Advice needed

[anour]

Hey DJs ,

Yesterday i was at a “self-devlopement” meetup at a community in my university. I walk in a bit late, people were somewhat in the middle of an exercise, (all good), i then begin introducing myself to the micro-group i’m in, we chit chat for a bit (meeting people for the first time) and then suddenly one of the guys says to me stop talking and start writing. I felt disrespected as it sounded like he’s commanding me, it really bothered me and still does. I wanted to say something to him at the moment like don’t disrespect me like that, but for some reason i kept quite ( i should’ve set boundaries at the spot). After that happened i started seeing one of the girls who i like started giving him lot’s of eye contact, it was like she saw him as a “leader” and that pissed me off even more but on the outside i acted like everything was good.

My question is how should i react to such situations? What actions should i do to prevent this **** from occurring again? I wan’t to poke him so that he says some disrespectful **** again and i draw boundaries on the spot to “equalize the power frame”, how can i do that?

he as a person seems narcissistic, and obviously has a huge ego, so how can i use that against him?

 

[Dr.Suave]

"Stop talking adn start writing"

"Make me"

 

[anour]

"Stop talking adn start writing"

"Make me"

It’s a guy, and i am a man. Sounds a bit wuss tbh “make me”

 

[Dr.Suave]

Sorry, english is not my first language. Probably sounds better in my native "Obligame perro"

 

[anour]

Sorry, english is not my first language. Probably sounds better in my native "Obligame perro"

, gracias hermano, quiero ser más civilizado ya que hay gente alrededor

 

[Dr.Suave]

I see. Maybe agree & amplify? "Yes Master. Your wish is my command" but like mocking him with your tone of voice.

 

[xplt]

Didn't know you were promoted, boss.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Hey DJs ,
Yesterday i was at a “self-devlopement” meetup at a community in my university. I walk in a bit late, people were somewhat in the middle of an exercise, (all good), i then begin introducing myself to the micro-group i’m in, we chit chat for a bit (meeting people for the first time) and then suddenly one of the guys says to me stop talking and start writing. I felt disrespected as it sounded like he’s commanding me, it really bothered me and still does. I wanted to say something to him at the moment like don’t disrespect me like that, but for some reason i kept quite ( i should’ve set boundaries at the spot).

Hit the gym, build muscle. Learn a martial art (or boxing) in case you ever have to defend yourself (generally speaking).

After that happened i started seeing one of the girls who i like started giving him lot’s of eye contact, it was like she saw him as a “leader” and that pissed me off even more but on the outside i acted like everything was good.

I would love to address this here but I have a pending post about it.

My question is how should i react to such situations? What actions should i do to prevent this **** from occurring again? I wan’t to poke him so that he says some disrespectful **** again and i draw boundaries on the spot to “equalize the power frame”, how can i do that?

he as a person seems narcissistic, and obviously has a huge ego, so how can i use that against him?

When he said "stop talking and start writing"..

I would have said, "But yeah, like I was saying.." and continued to talk to whoever I was talking to.

This would have placed the power back into your hands as you showed complete disregard to his "command".

If things escalate from there, that is where the martial arts come in to play.

We have to be able to defend ourselves because it can go down at any time, even at a self-improvement meet up.

 

[The Diver]

we chit chat for a bit (meeting people for the first time) and then suddenly one of the guys says to me stop talking and start writing.

My question is how should i react to such situations?

You look at him directly and respond calmly but with a firm voice: "Don't talk to me like that again, ever."

I once had a customer who felt too comfortable with me and said to me something very disrespectful; I saw "red in my eyes." I turned around, looked at him, and said the above, and he immediately folded down and apologized.

Bullied and rude people pray on the weakest in society, and with them, you have to be firm and sharp like a razor knife in order to put them in their place and establish yours

 

[pipeman84]

Hey OP, so you show up late and you start disturbing the group's activity with your introducing and chit-chat. Why act so offended when that guy tried to get the things back to where they were? He might've been rude (we can't tell, we weren't there), but you were in no situation to escalate conflict.
The girl looking at him with admiring eyes might mean that she was already liking him and took the opportunity to give him IOIs. Or maybe she was annoyed by the fact you disturbed the group, and she was thankful to him for taking charge.

 

[Barrister]

And did you comply after he told you that?

I feel like there is a lot of context missing from your story, but to give an abbreviated answers: never let another man openly disrespect you in this manner in front of other people. I would actually say ESPECIALLY in front of other MEN. If you gave some meek response or just complied immediately he definitely is perceived as higher value than you are at this point. I would have at least pulled this guy aside afterwards and done what Diver suggested just 1 on 1 and told him (maybe with some other people in ear shot) to never speak to me in that manner again.

Don't lose sleep over this and use it as a learning experience. We have all been in this situation. I went through a similar situation back in law school many years ago although I didn't back down. Almost came to blows but the guy and I actually ended up becoming friends. Life is strange. You will get it next time.

