Was I over-reacting, and what would you have done?

[nzrod]

I just took my live in partner (6 months live in) on a 1 week holiday around a beautiful part of Australia. The last evening was at a classy hotel at sunset overlooking the ocean (the ocean was 5 metres away). I paid for flights, rental car, all accomodation and 90% of the meals. The next day, driving home, she put a water bottle behind me seat...:

Me: Can you put it behind your seat, so there is no risk it rolls under my seat while I am driving.
Her: No, it didn't roll under your seat yesterday.
Me: Just reduce risk - put it behind your seat [then I moved it myself].
Her: Grumpy look.

We were in a McD drive through (trust me - all the other meals were classy - this was for a long drive). Just 30 seconds later the McD guy hands me a bottle of water with the food. I look for a place to put it, and can't find somewhere available...."

Me: Can you please find a place for this bottle?
Her: [Takes bottle - raises her arm and throws it behind my chair in an act of aggressive defiance]
Me: [Stern reprisal, saying she is acting like a baby, move bottle, and drive off]
Her: [Blast of yelling at me, telling me I am irrational].
Me: [Put up with it for 5 seconds then let her have it as she wasn't stopping. We drive off in silence for an hour]

Yes, sure, I may have been pedantic, but in my mind even if the risk of a water bottle rolling under my seat while I am driving is a 1/1000 risk it is worth moving it. She seemed to be trying to get a sense of dominance and control.

What would you have done or what should I have done differently? Remember, we live together. My age: 52, her 46. No kids.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Sounds like you have other issues going on in your relationship and this is just her way of bringing those to the surface as a symptom of them.

That's how it usually works...they make a big deal about something, but that's not the actual problem, it's just an opportunity to vent their frustration with the actual problem.

Did you tell her no on the baby by any chance?

 

[nzrod]

Thanks. " they make a big deal about something, but that's not the actual problem, it's just an opportunity to vent their frustration with the actual problem. " You sound wise.

"Did you tell her no on the baby by any chance?" - You are observant that I wrote a thread on that. Thanks. I wrote her a carefully worded letter on why I understand she wants a baby and why I don't, and discussed it with her. We are still living together and dating hoping the other person changes their mind on the topic - not optimal I know - but she is wonderful and rare in many ways.

 

[RazorRambo24]

When a girl is unhappy and no one else is around but you two, you're 100% the problem.. (Beta males need to stop blaming women.. they're the gentle , emotional sensitive ones) If you take a girl on a nice vacation, you better be having sex with her often.. Who wants to be taken on a nice vacation and be sexless? She's probably psised about her expectations not being met.. thus questioning herself and her own beauty..

Do whats right and give her that leg trembling, chest flushing orgasm she been waiting for..

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I'm just guessing here, but I would suspect the baby is THE issue.

She probably sees you as her last chance to have kids. My sister tried a long time to have kids and couldn't and it was very hard on her. When women want to have kids are shut down for whatever reason, that's pretty devastating.

And women are kind of hard wired to "manipulate" men to their way of thinking, regardless of how you have already addressed this issue.

Tough situation, bro.

 

[The Duke]

Yep, it's probably something else she is mad about. But it doesn't dismiss the water bottle issue. You will see more of this behavior as time goes on. I'd be cautious moving forward.

 

[SW15]

I would suspect the baby is THE issue.

She probably sees you as her last chance to have kids. My sister tried a long time to have kids and couldn't and it was very hard on her. When women want to have kids are shut down for whatever reason, that's pretty devastating.

I see this as well. This relationship likely needs to end now. Having a baby at this point doesn't make sense for either party, especially since she's 40+.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I see this as well. This relationship likely needs to end now. Having a baby at this point doesn't make sense for either party, especially since she's 40+.

If she wants a baby and he doesn't, this relationship is no longer viable. There are certain things both partners need to be in agreeance on or the relationship is doomed and this is one of them.

This relationship is doomed. She isn't going to change her mind and even if she does she will resent you for it deep down inside. You are only prolonging the inevitable with her.

 

[nzrod]

I'm just guessing here, but I would suspect the baby is THE issue.

She probably sees you as her last chance to have kids. My sister tried a long time to have kids and couldn't and it was very hard on her. When women want to have kids are shut down for whatever reason, that's pretty devastating.

And women are kind of hard wired to "manipulate" men to their way of thinking, regardless of how you have already addressed this issue.

Tough situation, bro.

Thanks - empathetic.

 

[nzrod]

When a girl is unhappy and no one else is around but you two, you're 100% the problem.. (Beta males need to stop blaming women.. they're the gentle , emotional sensitive ones) If you take a girl on a nice vacation, you better be having sex with her often.. Who wants to be taken on a nice vacation and be sexless? She's probably psised about her expectations not being met.. thus questioning herself and her own beauty..

Do whats right and give her that leg trembling, chest flushing orgasm she been waiting for..

Thanks for the reply but I don't agree with this. I agree with taking 100% responsibility - but also know that being 100% responsible is a "lie" as Anthony Robbins says. Believing in 100% responsibility helps you to think HOW you are responsible, but it is not literally true that everything is my/your fault. Secondly, I am not beta - I am not Rambo either, but not beta. I have muscles (amateur bodybuilder), money, and assertiveness / goals. Thirdly, she loves it when we make love but she just didn't want it for 8 days - I am not going to force myself on her. Where I agree with you, Sir, is "She's probably pissed about her expectations not being met".

 

[Barrister]

If a woman wants a baby and you don't, your compatibility, no matter how much else you have going well together, is absolute zero. She will do everything in her power to make your life miserable until you relent and say it is OK to have one with her.

