LTR - Sex **** test question

[Randolph]

Could her sudden testing be a sympton of a decline in interest?

"The amount of tests from a girl are inversely proportional to her interest level"
- Dr. Suave 1/16/2023

Sure, most likely. Since like I said in the original post, I have been messing up for a couple of weeks.

Forgot to mention in the original post. We both though she got pregnant at new years. Scare is now over, confirmed not preg, but this may play a part in testing or am I just coping?

 

[Randolph]

She's not a "nagging PITA" for communicating to OP she feels sexually objectified and undervalued which the OP himself has acknowledged he's doing.

That is what I meant by the difference between how you treat a "plate" versus how you treat a long term "girlfriend" you care about.

LTRs are not just about the man's needs, what the man wants and women dismissing their own needs to avoid 'rocking the boat' and/or catering to her boyfriend's ego.

I don't necessarily agree with how she chose to communicate that she felt objectified, but it was probably building up and exploded.

In any event, it's good OP that you're open to hearing how she feels and acknowledging your own weaknesses.

SHE should do same.

That is how you resolve conflicts and grow and evolve as a couple in a LTR versus a casual plate where tension and uncertainty keeps things fresh and exciting.

It's two completely different set of skills and am finding many men, not just here, haven't learned the tools necessary to keep LTRs vibrant and exciting in their own right.

In many men's minds, women are replaceable nagging hags which is not how it works in LTRs imo and experience.

Good luck OP.

Thank you.

I get your point of objectifying and not feeling appreciated. Those things are ofcourse nessecary in a LTR.

I may be of base here but my two cents about women and relationships is that respect and attraction are at the top of the list.
Lose these two and whatever you do wont really matter. Therefore, if you lose your girls respect and attraction you should get it back prior or simuntanously make her feel appreciated.
My point is, whatever you do for a women will not be appreciated the way you want it to if the respect and attraction is not there.

 

[kavi]

In many men's minds, women are replaceable nagging hags which is not how it works in LTRs imo and experience.

This is because in many mens minds women are just sex objects who they have to pay for or get in anyway.

But this is because these men are game-less, it is just women and society running Game on men that they percieve women as sex (Game) objects. Sexual Value is just Game Value. Men with low-game do not see themselves as the sexual prize, because they have Game being run on them and their own Game is too weak.

With Game, men realise Sexual value=Game value and hence men with High-Game know that they are the prize. When you KNOW you are the prize you ALWAYS act and behave like you are the prize, without even trying.

 

[Randolph]

This is because in many mens minds women are just sex objects who they have to pay for or get in anyway.

But this is because these men are game-less, it is just women and society running Game on men that they percieve women as sex (Game) objects. Sexual Value is just Game Value. Men with low-game do not see themselves as the sexual prize, because they have Game being run on them and their own Game is too weak.

With Game, men realise Sexual value=Game value and hence men with High-Game know that they are the prize. When you KNOW you are the prize you ALWAYS act and behave like you are the prize, without even trying.

Really well put, this has been my mental model until the last couple of weeks. At first I allowed myself to make mistakes because I thought I have some leeway because the nature of the power position I've had in the relationship. After that I have due to some severe life stress somewhat lost this mental frame and become outcome dependent which has resulted in a negative spiral downward where I know this but I dont feel it the same way anymore and therefore I have had to make concious effort to embody this again.

 

[Randolph]

This woman sounds like she is a complete pain in the ass. Why did you decide to get back with her?

You going back to her after 1 year actually showed that you weren't over her and probably emboldened her to test your leadership within the context of your relationship. Hence why she is constantly challenging you. I would also venture this woman has an anxious attachment style evidenced by the very needy demands of knowing who you are communicating with at all times.

On the sex part, she clearly does not have the lust for you that you do for her. Sex is a means to an end for her. Frankly, that doesn't sound enjoyable even if she is hot if she is constantly trying to make it transactional.

OP - I think you need to ask yourself why you are with her. You can get sex and better sex from random women who won't nag you about every little thing under the sun. Why are you doing this to yourself?

On point with the attachment style.

 

[Dr.Suave]

She's not a "nagging PITA"

She looks like a nagging PITA, walks like a nagging PITA, sounds like a nagging PITA, etc but lets not jump the gun and call her a nagging PITA ok fellas?

 

[Dr.Suave]

Scare is now over, confirmed not preg, but this may play a part in testing or am I just coping?

Hard to say for sure. Its not worth the squeeze try n figure out whats exactly going through her head. Focus on yourself n keep improving bro. Las cosas caeran por su propio peso.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

She's not a "nagging PITA" for communicating to OP she feels sexually objectified and undervalued which the OP himself has acknowledged he's doing.

That is what I meant by the difference between how you treat a "plate" versus how you treat a long term "girlfriend" you care about.

LTRs are not just about the man's needs, what the man wants and women dismissing their own needs to avoid 'rocking the boat' and/or catering to her boyfriend's ego.

