A girl with Low Interest said "You look sexy"

[bat soup]

It's true. But I can only ask her out so much, right? otherwise where's my self respect if I have to constantly keep pushing for a date? Nothing more unattractive than a guy who has to Beg. Or at least that was my logic at the time I backed off. What's the right attitude, one that balances not taking them too seriously but at the same not allowing dis-respect from them?

If she´s being cooperative, get her alone and then escalate.
If she stops cooperating at any point, kick her to the curb.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

Well old boy, I do have a criteria for women. I consciously decided to back off from her when she was being flaky. I'm currently going out on dates frequently but I must be honest here, for some reason I've not been able to get this girl out of my head. I'm kind of obsessed with her because she was very interested way back at the beginning, that makes me have the "I was so close" mentality.
For now the only question i'd like to know is...

Is it possible she's still interested? and she's just playing hard to get now (because I disappeared)?

You're right you backed off, but obviously not enough because she's still obsessed. You should be obsessed with your passions, not women. They are the optional cherry on top of a kick as$ sundae life.

What she did is called love bombing and it's something women typically do initially to test your frame, whether consciously or subconsciously. Some selfish women want you to buckle and worship them, but most want you to effortlessly show you can have fun with them without compromising in your life.

Sure it's possible she likes you, but it's not likely. Your responses are too nice to get her wet imo. You would probably benefit by giving her shorter responses or emoji responses most of the time, or at least being a little c0ckier or teasing her.

Do you really have no other options? Maybe women that haven't rejected you? Do you have any idea how good it feels to be the one that got away? It's worth it, trust me.

 

[member160761]

It's true. But I can only ask her out so much, right? otherwise where's my self respect if I have to constantly keep pushing for a date? Nothing more unattractive than a guy who has to Beg. Or at least that was my logic at the time I backed off. What's the right attitude, one that balances not taking them too seriously but at the same not allowing dis-respect from them?

This is a frame of mind, something you cannot instruct somebody. All I can say you have to be detached and relaxed, yet have desire for the woman.

Question for all of you kind readers: What is the best way to ask her out in this particular situation? After I disappeared for so long?

You frame the question as if you have guilt for "disappearing". Does not matter if it works out with the girl, your frame of mind is off or rather severely lacking here.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Just let her know you'll be doing such and such at whatever day and time and if she wants to come join you that's cool.

It's not technically asking her out, you are simply inviting her along to do something you are already doing.

If she makes up some excuse you have your answer and just tell her no biggie and keep it moving.

 

[MtmVaott]

She is only interested that much as you put energy and clear intent into the conversations.
I assume you hid your intentions with her. Specifically your sexual desire. For whatever reason or voluntarily or involuntarily, doesn't matter.
You hid it again in your text reply. She wants sex. It's the only thing she is still interested in, because lust is the only emotion you make her feel, wich is left. Excitement gone, value/respect hugely blown away, ...
If you are able to be more sexual, do it.
If not, put her on the back burner and instead focus on what exactly you are afraid of.

Edit: You may also ask yourself if it's wise to pursue a girl that ONLY wants sex but you want more. There are other girls out there who will make you feel just like she does. Sometimes a treasure isn't valuable anymore because the prize to take it will cost too much.

 

[ChaoticGamer]

This is a frame of mind, something you cannot instruct somebody. All I can say you have to be detached and relaxed, yet have desire for the woman.


You frame the question as if you have guilt for "disappearing". Does not matter if it works out with the girl, your frame of mind is off or rather severely lacking here.

The good news is that, I asked her out and she said yes! Also, I had begun thinking the same; that I should not feel diminished or ashamed of anything, point of fact, I consciously did it yesterday while I asked her out, I said to myself: "No more references to the past, I'll just act as if nothing happened and I'll also internalize that I'm the prize". I guess it worked, because she's absolutely back to her former self (texting-wise), the girl that I remember that used to call me "baby", "darling", "honey", etc.

Thank you for your kind advice! But I'd of course really appreciate any advice regarding What My frame should for the incoming date.

 

[ChaoticGamer]

She is only interested that much as you put energy and clear intent into the conversations.
I assume you hid your intentions with her. Specifically your sexual desire. For whatever reason or voluntarily or involuntarily, doesn't matter.
You hid it again in your text reply. She wants sex. It's the only thing she is still interested in, because lust is the only emotion you make her feel, wich is left. Excitement gone, value/respect hugely blown away, ...
If you are able to be more sexual, do it.
If not, put her on the back burner and instead focus on what exactly you are afraid of.

Edit: You may also ask yourself if it's wise to pursue a girl that ONLY wants sex but you want more. There are other girls out there who will make you feel just like she does. Sometimes a treasure isn't valuable anymore because the prize to take it will cost too much.

I'm not sure what she wants, AFAIK I think she said she's looking for something serious but the guys who ask her out she's not excited about at all.
When it came to me, on our 1st date she's the one who went kino, she's the one who gave the hints to kiss her, so I did. She also seemed genuinely impressed with my career and by how smart I seemed (her words), then I scared her off of course (went too fast), but I won't be making the same mistake again.

 

[MtmVaott]

I'm not sure what she wants, AFAIK I think she said she's looking for something serious but the guys who ask her out she's not excited about at all.
When it came to me, on our 1st date she's the one who went kino, she's the one who gave the hints to kiss her, so I did. She also seemed genuinely impressed with my career and by how smart I seemed (her words), then I scared her off of course (went too fast), but I won't be making the same mistake again.

I'm not saying she only wants a fling, I assumed the physical attraction was the emotion that was left.
What do you mean by "going too fast"? I assume you were doing things that were incongruent with how you felt? Or in other words, inauthentic and trying to force a result?

 

[ChaoticGamer]

I'm not saying she only wants a fling, I assumed the physical attraction was the emotion that was left.
What do you mean by "going too fast"? I assume you were doing things that were incongruent with how you felt? Or in other words, inauthentic and trying to force a result?

I was feeling it for this girl, that's for sure, but the terrible mistake I made was that a day of a date, she cancelled and then I didn't take it well, even though she said she was sick. I noticed she backed off, and I thought the best way to proceed was to back off/no-contact myself.

 

[MtmVaott]

I was feeling it for this girl, that's for sure, but the terrible mistake I made was that a day of a date, she cancelled and then I didn't take it well, even though she said she was sick. I noticed she backed off, and I thought the best way to proceed was to back off/no-contact myself.

You are trying to manipulate her and the situation with her. EyeOnThePrize said this: " but most want you to effortlessly show you can have fun with them without compromising in your life. " and you can't display this behaviour if you connect who you are with what you achieve with women. Start inward and then the outward will manifest. And drop this girl.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

OP ignore her words. What is she doing?

Not a damn thing.

 

[ChaoticGamer]

OP ignore her words. What is she doing?

As I mentioned before, she's back to being super friendly during texting (calling me "baby", "babe", "darling", etc), that's how she used to be before the 4-months No-Contact, and she's agreed to move forward with the next date today. If she rejects my advances, then I'm out for sure.

 

[ChaoticGamer]

If she´s being cooperative, get her alone and then escalate.
If she stops cooperating at any point, kick her to the curb.

Agreed. That's my plan. Next date is today.