Which way to gain sexual experience?

[warthog]

Hey there,

25yo virgin here. My goal has always been a LTR with a woman I can respect and desire, which led to the stupid idea of saving myself for "the one".

Until three years ago or so my dating life has been non existent. I came to this site by accident, read a lot of stuff, educated myself. Hit the gym, improved my looks, started hitting on & dating girls.

I am really good now with women I am not romantically interested in. They call me, try to set up new dates, all that stuff. But once I decide they are not what I'm looking for in a relationship, I pull out all effort. When sex is on the table, I don't respond anymore or try to get out of the situation if it's on a date.
With the women I am interested in, I still screw up big time. As soon as I start liking them, I get nervous, forget basically everything I have learned and turn back to my old habits. They notice and it goes nowhere.

I start to feel like I have to get my inexperience out of the way in order to stop beeing nervous, start to be attractive to the girls I'm interested in + to learn what it really is I want in a partner. With that in mind, the way I see it there are basically three options for me to proceed (feel free to add any if I miss something):

• get the idea of finding a relationship out of my head, smash as many girls as I can, screw up many times but become better every time, find out what I want and gain experience
• find myself a nice cougar and let her instruct me
• I continue looking for a girl to have a relationship with, who is patient and guides me. It either works out or it doesn't.

The first option is the one I am still not comfortable with. Losing the virginity to a random girl out there and never see her again... not my thing.
The second option somehow appeals to me, since I am good with mature women and they seem to have something left for me. However, I read somewhere on this site that it will do my psyche and self esteem no good to be tied down by a mature (most likely dominant) woman.
The third option is basically contradictory to everything I have learned here. It would basically end in either her dropping me bc she is sick of her relationship with an AFC, or me dropping her when it's time to break out of the cage.

How would you guys handle this? Any thoughts?

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Why are you a 25-year-old virgin?

 

[warthog]

Why are you a 25-year-old virgin?

because I have ****ed up

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

because I have ****ed up

What did you do. What's your occupation, city, height, and BF%?

 

[warthog]

What did you do. What's your occupation, city, height, and BF%?

I block every chance I have when it comes to sex.
occupation: high status job in the air force
city: German city with 0.7m inhabitans
height: 6"1
BF: 13%

 

[Konada]

Try to smash girls that you actually desire. It will not be easy, the first one is always the hardest.

Get that first notch and most of your insecurities will go away.

Don't waste time with women who you are not attracted to.

 

[Gamisch]

Well, unfortunately virginity means nothing in this day and age. I reckon it's being frowned upon by most women ( and to stay positive, it might be confrontational, because you showed more discipline than they did).

Woman live in the moment. So that moment with you gotta be fireworks. I believe .most dudes will have a goblin or two on their resume, and the s3x was probably outstanding. Then when you meet a HB you can " give her all your experience ".

Your best bet might be to find a like minded woman, otherwise your " discipline " doesn't mean nothing.

I knew a guy in your situation who FINALLY, after many long talks went to a hooker( and he REALLY likes it lol).

 

[espanish]

you do realize when a guy loses his virginity nothing changes about him physically? get these stupid ideas out of your head "I have to lose my virginity to someone special" you been watching too many movies.
I say you should try a few prostitutes if you can afford it.

 

[warthog]

Your best bet might be to find a like minded woman, otherwise your " discipline " doesn't mean nothing.

This a response I haven't anticipated on a forum like sosuave.

To abbreviate the original post:
I am basically trying to figure out whether I should continue on my so far unsuccessful path of finding a women I really connect with, or if it has just been indoctrinated into my brain by my upbringing, movies and fairytales

 

[warthog]

I say you should try a few prostitutes if you can afford it.

