How Important Is Communication In A LTR?

[soulforge]

Did you vet this “friend” before agreeing to be in LTR?

I can't really vet all her friends within 5 months, she has quite a few friends

 

[soulforge]

First off 5 months isn't anywhere near long enough to qualify an "LTR" , it amazes me guys get in so deep so quickly given everything we know about female psychology

For the first YEAR you should be feeling her out , setting boundaries and establishing connection that is it

Let HER develop the feels for you , you give her a little of what she wants to hear but ultimately ensure she knows actions speak louder than words

You are over invested and over analysing everything she does this tells me she controls the frame and she is aware of it ......she could very well have an hidden agenda but how would you know you've already given her GF status, the keys to your emotions and everything that comes with it

If she doesn't message you so what , you don't message her pull back chill out

Women like being submissive

I think she already has the feels as wants me to meet her family etc, but I know what you mean

 

[soulforge]

Does this mean that you can't go to a bar either, have a couple of beers with your friends, say after work, watch a sports game on the tele?

I'm confused about this rule and if it allows for any flexibility.

I agree that clubbing and drinking with her friends on say a Friday or Saturday night is suspect.

She shouldn't even want to imo. I'm female btw.

But how about after the cinema, they went to a sports bar for some burgers or something?

Is that not allowed either?

No judgment just asking.

EDIT: Perhaps this rule needs redefining to allow for what I just suggested, a bite to eat at a sports bar after cinema.

For you too, some beers after work with friends.

If you're too strict and rigid, the relationship may burn out. People need to breathe.

The rule was simply bars/clubs... Going for a meal having some drinks is perfectly fine

 

[Bingo-Player]

OP in my experiences and from the posts you are doing / the way this chick is going about her business i would seriously advise you pull back and quickly

Cool it off , if she questions it tell her you need some breathing space, get her hamster spinning and use the opportunity to reframe

DO NOT BE AFRAID TO LOSE HER

 

[soulforge]

I know but there are many sports BARS that have great food. There's also drinking and men but that's not why she's there.

She's there sharing some good eats and a beer with her friend after the movie.

Is it possible that's what she did, but didn't text you for fear of 'breaking the rule" and risking upsetting you?

Your girlfriend should NOT fear you imo although I realize there are men here who would disagree with that.

I think you should say something, clarify the rule and boundaries.

No I made it clear to her, if she wants to go for some food and a drink it's perfectly fine.

It can't be a night out specifically to go to bars and clubs

 

[soulforge]

OP in my experiences and from the posts you are doing / the way this chick is going about her business i would seriously advise you pull back and quickly

Cool it off , if she questions it tell her you need some breathing space, get her hamster spinning and use the opportunity to reframe

DO NOT BE AFRAID TO LOSE HER

I am definitely pulling way back.. also do I atleast mention to her that I am not happy with what she did?

 

[ThisIsSparta]

At first she told me that she feels tired so not sure if she wants to go, later that night when I messaged her, to see if she got home ok, it turns out she decided to go.

I´d have a problem with THAT. Woman is speaking with a forked tongue..... making you believe she doenst want to go, yet as soon as you ask about her whereabouts (if she got home ok) she is allready at the cinema.

What if you hadnt asked if she got home? Would she have told you?

I am not saying its time for drastic measures because of this incident, maybe its enough to just start feeding her own medicine.

As it seems you are allready quite commited to her and your "needing" to know where she is and what shes doing might be interpreted by her as if she was in the position of strength and as insecurity from your side.

If this "meeting a friend" thing happens again, id put her through some testing (for example in this case go watch the movie on your own and ask her about the plot the next time you see her in person) and implement some dread game of your own(stop reaching out asking if she got home f.e. and setup "meeting with a friend" yourself).


I really think you might have overdone your investment in this (still rather short, to be honest) relationship and put her in a position where she thinks that she got you bagged. And we all know what happens when women think "i got this one"

 

[Dr.Suave]

It is weird that she didnt text you later that night to let you know she got home safe. That´s like Girlfriend 101.

But I think there is something more important: You dont trust her and / or your gut is telling you something is off. You could try talking to her, but finding a better girl may be a better option.

 

[soulforge]

My concern from here on is, everytime she goes out with this particular Freind again, I'm going to think the worst. I'm sure her friend has something to do with this.

Also this.. I definitely need to pull back...

