1st date with Ex. Need advice.

[member160292]

Kudos to OP and all the posters here, this thread was wholesome and what SS is all about.

 

[ColdTony]

Sounds like you are thinking about things in the right way now Tony.

The only thing I would say is that oneitis doesn't mean staying with one person - it means overvaluing one person beyond their actual value, putting them on a pedestal, and thinking there will never be another girl as good for you as her (or worse, that you'll never be ABLE to get another girl as good as her). I think what you are trying to say is just that you want an LTR with someone and would like to see it last as long as possible. Nothing wrong with that. But it doesn't require oneitis. It does require you to be less attached to the outcome of an LTR though - and acceptance of the fact that a relationship requires two people to make decisions and no matter what you do, no matter how perfectly you operate - even if you apply red-pill 100% - you never have total control over the situation and you could end up being dumped again. Following RP gives you the best possible odds at keeping a good girl around, but nothing is a sure thing. This is why a lot of RP guys around here say, "She is never truly yours - it's just your turn". That is a bit of a jaded way of looking at it, but there is a lot of truth in that as well. Think about the Eastern wisdom that tells you to focus on being in the moment and enjoying what you have as opposed to attaching yourself to a thing or outcome. That is truly the key to happiness. It is the same for a relationship.

I like that philosophy. I’ve fluctuated between jaded and eager for years. Trying to find a balance.
Her and I were on track for an LTR till one righteous fight and the aftermath. I’m not defending her. But this is her way of seeing if a spark still exists. My following through is my way of finding out the same.

We won’t know till we see each other again. That’s all this is. I’ll know infinitely more tonight and in the hours after.

Whatever the outcome. I accept.

 

[ColdTony]

Also. Thanks everyone.

 

[SW15]

I do have some game. I’m good looking, work out and have my **** mostly together. A lot of it is residual stuff from reading Mystery Method and the Game well over a decade ago, a lot of it has worn off. I’ve gotten by on looks and charm so I’m glad I found this forum

I'm glad you read The Game and Mystery Method in the past. That's better than a lot of blue pill men. I read both Mystery Method and Roosh V's Bang. I have read other Manosphere articles, watched YouTuve videos, and read books from other authors besides Roosh and Mystery. I'm currently reading Rollo Tomassi's Players Handbook from The Rational Male series. I read the original Rational Male in the past.

 

[ColdTony]

I'm glad you read The Game and Mystery Method in the past. That's better than a lot of blue pill men. I read both Mystery Method and Roosh V's Bang. I have read other Manosphere articles, watched YouTuve videos, and read books from other authors besides Roosh and Mystery. I'm currently reading Rollo Tomassi's Players Handbook from The Rational Male series. I read the original Rational Male in the past.

I’ve never heard of a few of those, thanks for the tip.

As for last night, it went well. Not how I dreamed it would. Was our first time seeing each other since the fight and breakup. We hugged. I did the work. Her animals she adopted loved me. We sat and talked. She volunteered that she had cut things off with that guy a while back and hadn’t seen or ****ed anyone before or since. Asked if I was seeing anyone

We picked up where we left off friendship wise which did my heart some good.It took no effort to reconnect and we laughed and caught up.I could tell her walls were still up (a lot of this has to do with the fight and our past). I held eye contact, was confide and funny. Casual.

There was little in the way of flirting. I can tell she’s still emotionally **** off from everyone, something she’s very good at and always has been. I could tell she misses me.

She came up with a number of reasons to see me again. I used my time constraint and left around 9.

Couldn’t have played any different or better. And I’m leaving it at that. Anything that happens going forward will be a slow play. And let her take initiative. She has to want me. The amount of guys who are after her who she doesn’t give the time of day to, gives me a bit of hope.

But I’m not hinging my future on it or have any expectations now past this point.

I feel a bit more free this morning.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I’ve never heard of a few of those, thanks for the tip.

As for last night, it went well. Not how I dreamed it would. Was our first time seeing each other since the fight and breakup. We hugged. I did the work. Her animals she adopted loved me. We sat and talked. She volunteered that she had cut things off with that guy a while back and hadn’t seen or ****ed anyone before or since. Asked if I was seeing anyone

We picked up where we left off friendship wise which did my heart some good.It took no effort to reconnect and we laughed and caught up.I could tell her walls were still up (a lot of this has to do with the fight and our past). I held eye contact, was confide and funny. Casual.

