I’m a woman looking for advice from men. Was I too forward with him?

[Browneyes741]

Hi. I know this is probably an all men’s forum but I need male advice desperately.
I’m friends with a man in his late 40s. He’s divorced but he has a new serious girlfriend. I’m in my mid 30s. I have always liked this man like I have never liked another man before. I had never done anything crazy in my life but I decided that life is too short and I wanted to let him know that I find him attractive. We’ve been friends for a few years and we feel comfortable with each other.

He messages me here and there so one day I decided to flirt with him because I didn’t want to have regrets later on in life. He didn’t stop me, so I assumed that he liked it. He even continued messaging me after that. I felt confident, so I told him that I was going to tell him something intimate because I trusted him. I told him that in the past I fantasized about having sex with him because my ex was terrible in bed. But i said that it was just a fantasy and I would never act on it because I know he has a girlfriend.

He suggested to video chat with me so he could give me his opinion on this because we live far away. I declined because I was not prepared for that and told him to be patient. He got angry and started being rude about it. Like he wouldn’t give me his opinion unless we called/video chat. Since I wasn’t feeling comfortable, he started telling me by text that he had never been in a situation like this before and that why would I fantasize about him and not someone else? That we only hanged out a few times and we live far. I told him I thought he looked naughty one time while he smiled. And I felt like he wasn’t shy but open. He got even more mad after telling him that and told me that out of love and respect for his girlfriend he didn’t want to continue talking about this. He said he was trying to figure out why I would fantasize about him and that it didn’t seem logic. Maybe he was shocked??

I understand that he’s loyal to his girlfriend but why did he have to be so rude about it? Was it really a big deal that I shared that with him? I mean, all humans fantasize!! Besides, I never told him I wanted to sleep with him. I just wanted him to feel attractive. I really thought he would be flattered and we would both laugh afterwards but he made me feel like I was crazy for having this fantasy.
Men, what do you think happened?? Did I scare him or does he have low self esteem since he tried to find explanations to everything instead of just accepting it?? We haven’t spoken since and I’m scared he will not talk to me again and think I’m creepy. Please help me!

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Just about any man would be flattered if a woman told him she found him attractive and fantasized about him; regardless if he was attracted to her or not.

Sounds like dude is maladroit and simply does not know how to relate to women. His focus on the why seems like a cope. His anger is absurd, of course I don’t know him and if you know his gf or not. He may think it’s a loyalty test. Ya just never know.

 

[Dr.Suave]

He lives far away. Forget about it and focus your attention elsewhere.

 

[pipeman84]

Men, what do you think happened??

No way to say for sure, we can only speculate. Here's an idea: he requested video-call to tell you that's inappropriate discussion considering he has a GF, you refused it and he may have taken it as you wasting his time and leading him on with texts.

I just wanted him to feel attractive. I really thought he would be flattered and we would both laugh afterwards but he made me feel like I was crazy for having this fantasy.

The fact you were fantasizing about him while you were with you ex...that doesn't speak good of you, so he probably lost respect for you. In this case, why would he feel flattered by a compliment coming from a woman he doesn't respect and probably doesn't find attractive either.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

" I have always liked this man like I have never liked another man before. "

Why? You sure about that? After all you havent lived with him yet, not even had sex .... how could you know he isnt a complete loser?

That aside....

you wouldnt want a man that keeps a female friend around over the years if he doesnt consider any erotic possibilities with her.

I guess he is just a weak beta male that is used to be kept in friendzones all of his life and never experienced a womans sexual attention.


Do you know more about his divorce and ex-wife?

 

[DonJuanjr]

because my ex was terrible in bed.

What made him terrible in bed?

 

[Mike32ct]

You’re not supposed to have any residual attraction to a guy friend.

After say 3 months (max) of friendzone, the female attraction program display reads “Windowws Ninety-five is shutting down.”

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I'll give you the same advice I give men here: Value yourself a little.

1) He lives far away - Are you that desperate?
2) Worse of all, he is in a committed relationship. Do you want to be his mistress?

 

[BillyPilgrim]

This almost reads like a man trying to write like a woman. Maybe I'm wrong, but it flows a little too smoothly and there aren't the usual starts and stops of having to decipher the solipsism and sophistry.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Stop playing games.

He got mad because you wasted his time. You dangled sex in front of him to get your free validation. You robbed this man of time. Time is precious to men that are actually worth something.

