Is it normal to go through long dry spells when you don’t have a partner?

[member160971]

I’m 27 and have slept with 11 women. I would guess that’s about an average number but it doesn’t feel that way because I routinely go without sex for very long periods. My timeline has been like this.

Lost my virginity at 15, did not have sex again until I was 18, (3 and a half year dry spell)
After having sex again at 18, didn’t have sex until I was 20 (almost 2 year dry spell)
Next time I had sex I was 21 (1 year dry spell). During this time I had my only relationship, lasted about 3 months.
Next time I had sex I was 23 (terrible two and a half year dry spell).
Since then I’ve had dry spells on average for a year at a time. As mentioned only one of the girls I had sex with was in a relationship.

I don’t cold approach much so maybe that has something to do with it, but I don’t know. I also lived in a really ****ty town with not much going on for a while, but I dont think that’s an excuse either. This has been wearing on me lately because here I am again coming up on about a one and a half year dry spell. Not fun at all.

 

[member160971]

I

My brother….what is keeping you from finding a quality relationship with regular sex as a part of that relationship?

I don’t want to be drained mentality by a relationship. I would rather focus on developing a better career/hobbies.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Is it normal? No
Is it becoming the norm? Yes

 

[CoandaEffect]

When I was your age that was not normal, but that is 30 years ago. Things have changed for the worse and now it is quite normal. About 1/3rd of men under the age of 30 are either virgins or have not had sex in the last year. In the grand scheme of things you are not doing so bad.

I know it sounds cliché but you are young, your smv will peak in your mid thirties. Now is the time to focus on yourself, body, career, money.

Do you consider yourself red pilled? If not, become so. Read and learn. I think anyone your age willing to learn and practice should be able to do well in the dating scene. Most of your competitors are clueless, blue pilled, feminized weak men. Make sure you are not like them.

Good luck my friend.

 

[member160971]

When I was your age that was not normal, but that is 30 years ago. Things have changed for the worse and now it is quite normal. About 1/3rd of men under the age of 30 are either virgins or have not had sex in the last year. In the grand scheme of things you are not doing so bad.

I know it sounds cliché but you are young, your smv will peak in your mid thirties. Now is the time to focus on yourself, body, career, money.

Do you consider yourself red pilled? If not, become so. Read and learn. I think anyone your age willing to learn and practice should be able to do well in the dating scene. Most of your competitors are clueless, blue pilled, feminized weak men. Make sure you are not like them.

Good luck my friend.

yes I am red pilled and that’s a big reason why I haven’t put much effort into relationships. Thanks for the advice.

 

[SW15]

I’m 27 and have slept with 11 women. I would guess that’s about an average number but it doesn’t feel that way because I routinely go without sex for very long periods. My timeline has been like this.

I don’t cold approach much so maybe that has something to do with it..... I also lived in a really ****ty town with not much going on for a while, but I dont think that’s an excuse either. This has been wearing on me lately because here I am again coming up on about a one and a half year dry spell. Not fun at all.

When I was your age that was not normal, but that is 30 years ago. Things have changed for the worse and now it is quite normal. About 1/3rd of men under the age of 30 are either virgins or have not had sex in the last year. In the grand scheme of things you are not doing so bad.

Having a notch of 11 at 27 is above average on notch count. @Donesimping is actually below average on frequency of sex but good on number of partners. Most people put up good frequency of sex statistics within a longer term relationship. Relationships are the best bet for most men in achieving sexual frequency. Too many men have been sold a bill of goods that they can be players. The fact is that most men who attempt to be players fail to get enough sex to warrant being a player. Choosing the relationship path is a sexual frequency safeguard. Longer term relationships often have a shelf life of 1-3 years where sex is frequent. When relationships go beyond 3-5 years is when the sex frequency diminishes and problems start to set in.

Long sexual droughts are getting more commonplace in a sexual marketplace where women's sexuality is unrestrained. Women are encouraged to "Never Settle!" by the feminists and are encouraged to get everything that their princess hearts desire. This is why sexual experiences have been more limited to the top 20% of men than ever before. While @Donesimping has been able to get vagina, he's not been able to retain vagina consistently, which has made life more difficult for him.

Beta males have always had it more difficult than Alpha or Sigma males. However, those beta male of 2010-present doesn't compare well to the beta male of 1980-1990. @CoandaEffect is about 60 years old. There are plenty of Boomer males, usually Boomer beta males, who were fortunate to come of age when they did. These Boomer males were able to get LTRs and semi decent sexual frequency out of women close to their own ages. If these Boomer males had been born in the Millennial generation, they would have been incels or near incels. @sangheilios has echoed this idea before. @Donesimping has had droughts long enough to be categorized as a near incel. Near incel is common in the Millennials, where rates of sexlessness are high. Gen Z males are going to follow in the footsteps of Millennial males in terms of sexlessness.

 

[thelambofdeth]

I hear you…agree with the sentiment that it’s becoming the norm. Many like you are checking out if the game. You’ll find a quality woman who won’t drain you…they’re out there.

Yeah they're out there...if you're a 9/10, or rich.

 

[jaymbrs]

It wasn't normal in my early 20s. Are you hitting the clubs/bars? What's your social circle like? Job? College? You should be surrounded by available women consistently right now.

 

[member160971]

It wasn't normal in my early 20s. Are you hitting the clubs/bars? What's your social circle like? Job? College? You should be surrounded by available women consistently right now.

I haven’t had much luck in clubs because it seems like all women go out with their friends and I don’t really have a social circle. I’ve been moving around a lot the last few years, which may have something to do with it. I also work remotely.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Get more sex, OP. IMO have as much sex as possible before getting seriously involved with one woman. Sex clouds your judgment when it’s always been in scarce supply.

