It's 3AM and I'm pissed off...

[BPH]

I'm sitting here at my computer doing work for my personal hustle and somebody sends me a Snapchat. I check my phone and notice that somebody else on my friend's list recently deleted me.

The reason I'm pissed is that this "somebody" is a girl that I'd been talking to since mid-week last week and had a date set up for tonight. We were originally supposed to meet up on Friday, but she asked to reschedule for Monday night due to her late-night work shifts, and that was fine. Then I checked my phone tonight after we had talked earlier today, only to find out I've been removed on Snapchat and my number's been blocked.

I guess I shouldn't be too surprised...she's a girl from Bumble and she and I were both looking for "something casual", which historically for me when the time actually comes, has always led to a last-minute flake.

But tonight I'm especially pissed off because this is becoming a pattern.

Some of you may recall I made a post about a girl I had been dating in regards to a Valentine's Day fight titled "Am I the A**hole?". We went back and forth for a while but eventually, I broke it off for good around early July I think (those of you who remember this thread, congrats, you were right). Since then I had gone on vacation for an entire week to a beach with a go-to bar every single night, been out with my buddies most weekends, and redownloaded the big-three dating apps...and in all the time between then and now I have only slept with 1 new woman only 1 time. And I just don't get it.

As far as my circumstances go, I'm 28 and unfortunately still live at home with my parents, but I'm a very good-looking guy to the point where I had a modeling contract so I'm still surprised that even one-night stands are suddenly an issue.

What I've noticed is this...and maybe it's just me...but I'll have a whole weekend planned as far as which girls I'll see. I'll spend the week flirting and setting up dates with matches or girls I've number closed, etc and my concern will be finding time to see all of them - but once the time comes there's a flake here, a ghost there, a reschedule there...and I don't know if I'm doing something wrong on my end or what.

When I was at the beach there was a span of 3 nights in a row, where I was making out with a different girl each night at the bar, and by the time it came to leave and seal the deal, something came up. One was recently out of a relationship, one was with a girlfriend who was also down but then ghosted, same with the third.

And I just don't get it. I don't know why I'm getting to the finish line over and over again only to get blindsided. I had 2 girls up in New York that I'd casually slept with prior who were down to hang out. Both left me on read when I was telling them I might be up there this next weekend.

So yeah, its 3AM and I'm pissed, I don't know why this is happening or what I'm doing wrong. This is mostly me venting, but if somebody sees a solution to this problem that maybe I'm overlooking, I would love to hear it. I'm just getting sick of thinking I have all the options in the world lined up for the weekend, only for all of them to change up at the last minute.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

There is something you are doing wrong that is either scaring these women away and making them ultimately not want to see you or bang you.

What that is I am not sure. Perhaps you are coming across as too needy/desperate in your interactions in some way or perhaps it is something else like they get a weird vibe from you. If I had to guess, you are giving off a weird psycho vibe where the women fear for their safety, hence they are unwilling to take things further or leave with you to go somewhere private...you are not giving them a feeling of comfort but are doing the opposite and making them uncomfortable.

If you are as good looking as you say you should pretty much be able to let them know you want to fvck and they should be all about it.

There were tests done with really good looking guys on these sites and basically they would say the craziest things to the women and then say in terms of sexual stuff and then ask for their number and they would go for it.

 

[Atom Smasher]

If you were to do a free-form guessing game, what comes to mind as to what about you might be turning girls off?
Usually your intuition will tell you. The thing or things that come to mind as possibilities are usually the actual answers. Trust that intuition and correct those issues.

 

[Dr.Suave]

but once the time comes there's a flake here, a ghost there, a reschedule there...

At some point you just gotta say F0ck This and start triple booking. It worked for me.

 

[Bokanovsky]

How do these girls compare to you in terms of SMV? Above, below or roughly on the same level?

