The gym girl and fixating on not appearing "over-eager" .......

[pipeman84]

What specifically stands out to you though that's signalling "preserve your self respect"? Is this girl just toying with dudes in a gym like a kid in a candy shop because of her open marriage status?

Well, read your own posts from this thread...a self respecting guy interacts with women who are mentally sane, free from current/ex guys and who give clear IOIs...not weirdos who are hot/cold and use you for attention.

 

[Divorced w 3]

If someone were simply ignoring me from the jump or "18x" as you have summized it I wouldn't be here asking questions. Cmon man.

Yes you are dude, and it’s fine we support you. But you’re not listening.

 

[Gamisch]

Thought this thing became a cold case file.

A day in August she was obviously orbiting me so I called her over and we got to talking. She insisted she wanted to text me about some supplement recommendations for hangovers. Figured ok now we're onto something. She saved my number I saved hers. Texted her next day to thank her - no response. Thought ok I'm wrong here and backed off again.

Four weeks ago she pulled up beside me to workout and chat for 20mins. In the middle of her conversation about her upcoming work/conference travels she was all "you should come." In my head I was like did I just hear that correctly because #1 we hadn't talked in weeks and #2 she said it kind of fast as she was turning her head.

She also wanted me to read this health book she loves and insisted I photoshop her health cert so I could order labs thru her work. She did in fact email me her cert (haven't ordered anything yet) and ended up bringing the book - was really excited about about it too touching my arm, even chest bumped me. I had never seen her act that way around me before.

I liked the initiative, so I decided to be more proactive the next 2-3 times I saw her. All of the convos were short and FLAT. One day in particular she just seemed very irritated and it really rubbed me the wrong way so back I went to doin my own thing.

It's def ice cold. I don't ignore her but I'm mirroring her behavior. She saluted me from afar the other day (wtf) and I've given her a few high fives but haven't stopped to talk. Hell today she came in my area to chat someone else up 5 feet away from me - no acknowledgment.

WTH is this girls deal? By the way I should probably note the red flags here. #1 apparently she's in an open marriage. #2 in one of our convos she mentioned her anniversary for being medication-free. #3 that book she brought me seemed VERY heavy on healing mental issues thru diet.

It donned on me maybe she's pissed because I didn't order the labs? Would seem stupid though - not like it's a big sale or anything.

Seems like she gave you a shot, and you didn't converted .

You are way too passive. When she emailed you you could easily ask her for whatever. Something tells me your looks don't match your attitude.

Remember, when dealing with woman you have a SMALL window of opportunity. Especially when she is in a relationship. She doesn't need "just a man" ,she tries to find a BETTER man.

Your passive behavior must've pissed her off somehow. I agree you should ignore her . I mean , July was the previous update. That freaking 6 months!

You definitely need more women to focus on. Just like she has more men she focuses on.

 

[MysteryMuchacho]

Well, read your own posts from this thread...a self respecting guy interacts with women who are mentally sane, free from current/ex guys and who give clear IOIs...not weirdos who are hot/cold and use you for attention.

OK so that's what it is then ..... this is an attention thing.

 

[MysteryMuchacho]

Seems like she gave you a shot, amdyiu didn't converted .

You are way too passive. When she emailed you you could easily ask her for whatever. Something tells me your looks don't match your attitude.

Remember, when dealing with woman you have a SMALL window of opportunity. Especially when she is in a relationship. She doesn't need "just a man" ,she tries to find a BETTER man.

Your passive behavior must've pissed her off somehow. I agree you should ignore her . I mean , July was the previous update. That freaking 6 months!

You definitely need more women to focus on. Just like she has more men she focuses on.

Truthfully it's not a matter of other girls to focus on. There are others outside the gym, but she's the only one I've really chatted up in there. It's more that this one has thrown me for a loop so with how my mind works I'm trying to troubleshoot it.

Remember I did text her one time and never got a response. Hence being hesitant to contact her again outside of the gym even after she brought me the book, emailed me her health cert, etc etc. Seeing that it's my gym and not a bar I naturally tread carefully.

I do wonder though if I'm vibing passive aggressiveness though. In my mind it's me not simping ESPECIALLY because she's married. If I'm being honest with myself it does feel like I missed my shot and she's letting me know.

 

[Gamisch]

Truthfully it's not a matter of other girls to focus on. There are others outside the gym, but she's the only one I've really chatted up in there. It's more that this one has thrown me for a loop so with how my mind works I'm trying to troubleshoot it.

Remember I did text her one time and never got a response. Hence being hesitant to contact her again outside of the gym even after she brought me the book, emailed me her health cert, etc etc. Seeing that it's my gym and not a bar I naturally tread carefully.

I do wonder though if I'm vibing passive aggressiveness though. In my mind it's me not simping ESPECIALLY because she's married. If I'm being honest with myself it does feel like I missed my shot and she's letting me know.

When ever you find yourself in such a situation you gotta turn the tables. What do I mean? You got to put HER in the friendzone. That's right! You "little sister" her .

Your POV should be that SHE had her chance. Now you can just talk to her like a normal person. " ahoy Kimberly how ya doing? I am great too, see ya!".

Whenever she tries to get close again, you AGAIN ask her to meet up. If she declines again, she gets the "permanent friendzone " label and you MOVE ON.

And yes, sometimes we men miss an opportunity. I missed literally thousands .

 

[Barrister]

Talking to women like this is much easier if you have a mindset that you are just going to be friendly and flirt with her. Don't have an end goal of getting her number or asking her out. The first few times, just talk to her.

I have always felt like the gym was more about the long game. If a woman is hot and is in the gym, she is constantly getting approached by lame guys with no game. Stand out by developing a rapport with her the first few times you talk to her. I agree with @BackInTheGame78 that after you have done that, ask her to join you for something less serious immediately after the workout. From there, feel it out. But asking out for drinks from there probably sets you up nicely for the bang.

 

[Gamisch]

Talking to women like this is much easier if you have a mindset that you are just going to be friendly and flirt with her. Don't have an end goal of getting her number or asking her out. The first few times, just talk to her.

I have always felt like the gym was more about the long game. If a woman is hot and is in the gym, she is constantly getting approached by lame guys with no game. Stand out by developing a rapport with her the first few times you talk to her. I agree with @BackInTheGame78 that after you have done that, ask her to join you for something less serious immediately after the workout. From there, feel it out. But asking out for drinks from there probably sets you up nicely for the bang.

I am a life long athlete end 30. For the first time in my life I've gained weight, clearly my metabolism is slowing down.

I , for the first time in my life, go to the gym for actual FITNESS goals. And geuss what? Ioi is through the roof.

 

[jaymbrs]

As soon as she mentioned she's in an open marriage, which no one would mention if they weren't physically attracted to the person they're telling that to, I would've pounced on that and asked her all types of questions about it. That could've probably lead to something.

If none of the conversations have had any type of flirtation, and talks of meeting outside the gym, BTW those unrealistic invites about work trips don't count, just accept that you're her gym buddy and nothing more.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I am a life long athlete end 30. For the first time in my life I've gained weight, clearly my metabolism is slowing down.

I , for the first time in my life, go to the gym for actual FITNESS goals. And geuss what? Ioi is through the roof.

A good friend of mine who is on one of the seal teams gave me the mother of all workouts. Try this, I actually canceled my membership for the summer it was so effective. 10 sprints. You start doing 20 yards, at end of sprint you immediately alternate a knock out of either push-ups or sit-ups You walk back, wait one minute, and do it again. Push the distance on the sprint out when you get able to do so. You generate more testosterone than an hour in the weight room and you get lean and cut.

 

[tightgrp]

Man I'm struggling to find a win lately.

This is your problem. Seeing getting a gf as a win. What is your mission? P**sy? Doomed to be a symp if that is the case. B**tches will play their dumb games (especially at the gym).

 

[MysteryMuchacho]

As soon as she mentioned she's in an open marriage, which no one would mention if they weren't physically attracted to the person they're telling that to, I would've pounced on that and asked her all types of questions about it. That could've probably lead to something.

If none of the conversations have had any type of flirtation, and talks of meeting outside the gym, BTW those unrealistic invites about work trips don't count, just accept that you're her gym buddy and nothing more.

She didn't tell me about her open marriage. Someone else did. Just wanted to point that out.

 

[MysteryMuchacho]

Talking to women like this is much easier if you have a mindset that you are just going to be friendly and flirt with her. Don't have an end goal of getting her number or asking her out. The first few times, just talk to her.

