Advice for the 'She's gone cold' issue

[The_Hand_Of_God]

Been speaking to a girl for a while now, went out a few times etc. Last week, we went out and had a very good time. I'm talking she was all over me, wouldn't stop talking etc. I slept at hers, had sex etc. Maybe she regrets it, **** knows.

Ever since that night she has been very weird. You all know what i'm on about. Shorter texts, longer to reply, extremely cold and distant. Before she would not shut up all day and ringing me etc. She mentioned her life is a mess and she's feeling a bit down. I have tried being normal and not being a **** about it but you know when you just sit there n think 'What the ****s happened?'.

I feel like saying what's up etc but i feel like all i am going to get is 'nothing' and make myself look needy as ****. Do i just do nothing and stop messaging etc or what? Would be a bit gutted as she was actually a decent girl before this but i am a ****ing expert at doing the opposite to what i should be doing so thought i would ask people who might have a better idea.

Sorry for the venting

 

[Dr.Suave]

It could be a million different things so its not productive to try n figure it out. Soft next her. Spin more plates.

 

[Tilex]

Sexual incompatibility. That's all there is to it.

Or maybe she's going through a divorce and lost custody of her kids or whatever.
Not enough background information about her to make a clear judgment.

Usually when a girl goes cold after sex, it means the sex wasn't good.

 

[SW15]

Sexual incompatibility. That's all there is to it.

Usually when a girl goes cold after sex, it means the sex wasn't good.

That would be the #1 reason.

 

[The_Hand_Of_God]

Sexual incompatibility. That's all there is to it.

Or maybe she's going through a divorce and lost custody of her kids or whatever.
Not enough background information about her to make a clear judgment.

Usually when a girl goes cold after sex, it means the sex wasn't good.

Sex was good. That's not me being in denial, she loved it. Even in morning she was fine and all over me. It's just gradually since then she has got more n more cold n quiet.

She has no kids or marriage. She did break up with some guy a while ago, maybe she isn't over him. Or there is nothing wrong and she is just feeling moody. Giving myself a headache thinking about it.

 

[Jor-El]

Well,could be anything,but BPD is a possible. You deffo get extremes of opposites whern they have that

 

[NickSavage]

Spin plates (obvious).

Also, if you want to keep HER as a plate, you need to withdraw a bit. Next weekend don't text her. Wait until Tuesday.

You want her to suspect you have options (even if you don't). When you finally do reach out, make it a funny meme or something you know she would think is funny. But not anything serious. Make her chase the bait and get overt.

 

[SW15]

Spin more plates.

This solves a lot of problems, and ties in nicely to Iron Rule of Tomassi #1, which asserts that "Frame is Everything". Any man will have a better frame with multiple plates going.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP. Text her these lyrics:

Who would believe you were a beauty indeed
When the days get shorter and the nights get long
Night fades when the rain comes
Nobody will know, when you're old
When you're old, nobody will know
That you was a beauty, a sweet sweet beauty
A sweet sweet beauty, but stone stone cold
You're so cold, you're so cold, cold, cold
You're so cold, you're so cold

 

[BillyPilgrim]

She mentioned her life is a mess and she's feeling a bit down.

Here's your answer - she's depressed and has buyer's remorse about the sex (guilt). Maybe she thought it would cheer her up and it didn't.

Hang back for now, as frustrating as it may seem this is the best move.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

For the sake of discussion and not alleging this is the case with the OP’s situation.

Whenever we have a post like this the guy always says “we had great sex”, do we really always know if sex was great for the woman?

Seriously, all of us, even those of us who focus on a woman’s pleasure (don’t start with the beta shyte comments now) never want to believe we’re not the best guy she’s ever had when it comes to sex.

In the case of the OP’s situation it could be anything, anything at all, up to and including sex. E.g. her last partner could make her O 12 times a session, you only got her to O once, to you in your experience once is good but not in hers, but normally you’ll never know, because she will just soft next you.

Maybe the morning session was a make up round and she wanted to see if the previous night’s disappointing results were an anomaly?

I am sure the OP is a great lover. But the questions and ruminations above still stand.

Another thing that I thought I’d mention is that when folks post for advice that they provide their age and that of the woman in question- this would also provide perspective for this of us trying to help. E.g. my experience and expectations are set on my target age group behaviors which would vary a lot from that of a 21 year old.