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Getting blocked once in a while by a crazy girl with BP or ADHD is normal & part of the game. Average looking dudes overrate the experiences of Chads and think good looking guys have it so much easier in the dating game when it isn't true at all. Yes, a Good-Looking guy can get away with things an average/uglier guy cannot, but they are also dealing with the most toxic women on average.

 

[BPH]

There were tests done with really good looking guys on these sites and basically they would say the craziest things to the women and then say in terms of sexual stuff and then ask for their number and they would go for it.

I've seen those videos but I wouldn't use them as much of a guideline. Yeah good looking guys get plenty of matches, I have plenty of matches...but how many of those girls actually continue the conversation to the point where I get her number? And when I have her number, how often do they actually show up? Different apps have different success rates with this, but I don't think matches by themselves are a good metric at all.

If you were to do a free-form guessing game, what comes to mind as to what about you might be turning girls off?
Usually your intuition will tell you. The thing or things that come to mind as possibilities are usually the actual answers. Trust that intuition and correct those issues.

My best guess would be that my desperation is coming through in my interactions somehow, but I'm not sure where. I haven't really changed my approach; I still confidently go up to girls at the bar, ask for phone numbers, escalate, keep the texting to a minimum unless I'm setting up plans, etc. Like I mentioned when I approach the weekend I usually have plans with a couple girls and have more of an abundance mindset. It's only when the clock's about to strike that these girls seem to flake or ghost.

How do these girls compare to you in terms of SMV? Above, below or roughly on the same level?

This is a hard question to answer. I shoot high in the looks category and I don't really care about their background because I'm not looking for anything serious. Compared to myself? Well like I said I live at home and don't make much money, but I'm a very good looking guy; I'm 28 years old, 6ft tall, very lean and muscular, and I still have all my hair. The negatives wouldn't be a factor because these girls never really make it to the point where they have to worry about my background...most of this is taking place on dating apps, at bars, or when I come across somebody cute in the gym or something.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yes correct. Don't be. Laugh at these btches. This is the trenches of game. Be a HOF stud lineman. Its not personal. If it helps to vent here then vent. But this is part of it.

OP your solution is inner game. Study innergame there are some good dudes out there. Paul @Apexmindset and Troy Francis and Modern Life Dating are 3 good resources for learning some self love. They not perfect but solid.
Your lacking something about yourself. You shouldnt be this pissed about a girl not wanting to hang. When that happens you should still be amused.

Still think there is something OP is doing that is giving them bad vibes to not close that many times in a row if he is that good looking. Doesn't add up, especially when he is out at night making out with these women, with alcohol involved in a bar setting.

Giving off weird psycho vibes is the fastest way to get a woman to run away as fast as possible regardless of anything else.

 

[BPH]

Your lacking something about yourself. You shouldnt be this pissed about a girl not wanting to hang. When that happens you should still be amused.

I'm not pissed because of this one girl, I'm pissed because I'm not sure why this pattern is happening right now. If it was something where I was nervous or unsure or made clear mistakes like overtexting or saying weird stuff then I get it...but like I'm thinking these are slam dunks and then suddenly BOOM - blocked.

I think I'm more pissed because I'm single now and it took me almost 2 months to be with somebody other than my ex.

Still think there is something OP is doing that is giving them bad vibes to not close that many times in a row if he is that good looking.

Giving off weird psycho vibes is the fastest way to get a woman to run away as fast as possible regardless of anything else.

Like I said I think my desperation is coming through my interactions somehow, but I genuinely don't know how. I've seen the way a lot of guys text these girls; my ex, girls I've gone on dates with, etc. I'm not saying weird stuff, I'm not double, triple, etc texting. I'm not friendzoning myself by having casual conversations throughout the day. And when I'm in person it goes great...like I'm making out with these girls, I've got their number, I go up to them by myself whether they're in a group or not and confidently introduce myself.

I think the fact that I don't have a lot of options at the moment comes through in my interactions, or they pick up on it, but again, not sure what it is. I might also be picking women that have their own situations where they're not fully available (talking to another guy, recent breakup, personal issues, etc) but I can't control that, I can only control me, so I'm trying to understand where I'm going wrong lately.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I'm not pissed because of this one girl, I'm pissed because I'm not sure why this pattern is happening right now. If it was something where I was nervous or unsure or made clear mistakes like overtexting or saying weird stuff then I get it...but like I'm thinking these are slam dunks and then suddenly BOOM - blocked.

I think I'm more pissed because I'm single now and it took me almost 2 months to be with somebody other than my ex.



Like I said I think my desperation is coming through my interactions somehow, but I genuinely don't know how. I've seen the way a lot of guys text these girls; my ex, girls I've gone on dates with, etc. I'm not saying weird stuff, I'm not double, triple, etc texting. I'm not friendzoning myself by having casual conversations throughout the day. And when I'm in person it goes great...like I'm making out with these girls, I've got their number, I go up to them by myself whether they're in a group or not and confidently introduce myself.

I think the fact that I don't have a lot of options at the moment comes through in my interactions, or they pick up on it, but again, not sure what it is. I might also be picking women that have their own situations where they're not fully available (talking to another guy, recent breakup, personal issues, etc) but I can't control that, I can only control me, so I'm trying to understand where I'm going wrong lately.

Hmm...this sounds like what was happening to me for a while when I went through a patch where dates seemingly would go well, makeouts, etc and then I would get the "no spark" texts after.

Part of it was I was pushing too hard to try and get out of it and making myself look too desperate by doing so even tho I still had a few plates I was banging(was trying to add to the rotation).

I stepped back and relaxed and became more playful and fun in my interactions with them initially and less concerned with making out and moving fast and things started to change for the better and went back to getting second dates and then bangs.

Not sure if you might be in the same boat or not...try being more playful and fun loving in your initial interactions with them and less focused on making out and pushing the interactions sexually.

Sometimes by showing them you aren't focused on that they assume you must get a lot of that and don't need to go for it right away because it's no big deal and it turns into a positive rather than a negative...

In effect you end up doing some self-calibration.

 

[RBK]

Not having your own place certainly isn't helping. I will say the flake ness I'm seeing over the last couple years is off the charts compared to previously. I think a lot more people are on apps dating and women have so many choices someone else got your spot that night.

I'd take a break and refocus on your goals in life, women aren't the goal they are the side attraction.

 

[BPH]

Hmm...this sounds like what was happening to me for a while when I went through a patch where dates seemingly would go well, makeouts, etc and then I would get the "no spark" texts after.

Part of it was I was pushing too hard to try and get out of it and making myself look too desperate by doing so even tho I still had a few plates I was banging(was trying to add to the rotation).

I admit that I pushed a little harder than usual when I was on vacation because I knew I was working with very limited time. In my usual interactions, I usually go for the number after a short conversation, text her right then and there so she has my number, then go silent until the weekend when I'll set up plans unless she hits me up first.

One of the actual dates I'd gone on from this is where I got my 1 recent lay from. I do fine on those one-on-ones but it's a matter of getting the girls that I think are good-to-go to actually follow through with the plans we make.

Also I don't know why you dug up the Valentine's thread to reply (insert laughing emoji here).

Could be this. Have you tried leaving them on read? Are you working? Busy with stuff?
It helps your vibe a lot when you have your own place. That parents thing needs to be addressed but not saying you can't overcome that with game.

Maybe you are coming on to strong at the 10th hour. I dunno hard to tell with just this info.

I don't actually have read receipts on because I don't want people to know how much time has passed from when I read until I actually reply. But no I don't jump to reply; I go about my day, I work out, I get home to do work for myself and I'll usually reply in the evening.

As far as the home situation...yeah, that sucks and I know it. If I wanted to I could move out today and get some crappy apartment somewhere while struggling to make rent payments along with the impending end of the student loan forbearance. I'm still here because I don't have the money to move out and STAY out. My plan at the moment is to wait until October when my brother's lease expires in NY and see if he and I can find a spot somewhere down in Miami.

Not having your own place certainly isn't helping. I will say the flake ness I'm seeing over the last couple years is off the charts compared to previously. I think a lot more people are on apps dating and women have so many choices someone else got your spot that night.

I'd take a break and refocus on your goals in life, women aren't the goal they are the side attraction.

Yeah I'm sure social media plays a big role. Women aren't my focus, but when a good bit of time passes without sex it does wear on me a little bit because I feel like it shouldn't be happening. My financial circumstances suck but just about everything else I'd say I'm doing a pretty good job with, so it doesn't compute in my head as to why I'm having this problem lately.

 

[GreatHornedOwl]

I would say this probably boils down to over pursuing. Initiating too many times, sending out too many texts, always the one asking to meet up. You're told this displays confidence, shows you're assertive, etc. but doesn't take into account that if you're always the one showing interest... what are they showing you?

One thing I have learned from the game is interest has to be expressed on its own. You can't force a woman to do it (unless you're Ted Bundy). What gets a woman's emotions invested is sensing yours are not. They're probably not getting these vibes.

I will give you an example. I recently got a chick's number from a bar. I texted her 3 weeks later. Very short, concise replies. Sometimes one word answers. I initiated once, and never did it again. She reached out a week later and asked me what I was doing that weekend. I said "hanging out with friends." We didn't say anything else to each other. Two weeks later she says "Want to meet up soon?" I said "Maybe."

Most guys don't have the confidence or discipline to behave that way. This chick could tell she wasn't a priority to me, and that's what caused her interest level to raise. 99% of guys would text a few days later after getting the number, try to set up a date the following weekend, confirm the day of, etc. It's the blueprint every dude since the dawn of civilization implements. You don't think you're chasing, but you are.

You need to show interest, then STOP. The problem is, guys show interest, and some more interest... and then a little more interest on top of that, and become totally unaware they're chasing when they swear they're not.

Most people pursue people who aren't pursing them.

 

[member160292]

I would say this probably boils down to over pursuing. Initiating too many times, sending out too many texts, always the one asking to meet up. You're told this displays confidence, shows you're assertive, etc. but doesn't take into account that if you're always the one showing interest... what are they showing you?

One thing I have learned from the game is interest has to be expressed on its own. You can't force a woman to do it (unless you're Ted Bundy). What gets a woman's emotions invested is sensing yours are not. They're probably not getting these vibes.

I will give you an example. I recently got a chick's number from a bar. I texted her 3 weeks later. Very short, concise replies. Sometimes one word answers. I initiated once, and never did it again. She reached out a week later and asked me what I was doing that weekend. I said "hanging out with friends." We didn't say anything else to each other. Two weeks later she says "Want to meet up soon?" I said "Maybe."

Most guys don't have the confidence or discipline to behave that way. This chick could tell she wasn't a priority to me, and that's what caused her interest level to raise. 99% of guys would text a few days later after getting the number, try to set up a date the following weekend, confirm the day of, etc. It's the blueprint every dude since the dawn of civilization implements. You don't think you're chasing, but you are.

You need to show interest, then STOP. The problem is, guys show interest, and some more interest... and then a little more interest on top of that, and become totally unaware they're chasing when they swear they're not.

Most people pursue people who aren't pursing them.

I’m glad you put this into words. It’s no longer escalate, the game has changed along with technology. The ones that are patient will reap the rewards.

Having said that, you will need to escalate asap if you were to night game if she shows IoI

 

[BPH]

Most people pursue people who aren't pursing them.

I understand that, but playing hard-to-get doesn't work as well in this day and age. Any hot girl can fire up their Instagram to instantly get validation from thousands of hot guys all over the world. My ex only had about 4,000 followers and she still had people sending her money, offering to fly her out, buying her gifts, etc.