There was little in the way of flirting. I can tell she’s still emotionally **** off from everyone, something she’s very good at and always has been. I could tell she mis

She came up with a number of reasons to see me again. I used my time constraint and left around 9.

Couldn’t have played any different or better. And I’m leaving it at that. Anything that happens going forward will be a slow play. And let her take initiative. She has to want me. The amount of guys who are after her who she doesn’t give the time of day to, gives me a bit of hope.

But I’m not hinging my future on it or have any expectations now past this point.

I feel a bit more free this morning.

She TELLS you that. What she says and what the truth is are usually two different things.

 

[ColdTony]

She TELLS you that. What she says and what the truth is are usually two different things.

It’s true. I’ll never truly know and it doesn’t matter really. But from her personality and her approach to life, I’d be inclined to believe her. She’s the type to just speak the truth and let the person hearing it take it how they want.

but eh. Like I said I’ll never know.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It’s true. I’ll never truly know and it doesn’t matter really. But from her personality and her approach to life, I’d be inclined to believe her. She’s the type to just speak the truth and let the person hearing it take it how they want.

but eh. Like I said I’ll never know.

I am interested to see how this plays out...I am definitely hooked into this thread for the results haha

 

[Glassguy]

Eh....she should have been sucking your dic before you left if you ask me. Then you pat her in the a$$ and tell her you'll hit her up later and let her sweat it for a few days.
I think she just wanted to see if you are still on her hook with no intentions of more. But thats just me and my perspective.

 

[Glassguy]

Of course you're right, can you imagine his ex thinking she in the "replaceable" category? After everything she did and said to him? That would have devastated her even more, and she would be crawling through broken glass to get that man again. But unfortunately OP didn't play his cards right, and now in her monkey brain she knowns if he took the time to do all of that for her, she has him hooked for good.

Cucks will be cucks.

 

[member160292]

OP,
Are you looking to win her back or keep her as a FwB?

 

[ColdTony]

Of course you're right, can you imagine his ex thinking she in the "replaceable" category and no longer that important for him? After everything she did and said to him? That would have devastated her even more, and she would be crawling through broken glass to get that man again. But unfortunately OP didn't play his cards right, and now in her monkey brain she knowns if he took the time to do all of that for her, she has him hooked for good.

Likely right. There’s past **** I can’t share with you guys. But I’ll say this. When she shuts off she shuts off. To everyone. There’s ten layers of unavailability on top of how she really feels.

If I play hard game. She’s gone. If I stick around and kiss her ass, I’m a sucker.

There’s no play here but to move on.

 

[Gamisch]

Likely right. There’s past **** I can’t share with you guys. But I’ll say this. When she shuts off she shuts off. To everyone. There’s ten layers of unavailability on top of how she really feels.

If I play hard game. She’s gone. If I stick around and kiss her ass, I’m a sucker.

There’s no play here but to move on.

That's called " taking the L". I can somewhat relate to your thread tho. Lets assume you are indeed as confident as you described.

When you think about it it's a feminine trait. Hot women might know they are hot,yet they want this ONE GUY that doesnt really really care...like a ego thing. Wanting that one toy that's not available for whatever reason.

On this forum my overall vision is that we men must elevate each other. So that means ANYTIME when a casus like this happens there is (hypothetically) only one solution. Or maybe two. One is she complies. Two is she doesnt and you walk. Black white Neanderthal ish mindset. No wiggle room. Whenever I get in such a situation (what will happen when you deal with women) I will think about @ColdTony and copy paste the "tactic ".

Now I dont wanna diss you when I say feminine trait . I've been raised by women, and man..I made literally every mistake possible with women. Every post ever send here could be send by me as well at some point in my life. But as I said we've must elevate each other and be brutally honest.

It's her loss. No hard feelings. Display the confidence with the next woman. She will return anyway and when she does , its NEVER under the same conditions. Like begging your job to get another chance. You cant be begging for that yet demand a salary raise.

 

[SW15]

Cucks will be cucks.

The United States is a nation of cucks. There's an argument to be made that nearly every man is a cuck or a quasi cuck to some degree.