 

[Dean Gladwyn]

Doing better at meeting someone in a public gathering is determined by the following:

Your confidence, energy, and how you feel about yourself
Your ability to approach in the first place and know what to say
Your ability to flirt and create a romantic dynamic in during the interaction
The messages you send after you get their number

These are specific skills and knowledge that can be acquired if you want to prevent the dryspells.

 

[SW15]

In my case from 20-25 didn't have cex, wasn't the best looking guy, I was studying engineering, so you can imagine I was sent my own way.

Did you go to a college that was known for attractive women and a party scene? I went to and graduated from a college that I have called "Hot Girl U" on here.

I'm 33, I got unplugged last year, its been a super rough ride to change my mindset from all the blue pill mentality (not yet, but keep doing the work)

From 26-28 didn't have cex, from 29-31 didn't have cex. At 32 started to have some success. At least you got unplugged mid 20s, and that's a huge plus.

This is incel/nearcel status.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Yes, if you want consistent weekly sex then that’s what relationships/marriages are for.

the myth of the Joe Smith the bachelor guy just slaying 9s and 10s left and right is a Hollywood gimic.

 

[Velasco]

I haven’t had much luck in clubs because it seems like all women go out with their friends and I don’t really have a social circle

Club / Bar game observations

To be honest, i've never really heard of or thought about the concept of 'social circle bars' before, maybe because that's basically every bar where I live haha. ''trying to have a fun night with their close friends and maybe hookup with someone who is already in their social circle. Not with a...

www.sosuave.net

I also work remotely.

Anyone know any careers with a strong hookup culture?

I often wonder if those of us who’ve figured about situations in life that yield results just keep the knowledge to ourselves… I’ve had partners say that I should teach men how to treat women physically, the issue is that most men are having is getting to a point where they have access to high...

www.sosuave.net

 

[Mike32ct]

Yes there got girls, even though I was socially savy, I didn't have game, I was studying engineering for gods sake what do you expect

Engineer here too. Classes were mostly dudes. I had one female lab partner who was older and married.

The only chance were the "gen ed" or "core" classes. A hottie was in my English Lit class.

 

[HaleyBaron]

From my experience, you have to choose one way or the other.

• You can be a player with the consequence of variant dry spells due to having no commitment to women.
• You can choose a reliable woman and make her your gf. You will have more sex, but only with her.

Spinning plates is basically playing both of these at once, and it is not for everyone.

 

[SW15]

• You can be a player with the consequence of variant dry spells due to having no commitment to women.
• You can choose a reliable woman and make her your gf. You will have more sex, but only with her.

if you want consistent weekly sex then that’s what relationships/marriages are for.

Most men are not able to get enough sex to justify the player lifestyle and are better off choosing the option of having girlfriends and having reliable sex sources. With that said, if men don't retain their girlfriends for more than 2-3 years at a time and then need to find new girlfriends, it would be common to have extended droughts in between girlfriends.

 

[Gamisch]

Most men are not able to get enough sex to justify the player lifestyle and are better off choosing the option of having girlfriends and having reliable sex sources. With that said, if men don't retain their girlfriends for more than 2-3 years at a time and then need to find new girlfriends, it would be common to have extended droughts in between girlfriends.

Yeah and most men get a LTR because they are desperate for s3x. In that case the whole "men are gatekeepers to LTR's, " doesn't hold up anymore like it supposed to.

Get more sex, OP. IMO have as much sex as possible before getting seriously involved with one woman. Sex clouds your judgment when it’s always been in scarce supply.

Unfortunately this is not how it works for most men. Most modern men only hope to get frequent s3x is a LTR. So basically they are powerless from the very beginning of the LTR.

Yes there got girls, even though I was socially savy, I didn't have game, I was studying engineering for gods sake what do you expect

No need to mansplain yourself. Maybe you can share what worked for you. I think that's what OP is looking for.

 

[SW15]

most men get a LTR because they are desperate for s3x. In that case the whole "men are gatekeepers to LTR's, " doesn't hold up anymore like it supposed to.

Most modern men only hope to get frequent s3x is a LTR. So basically they are powerless from the very beginning of the LTR.

Most men end up settling for whatever woman is willing to touch their penis regularly without ghosting or flaking and without being too batshiit crazy. Male desperation for sex has increased in recent decades. While I don't think "men are gatekeepers to LTRs" was as accurate as a lot of people would have portrayed in the 1960s-1990s, it hasn't been accurate in the 2000s-present.

Women file for divorce the overwhelming majority of time, which can be interpreted as flaking on wedding vows. Men are even powerless in marriages. For the divorced guys, their best hope is that they can find new poontang with little trouble. I knew one divorced guy with a strong social circle who had no problem replacing his ex-wife but more of the divorced men I knew ended up doing some sort of copy/paste poontang begging game on swipe apps.

As for non-married guys, they are pretty much dependent on relationships for their sex. Betas with strong social circles have an easier time getting relationship sex than betas without social circles. A lot of betas with social circles put on a ring on their social circle sourced girlfriend in the hopes that the sex frequency will continue. It might continue for a few years after the wedding, but in time, it will dissipate and often the woman will initiate divorce. Some non-married guys fail to retain relationships long enough to get married and in a way, those men are lucky because they never get divorce raped in the courts. However, these men do experience sexual droughts too.

 

[Murk]

Sex was scarce and limited to one-night stands and girls on vacation until I was about 25.

25-33 I couldn't have a dry spell even if I wanted to. I have too many old numbers I could shoot a text and get sex from, too many years in the field to have a dry spell again.