Overbearing & Nerurotic Parents (Me: 35yo Male)

[Crissco]

If i posted this in the wrong section feel free to change the location.

To make a long story short I live with my dad and brother. Who are both a pain in my ass at times. While i do love them both very much bit it's almost impossible to move with them sometimes. My dad has a major control issue, while has calmed down a lot in his own age, but its usually his way or the high way, on top of the his believes all these conspiracies theories at times. On top of that i get an attitude from time all the time. Hes all over the place with his mood and i cant deal with it anymore.

My mom, shes neurotic. Borh of my parents dont want me drinking becacuse im bipolar( on medication). While i do understand where they are coming from the freak the fu*k out to much and tell me what to do with everything, at 35! Its ridiculous. Its like my dad is bipolar to but worse than me. I know i need to get out of here but i dont correctly have a job(im looking) so im stuck here for now. While its not THAT bad its a big annoyance to me. But i should not be going this crap at my age, I know they love me very much i can see that but they dont know how to express their emotions property and they mindset and mood changes like the weather. Its nuts. I need out of here big time. I would love to move back to Dallas to Florida since the cost of living is cheaper and it has warmer weather.

Im 35 i should be able to do what i want to do when i want to do it, while i CAN do that for the most part yet but i still need to live under my dads rules since i live with him which is do respect besides the drinking aspect. I have to hide it from him or I will be kicked out of the house.

I know once i get a high paying job i can move out or start up a successful busineess but my dads mood changes so much i dont know how to take one, one second hes happy for the me the next hes jealous when i make more than him for a website job when only had $40 in his bank account. Its rediclious.

A little stuck on what to do here, i only need about $4000-$5000 a month to live.

Any advice on how to get through to them as they dont listen to me as they're boomers...or get out of his hell home?

Crissco

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Have you been living with your parents your entire life(ie, never moved out)?

35 is a little old to be still stuck at home...that should be your main focus, doing what you need to do to change that situation.

The longer you stay there, the less inclined you are to really do anything because it's easy. You have a roof over your head, a place to stay, free food, no bills, no real responsibilities, etc...It fvcks with you mentally whether you realize or not. When you allow yourself to be complacent in this area of your life, your complacency extends to all other areas. Women, career, finances, etc.

Make a plan and set a hard deadline that you will move out and then act on it like your life depends on it

 

[Crissco]

Have you been living with your parents your entire life(ie, never moved out)?

35 is a little old to be still stuck at home...that should be your main focus, doing what you need to do to change that situation.

The longer you stay there, the less inclined you are to really do anything because it's easy. You have a roof over your head, a place to stay, free food, no bills, no real responsibilities, etc...It fvcks with you mentally whether you realize or not. When you allow yourself to be complacent in this area of your life, your complacency extends to all other areas. Women, career, finances, etc.

Make a plan and set a hard deadline that you will move out and then act on it like your life depends on it

I moved to about 4 different places during my 20s, most recently Dallas Texas, but i always end up back in NY from lack of money. Yes I agree it really does fvuck with me mentally. But i know my dad wants me here since its 67 now and just had open heart surgery and a lot of issues this year and is recovering and needs some help. But yup i agree with everything you said.

 

[Crissco]

Wow talk about major typos in my first message ha! I was a bit drunk when i wrote this, but what i said still stand haha

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Well

I moved to about 4 different places during my 20s, most recently Dallas Texas, but i always end up back in NY from lack of money. Yes I agree it really does fvuck with me mentally. But i know my dad wants me here since its 67 now and just had open heart surgery and a lot of issues this year and is recovering and needs some help. But yup i agree with everything you said.

Well, then that should be your first goal. How to earn more money. What do you typically do for a living? Have you thought about going back to school to earn a degree in a field that has good job opportunities? You likely would qualify for Pell Grants and you could find some online schools(look for ones that are real schools that offer online classes not online schools) that offer low cost credits for online students. You have to decide you want to do that tho. Nothing is going to change otherwise.

I understand them wanting you close by due to health concerns, but could you potentially get your own place and come visit when needed? That might be a good compromise...

At 35 you have to live your life and part of being able to do that is securing yourself financially.

 

[Crissco]

Well


Well, then that should be your first goal. How to earn more money. What do you typically do for a living? Have you thought about going back to school to earn a degree in a field that has good job opportunities? You likely would qualify for Pell Grants and you could find some online schools(look for ones that are real schools that offer online classes not online schools) that offer low cost credits for online students. You have to decide you want to do that tho. Nothing is going to change otherwise.

