. But when a large experience gap is present? You are going to often times have a mismatch in expectations and other areas that create challenges you were not expecting.
And even if a woman has had a great marriage let’s say, and a great sexual experience in that marriage and finds herself widowed? She may have only have had one partner, but had sex with that single partner hundreds or thousands of times in the marriage. She is now an experienced woman as far as sex is concerned (and has demonstrated loyalty to death do us part too), but those women are very very rare, and go off the market quickly if they become widows, or they remain forever off the market (like my mother in law) who never felt right about dating or sex with someone else after she lost her husband.
So this is a much more complicated topic than @pipeman84 realizes.
Furthermore I think it is a cope often times for men who are themselves inexperienced sexually and who hide behind the lamentations of purity into their middle age but yet they didn’t make finding that innocent virgin a high priority in youth when they had exposure to such women OR they were not desirable to the women they sought and were not interested in the women who were interested in them.
My 20 year old son does not have this problem. But he’s got his values sorted too. And he is consciously shunning promiscuity for commitment as is his GF (a virgin when he started dating her) and only his 2nd partner.
The fantasy is to have it both ways. But that is often a fallacy.
Last edited:
