I’m seriously stuck at the crossroads and I need any help/guidance that I can get, please.

[Eljayem]

Hi all,

I used to visit this forum many years ago and I did learn a hell of a lot, I also used what I had learned very well. At times I did have too much of an ego, however I learned from experience and corrected myself accordingly.

Fast forward a few years and I am now married, I have an investment property, I am looking at my next investment property purchase and also own a house with my wife (The house is all that we own together).
I am in a job that pays pretty well and is fairly cruisey.
I hit the gym 4 to 5 days a week and keep in pretty good shape, eat well etc so for the most part all is well in my life or so it would seem to most!

BUT, I am at the crossroads and so need to sort this crap out! Crap that if I don’t sort out will only get ****ing worse as time goes on, if I’m not already there now! What I am about to open up about only few in my life know about, my reason for putting it on here is so that I get some non-judgmental or rather biased advice and opinions. So here goes!

I currently have two women in my life and I need to f*ck one off so that I can move forward with a clear direction and keep building my life with on or the other, or even none at all!

Happy to go into further detail on how I ended up here in the first place and also the pros and cons of each woman for those who are willing to give any advice or guidance, thank you

I will add this, my wife has no baggage, works a good job that she loves and it pays well and she has her head screwed on, however there were obvious issues that lead me to this point which I’m happy to go into detail about, she also doesn’t know about the other woman.

The other woman been married twice, left her second husband for me and has 3 children…. 1 from her first marriage, 2 from her second marriage. Has an ok paying job but obviously can only do so much in terms of work when 3 children are her priority, although she does keep pushing her hardest in the career path as best she can that’s for sure

 

[Toddy]

Go with option 3

Option 1 sounds like you're bored, Option 2 way too many red flags, Option 3 start spinning some plates.....

 

[Eljayem]

Go with option 3

Option 1 sounds like you're bored, Option 2 way too many red flags, Option 3 start spinning some plates.....

Appreciate the reply, that makes most sense, what if I told you we never really gave our marriage a proper shot as we never lived together?

 

[BeExcellent]

So you got married but have never lived with your wife? Explain

 

[Eljayem]

c

So you got married but have never lived with your wife? Explain

As f*cked as it sounds, that’s correct.
before marriage we obviously lived alone. I had my place she was still at her Mothers. At the time I worked crazy shift work hours so once we got married I was happy to have her stay at her place while I did night shifts howeverif I did any other shifts I wanted her to stay over. She did like once and it all became too hard to even ask her to keep staying so I said f*ck it once our house is finished(we were building at the time) then we will move in together properly. Well, during this time is where I started to drift and **** around and then ended up hanging around the other woman a lot, once the house was built I started coming up with excuses as to why I couldn’t move in yet e.g work issues/commitments etc etc any lie I could make, this was because once I knew that I’d move in it would be over between the other woman and I and as greedy as it may be I never wanted it to stop with her

 

[BillyPilgrim]

She did like once and it all became too hard to even ask her to keep staying so I said f*ck it once our house is finished(we were building at the time) then we will move in together properly.

You don't think this is a deal-breaking red flag? What's going to happen when you ask her to turn down the TV?

Also, this is off-topic but now is a terrible time to invest in real estate. The median cost of housing to wage ratio is unsustainable and interest rates have risen. Here locally in Arizona there are instances of big price drops on houses.

My concern is that you move in with your wife, you divorce in a couple of years and then you're looking at being stuck in a house once RE prices have crashed. You either want to sell that house now or stay in it for several years.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Only thing I’m going to say at this juncture is DO NOT KNOCK EITHER Of THEM UP.

Sort your ****, but until then pull out or use a condom. One of them will trap you sooner or later. The “left her husband” part is a serious red flag.

 

[Eljayem]

You don't think this is a deal-breaking red flag? What's going to happen when you ask her to turn down the TV?

Also, this is off-topic but now is a terrible time to invest in real estate. The median cost of housing to wage ratio is unsustainable and interest rates have risen. Here locally in Arizona there are instances of big price drops on houses.

My concern is that you move in with your wife, you divorce in a couple of years and then you're looking at being stuck in a house once RE prices have crashed. You either want to sell that house now or stay in it for several years.