Leave him alone. If you actually wanted to fvck him, you should have been more direct about it and allowed it to happen.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It sounds like he is very inexperienced with women. There would be a very different conversation being had if a woman told me she was fantasizing about me that is for damn sure hahaha

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You’re not supposed to have any residual attraction to a guy friend.

After say 3 months (max) of friendzone, the female attraction program display reads “Windowws Ninety-five is shutting down.”

This happens all the time to me. Like all the time.

And I don't even do anything to cause it. My best friend growing up had a hot girlfriend who apparently ended up being in love with me even tho she never acted on it but I found out years later that it led to them breakign up because it got to a point where she was always wanting to set me up with a friend so we could go on double dates or was wanting to constantly include me in their plans, which started getting weird for me...

At one point we were all together and something came up about someone being in the hospital a long time and she was like "What would you do in that situation, would you still stay with me or find someone else?"...and he laughed and was like "Well I know what you'd be doing, you would just be with him" and he pointed towards me. We all laughed about it but I was kinda naive back then...never affected our friendship, this is and always will be my dude, grew up together and still best friends after 35+ years, but he told me a few years later that she wanted to fvck me so bad and kept asking about me after they broke up(I was in another state at the time).

And pretty much every girl I've dated, their friends try and get at me. I'm not exactly sure why, but it happens almost like clockwork. It's like they introduce me to their friends and invariably at some point one of them tries to make a move on me. I've never blown one of them in but I find it funny how these women think they have all these friends but so many of them actively work against them and try to take from them.

Even women who I am just friends with try and fvck me after after we hang out for a while. It's why I always believe that the longer I spend with a woman the more likely she is to fvck me...

I'm like Novocaine...just give me some time, I'll always work.

 

[Stanley]

Infatuation

 

[Browneyes741]

Just about any man would be flattered if a woman told him she found him attractive and fantasized about him; regardless if he was attracted to her or not.

Sounds like dude is maladroit and simply does not know how to relate to women. His focus on the why seems like a cope. His anger is absurd, of course I don’t know him and if you know his gf or not. He may think it’s a loyalty test. Ya just never know.

Do you think I should still be his friend after this? I mean, I feel pretty bad. I wish he was nicer. Do you think he’ll come around at some point and realize this was not a big deal?

 

[Browneyes741]

It sounds like he is very inexperienced with women. There would be a very different conversation being had if a woman told me she was fantasizing about me that is for damn sure hahaha

That’s what I was thinking. I mean, why not just say: “Thanks, you’re beautiful and I’m flattered but I have a girlfriend”. Instead he asks me why I fantasize about him? Like, who cares!! I can fantasize about whoever I want.
How would you react if this happens to you?

 

[Browneyes741]

Stop playing games.

He got mad because you wasted his time. You dangled sex in front of him to get your free validation. You robbed this man of time. Time is precious to men that are actually worth something.

Leave him alone. If you actually wanted to fvck him, you should have been more direct about it and allowed it to happen.

It was not validation. Even if I wanted to have sex with him, he’s in a committed relationship. He’s loyal to his girlfriend

 

[BackInTheGame78]

That’s what I was thinking. I mean, why not just say: “Thanks, you’re beautiful and I’m flattered but I have a girlfriend”. Instead he asks me why I fantasize about him? Like, who cares!! I can fantasize about whoever I want.
How would you react if this happens to you?

Either I would end up showing you that any fantasy would be a poor comparison to me in person or I would just say something similar to what you wrote if I was in a serious relationship.

 

[Browneyes741]

I'll give you the same advice I give men here: Value yourself a little.

1) He lives far away - Are you that desperate?
2) Worse of all, he is in a committed relationship. Do you want to be his mistress?

I just wanted to let him know I think he’s hot. He has many qualities I always looked for in a man. I’m usually not too flirty with men but with him I wanted to try it and not have regrets

 

[Browneyes741]

What made him terrible in bed?

He didn’t kiss me or touch me while having sex. No foreplay. No oral. He didn’t care about pleasing me.

 

[Browneyes741]

" I have always liked this man like I have never liked another man before. "

Why? You sure about that? After all you havent lived with him yet, not even had sex .... how could you know he isnt a complete loser?

That aside....

you wouldnt want a man that keeps a female friend around over the years if he doesnt consider any erotic possibilities with her.

I guess he is just a weak beta male that is used to be kept in friendzones all of his life and never experienced a womans sexual attention.


Do you know more about his divorce and ex-wife?

No, I don’t know anything about his ex.