I just don't think that works as well anymore with women who are in-demand.

 

[member160292]

I understand that, but playing hard-to-get doesn't work as well in this day and age. Any hot girl can fire up their Instagram to instantly get validation from thousands of hot guys all over the world. My ex only had about 4,000 followers and she still had people sending her money, offering to fly her out, buying her gifts, etc.

I just don't think that works as well anymore with women who are in-demand.

That’s what Owl is trying to say…there are dudes out there that simp. You can join them and test your luck in a pool of desperate men or you can live your life and differentiate yourself

 

[BPH]

That’s what Owl is trying to say…there are dudes out there that simp. You can join them and test your luck in a pool of desperate men or you can live your life and differentiate yourself

I understand that, but if his profile is accurate, he's 39 years old. It's safe to assume the girls he's around are roughly his age.

It's a different generation.

Playing hard to get works in like high school, maybe. But unless you're a big deal in your local area or city or something why would any hot girl spend her time trying to get your attention if she's getting the cold shoulder?

I'm not saying the alternative - simping - is any better, just that I don't think feigning disinterest over the course of a month is good either. Even if you're her top choice, if you're not giving her d*** then somebody else will.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Read this right after you first posted last night but wanted to see how some of the guys responded. I agree part of this is pushyness. Being too pushy can come off all wrong unless you are very well calibrated, do not give a CRAP what happens (IDGAF) and you are amused rather than annoyed. You care WAY too much right now to pull off the bold move strategy. However, if you are as attractive as you say, you are expected to be able to pull it off. So when you come across as annoying instead of bold and confident it is incongruent from what women expect, and that cognitive dissonance creates uneasiness, which literally weirds women out and is anti-seductive.

Annoyed energy, an annoyed vibe is anti-seductive. Utterly. It's creepy, expectant, disconcerting and uncomfortable/weird. Read Robert Greene's Art of Seduction. He talks very candidly about this. So annoyed energy is bad. Period.

Here's the other reality of the situation. Women don't evaluate men the same way men evaluate women. Men are almost entirely looks based, particularly in your age bracket...women, especially women with lots of choices aren't. I'm going to be blunt so you have the 411. If you are handsome enough to attract truly hot women, the legit 8's and 9's out there, guess what? You have competition that is just as physically handsome as you that may have a "real man" life, i.e. his own place, his own career, his own autonomy and your competition is outdoing you in areas other than looks. So compared to her other options? You may not measure up. At 28 I was dating young doctors and lawyers and entrepreneurs, I married a very successful nightclub owner at 31...and I had guys like you hitting me up. Beautiful losers who thought all they needed was to be handsome.

I dropped a professional male fashion model for the nightclub owner. And the model was better looking (although the nightclub owner was attractive and HELLA sexy), the model was insecure as hell. Huge turn-off.

I recall one day out for a run with my former college cheerleader little sister. A guy just like you passed on his bike, circled back, and said hello. Turns out he was a totally hot dude I had met in college who had dated one of the most beautiful women on campus. He was still gorgeous physically.

He asked me out.

He shows up in a beater car that was a complete mess inside with all sorts of trash (slob car) and we go out to dinner. He tries to write a check at the restaurant and actually had to leave to go get money at an ATM. I always wondered if he thought he was so handsome that I'd simply pay. I didn't. Very awkward evening. Didn't kiss him, went home. He asked me out again. I decided to give him another chance. This time he picks me up, we go to an event where we get up to the ticket window (he was unprepared and did not pre-buy tickets) and he changed plans and we ended up at a free art opening somewhere else.

He was entitled (thinking he was God's gift and that I would offer to pay), cheap, and disorganized. Working as a substitute teacher. Pass. I blew him right off. About 6 weeks later I get a letter in the mail how he really liked me and how I was the kind of girl he'd like to marry one day...Ugh. Bullet dodged.

