Relationships expose your inner demons

[Pandora]

Relationships can bring out inner game issues that you didnt even know you had. Whatever trauma you have under the surface comes out. People that are normal in every other aspect of life become psychos once they get romantically involved.

You become hypersensitive to behaviors of the other party. This is especially true if you really like the other person.

Many men and women cant handle this ( including me). This creates a cycle of toxicity and dysfunction.

Because of this, relationships do serve as a catalyst for growth after you break up.

 

[member160292]

The subject had me rolling my eyes, but the content is great! Thanks, OP!

 

[corrector]

So true. This is one aspect that I'm not Nostalgic about.

 

[The Duke]

I had one relationship that got too toxic and dysfunctional. We were having an argument and I shoved her and she fell down. Never done anything like that to anybody. She had pushed me to my breaking point. I think it's in even the most sane person. I knew right then that I was done and needed to end that relationship immediately.

 

[member160761]

I had one relationship that got too toxic and dysfunctional. We were having an argument and I shoved her and she fell down. Never done anything like that to anybody. She had pushed me to my breaking point. I think it's in even the most sane person. I knew right then that I was done and needed to end that relationship immediately.

What you call breaking point is regular stress relief in a Russian marriage. Pushing is just the foreplay.

 

[anonymous12345]

What you call breaking point is regular stress relief in a Russian marriage. Pushing is just the foreplay.

Let me tell you about this armed Russian chick.

 

[anonymous12345]

Attachment issues in early age results in so-called "asocial behavior" (fine wording violence) in men and emotional instability in women. This is reflected in society, men are over represented in jail and women among the disorder "emotional instability" in the psychiatry. A shrink told me this.

Women can with their way of being and emotion stability drive men crazy, it seems is my experience. A Swedish politician lost his career for airing this thought. For everyone's sake, including our own so we don't get the blame here, we need to be able to ignore, walk or next. Temporarily and if needed also permanently.

 

[anonymous12345]

Relationships can bring out inner game issues that you didnt even know you had. Whatever trauma you have under the surface comes out. People that are normal in every other aspect of life become psychos once they get romantically involved.

Absolutely, when someone gets under your skin things gets activated that could have been dormant, have heard plenty of anecdotes of that. I got angry at a girlfriend that was unfaithful, also later on jealous on a previous lover's new life. These days I am very confident that I've become a respectable man with good relationship skills. Have put in the work and pain for reaching that.

 

[bat soup]

Relationships can bring out inner game issues that you didnt even know you had. Whatever trauma you have under the surface comes out. People that are normal in every other aspect of life become psychos once they get romantically involved.

You become hypersensitive to behaviors of the other party. This is especially true if you really like the other person.

Many men and women cant handle this ( including me). This creates a cycle of toxicity and dysfunction.

Because of this, relationships do serve as a catalyst for growth after you break up.

I once had a relationship and I discovered that I had a lot of inner game issues: a half-finished game of backgammon and a game of chess were both simultaneously going on inside my head. Fortunately I managed to resolve the issue by taking lots and lots of pills.

 

[Murk]

I'm my experience relationships are lessons you learn from, applying the knowledge to the next one, starting with a better frame each time and putting up with less BS. I'm at a pretty good level now after a few go-arounds. You can't read or watch vids on this stuff, you have to live it, and go through experiences.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah definitely true...in some ways they expose things about a person that nothing else can. And usually only the bad things.

 

[Gamisch]

Attachment issues in early age results in so-called "asocial behavior" (fine wording violence) in men and emotional instability in women. This is reflected in society, men are over represented in jail and women among the disorder "emotional instability" in the psychiatry. A shrink told me this.

Women can with their way of being and emotion stability drive men crazy, it seems is my experience. A Swedish politician lost his career for airing this thought. For everyone's sake, including our own so we don't get the blame here, we need to be able to ignore, walk or next. Temporarily and if needed also permanently.

And it makes sense. This is a game where at the end all characters will be able to compete with each other. So a 5.3 skinny fragile woman will be able to MENTALLY compete with a 6.5 baboon. Kinda like xmen, or streetfighter or whatever analogy you like to use.

Or perhaps the analogy of the infamous African honey badger, who will fight a lion to death and wont back down no matter what. Even the lion starts to doubt himself ,"why does this small creature DOESN'T back down, I can crush you with my index finger!"