This kind of thing, along with marriage, are two issues that if women have in their crosshairs and you don't make the relationship non-negotiable. If you are against a child with her, abort now and save yourself a LOAD of grief. Because this water bottle incident is just the beginning, brother.

 

[nzrod]

If she wants a baby and he doesn't, this relationship is no longer viable. There are certain things both partners need to be in agreeance on or the relationship is doomed and this is one of them.

This relationship is doomed. She isn't going to change her mind and even if she does she will resent you for it deep down inside. You are only prolonging the inevitable with her.

I agree. Despite the advice on the other thread I am still 5% open to having a baby so in a bit of limbo - i.e. not ending the relationship.

Why I am 5% open? As despite some tantrums she is attractive, slim, perfect ass, intelligent, humorous, clean (easy to live with), great in bed, religious (important to me), great with my family, and hardly drinks. Finding that above age 40 in New Zealand is RARE.

 

[Barrister]

I agree. Despite the advice on the other thread I am still 5% open to having a baby so in a bit of limbo - i.e. not ending the relationship.

Why I am 5% open? As despite some tantrums she is attractive, slim, perfect ass, intelligent, humorous, clean (easy to live with), great in bed, religious (important to me), great with my family, and hardly drinks. Finding that above age 40 in New Zealand is RARE.

Problem is as soon as she gets pregnant a vast majority of all those things you just listed go bye-bye. Not to mention the relationship will fundamentally change and you are no longer her priority. Also - dubious for you to try to have a child with a woman over 40 given the possible genetic issues involved.

 

[RazorRambo24]

Thanks for the reply but I don't agree with this. I agree with taking 100% responsibility - but also know that being 100% responsible is a "lie" as Anthony Robbins says. Believing in 100% responsibility helps you to think HOW you are responsible, but it is not literally true that everything is my/your fault. Secondly, I am not beta - I am not Rambo either, but not beta. I have muscles (amateur bodybuilder), money, and assertiveness / goals. Thirdly, she loves it when we make love but she just didn't want it for 8 days - I am not going to force myself on her. Where I agree with you, Sir, is "She's probably pissed about her expectations not being met".

It's not about who's responsible or not.. Think about your mother.. IF your mother is upset with you/unhappy with you, you can never blame your mother. You must know that you probably did something wrong to displease/upset her. The same thing with women in our life.. Unless we're the ones with emotional issues, its not goign to be our fault.. but we have to take accountability that something we did or maybe something we didnt do (in your case perhaps), lead to this girl being unhappy while being on a would be fun vacation.. An unhappy women is always already on her way out. If we don't understand this notion we're doomed to repeating the same **** until every girl leaves us and we're broken and depressed. I'm glad you agree that her expectations probably were not met..

The only exception is if the girl has a genuine mental or personality disorder, in which case we might miss the signs but they become apparent real fast if she does

but now im hearing stuff about her wanting a baby with you? You sure this girl isnt just trying to lock you down as a financial provider man?

 

[nzrod]

Problem is as soon as she gets pregnant a vast majority of all those things you just listed go bye-bye. Not to mention the relationship will fundamentally change and you are no longer her priority. Also - dubious for you to try to have a child with a woman over 40 given the possible genetic issues involved.

Fair warning - thanks. As a side note, I assume (apart from genetic issues for older mothers) that's then the same for every guy in every relationship - then why do guys bother having kids?

 

[nzrod]

...Unless we're the ones with emotional issues, its not goign to be our fault.. but we have to take accountability that something we did or maybe something we didnt do (in your case perhaps), lead to this girl being unhappy while being on a would be fun vacation.. An unhappy women is always already on her way out. If we don't understand this notion we're doomed to repeating the same **** until every girl leaves us and we're broken and depressed. I'm glad you agree that her expectations probably were not met..

The only exception is if the girl has a genuine mental or personality disorder, in which case we might miss the signs but they become apparent real fast if she does

but now im hearing stuff about her wanting a baby with you? You sure this girl isnt just trying to lock you down as a financial provider man?

Thanks. Yes: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/52-have-baby-with-partner.276035/

 

[RazorRambo24]

Thanks. Yes: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/52-have-baby-with-partner.276035/

Oh, first and foremost congratulations on this opportunity. Don't think about the age man.. Being a father is one of the most fulfilling joys any man can experience. Its the pinnacle of manhood. Also, reading that I can tell shes not just trying to lock you down as a financial provider.. and this is a genuine partner who probably realizes she's at the point where any later will be too late to have kids. Plus, who knows how fertile she still is at that age.. maybe it wont happen but have fun trying it!

I would really weigh your options and go for it. You only live once!

 

[nzrod]

Oh, first and foremost congratulations on this opportunity. Don't think about the age man.. Being a father is one of the most fulfilling joys any man can experience. Its the pinnacle of manhood. Also, reading that I can tell shes not just trying to lock you down as a financial provider.. and this is a genuine partner who probably realizes she's at the point where any later will be too late to have kids. Plus, who knows how fertile she still is at that age.. maybe it wont happen but have fun trying it!

I would really weigh your options and go for it. You only live once!

Thanks. Interesting. Almost every other guy responded with "no f_n way". I do have a kid already by the way - living on the other side of the world aged 10.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Fair warning - thanks. As a side note, I assume (apart from genetic issues for older mothers) that's then the same for every guy in every relationship - then why do guys bother having kids?

Because kids are pretty fvcking awesome on balance. Let's just say they help you unlock a higher level of human existence than you knew was possible before.

 

[Dr.Suave]

She was disrespectful. Time to break things off and spin plates.