The biggest change I've noticed as I've gotten better at game.

[Jesse Pinkman]

So while I have had my ups and downs, and many of them at that, I have gotten better at game throughout the years. I am now at a point where I can go out alone and actually approach without feeling the anxiety that I once did. However, it started to hit me after my 15th or so lay as to when I was turning a corner. Now this is more mental than anything and I am sure my boy @Jake_Gyllenhaal69 might just be able to relate here. However, I realized this change the better I got at game and I might not even be the only one here, give me your thoughts @Atom Smasher and @SW15.

This very change cleared my head so much and allowed my game to truly shine and be at its best. I feel like I can learn game now with a lot less limiting beliefs.

I went from desperately wanting a lot of friends and fitting in to now not wanting to fit in.

Back when I was in my late teens and early twenties, I wanted to fit in socially which is why I joined a frat. I wanted a lot of guy friends and that big social circle. I'd go out with a friend and see big groups having a great time and I wanted that for myself. Before I was getting decent at game, I'd almost wanted a social life and guy friends more than I wanted to get hot girls. Maybe I bought into the whole social circle game hype and the value of "status" and popularity, I mean I am not denying it but I guess I stopped valuing all of that.

As I have started to proactively learn game more rather than spam and drunk approaching, I almost value not having a huge social life. Sure, a couple friends here and there but that's really it for me.

I actually found that a very active social life, at times, can get in the way of you becoming successful with women.

It doesn't make sense to some but when I first moved to NYC, I had a massive social life with a ton of friends. I was going to events with 10+ people on some nights. However, I realized that when you are a part of that kind of social circle, you are kind of expected to stay in that circle and you get "watched" more. If you talk to a random girl at a bar, it gets talked about in the group the next time you are there. One thing I noticed is that the group tends to get a bit weary, jealous (if there are guys), and judgmental of you if they find you talking to lots of random girls and even getting with them.

Perhaps the one thing I personally found about social circle game is that the hottest girls are always taken and are just there for some validation or because of their friends. Social circle was a comfortable way to exist, it gave me comfort more than anything else and that was it. Like you always had people to go out with which made it less weird to do things.

I feel like social groups are almost like welfare state in a way for game. Yeah, they provide you the basics (friends, convos, and the occasional girlfriend or lay) but that's pretty much it. Once you try to go above that, it becomes a handicap in a way. Your friends start to almost judge you and feel like something is wrong with you in a way.

Now, it's different.

I feel like if I have my hobbies, my passion, and my life purpose, then all that matters is time to cold approach and meet women. I try not to fit in and in recent months, ignored invites by coworkers to watch a sports game. I try to avoid most guys and most social events because I see them for what they really are, dudes lacking guts to approach women so they rely on social events to meet them. It is pointless d1ck measuring contests with dudes trying to impress others and looking cringe in the process.

Now I look back at moments where we'd be out at a bar drunk and the lone 6 in our group or the handful of women had all the power. Trying to impress people, you always fall into it with the social circle route.

It used to get me as to why people in their later 20s and 30s avoid the big social circles and popularity contests. Now, I get it. I mean you can pull a hot girl if you have the confidence, looks, and logistics and you don't really need a big social circle to do it. Even when I had a big social circle, we had instances where a dude cold approached a girl in our group that night and took her home, I admire that dude now.

Now it is like I value being successful financially, having time for my hobbies, and time to run game so I can meet women. Maybe two guy friends max but even that is whatever. I notice that the better you get with women, the more guys try to be friends with you anyways.

 

[Bigpapa]

I think social circles are great, BUT they tend to be entirely populated by foreveralone men and couples eventually. At that point, they're going to actively sabotage your scarce free time to meet women by doing couples activities/unconditional surrender beta man activities.

the key is to actually be part of a social group and not to be part of it at the same time

only Keeping the relationship warm . Some fb likes , seeing them 1-3 times a year , some messages . Etc etc

the Key to social game is to have basically an endless list of people that you are in friendly terms with , but never expanding the relationship More than that . Unless ofc some people there are really amazing ( rarely happens though )

 

[SW15]

I actually found that a very active social life, at times, can get in the way of you becoming successful with women.

