What do you think went wrong and way ahead

[colored_dreams00]

I (M30) have hooked up with an ex coworker (F24) a couple of times. I was in a leadership position and was about to transfer. As soon as I wasn't her manager anymore sparks just flew and we ended up together in bed after a party at work. We slept together a few more times, which was just fantastic. We went to parties together with colleagues and just ended up dancing and sleeping together. Pretty quickly I noticed I really liked her and probably already did so for a while, but it came out now. During our hookups I made it pretty clear I liked her, as I was smitten at that point. Too early I know, but it happened.

Besides our hookups we've dated only once, which was also a great time. She's also told me that she likes me and that she always did. That was great to hear of course. She also told me however that she was playing hard to get and that it "shouldn't be too easy".

She texted me that she missed me at work and another she drunk texted me once that she wanted to see me again. I asked her out on another date. The day before I texted her to confirm to which she didn't respond. The day of the date she told me she'd been down with the flu. The week before the date however, she was already pretty nonchalant; very late responses to texts and she didn't reach out at all. This in combination with her comment on playing hard to get put me off and I was thinking off just letting this go.

Yesterday we saw each other at a work gathering and party again, at which we didn't talk much as we were both busy socializing with other people. She always gets of lot of attention from guys. I did went up to her and we had a little talk and while the chemistry was definitely still there, we kept it short. She texted me that night again, when I was already asleep. The day after; late responses and very short messages again.

I'm now thinking of just not reaching out. The cancelling of the date, the little to no contact and her lack of affection in my eyes means that either she doesn't really like me or that we're just incompatible in a relationship. Which is really a shame because I really like this girl and I want to make this work. I'm afraid that if I reach out and let her know that though, I'll push her further away. I need more warmth and most importantly consistency of her but she's a closed book and I don't quite know how to handle this situation.

Tldr; I've slept with an ex coworker a few times and while I really like her and she seems to like me, she goes hot and cold.

Do you think I did something wrong and what action do you suggest I take? Thanks in advance.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Once she knows she has you, the fun for her is done. She needs to wonder about you and how much you like her...obviously she will know you do, but not exactly how much and where things are going.

With you she basically knows she has you in the palm of he hand through what you said and more so the vibe you give off when you are around her.

Basically you are more into her than she is into you, and that's the issue.

She knows she can do whatever she wants because she knows you like her a lot and she can get away with it without any fear of losing you.

 

[colored_dreams00]

Once she knows she has you, the fun for her is done. She needs to wonder about you and how much you like her...obviously she will know you do, but not exactly how much and where things are going.

With you she basically knows she has you in the palm of he hand through what you said and more so the vibe you give off when you are around her.

Basically you are more into her than she is into you, and that's the issue.

She knows she can do whatever she wants because she knows you like her a lot and she can get away with it without any fear of losing you.

Thanks for your quick reply. Yeah, I guess I did mess up in that department. I was being authentic though, so if that puts her off than maybe it's for the best. So the best thing to do is to ghost or something else?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Thanks for your quick reply. Yeah, I guess I did mess up in that department. I was being authentic though, so if that puts her off than maybe it's for the best. So the best thing to do is to ghost or something else?

No need to ghost her just mirror her Interest. And if she does show interest again which is likely, play it cool and make her work a little for it...soe a few seeds of doubt in her mind and let her water them...

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

I (M30) have hooked up with an ex coworker (F24) a couple of times. I was in a leadership position and was about to transfer. As soon as I wasn't her manager anymore sparks just flew and we ended up together in bed after a party at work. We slept together a few more times, which was just fantastic. We went to parties together with colleagues and just ended up dancing and sleeping together. Pretty quickly I noticed I really liked her and probably already did so for a while, but it came out now. During our hookups I made it pretty clear I liked her, as I was smitten at that point. Too early I know, but it happened.

You goofed, you shouldn't be telling a girl you like her that much early on. You could've been a rebound or she found a better guy. More than likely, an ex popped back in to the picture. Regardless, you had sex, and you can take that back with you to HQ and plan your next move on a different girl lol.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Too much thirst my friend. You were not a challenge. Move on.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

why would you want anything serious with this broad? from what I got from your story she dont seem like ltr material. She fvcked you and it didn't put a mark on her. and for her sex is just that.
A fair trade.
Girls who never sleep around with just any guy would have gotten more attached to you after sleeping with you and not pull this hot cold BS. Only h0es with cold feelings be sleeping around and vanishing

I wouldnt be suprised if she fvckin another dude right now that she actually feels a thing for or you were the temporary rebound like someone above mentioned.
You can slip off the radar and she wouldn't even bat an eye.

On top of all that you let it be established to her that you like her? nah bro after I learned this sh!t the hard way the most I have ever shown my cards to a chick was "you kinda alright" and give her a kiss if I feel like it.
Keep her guessing even after I fvck her.
Im letting her know that she is cool to hang out with but at the same I aint letting her know sh!t.
Most females crave uncertainty from a man.

I would dispatch her if she dont make a move.
Now is her turn to ask you out or if she hits you up for a booty call.
If she dont do none of that, do your integrity a solid and walk away.