Hookers are no option, and not because of their price tag

 

[pipeman84]

You go to the gym so you should really get the following metaphor. What you're trying to do is hit a PR in bench pressing. Say your current max is 80kg (that's the women you're comfortable with) and you want to reach 100kg (a woman you really like, good for LTR). Doing lots of reps with 40kg and eating junk food is the equivalent of options 1 and 2 you listed....would do nothing to help you reach your goal and will mess you up physically and mentally.
So what you do is continue to take care of yourself (good food, sleep), keep trying with 75-80kg and soon you'll smash that plateau. That's equivalent to the first part of your option 3 # I continue looking for a girl to have a relationship with #. Drop the expectation that she'll guide you...you're the man, you're the leader of the relationship. Just take it easy, do a mental journal of your interactions with these girls, observe the mistakes, learn from them and step by step you'll gain confidence.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Brother, you are way overthinking this. You can't learn what you want in a partner without trying multiple partners. Stop worrying about your inexperience. Women will be the first to tell you that some men are good in bed and some are bad and it doesn't matter if they have had sex once or 10000 times - a guy can still be bad at sex.

You need to pretend you have had sex and just aim to sleep with different women without making some big deal about the sex or the outcome of the sex. You can't control the outcome anyway - so to your point about hooking up with a stranger you'll never see again - you literally have NO control over that - Any woman is free to ghost you at any time, before or after sex, so stop being so dependent on the outcome.

Your goal should be to simply meet multiple women, hang out with them, escalate them until you are in bed with them, have sex with them, and then see what happens next. Again, when I say see what happens next, you can certainly decide for yourself if you want to see the girl again but you can't decide for her if she wants to see you again. If she does, she will make that pretty clear once sex has happened. If you are into it, great, keep seeing her, if not, move on to the next girl. Rinse-repeat.

You don't have to create a playbook program like the three options you laid out about finding a girl who wants a relationship or a cougar or a one night stand because, again, you can't control all that. It's not only up to you. So do what I said: Meet girls, hang out and have fun with them, escalate on them, have sex with them, see what happens next. That is what dating is. Sometimes something evolves, sometimes it doesn't. It isn't all under your control so you just float down that river until something sticks and when it does, it can stick for a week, a month, a year, or a lifetime - and in ANY of those cases it doesn't matter - because once it ends, you move on to the next and repeat. There is no end goal - there is no target state.... the target is to simply enjoy your life, and enjoy women while you are with them. That's it.

Lastly, it can take a long time to understand if you really connect with a woman. And maybe you do but then realize you aren't sexually compatible. Sex does NOT need to be intertwined with connection. I have had great sex with women I didn't connect with, and also great sex with women I did connect with. Yes, the connection thing is a fairy tail to some degree - you can find it but you can't control it and you can't limit yourself to only sleeping with women you feel "connected" with. Doing that got you into the situation you are in now. I also suspect your requirements for connection might be a bit out of whack..... in your case, perhaps your idea of what connection means is not realistic. I have met plenty of women I thought I had a good connection with and who I later learned were undatable due to personality disorders or just being downright awful people after enough time had passed where they weren't able to hide their BS anymore. I have had other women I thought I had a connection with ghost me or break things off with me. I have had other women who I thought I had no connection with and found to be a bit annoying, but kept seeing them for a few dates because they were super hot and I wanted to bang them, only for them to turn into actual really awesome girls who I dated long-term. You just don't know what is going to happen. Sex should be happening within 3 or so dates, 5 at most, and that's not long enough to figure out if the girl is LTR material. And even if she isn't LTR material, you can still get something from her - experience (not just sexual but dating in general) that will increase your ability to attract more and better women, increasing your odds of not driving high value women away in the future.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You need to learn how to fvck properly and it's not going to happen by being a virgin.

The worst thing that can happen is having a woman you actually are interested in not want to see you anymore because you are a disappointment in the bedroom.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Brother just in Germany it’s legal and regulated. The possibilities of getting an STD are close to nil.

If you go to a high end puffhaus, you can tell the madame and I guarantee you there is at least one girl there what would love to be your first, she would most likely really work with you.