 

[The_Hand_Of_God]

For the sake of discussion and not alleging this is the case with the OP’s situation.

Whenever we have a post like this the guy always says “we had great sex”, do we really always know if sex was great for the woman?

Seriously, all of us, even those of us who focus on a woman’s pleasure (don’t start with the beta shyte comments now) never want to believe we’re not the best guy she’s ever had when it comes to sex.

In the case of the OP’s situation it could be anything, anything at all, up to and including sex. E.g. her last partner could make her O 12 times a session, you only got her to O once, to you in your experience once is good but not in hers, but normally you’ll never know, because she will just soft next you.

Maybe the morning session was a make up round and she wanted to see if the previous night’s disappointing results were an anomaly?

I am sure the OP is a great lover. But the questions and ruminations above still stand.

Another thing that I thought I’d mention is that when folks post for advice they provide their age and the age of the woman on question- this would also provide perspective for this of us trying to help. E.g. my experience and expectations are set on my target age group behaviors which would vary a lot from that of a 21 year old.

My bad. I'm 31, she is 28. And i understand what you are saying about the sex but it wasn't that. If it was she would of been awkward almost immediately after my **** was out of her. Plus she scratched the **** out my back, bit her pillow and orgasmed loud. Not fake or anything like that. It's more her attitude in the following days and week. I'm not great at explaining so i do apologise.

Here's your answer - she's depressed and has buyer's remorse about the sex (guilt). Maybe she thought it would cheer her up and it didn't.

Hang back for now, as frustrating as it may seem this is the best move.

Yeah could be. She was half drunk so maybe she feels easy i don't know. Thanks for advice. It is frustrating as **** like.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

For the sake of discussion and not alleging this is the case with the OP’s situation.

Whenever we have a post like this the guy always says “we had great sex”, do we really always know if sex was great for the woman?

Seriously, all of us, even those of us who focus on a woman’s pleasure (don’t start with the beta shyte comments now) never want to believe we’re not the best guy she’s ever had when it comes to sex.

In the case of the OP’s situation it could be anything, anything at all, up to and including sex. E.g. her last partner could make her O 12 times a session, you only got her to O once, to you in your experience once is good but not in hers, but normally you’ll never know, because she will just soft next you.

Maybe the morning session was a make up round and she wanted to see if the previous night’s disappointing results were an anomaly?

I am sure the OP is a great lover. But the questions and ruminations above still stand.

Another thing that I thought I’d mention is that when folks post for advice that they provide their age and that of the woman in question- this would also provide perspective for this of us trying to help. E.g. my experience and expectations are set on my target age group behaviors which would vary a lot from that of a 21 year old.

Stop ruining these young girls, Pierce.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Stop ruining these young girls, Pierce.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She was disappointed in your performance in the bedroom.

 

[TheKid]

Been speaking to a girl for a while now, went out a few times etc. Last week, we went out and had a very good time. I'm talking she was all over me, wouldn't stop talking etc. I slept at hers, had sex etc. Maybe she regrets it, **** knows.

Ever since that night she has been very weird. You all know what i'm on about. Shorter texts, longer to reply, extremely cold and distant. Before she would not shut up all day and ringing me etc. She mentioned her life is a mess and she's feeling a bit down. I have tried being normal and not being a **** about it but you know when you just sit there n think 'What the ****s happened?'.

I feel like saying what's up etc but i feel like all i am going to get is 'nothing' and make myself look needy as ****. Do i just do nothing and stop messaging etc or what? Would be a bit gutted as she was actually a decent girl before this but i am a ****ing expert at doing the opposite to what i should be doing so thought i would ask people who might have a better idea.

Sorry for the venting

So why would you want to be with someone who goes cold without communicating anyway?
Soft next her do your best to start moving on (get a head start) and if she feels like compensating you for the difference than you might consider it but untill than let sleeping dogs lie.

 

[The_Hand_Of_God]

So why would you want to be with someone who goes cold without communicating anyway?
Soft next her do your best to start moving on (get a head start) and if she feels like compensating you for the difference than you might consider it but untill than let sleeping dogs lie.

True. Just one of them where you remember what they was like before they started acting cold. Hopefully i'll snap out of it soon.