I had one relationship that got too toxic and dysfunctional. We were having an argument and I shoved her and she fell down. Never done anything like that to anybody. She had pushed me to my breaking point. I think it's in even the most sane person. I knew right then that I was done and needed to end that relationship immediately.

Same thing here . Pushed my girl, she fell on her elbow and shoved it into my face fir YEARS . The push was more a reflex, but looking back at it the whole lead up to this was "my mistake".

It's like being a boxing fan, cheering from the couch is easy. You might even have some tactical knowledge. Yet everything changes the moment you gotta step inside the ring yourself. You'll discover thing about yourself you never knew...

That's why lately I tend to be more positive about many of my failed relationships. Without them I would miss TONS of knowledge, especially knowledge about myself.

 

[jaymbrs]

It's similar to the saying your best friend could become your worst enemy. They know your weaknesses and use them against you.

 

[ubercat]

Same with Serbians. My mate had this girl he was dating try and stab when she found out about other girls. They hadn't even had the talk. I ve had Greek and Serbian chix ditch me because I wasn't moody enough. I think one of them actually wanted to be slapped around. Damaged goods.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

There’s a reason we gimped the MLRS systems we sent the Ukraine…

 

[Realthangpoon]

Very insightful post OP.

My relationship is going that direction currently and it’s driving me insane because I can’t figure out how to fix it. Moving in together made everything worse.

She’s very cute, caring, low notch count, family-oriented. But also very insecure, needing physical and emotional affirmation, demanding attention and talks a lot (almost all the time) about stuff I really don’t care about. It’s often the same stuff because she doesn’t go out much and thus can’t talk about new experiences.
Plus she doesn’t have a fixed group of girl friends to dump the figments in her brain to. To make matters worse she’s one of my good friends’ younger sister.

This situation is draining me emotionally and physically. I feel ungrounded as a man and she can feel it too, which is making everything worse. Any advice here?

 

[Pandora]

I had one relationship that got too toxic and dysfunctional. We were having an argument and I shoved her and she fell down. Never done anything like that to anybody. She had pushed me to my breaking point. I think it's in even the most sane person. I knew right then that I was done and needed to end that relationship immediately.

Your story is a perfect example. They will bring things out of you that you didnt know you had. On a positive note this gives you an opportunity to do some internal healing of your wounds. They bring them to the surface.

Btw was this female BPD or just a high conflict personality?

 

[Pandora]

Attachment issues in early age results in so-called "asocial behavior" (fine wording violence) in men and emotional instability in women. This is reflected in society, men are over represented in jail and women among the disorder "emotional instability" in the psychiatry. A shrink told me this.

Women can with their way of being and emotion stability drive men crazy, it seems is my experience. A Swedish politician lost his career for airing this thought. For everyone's sake, including our own so we don't get the blame here, we need to be able to ignore, walk or next. Temporarily and if needed also permanently.

This is so true. Childhood traumas lead to adult issues. If you date enough attractive women you WILL run into a BPD cluster B type. If you are not ready to ignore, walk or next you are done.

 

[Pandora]

Very insightful post OP.

My relationship is going that direction currently and it’s driving me insane because I can’t figure out how to fix it. Moving in together made everything worse.

She’s very cute, caring, low notch count, family-oriented. But also very insecure, needing physical and emotional affirmation, demanding attention and talks a lot (almost all the time) about stuff I really don’t care about. It’s often the same stuff because she doesn’t go out much and thus can’t talk about new experiences.
Plus she doesn’t have a fixed group of girl friends to dump the figments in her brain to. To make matters worse she’s one of my good friends’ younger sister.

This situation is draining me emotionally and physically. I feel ungrounded as a man and she can feel it too, which is making everything worse. Any advice here?

Well she does not sound like a Cluster B whack job so thats good. If the relationship is draining you then it ultimately going to make you very depressed. The pain will be so much that you will have to make a choice. You either leave or slowly die. Hopefully she breaks up with you and that will make your exit more smooth.

 

[The Duke]

Your story is a perfect example. They will bring things out of you that you didnt know you had. On a positive note this gives you an opportunity to do some internal healing of your wounds. They bring them to the surface.

Btw was this female BPD or just a high conflict personality?

Highly likely Borderline Personality Disorder.