Here's the crazy thing. He ended up finding a sugar mama to marry, had kids with her (based on his charm and good looks) and was a total mooch. She eventually divorced his lazy ass. My ex husband and I knew this guy's brother (a very successful physician) and wife as our kids went to the same school. The beautiful loser was an embarrassment to his otherwise accomplished family, didn't care, and traded on his looks to slide by in life. The gorgeous girlfriend he had in college? After college she blew him off for a similarly gorgeous ambitious man who became an accomplished businessman, and father. She became a kept wife & mother & she's very happy. She was prettier than Cindy Crawford when Crawford was in her prime, just a beautiful woman. So yeah, gorgeous girls with options? They will blow you off for a better total package because ALL the men they consider are handsome, trust me.

So if you want a woman who has choices, and all gorgeous girls do, then you need to be a better package than a handsome failure to launch type. You gotta be real here.

That's harsh, I know, but you already know this deep down. So you gotta figure out who YOU are and get on with life. Great women are not going to flock to someone still living with mom & dad at nearly 30.

And just so you don't feel slighted...I pull no punches with my own son, who is 20. But he works as a mechanic, goes to college full time on a scholarship he earned through hard work, has a steady girl of 2 years, and has his own place. He struggles and he knows the world does not care about him, he knows he is NOT a snowflake, and that results are what matter out in the world. He was raised that way. He's handsome, and fit, but short. Never set him back a lick, but he never expected anything to be given to him either. He asks for very little and expects nothing.

Get on your own and struggle. Understand that it is YOUR job to make something of your life and understand that women are paying attention to what you have accomplished. Go accomplish something. Nobody owes you anything. You gotta make your own way and that means getting out of the comfort zone that is holding you back as a man. No excuses.

 

[SW15]

As far as my circumstances go, I'm 28 and unfortunately still live at home with my parents, but I'm a very good-looking guy to the point where I had a modeling contract so I'm still surprised that even one-night stands are suddenly an issue.

This is the biggest problem. It doesn't matter how good looking you are. At 28, it's a big red flag with women to be with a guy living with his parents. The typical woman now has endless options and that's how it has been for at least 15-20 years, ever since technological means have allowed women to get exponentially more options. Based on you being good looking, you were probably able to get away with living at home more easily from 21-25 than most men. That ship has now sailed.

The reason I'm pissed is that this "somebody" is a girl that I'd been talking to since mid-week last week and had a date set up for tonight. We were originally supposed to meet up on Friday, but she asked to reschedule for Monday night due to her late-night work shifts, and that was fine. Then I checked my phone tonight after we had talked earlier today, only to find out I've been removed on Snapchat and my number's been blocked.

I guess I shouldn't be too surprised...she's a girl from Bumble and she and I were both looking for "something casual", which historically for me when the time actually comes, has always led to a last-minute flake.

But tonight I'm especially pissed off because this is becoming a pattern.

Meeting women on a swipe app leads to most men experiencing the worst behaviors that women have to offer. You probably are doing better than many in terms of avoiding the worst female behaviors due to your top tier level looks. Apparently, not even you are immune from receiving emotional abuse and horseshiit from women.

You'll get slightly better behavior from women if you meet them from random stranger approaches. I must emphasize that it won't be that much better. The only times women will treat a man decently in the early stages is if....

1. Strong social circle connection (moderate to high-ish interest level)
2. Very high interest level (regardless of the manner in which they met)

On a separate note, I could relate to the title of this thread. I've had nights in my life where I've gotten home from the bars at 2-3 AM, failed to get vagina that night, and was quite pissed.

 

[member160292]

I would turn them on. Read receipts are part of chic crack. They do that **** on purpose to guys to fck with them. They know it. Flip it on them drives them

What are some of the ways you can use read receipts to your advantage? My thought is that once you enable it there is no going back