I have always felt like the gym was more about the long game. If a woman is hot and is in the gym, she is constantly getting approached by lame guys with no game. Stand out by developing a rapport with her the first few times you talk to her. I agree with @BackInTheGame78 that after you have done that, ask her to join you for something less serious immediately after the workout. From there, feel it out. But asking out for drinks from there probably sets you up nicely for the bang.

That is/was my mindset though along with not being THAT GUY who follows her around the gym (a community I frequent 3-4 days a week) or ALWAYS chatting her up. Her being in an open marriage seemed to reinforce that for me even more.

As I continue reading some comments the question on my mind is whether I played it too cool. I admittingly do that more than I'd like to admit.

 

[MysteryMuchacho]

This is your problem. Seeing getting a gf as a win. What is your mission? P**sy? Doomed to be a symp if that is the case. B**tches will play their dumb games (especially at the gym).

Eh? This isn't about getting a gf trust me. This just some old fashion damn there is something about this girl. Call it lust or whatever. Ironically she's not my usual type - super tall, long volleyball player body.

 

[MtmVaott]

You are clearly invested in what she thinks about you.
I bet you are too afraid to lean back and cut her loose, so she may decide if she wants to find her luck elsewhere or with you.

 

[sangheilios]

I've been a regular gym goer for quite a long time now and had several experiences approaching women in this environment and observed a ton of approaches as well.

From my personal experiences, none of them amounted to anything and they all resulted in a lot of unnecessary drama being created. I mostly blamed the women for this due to attention seeking behavior on their part. I think the biggest issue with gym approaches is that many of the women there are incredibly into themselves, it's the norm to see them constantly taking selfies in the mirror, etc. Women like this need attention and the gym is a perfect environment where they can get it. They may flirt and be open to talking with you while there but it's easy for them to leave it at just the gym. I feel that the "slow game" approach with something like this is an issue because you may start developing feelings of attachment to some woman you haven't even be dating. If she is a regular, I feel a couple casual interactions to get a feel for her before making a move is the best way to go about doing this. If she gives some excuse, flakes or is just difficult to spend time with outside of the gym I'd quickly cut her out and move on.

One of my initial approaches I just talked to for a few minutes and then went back to my business. She then approached me the next time she saw me and we were supposed to go hiking on this hill that has an observatory on the top, it's very public and tons of people around. Anyway, she ended up flaking on the date and ghosted me but then used me as a source for attention.

Another one of my approaches I just interacted with for a few minutes and asked for her number, to which she says that she had a bf. I then said "it was nice to meet you" and then left. However, this woman went OUT of her way to interact with me, flirt, etc. and again just used me for attention.

If you are able to filter women like this out very quickly you'll be totally fine. Also, if they aren't respecting boundaries, such as the case with the latter example I provided above, you need to be very firm with women like this.

 

[TheCharmingGuy]

Remember that the point of going to the gym is to workout. If you see a cute girl, go talk to her, grab the number, go back to working out. Should be a 5 to 10 minute detour from your workout. Also if you're just sitting there on the bench thinking about whether to go over to her you look like a dork because you're sitting in the middle of a gym not working out.

 

[Barrister]

That is/was my mindset though along with not being THAT GUY who follows her around the gym (a community I frequent 3-4 days a week) or ALWAYS chatting her up. Her being in an open marriage seemed to reinforce that for me even more.

As I continue reading some comments the question on my mind is whether I played it too cool. I admittingly do that more than I'd like to admit.

Your problem is that while you think you are employing this strategy, you are, in fact, outcome dependent. The fact it isn't working immediately for you has you feeling bad about yourself.

Micro-analyzing each situation with a woman has no benefit. Many times, there is no rhyme or reason to it. What did not work this time may work with the next one. You do yourself no favors letting it impact you like this.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

A good friend of mine who is on one of the seal teams gave me the mother of all workouts. Try this, I actually canceled my membership for the summer it was so effective. 10 sprints. You start doing 20 yards, at end of sprint you immediately alternate a knock out of either push-ups or sit-ups You walk back, wait one minute, and do it again. Push the distance on the sprint out when you get able to do so. You generate more testosterone than an hour in the weight room and you get lean and cut.

If that's true it's because a person doesn't push themselves hard enough at the gym.

 

[SW15]

outcome dependent.

Outcome dependency is a bad thing. I have even been accused at times of being outcome dependent. It's difficult not to be outcome dependent to some extent. I've rarely seen true outcome independence.