All this being said, I am having serious doubts about the overall long term relationship with her... My gut tells me, that this incident will not be the last incident

 

[soulforge]

Also guys she has not texted me tonight, usually by now she will have texted me after work.

I'm guessing she is pulling back because she was hoping I would message her last night and like a needy beta ask her where she is and what she is doing... I didn't do that.

Seeing as it seems to me that she is pulling back.... I will pull back even further.

 

[soulforge]

I have just noticed that she is online on her FB messenger, but hasn't messaged me, and she normally does at this time.

I reckon her freind maybe filled her head with some Chvt..

Literally feel disrespected right now... And feel like I should ghost her for good.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I should ghost her for good.

Its not the worst idea. She didnt seem like LTR material anyway.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

I have just noticed that she is online on her FB messenger, but hasn't messaged me, and she normally does at this time.

I reckon her freind maybe filled her head with some Chvt..

Literally feel disrespected right now... And feel like I should ghost her for good.

dump her, tell her you need to focus on yourself!

 

[soulforge]

dump her, tell her you need to focus on yourself!

Seriously Man, she is chatting away with whoever right now and not even sent me a text.. next level disrespect.

No going back after this... I don't know if I should simply ghost and disappear, or finish it by text.

Could be a possibility that she might send a dumping text to me.

I don't know how best to go forward

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Seriously Man, she is chatting away with whoever right now and not even sent me a text.. next level disrespect.

No going back after this... I don't know if I should simply ghost and disappear, or finish it by text.

Could be a possibility that she might send a dumping text to me.

I don't know how best to go forward

Dude who cares, send her a text saying that you need to time to focus on yourself right now or some BS. Fvck this breakup in person like a man BS, it's just a trap. Women are much more savage with breakups and get praised for it.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Literally feel disrespected right now... And feel like I should ghost her for good.

Might just be a ****-test..... every woman wil ST you.

Play this cool, set aside your emotions if you can.

Dont you have stuff to do and "friends" to meet instead of thinking this over and stalk her on facebook?

 

[soulforge]

Might just be a ****-test..... every woman wil ST you.

Play this cool, set aside your emotions if you can.

Dont you have stuff to do and "friends" to meet instead of thinking this over and stalk her on facebook?

Could be a chit test, but there is a level disrespect here.. and the fact that she disappeared and no word from her since yesterday, tells me that she can pull this on me at anytime.

Next time it could be 2-3-4 nights that she disappears for.

Test or no test... This is not healthy for an LTR

 

[Kotaix]

I'm asking this question, because last night the girl I am in a LTR with (5 months) went out with her friend to the cinema.

It was late in the afternoon around 7pm.. We both have an agreement in place, that we do not do bars/clubs/drinking etc.

Anyway while she was at the cinema, she sent me some video footage, so I know for a fact she was there.

But... She did not text me when she got back home. No message letting me know when she got home or even a goodnight like she usually does.

This raised my suspicion as to what she has been upto.

She will more likely message me tonight after she finishes work...

However I have no idea when/or if she got home last night.

Would this be an issue for you guys?

This kind of suspicion and insecurity on your end will sink any kind of relationship you have with her as sure as the iceberg sank the titanic.

Either you trust her, or you don't; and she's either worth of your trust or she isn't. Being paranoid about women will poison your mind and ruin all future relationships.

You do have to vet, but one you get into an LTR it's either sh!t or get off the pot.

 

[soulforge]

This kind of suspicion and insecurity on your end will sink any kind of relationship you have with her as sure as the iceberg sank the titanic.

Either you trust her, or you don't; and she's either worth of your trust or she isn't. Being paranoid about women will poison your mind and ruin all future relationships.

You do have to vet, but one you get into an LTR it's either sh!t or get off the pot.

I'm not suspicious about her all the time at all... Only when she has given me a reason to be suspicious.

Disappearing for the night is not what she normally does, so off course this has given me reason to be suspicious

 

[soulforge]

This kind of suspicion and insecurity on your end will sink any kind of relationship you have with her as sure as the iceberg sank the titanic.

Either you trust her, or you don't; and she's either worth of your trust or she isn't. Being paranoid about women will poison your mind and ruin all future relationships.

You do have to vet, but one you get into an LTR it's either sh!t or get off the pot.

To answer your question. I don't think she is worth my trust, as she has created suspicious circumstances like this, atleast twice before