100 percent I think of these things too man, and yes it always plays on my mind.

as for real estate I’m all the way down under in Australia, may end up having the same affect but yeah….

 

[Dr.Suave]

You should give your marriage a fair shot. If it doesnt work, at least you tried.

 

[BeExcellent]

Ok well here is the thing. The crazy chick who left her husband for you is nuts. Great in bed I’m sure, but nuts. No sane woman does that.

You wanna raise 2 other men’s kids? No? Drop her. Now because she is nuts she will probably tell your wife. So if your wife truly is the one you love & want to build a life with you need to consider telling your wife yourself.

Obviously you stuck your *ick in crazy. So this is what happens. You may lose them both but that is what happens when you lie & sneak around. Not saying that to shame you but once you marry you make a promise before God etc. Breaking that promise breaks the trust. How will your wife trust you again? If you don’t tell her you live with the fact that your promise is a lie & you live in fear of the crazy chick telling your wife.

Not good mate. But you already know all this.

If you remove your *ick from the thinking what do you want to do? Is the wife attractive? Why did you marry her?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Hi all,

I used to visit this forum many years ago and I did learn a hell of a lot, I also used what I had learned very well. At times I did have too much of an ego, however I learned from experience and corrected myself accordingly.

Fast forward a few years and I am now married, I have an investment property, I am looking at my next investment property purchase and also own a house with my wife (The house is all that we own together).
I am in a job that pays pretty well and is fairly cruisey.
I hit the gym 4 to 5 days a week and keep in pretty good shape, eat well etc so for the most part all is well in my life or so it would seem to most!

BUT, I am at the crossroads and so need to sort this crap out! Crap that if I don’t sort out will only get ****ing worse as time goes on, if I’m not already there now! What I am about to open up about only few in my life know about, my reason for putting it on here is so that I get some non-judgmental or rather biased advice and opinions. So here goes!

I currently have two women in my life and I need to f*ck one off so that I can move forward with a clear direction and keep building my life with on or the other, or even none at all!

Happy to go into further detail on how I ended up here in the first place and also the pros and cons of each woman for those who are willing to give any advice or guidance, thank you

I will add this, my wife has no baggage, works a good job that she loves and it pays well and she has her head screwed on, however there were obvious issues that lead me to this point which I’m happy to go into detail about, she also doesn’t know about the other woman.

The other woman been married twice, left her second husband for me and has 3 children…. 1 from her first marriage, 2 from her second marriage. Has an ok paying job but obviously can only do so much in terms of work when 3 children are her priority, although she does keep pushing her hardest in the career path as best she can that’s for sure

If she has already been married twice and left another for you, she simply does not know how to be in long term relationships. If you end up with her, you will at one point be the one being left just like these other people. And she has three kids?

Here is what is happening...you are living a fantasy life with this other woman. One in which you have no responsibilities in the relationship...you see her, bang her, have fun, etc...then you go back to your normal life.

Because if you logically sat down and thought about it, there is no possible way you would think that someone who has been in failed marriages twice, cheated on her second husband with you, and brings 3 kids that are not yours is a good idea to be involved with.

You don't love her, you love the fantasy of another life, one in which you can have all the fun and do things you can't do in the one you have where you have responsibilities and a wife and bills to pay and a job to go to, etc...

If you leave your wife for this other women it will end in disaster much sooner than you think.

 

[sevbucmash]

The other woman been married twice, left her second husband for me and has 3 children

Is your wife fat or ugly or something?

Ditch this wreck and go back to your wife. Ditch her smart so she don't retaliate. Change your phone number.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

I do not agree with the “before god” and **** part. If one is a Christian these days it seems like most pick the parts of the morality they want to adhere to situationally. For example God says “do not fornicate before getting married”. I’m fairly sure we all lost out v-card before marriage. So calling out the sim and before god bull**** is hypocritical, at best.

That being said, I agree with the OP having stuck his D in cray. Crazy is almost always guaranteed to be good sex. Yea she will probably stalk the OP and confront the wife too, that’s utterly ****ed up, but it is a real risk.

Your only option to drop her is to simp to her and have her despise you over a few months. Become the opposite of the guy you were when you met and/or are now. It’s like the the only option to walk unscathed.

That or suddenly decide to move to South Dakota, feign death, tell her you have HIV, you get the idea. The last option is to come clean, it NEVER will be able to be repaired after that point. DO NOT DO NOT DO IT.