I think social circles are great, BUT they tend to be entirely populated by foreveralone men and couples eventually. At that point, they're going to actively sabotage your scarce free time to meet women by doing couples activities/unconditional surrender beta man activities.

Yes, social circle stuff can cocckblock once the circle becomes mostly couples. When men get into LTRs/marriages, they start doing LTR/married guy things (mainly couples outings), and they expect their unattached/marginally attached male friends to tag along. That stuff doesn't really benefit the unattached or marginally attached guy.

I feel like social groups are almost like welfare state in a way for game. Yeah, they provide you the basics (friends, convos, and the occasional girlfriend or lay) but that's pretty much it. Once you try to go above that, it becomes a handicap in a way. Your friends start to almost judge you and feel like something is wrong with you in a way.

I mean you can pull a hot girl if you have the confidence, looks, and logistics and you don't really need a big social circle to do it. Even when I had a big social circle, we had instances where a dude cold approached a girl in our group that night and took her home, I admire that dude now.

Social groups providing the basics, especially in the form of a girlfriend, are quite useful. It is easier to get a girlfriend through a social group than through approaching strangers. Most men don't do approaching all that well. When a man can do approaching well, there's no need for a social circle. Until that point, the social circle is the better play.

Social circle was a comfortable way to exist, it gave me comfort more than anything else and that was it. Like you always had people to go out with which made it less weird to do things.

Things that larger social groups want to do are generally uninteresting. I found that I'd rather do things with 1-2 other guys than doing larger group outings.

I feel like if I have my hobbies, my passion, and my life purpose, then all that matters is time to cold approach and meet women. I try not to fit in and in recent months, ignored invites by coworkers to watch a sports game. I try to avoid most guys and most social events because I see them for what they really are, dudes lacking guts to approach women so they rely on social events to meet them.

Watching sports games is a beta male activity. Participating in a sport is not beta.

I don't know if most men at social events lack guts. You're correct that a good portion lack guts but even for the ones with enough guts, the approaching strangers path is a very difficult path.

I can go out alone and actually approach without feeling the anxiety that I once did.

I've done all my non-bar approaching over the years alone. Not a big deal. I've even gone out to bars alone and did approaches, both later at night and during 5-8 PM type happy hours. Also not a big deal. People make going out to night venues alone a much bigger, anxiety-inducing thing than it actually needs to be. No woman at a night venue ever questioned why I was alone.

Part of why I did this is that I never had a good wing. I've had friends over the years. I've done well with making friends in my current city, likely better than some past cities. Not all male friends are decent wings.

 

[Foe]

I feel like social groups are a handicap in a way.
I try to avoid most guys and most social events because I see them for what they really are, dudes lacking guts to approach women

As a guy who is still getting his game together and is still in research mode I find this position to be in opposition to the seemingly more popular advise to "create social circles and not make woman your focus".

Personally Im highly co-dependent and when I meet a chick I like I make her my world so your advise is like music to my ears. Means I dont have to create a bro circle and I can go back to focusing on meeting girls which is what I would rather do.

I will say though trying to figure out the best path is confusing as it seems everyone has different ideas on the right method.

 

[BadWatermelon]

I've done all my non-bar approaching over the years alone. Not a big deal. I've even gone out to bars alone and did approaches, both later at night and during 5-8 PM type happy hours. Also not a big deal. People make going out to night venues alone a much bigger, anxiety-inducing thing than it actually needs to be. No woman at a night venue ever questioned why I was alone.

Part of why I did this is that I never had a good wing. I've had friends over the years. I've done well with making friends in my current city, likely better than some past cities. Not all male friends are decent wings.

Yeah, same with me. I'd like to find a good wing or two, but they're hard to find.

 

[Jesse Pinkman]

@SW15 and @BadWatermelon it is definitely a trial and error kind of thing and I will even write a post on it. I have managed to find two solid wings in my months of running daygame and nightgame but the reality is that it took me months of bad wings to get there. 80% of the wings you meet are going to suck but you have to tough it out for the 20%. Generally, I have found that guys who are arguing in pickup groups, putting up theories, and getting entangled in any kind of drama are often the worst wings. The best wings I have are always lurkers that rarely post on a pickup group but will DM you if you say you are going out and need a wing.

Wings make the biggest difference, I would not be where I am without them.