I don't necessarily agree with how she chose to communicate that she felt objectified, but it was probably building up and exploded.

In any event, it's good OP that you're open to hearing how she feels and acknowledging your own weaknesses.

SHE should do same.

That is how you resolve conflicts and grow and evolve as a couple in a LTR versus a casual plate where tension and uncertainty keeps things fresh and exciting.

It's two completely different set of skills and am finding many men, not just here, haven't learned the tools necessary to keep LTRs vibrant and exciting in their own right.

In many men's minds, women are replaceable nagging hags which is not how it works in LTRs imo and experience.

Good luck OP.

Thats what SHE says.....

What women "communicate" and what they actually want to achieve, is more often then not worlds apart. And even if what they say is what they want to achieve, it doesnt mean that it makes them happy in the long run. Family courts are filled with men that just wanted to comply, compromise, adapt, "do the right thing to do" and have the happy wife/happy life thing going.
A man is responsible to protect a woman from herself.

She also isnt a long term girlfriend. 3 months do not qualify as LTR and she´s already giving him a hard time.

As she was up for saks all the time before(in their relationship that he ended), she is now trying to get leverage over OP and thinks she has found a weak spot.

IMO and experience, the less you care about her rants, the better the relationship works out for men.

A common misconception by women is that men want things "vibrant and exciting". What men want at home is peace of mind, empty balls and a full belly. If we are looking for excitement we join a fightclub, go hunting or play games with our buddies.

 

[Randolph]

Thats what SHE says.....

What women "communicate" and what they actually want to achieve, is more often then not worlds apart. And even if what they say is what they want to achieve, it doesnt mean that it makes them happy in the long run. Family courts are filled with men that just wanted to comply, compromise, adapt, "do the right thing to do" and have the happy wife/happy life thing going.
A man is responsible to protect a woman from herself.

She also isnt a long term girlfriend. 3 months do not qualify as LTR and she´s already giving him a hard time.

As she was up for saks all the time before(in their relationship that he ended), she is now trying to get leverage over OP and thinks she has found a weak spot.

IMO and experience, the less you care about her rants, the better the relationship works out for men.

A common misconception by women is that men want things "vibrant and exciting". What men want at home is peace of mind, empty balls and a full belly. If we are looking for excitement we join a fightclub, go hunting or play games with our buddies.

Well put, agree.

So apart from nexting this person, what are your five cents on how to go about rectifying this situation?
Pulling back on the sex part, dread game, keeping frame, i.e. not agreeing to make peace or silly demands and being generally attractive?

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Well put, agree.

So apart from nexting this person, what are your five cents on how to go about rectifying this situation?
Pulling back on the sex part, dread game, keeping frame, i.e. not agreeing to make peace or silly demands and being generally attractive?

I´d stop initiating saks, this will make her wonder why. She will either initiate herself or call you out on it. If she calls you out on it, tell her your not begging or negotiating for saks. She either has desire for you and wants to make you happy or not. It is important that she has NO leverage on you whatsoever.
You are not dependend on her and she needs to know there are other women around that could replace her, which of course you never communicate directly, but she needs to know that other women find you attractive and that you have options.

You might wanna brush yourself up a bit more then usual, use the finer garments, get a new scent, hit the gym more often and become mysterious of why you do it.

I´d start to ignore her when she starts nagging for this and that, remove attention from her, she will either calm down and be more pleasant or she will call you out on it. If she calls you out on it, tell her if you are such a bad boyfriend, she needs to change circumstances. Again, dont tell her directly to piss off, but let her know you are not afraid to walk away a second time.

She needs to respect you, or she will be gone anyway sooner or later. She is not going to respect you when you try to appease her, even if she thinks she wants you to act according to her feelings. She will see you as a pushover and think she´s got you in her pocket whatever she does.

Never give a woman any leverage on you, make her think other women would want you, become mysterious/make her guess/trying to figure you out and never be afraid to walk away and make her know this.

Worked for me with my 5 last women.

 

[Randolph]

I´d stop initiating saks, this will make her wonder why. She will either initiate herself or call you out on it. If she calls you out on it, tell her your not begging or negotiating for saks. She either has desire for you and wants to make you happy or not. It is important that she has NO leverage on you whatsoever.
You are not dependend on her and she needs to know there are other women around that could replace her, which of course you never communicate directly, but she needs to know that other women find you attractive and that you have options.

You might wanna brush yourself up a bit more then usual, use the finer garments, get a new scent, hit the gym more often and become mysterious of why you do it.

I´d start to ignore her when she starts nagging for this and that, remove attention from her, she will either calm down and be more pleasant or she will call you out on it. If she calls you out on it, tell her if you are such a bad boyfriend, she needs to change circumstances. Again, dont tell her directly to piss off, but let her know you are not afraid to walk away a second time.

She needs to respect you, or she will be gone anyway sooner or later. She is not going to respect you when you try to appease her, even if she thinks she wants you to act according to her feelings. She will see you as a pushover and think she´s got you in her pocket whatever she does.