Ok well here is the thing. The crazy chick who left her husband for you is nuts. Great in bed I’m sure, but nuts. No sane woman does that.

You wanna raise 2 other men’s kids? No? Drop her. Now because she is nuts she will probably tell your wife. So if your wife truly is the one you love & want to build a life with you need to consider telling your wife yourself.

Obviously you stuck your *ick in crazy. So this is what happens. You may lose them both but that is what happens when you lie & sneak around. Not saying that to shame you but once you marry you make a promise before God etc. Breaking that promise breaks the trust. How will your wife trust you again? If you don’t tell her you live with the fact that your promise is a lie & you live in fear of the crazy chick telling your wife.

Not good mate. But you already know all this.

If you remove your *ick from the thinking what do you want to do? Is the wife attractive? Why did you marry her?

 

[BeExcellent]

Nowhere am I suggesting anything of a moral statement @Pierce.Manhammer. Let me summarize:

Some people actually take their marriage vows seriously. I know I did. This husband did not. And there begins all his trouble.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Ya know, because guilt is such an effective tool at making people respond advantageously…

Dude knows he ****ed up, he’s here for advice and potential solutions, not admonishment.

Nowhere am I suggesting anything of a moral statement @Pierce.Manhammer. Let me summarize:

Some people actually take their marriage vows seriously. I know I did. This husband did not. And there begins all his trouble.

 

[bmp2cpm]

Here’s the problem as I see it:

1) your girl who has been married multiple times is unstable and cannot keep a man. She is not worth sharing your valuable resources with especially with kids.

2) If/when you dump this girl she will tell your wife.

3) Not sure how your wife will respond but it won’t be good for you.

Good luck!

 

[Eljayem]

You should give your marriage a fair shot. If it doesnt work, at least you tried.

This I have been advised by few close to me while others say you clearly don’t love her.

 

[Eljayem]

If she has already been married twice and left another for you, she simply does not know how to be in long term relationships. If you end up with her, you will at one point be the one being left just like these other people. And she has three kids?

Here is what is happening...you are living a fantasy life with this other woman. One in which you have no responsibilities in the relationship...you see her, bang her, have fun, etc...then you go back to your normal life.

Because if you logically sat down and thought about it, there is no possible way you would think that someone who has been in failed marriages twice, cheated on her second husband with you, and brings 3 kids that are not yours is a good idea to be involved with.

You don't love her, you love the fantasy of another life, one in which you can have all the fun and do things you can't do in the one you have where you have responsibilities and a wife and bills to pay and a job to go to, etc...

If you leave your wife for this other women it will end in disaster much sooner than you think.

you are probably correct, at times I have also been living with this other woman living life “normally” just not bringing her completely into my side of life e.g family, all of my friends except a few etc

 

[Eljayem]

Is your wife fat or ugly or something?

Ditch this wreck and go back to your wife. Ditch her smart so she don't retaliate. Change your phone number.

No, obviously second woman is hotter in my eyes and probably most peoples, but she isn’t ugly or fat.

 

[Eljayem]

Ok well here is the thing. The crazy chick who left her husband for you is nuts. Great in bed I’m sure, but nuts. No sane woman does that.

You wanna raise 2 other men’s kids? No? Drop her. Now because she is nuts she will probably tell your wife. So if your wife truly is the one you love & want to build a life with you need to consider telling your wife yourself.

Obviously you stuck your *ick in crazy. So this is what happens. You may lose them both but that is what happens when you lie & sneak around. Not saying that to shame you but once you marry you make a promise before God etc. Breaking that promise breaks the trust. How will your wife trust you again? If you don’t tell her you live with the fact that your promise is a lie & you live in fear of the crazy chick telling your wife.

Not good mate. But you already know all this.

If you remove your *ick from the thinking what do you want to do? Is the wife attractive? Why did you marry her?

agree with all the above and yes one of my uncles told me the same, you want to build with her you need to come clean. Look even though I have been or am married I do have my own views on marriage and religion in these times but won’t get deep into that At the minute.

I married my wife as yes I found her attractive, she is a secure person and stable as well as someone who I can share and build whatever we like with each other. Removing my **** from the situation is probably a very good start from all perspectives with both women!