LTR - Sex **** test question

[Dr.Suave]

Absolutely, my hubs is the exact same.

Your husband gets really submissive everytime he pisses you off?

 

[ThisIsSparta]

First off I don't "lecture," I express an opinion as you and everyone else does.

Secondly, and I mean no disrespect when saying this, but don't blame your wife because you were a simp with no backbone and she lost respect for you, and behaved as such.

That's on you man, not her.

Thirdly, since you decided to finally grow a pair and act like a man, you're chosen course of action is to "put her in her place," essentially bully her.

Sorry that is NOT a man acting from his masculine frame, it's a bully. And advice I hope the OP does NOT follow..

Better advice imo would be to choose women wisely from the getgo.

DON'T choose a woman for a LTR who you feel you need to "put in her place" and bully to get your needs met, including sexual needs, that is not the way to go. It will create a very unhealthy and toxic dynamic between you.

Well it shows that you have no clue what it means to be a man threatened with family courts if you dont play by her rules. Its easy to have a "backbone" when it doesnt mean you wont see your kid every day anymore.

I was bullied and gaslighted enough to know what it means and this is not what i do to my wife.

And no, it wasnt "on me" that my wife "grew a pair" after she got the ring&kid combo, deciding to make good use of a looming family court over my head to see me compliant whatever it takes.

What is really on me is, that i believend in the "man up", "do the right thing", "happy wife/happy life" fraud that society is force feeding into western men. Family courts are full with men that just tried to work things out the way their women wanted them to.

 

[SW15]

I've recently gotten back toghether with an ex after i dumped her. She has been trying to get me back for 1 year and now we are back since 3 months.

End this relationship now.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7

It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.

 

[Dr.Suave]

End this relationship now.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7

It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.

Those Iron Rules should be a Sticky on the forum. It would save us a lot of time with the noobs.

 

[Randolph]

End this relationship now.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7

It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.

I was going to before we went to spend new years. Now I feel different. god I really sound like a guy who’s coping.

 

[Randolph]

Thats where i come from, longer read:

https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/whats-your-story.268727/post-2821999

Though this is a completely different scenario then yours, the concept remains the same. Dread game, keep frame, give them no leverage on whatsoever, dont be afraid to walk away and show it.

Thanks for sharing.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I was going to before we went to spend new years. Now I feel different. god I really sound like a guy who’s coping.

I remember my previous LTR was not the best. Lots of people advised to break up with her and I was like "No, she is a good person" but it was the Scarcity mentality talking.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Well it shows that you have no clue what it means to be a man threatened with family courts if you dont play by her rules. Its easy to have a "backbone" when it doesnt mean you wont see your kid every day anymore.

Cant say I have been through that (yet). Hopefully my frame holds up. From the outside looking in, I still strongly believe that a woman using the court system to flex on her ex husband/ baby daddy is only hurting herself and the children. Modern women are overreaching. No new guy in the future is going to be there to save her and those kids. And child support payments pale in comparison to the time, stability, security, and support that a man provides to a household.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

I didn't say your wife "grew a pair" I said don't blame her for your weak behavior (compliant was the word you used) before you grew a pair and she lost respect.

I know i wrote exactly as intendet. It was her being emboldened by her new superpower "wife with child", thats why she "grew balls".

Good to hear, keep it up!

Cant say I have been through that (yet). Hopefully my frame holds up. From the outside looking in, I still strongly believe that a woman using the court system to flex on her ex husband/ baby daddy is only hurting herself and the children. Modern women are overreaching. No new guy in the future is going to be there to save her and those kids. And child support payments pale in comparison to the time, stability, security, and support that a man provides to a household.

Right you are! According to your entries here i guess you will do allright. If i knew all that **** with 33 a lot of things wouldnt have happened. If you arent allready, stay out of marriage at all cost though.

 

[pranshu]

Hello,

I've recently gotten back toghether with an ex after i dumped her. She has been trying to get me back for 1 year and now we are back since 3 months.

So I have clearly been a "challenge" before in her eyes and I think thats what she likes because she always comes back for more. However, now that we are back together I have been waay to soft according to myself. Partly because of work and health stuff I have been way weaker than before. I have now bounced back but before I did stupidly surrendered frame to be "nicer". I have realized my mistakes and corrected behaviour but we some damage has definately been done.

She has been trying alot of **** testing to gain power in the relationship, saying things that "I have done this for you before but I wont do it now", "I will expect way more from a boyfriend than what you have given me before" etc. At first I did concede a few times but now I just chuckle and say something along the lines of "yeah whatever, thats bull**** and we both know it". Some tantrums have been thrown and I just keep calm and unfazed, positive results so far. I can tell she really likes when I'm unfazed by her bull****.
The desire has definately dropped, from my part since we gotten together and hers has dropped the past two weeks compared to before when she chased me hard.

Her trying to gain power in the relationship is a lose lose game for both of us if I concede, I know that and am secure in that.

However, I wanted you guys take on a particular one and if you can give me how you would handle it and elaborate.