When I was stationed there my buddies would always go to one near a really nice club I used to frequent. I like you was against paying directly for sex. One time I went in with the fools and sat at the bar while they did their thing. The working girls were all quite attractive and smart and intrigued that I would not partake.

This became a regular thing on Fridays and I became friends with a few of the women. They’d do their damndest to try to flirt with me, to the point where one said to me “come on let’s go to my suite, it’s on me”. I did speak the language at this point which they loved.

Never did it, it became an inside joke.

In your situation I would do it. She could certainly teach you a few things.

Hookers are no option, and not because of their price tag

 

[bat soup]

Hey there,

25yo virgin here. My goal has always been a LTR with a woman I can respect and desire, which led to the stupid idea of saving myself for "the one".

Until three years ago or so my dating life has been non existent. I came to this site by accident, read a lot of stuff, educated myself. Hit the gym, improved my looks, started hitting on & dating girls.

I am really good now with women I am not romantically interested in. They call me, try to set up new dates, all that stuff. But once I decide they are not what I'm looking for in a relationship, I pull out all effort. When sex is on the table, I don't respond anymore or try to get out of the situation if it's on a date.
With the women I am interested in, I still screw up big time. As soon as I start liking them, I get nervous, forget basically everything I have learned and turn back to my old habits. They notice and it goes nowhere.

I start to feel like I have to get my inexperience out of the way in order to stop beeing nervous, start to be attractive to the girls I'm interested in + to learn what it really is I want in a partner. With that in mind, the way I see it there are basically three options for me to proceed (feel free to add any if I miss something):

• get the idea of finding a relationship out of my head, smash as many girls as I can, screw up many times but become better every time, find out what I want and gain experience
• find myself a nice cougar and let her instruct me
• I continue looking for a girl to have a relationship with, who is patient and guides me. It either works out or it doesn't.

The first option is the one I am still not comfortable with. Losing the virginity to a random girl out there and never see her again... not my thing.
The second option somehow appeals to me, since I am good with mature women and they seem to have something left for me. However, I read somewhere on this site that it will do my psyche and self esteem no good to be tied down by a mature (most likely dominant) woman.
The third option is basically contradictory to everything I have learned here. It would basically end in either her dropping me bc she is sick of her relationship with an AFC, or me dropping her when it's time to break out of the cage.

How would you guys handle this? Any thoughts?

Those romantic ideas of "the one" are just Disney fantasies. if you start to think that any particular woman is perfect, reality will soon hit you in the face like a brick.

Not to say you can't eventually find a good long lasting relationship, but you have to be realistic. You probably find everlasting love with the first girl you hook up with.

 

[pipeman84]

In your situation I would do it. She could certainly teach you a few things.

It's not that I'm against hookers...actually I have more respect for them than for those girls who do (drunken) ONS. But the fact of the matter is that they can't help the OP...the technical part of sex can be learned from YouTube videos, p*rn. It's the emotional aspect of the relationship with a pretty girl that's the issue here.

 

[2Rocky]

You wouldn't go into a fight without having sparred would you? i think going through the experience where you didn't CARE abut the outcome of a relationship would free you up to immerse yourself in the sensations and *GASP* even the emotions involved in the carnal act. it will prepare you better for when you have a title on the line....

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

You don't get better at sex with ONS' or hookers...

You get better at sex with LTRs or FWBs where you can practice, hone your skills, try new things, and get a consistent, reliably source of pvssy. I would advise finding a nice, plain-looking girl who will love you and go to town on her...

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

I disagree pr0n is so far from reality it isn't funny, this is the reason that women, en masse say men suck in bed (because guys think that pr0n is reality). The OP needs an icebreaker, and a woman thats willing to show him a few tricks - the right paid professional can properly break the seal without the trauma and stigma of him needing to perform in any way.

the technical part of sex can be learned from YouTube videos, p*rn. It's the emotional aspect of the relationship with a pretty girl that's the issue here.

 

[corrector]

The OP has traction, based on his first post. He should stay true to himself and his values until the right one comes along. Just keep the traction and volume going and you will do fine.