Never give a woman any leverage on you, make her think other women would want you, become mysterious/make her guess/trying to figure you out and never be afraid to walk away and make her know this.

Worked for me with my 5 last women.

I’ll try this out and keep you updated. Thanks for taking the time write an elaborate answer!

 

[Randolph]

Last five women? Lol

Oh the irony.

My advice was assuming the OP was seeking a long term relationship that goes the distance, not an assembly line of women every couple of years.

My bad if I got that wrong, but if not OP again it's a different skill set that does promote maintaining frame, holding her accountable and quietly demanding respect.

Being a man in a LTR does not mean becoming a simp, a white knight, or allowing a woman to lead you through your nose.

That's a misconception.

And if you think a LTR can survive when you're not putting any effort into making it vibrant, fresh and exciting, including your sex life, as SHE should be doing also, as well as listening to and valuing each other, I wish you luck.

And you wonder why women cheat (which I don't advocate) and monkey branch to something/someone better.

Good luck OP.

Talking about these different skill sets. What would be your approach in this scenario as opposed to what Sparta suggested?

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Last five women? Lol

Oh the irony.

My advice was assuming the OP was seeking a long term relationship that goes the distance, not an assembly line of women every couple of years.

My bad if I got that wrong, but if not OP again it's a different skill set that does promote maintaining frame, holding her accountable and quietly demanding respect.

Being a man in a LTR does not mean becoming a simp, a white knight, or allowing a woman to lead you through your nose.

That's a misconception.

And if you think a LTR can survive when you're not putting any effort into making it vibrant, fresh and exciting, including your sex life, as SHE should be doing also, as well as listening to and valuing each other, I wish you luck.

And you wonder why women cheat (which I don't advocate) and monkey branch to something/someone better.

Good luck OP.

You know nothing John Snow......

as you might have seen i am 44, which gave me the opportunity to have a few relationships. The fact that i ended them after a few years and why, is not subject to OP´s problem topic.

Right now i am married for 6 years. The only reason why i am still married is because i stopped being compliant and startet to put my wife in her place 4 years ago. Something i thought wasnt neccessary in a marriage, but i found out about the error of my ways. Happy wife/happy life is not how it works.

You talk about how OP is supposed to act in a LTR when the man is just 3 months into the relationship, so dont lecture me on what a LTR is and what not.

A real misconception is that its smart to listen to women for relationship advice.

OP is 34, he is in his best years and he has no need to put up with a non-compliant woman. There is plenty more fish in the sea and after all, i guess there was a reason he dumped her allready once. Its she who got the second chance, not him.

 

[Bingo-Player]

But like most men who needs sex, we might put with some crap to avoid "cutting the supply".

Correction men do not NEED sex ,

they are conditioned by the porn industry and various other industries to believe they do but it is infact a want not a need

Control yourselves.

 

[Randolph]

You know nothing John Snow......

as you might have seen i am 44, which gave me the opportunity to have a few relationships. The fact that i ended them after a few years and why, is not subject to OP´s problem topic.

Right now i am married for 6 years. The only reason why i am still married is because i stopped being compliant and startet to put my wife in her place 4 years ago. Something i thought wasnt neccessary in a marriage, but i found out about the error of my ways. Happy wife/happy life is not how it works.

You talk about how OP is supposed to act in a LTR when the man is just 3 months into the relationship, so dont lecture me on what a LTR is and what not.

A real misconception is that its smart to listen to women for relationship advice.

OP is 34, he is in his best years and he has no need to put up with a non-compliant woman. There is plenty more fish in the sea and after all, i guess there was a reason he dumped her allready once. Its she who got the second chance, not him.

Would you mind giving some examplesof what you changed and how she responded?
How did you put her in her place?

 

[Dr.Suave]

Would you mind giving some examplesof what you changed and how she responded?
How did you put her in her place?

Im interested in this too

 

[EyeBRollin]

She’s shvt testing because you are too thirsty.

 

[EyeBRollin]

And you wonder why women cheat (which I don't advocate) and monkey branch to something/someone better.

Grass ain’t greener. Maybe I’m totally delusional for thinking this… but I truly to my core think that any woman that leaves me will just be worse off out on there on the free agent dating market. Not sure how my frame got to that point, but it is ironclad.

If she wants to cheat or leave, so be it. Good luck!

 

[EyeBRollin]

Yes. I’m certain my wife can sense this dynamic. Every time she pisses me off, she gets really submissive and course corrects. I think women can just sense when a guy has the ability and fortitude to leave her.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Would you mind giving some examplesof what you changed and how she responded?
How did you put her in her place?

Thats where i come from, longer read:

https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/whats-your-story.268727/post-2821999

Though this is a completely different scenario then yours, the concept remains the same. Dread game, keep frame, give them no leverage on whatsoever, dont be afraid to walk away and show it.