 

[colored_dreams00]

why would you want anything serious with this broad? from what I got from your story she dont seem like ltr material. She fvcked you and it didn't put a mark on her. and for her sex is just that.
A fair trade.
Girls who never sleep around with just any guy would have gotten more attached to you after sleeping with you and not pull this hot cold BS. Only h0es with cold feelings be sleeping around and vanishing

I wouldnt be suprised if she fvckin another dude right now that she actually feels a thing for or you were the temporary rebound like someone above mentioned.
You can slip off the radar and she wouldn't even bat an eye.

On top of all that you let it be established to her that you like her? nah bro after I learned this sh!t the hard way the most I have ever shown my cards to a chick was "you kinda alright" and give her a kiss if I feel like it.
Keep her guessing even after I fvck her.
Im letting her know that she is cool to hang out with but at the same I aint letting her know sh!t.
Most females crave uncertainty from a man.

I would dispatch her if she dont make a move.
Now is her turn to ask you out or if she hits you up for a booty call.
If she dont do none of that, do your integrity a solid and walk away.

Thanks for your reply friend. Great perspectives..will do

 

[colored_dreams00]

Too much thirst my friend. You were not a challenge. Move on.

Yeah, I guess I was. Emotions got the best of me this time. Pretty hard to keep them in check when you really like someone though. With my ex she liked me way more, but that also wasn't what I wanted. I'd rather we both be into each other.

 

[colored_dreams00]

No need to ghost her just mirror her Interest. And if she does show interest again which is likely, play it cool and make her work a little for it...soe a few seeds of doubt in her mind and let her water them...

Thanks brother. Will do.

 

[SmoothSmooth]

ur overthinking this. look up my thread on **** tests. the fact u posted on this forum about her shows that ur lower value that she suspected. she thought u were this big shot guy that can get girls easily and here u are, making posts on anonymous forums about some random u hooked up thats 6 years younger...
also, read mystery method. attraction is really simple when u see it in terms of DHV and IOI/IOD. just mirror women. she has pulled back (IOD - indicator of disinterest), u need to pull back (IOD) and DHV (display higher value - eg replacing her with someone hotter)
also - she hooked up with u fairly quickly, shes probably done this many times with many other men. easy come easy go should have been your mentality (until proven otherwise)

 

[SmoothSmooth]

ur whole mentality is screwed up. what has this person done to earn your emotional investment? they slept with you quickly - is that ur standard that makes someone worthy of emotional investment? why do you care about her? would you want a daughter like her?
she went cold on u for no apparent reason, u should respond by loosing respect for her since she is clearly person that doesnt value u or even her hook ups

 

[SmoothSmooth]

u care more about her feelings towards u, than ur feelings towards her. and thats pathetic. ur a 30 year old manager stressing over a 24 year old. shes gonna gravitate towards a man that values himself more than getting some p0ssy, is harder to impress and cares more about his standards than hers

 

[SmoothSmooth]

also the dude saying your sex game was weak is beta AF. if u care about a random hookups experience during sex more than ur own, ur beta and girls can sense that. ive busted quick with girls and had them returning. do u think theres anything sexy about a man putting in extra effort during sex, tryna please the woman like a lil circus monkey? she can get a vibrator for that. ur job is to act higher value so she feels her hypergamous needs are satiated. if u had 20 girls tryna sleep with u, u wouldnt care about putting effort during sex. in fact its way more effective if shes worried she isnt good enough during sex, and shes the one trying hard to please you. THATS what turns girls on and keeps them returning

 

[DoubleBarrel]

also the dude saying your sex game was weak is beta AF. if u care about a random hookups experience during sex more than ur own, ur beta and girls can sense that. ive busted quick with girls and had them returning. do u think theres anything sexy about a man putting in extra effort during sex, tryna please the woman like a lil circus monkey? she can get a vibrator for that. ur job is to act higher value so she feels her hypergamous needs are satiated. if u had 20 girls tryna sleep with u, u wouldnt care about putting effort during sex. in fact its way more effective if shes worried she isnt good enough during sex, and shes the one trying hard to please you. THATS what turns girls on and keeps them returning

So wrong.

 

[SmoothSmooth]

So wrong.

nah dude. if going into bed u are worried about pleasing her or being replaced, u have already lost the battle.
the battle occurs way before sex, where she should be afriad of loosing you and sees sex as her opportunity to get you hooked.
thats how women view sex with high value men

 

[DoubleBarrel]

nah dude. if going into bed u are worried about pleasing her or being replaced, u have already lost the battle.
the battle occurs way before sex, where she should be afriad of loosing you and sees sex as her opportunity to get you hooked.
thats how women view sex with high value men

This I agree with, but that's not what you said in the post above.

 

[BDDazza]

We slept together a few more times, which was just fantastic. We went to parties together with colleagues and just ended up dancing and sleeping together. Pretty quickly I noticed I really liked her and probably already did so for a while, but it came out now. During our hookups I made it pretty clear I liked her, as I was smitten at that point. Too early I know, but it happened..

She also told me however that she was playing hard to get and that it "shouldn't be too easy".

When you said "I made it pretty clear I liked her", this was the problem that changed the dynamics, whilst I am all for being direct with your game when necessary, at this point you had already slept with her a few times so she already knew that you liked her. There wasn't a need to reiterate that you like her more so verbally. I think she lost the challenge at this point. She even told she wanted a challenge and "it shouldn't be too easy".

When a women likes you she will make it easy for you and drop the entire challenge stuff, so either her interest is only luke warm or she is a psycho that is playing with your head.