Shes been for 2.5 years DTF everytime, always nomatter what and has been chasing me hard for sex when we hang out. She's still very touchy and I notice that I make her horny.
But she's tested me twice two with the same thing, saying shes not in the mood and that I "just cant expect to **** her everytime we hang out" and "all you want me for is sex".
I have handled this, not perfect at all but combining some nice guy splaining with to "you expect to **** me every time" with "Yea, ofcourse" shruh and with a smirk. Escalating to sex each time she has done it and shes been really happy afterwards and seem to enjoy sex more and more each time.

Side note, shes been super jealous about my "activity" past year, "whos texting you at this hour", "who the **** is DMing you on insta all the time?!, "I cant believe you dont know how many *****s you have ****ed since we been apart".

Maybe I'm just overreacting but I just want you guys opinion on how to go about things because sex for me is a non-negotiable. I know her attraction for me is my own resposability and we are heading in the right direction but I just wont accept sex used as a weapon against me.

Thanks for reading!

the fact that she came back to you means that she's not over you( obvious). but her constantly challenging you with **** tests means she desparately wants to mold you into her beta "mr right" before its too late and she becomes old. if she is still **** testing you that means you still have the power and control of relationship, don't lose it, whether you want to dump her after few more sex capades or wish LTR with her..

 

[Dr.Suave]

whether you want to dump her after few more sex capades or wish LTR with her..

He shouldnt have LTR her again. She´s an ex. OP broke one of the Iron Rules.

 

[pranshu]

He shouldnt have LTR her again. She´s an ex. OP broke one of the Iron Rules.

I agree...if they were compatible, they wouldn't have broken up in the first place..#next

 

[ThisIsSparta]

I think I was overly focused on the second paragraph wherein she complained that all you wanted was sex (my interpretation) and she felt objectified and undervalued even though I acknowledged the way she presented her complaint was bytchy and demanding.

And this is why men should not take advice on relationships from women. Its all about their subjective feelings and not about the objective facts we men are confronted with. Instinctively women kling onto the emotional stuff, forget about the facts and call other people bullies for not putting up with OP-GF´s bullshyt.

The honesty and capacity for self reflection must be appreciated though.

 

[RickTheToad]

It makes you weak and beta that you want sex from her everytime you see her.

Being horny or demanding for sex is very weak and beta. It re-inforces the idea that sex has some value, for which the woman should be compensated. Now she is asking you to provide more because she thinks her vagina has so much value, a frame you put yourself in, and she wants better bf duties as an exchange.

She may not even care that you are a better bf or whatever, but she just doesnt want to be used, if she thinks her vag has as much value as you place on it, then she will want something exchange otherwise she feels she is giving something up for free that should have some value.

I disagree. NOT receiving sex on your terms is beta and entering her frame. If you want sex, she should give it to you willingly and with no issues; sans period, sick, etc. Ever hear of dead bedrooms? No sex = beta and weak.

 

[EyeBRollin]

What do you do? Silence N Distance?

Yes. Did it during the dating process. I authoritatively told her where she messed up, demanded a sincere apology, and then distanced until she came back. I also cancelled prior plans if she didn’t get the apology together fast enough. (We had an argument once just three days before a weekend trip. She refused to apologize until the night before. I had cancelled the trip anyway).

Now I don’t have to do the distance thing cause it’s in her brain that pissing me off is highly unpleasant and I might actually leave.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

I disagree. NOT receiving sex on your terms is beta and entering her frame. If you want sex, she should give it to you willingly and with no issues; sans period, sick, etc. Ever hear of dead bedrooms? No sex = beta and weak.

There are worlds between no sex and all the time.

Ever heard of sex addicts? Addiction and lack of self control is also beta and weak.

 

[RickTheToad]

There are worlds between no sex and all the time.

Ever heard of sex addicts? Addiction and lack of self control is also beta and weak.

Sorry to hear that you lack self control and are weak. You should work on that.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I don’t know what happened but something did

She didnt disclose she´s diagnosed with mental stuff. That´s what happened.

 

[Dr.Suave]

When you have sex with your LTR or wife, do you care that SHE desires you, sexually?

I think it was Rollo who talked about genuine desire. A man should not have the need to beg for sex:

His Girl should desire him sexually more than he desires her. She will never test him for sex. She will always want sex unless she´s sick or has a legit reason. No way she´s gonna pass any opportunity to ride her man´s c0ck.

I was skeptic of this but no more. Genuine desire exists. And it solves (avoids?) a lot of problems you read about here in SoSuave.

Why bother giving her exclusivity if she doesnt have genuine desire? It would only make sense if you are so bad at game that you get more sex from a LTR who doesnt have genuine desire than you would spinning plates.

 

[EyeBRollin]

But demanding an apology will turn into an obligated compliance like Rollo says, apologies should be organic, that she knows she fvcked up. Demanding apologies isn't it like demanding sex?

I don’t accept the apology until it is sincere, contrite, and she knows exactly what she did wrong. I don’t just “get over it” or “forgive and move on.” That’s the key.

Also, women generally hate apologizing. If you expect them to do it organically you will die alone. They are egotistical, self serving creatures. That is their biological makeup. It won’t change.