 

[xplt]

Hey OP, so you show up late and you start disturbing the group's activity with your introducing and chit-chat. Why act so offended when that guy tried to get the things back to where they were? He might've been rude (we can't tell, we weren't there), but you were in no situation to escalate conflict.
The girl looking at him with admiring eyes might mean that she was already liking him and took the opportunity to give him IOIs. Or maybe she was annoyed by the fact you disturbed the group, and she was thankful to him for taking charge.

I agree, we also don't know how the other guy brought up his sentence. Perhaps it was in no way meant to sound serious

 

[MtmVaott]

It doesn't matter what he does, if he's a bully he will get punished by life sooner or later, from the women as well in the long run.
It was OK that you submitted. If you are insecure and put him in his place, you only make him perceive you as an enemy he now has to and is able to bully. Better to wait for a later opportunity to take him by the side with some confidence prepared in advance, even if it's faked.

 

[Mike32ct]

Hey DJs ,

Yesterday i was at a “self-devlopement” meetup at a community in my university. I walk in a bit late, people were somewhat in the middle of an exercise, (all good), i then begin introducing myself to the micro-group i’m in, we chit chat for a bit (meeting people for the first time) and then suddenly one of the guys says to me stop talking and start writing. I felt disrespected as it sounded like he’s commanding me, it really bothered me and still does. I wanted to say something to him at the moment like don’t disrespect me like that, but for some reason i kept quite ( i should’ve set boundaries at the spot). After that happened i started seeing one of the girls who i like started giving him lot’s of eye contact, it was like she saw him as a “leader” and that pissed me off even more but on the outside i acted like everything was good.

My question is how should i react to such situations? What actions should i do to prevent this **** from occurring again? I wan’t to poke him so that he says some disrespectful **** again and i draw boundaries on the spot to “equalize the power frame”, how can i do that?

he as a person seems narcissistic, and obviously has a huge ego, so how can i use that against him?

I'm not defending this jerk guy at all... But showing up late and then interrupting people already involved with an exercise by making small talk with them can be perceived as rude. I know you meant no harm though. For future events, if you want to meet people, try to arrive early so you can chat before activities/exercises begin.

Notwithstanding, as for bully boy, screw him. Just ignore and keep doing what you're doing.

Don't worry about the girl. Yes, many of them do (unfortunately) respond positively to bullies. (That's partly why bullies continue to exist, but that's another thread.) Charge that one to the game, and let it go. She showed her true colors.

All that aside, I would reconsider being involved with this group. It doesn't sound like a friendly, welcoming place for self-development at all. I would start fresh with a "clean slate" with some other group.

 

[anour]

It doesn't matter what he does, if he's a bully he will get punished by life sooner or later, from the women as well in the long run.
It was OK that you submitted. If you are insecure and put him in his place, you only make him perceive you as an enemy he now has to and is able to bully. Better to wait for a later opportunity to take him by the side with some confidence prepared in advance, even if it's faked.

Better believe i’m gonna make him my *****

 

[anour]

I see. Maybe agree & amplify? "Yes Master. Your wish is my command" but like mocking him with your tone of voice.

Much better Dr.

 

[anour]

Didn't know you were promoted, boss.

Creative, could go hand in hand with the sarcastic tonality

 

[anour]

Hit the gym, build muscle. Learn a martial art (or boxing) in case you ever have to defend yourself (generally speaking).



I would love to address this here but I have a pending post about it.



When he said "stop talking and start writing"..

I would have said, "But yeah, like I was saying.." and continued to talk to whoever I was talking to.

This would have placed the power back into your hands as you showed complete disregard to his "command".

If things escalate from there, that is where the martial arts come in to play.

We have to be able to defend ourselves because it can go down at any time, even at a self-improvement meet up.

That is sound advice Venom, i already hit the gym, i need to start learning how to box.
How can i poke him to get him to say something like that again this thursday (we have the next meeting then) and then set boundaries to rebalance power play and be the leader? I dm’ed you bro maybe you can enlighten me about the part where you have a post lined up

 

[anour]

You look at him directly and respond calmly but with a firm voice: "Don't talk to me like that again, ever."

I once had a customer who felt too comfortable with me and said to me something very disrespectful; I saw "red in my eyes." I turned around, looked at him, and said the above, and he immediately folded down and apologized.

Bullied and rude people pray on the weakest in society, and with them, you have to be firm and sharp like a razor knife in order to put them in their place and establish yours

With a firm voice do you mean i should be loud “not screaming loud” but loud?
Thank you for your time bro, appreciate the advice

 

[anour]

Hey OP, so you show up late and you start disturbing the group's activity with your introducing and chit-chat. Why act so offended when that guy tried to get the things back to where they were? He might've been rude (we can't tell, we weren't there), but you were in no situation to escalate conflict.
The girl looking at him with admiring eyes might mean that she was already liking him and took the opportunity to give him IOIs. Or maybe she was annoyed by the fact you disturbed the group, and she was thankful to him for taking charge.

I don’t think she was annoyed, they were disturbed as they were engaged in the conversation. Regardless i don’t allow anybody to speak to me like that. Thank you for your perspective