Most other Western nations have men that are also massive cucks or quasi cucks. Canada, the United Kingdom, Germany, Australia, New Zealand, and Scandinavian nations are similar if not worse.

 

[ColdTony]

That's called " taking the L". I can somewhat relate to your thread tho. Lets assume you are indeed as confident as you described.

When you think about it it's a feminine trait. Hot women might know they are hot,yet they want this ONE GUY that doesnt really really care...like a ego thing. Wanting that one toy that's not available for whatever reason.

On this forum my overall vision is that we men must elevate each other. So that means ANYTIME when a casus like this happens there is (hypothetically) only one solution. Or maybe two. One is she complies. Two is she doesnt and you walk. Black white Neanderthal ish mindset. No wiggle room. Whenever I get in such a situation (what will happen when you deal with women) I will think about @ColdTony and copy paste the "tactic ".

Now I dont wanna diss you when I say feminine trait . I've been raised by women, and man..I made literally every mistake possible with women. Every post ever send here could be send by me as well at some point in my life. But as I said we've must elevate each other and be brutally honest.

It's her loss. No hard feelings. Display the confidence with the next woman. She will return anyway and when she does , its NEVER under the same conditions. Like begging your job to get another chance. You cant be begging for that yet demand a salary raise. View attachment 9159

The fact is it is her loss. I’m a ****ing deadly guy.

 

[ColdTony]

No ablo

What does that mean? That you kill people like the Mexican Cartels?

No hablo

 

[Barrister]

Likely right. There’s past **** I can’t share with you guys. But I’ll say this. When she shuts off she shuts off. To everyone. There’s ten layers of unavailability on top of how she really feels.

If I play hard game. She’s gone. If I stick around and kiss her ass, I’m a sucker.

There’s no play here but to move on.

She is clearly cluster B from what you describe and you are better off moving on. These types are always masters at sucking us back in though due to the amazing sexual element there is with crazy. Even to this day, despite my head knowing it is going to be a problem and put me in a world of pain, the best sex I have ever had were these chaotic get-back-together meetings with 2 cluster B exes. It is powerful stuff, but it simply is not worth it.

I only skimmed the thread but did you end up going back out with her? I would recommend against it even though the temptation is high. Speaking from experience, while that few hours the night you meet back up is going to seem great, in another 2-3 days you will instantly realize it was a mistake and that you opened the door back up to manipulation and mind games. Don't do it.

 

[ColdTony]

She is clearly cluster B from what you describe and you are better off moving on. These types are always masters at sucking us back in though due to the amazing sexual element there is with crazy. Even to this day, despite my head knowing it is going to be a problem and put me in a world of pain, the best sex I have ever had were these chaotic get-back-together meetings with 2 cluster B exes. It is powerful stuff, but it simply is not worth it.

I only skimmed the thread but did you end up going back out with her? I would recommend against it even though the temptation is high. Speaking from experience, while that few hours the night you meet back up is going to seem great, in another 2-3 days you will instantly realize it was a mistake and that you opened the door back up to manipulation and mind games. Don't do it.

Not familiar with Cluster B. Have to look into this ****.

We didn’t go out but I did see her the other evening. It was fun, we caught up. Laughed. The best friend element was there and I had missed that. The sexual energy was high but I held back and was confident and casual. I could tell she missed me and was lonely but is no where ready to do anything and there was little in the way of IOI. A few eyes. Few touches. She was fronting hard. It was a scout mission for her and a closure mission for me.

Yeah our sex was ****ing unreal. That’s what hooked us at first. The rest came after. It really was an ideal relationship in all aspects till D Day came ( my fault, way she goes) I left early.

 

[ColdTony]

UPDATE.

she messaged me last night in the middle of the night to ask if Iknew Facebook dating was a thing. I guess she just discovered it and panicked probably wondering if I have an account.

I just replied, yea it’s a thing. It’s 1 am go to sleep

No further contact. I ain’t no toy.

I have a smokeshow rocket coming in for the weekend from BC (I’m in Alberta) so I’ll have a nice distraction

 

[Dr.Suave]

No ablo


No hablo

No problem bro, I got you.

Lesson one: Hey chica. En tu casa o en la mia? = Hey girl. Your place or mine?