@DoubleBarrel been reading a few of your post out of curiosity.
I genuinely feel like you need help and guidance. I'm posting this not to knock you down but rather from a place of love.
You're genuinely a good guy that is obvious. I don't believe you have a malicious bone in your body.
From your posts like many members here I can paint quite an accurate picture of where you are in life.
It is clear that you're lost! Please stop this charade and stop hiding your true self.
You must face these things to overcome them. It's clear you're smart, start using this network of men to help you. It's clear that you need help and this is litrerally what this forum is about, helping others.
Stop letting your ego getting in the way of your success and stopping you from achieving what you're truly capable of.
This forum is here for you and we care about your success. Use us as a resource, a tool,a perspective , use the collective experience and wisdom here to serve you.
Strap on your sword, plate up your armour and start facing the things that are holding you back.
Would love to see posts where your asking for advise support whilst your are out there slying your demons and carving the life you deserve.
Make a journal thread on here. Where your growth can be documented from the begging.
Let it document how you changed your life , build a remarkable life.
Let your growth be your story, your legacy, your teachings to others. Be humble, don't be afraid to be vunrable, be without ego and seek guidance.