I understand them wanting you close by due to health concerns, but could you potentially get your own place and come visit when needed? That might be a good compromise...

At 35 you have to live your life and part of being able to do that is securing yourself financially.

I have some college but didnt graduate, i was never really a school person overall. But I did take a computer programming bootcamp that I did very well in. As for my job im a website developer looking to transition into software development, but its tough for me, I cant complete with the new grads who have a CS or math degree(im not good at math)...But yes i thought about going back to an actual college when i move out again(part time)...Also thought of becoming a cop BUT there is alot going on in this world right now and may not be the safest career on top of that i have injuries so not sure if i could pass the physical fitness test anymore or the phycological since i am bipolar, even being medicated. I just have to make a decision but stick with it.

I wouldnt mind a career change either, but ive been doing websites for 10 years its pretty much all i know is technology.

I can always make a career change start up a company, make an awesome website for it and advertise it(digital marketing) since thats my area.

 

[manfrombelow]

Toxic parents can destroy their children for life, literally.

OP, please believe me when I say I sympathize with every word you wrote there, because I have almost the same story.

I don't know why you haven't been able to have already moved out at the age of 35, however I believe the root cause still originated from your toxic parents and the kind of toxic (and stupid) upbringing they gave you since your childhood.

For now, make moving out the top of your priority list, and start re-building your life from that point.

Not only your parents, you must stay away from toxic people in general as well.

Best of lucks bro.

 

[Crissco]

Toxic parents can destroy their children for life, literally.

OP, please believe me when I say I sympathize with every word you wrote there, because I have almost the same story.

I don't know why you haven't been able to have already moved out at the age of 35, however I believe the root cause still originated from your toxic parents and the kind of toxic (and stupid) upbringing they gave you since your childhood.

For now, make moving out the top of your priority list, and start re-building your life from that point.

Not only your parents, you must stay away from toxic people in general as well.

Best of lucks bro.

Its not that their super toxic, they just dont understand sometimes, they arent the best parents, but good mother and father, meaning they where there for all my needs and i know they love me very much, but my dad is overbearing with a control issue but calmed down a lot and my mom is neurotic. I know they mean well overall, but its just annoying to me. And sorry for your issues as well bro.

 

[manfrombelow]

Its not that their super toxic, they just dont understand sometimes, they arent the best parents, but good mother and father, meaning they where there for all my needs and i know they love me very much, but my dad is overbearing with a control issue but calmed down a lot and my mom is neurotic. I know they mean well overall, but its just annoying to me. And sorry for your issues as well bro.

Just move the fvck out as soon as possible please.

You can love your parents without staying under the same roof with them.

 

[Crissco]

Just move the fvck out as soon as possible please.

You can love your parents without staying under the same roof with them.

I agree 100% with that, but yes i know i need to move out and most importantly stay out of this house this time instead of coming back.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I have some college but didnt graduate, i was never really a school person overall. But I did take a computer programming bootcamp that I did very well in. As for my job im a website developer looking to transition into software development, but its tough for me, I cant complete with the new grads who have a CS or math degree(im not good at math)...But yes i thought about going back to an actual college when i move out again(part time)...Also thought of becoming a cop BUT there is alot going on in this world right now and may not be the safest career on top of that i have injuries so not sure if i could pass the physical fitness test anymore or the phycological since i am bipolar, even being medicated. I just have to make a decision but stick with it.

I wouldnt mind a career change either, but ive been doing websites for 10 years its pretty much all i know is technology.

I can always make a career change start up a company, make an awesome website for it and advertise it(digital marketing) since thats my area.

Why can't you? I got my first job with no CS degree, just from years of experience. After getting my foot in the door I went back to school and earned my CS degree tho, so now I am official.

The problem as I see it is you are putting self imposed limitations on yourself that don't actually exist, but you think they do.

Most places are more interested in what you can do rather than a piece of paper, although not having that will hurt in some jobs.

How many resumes have you sent out? How many IT recruiters are you in contact with?

IT recruiters make your life easy...they will find you with jobs and once you get in with enough of them it will be a constant bombardment on a daily basis.

 

[Crissco]

Why can't you? I got my first job with no CS degree, just from years of experience. After getting my foot in the door I went back to school and earned my CS degree tho, so now I am official.

The problem as I see it is you are putting self imposed limitations on yourself that don't actually exist, but you think they do.

Most places are more interested in what you can do rather than a piece of paper, although not having that will hurt in some jobs.

How many resumes have you sent out? How many IT recruiters are you in contact with?

IT recruiters make your life easy...they will find you with jobs and once you get in with enough of them it will be a constant bombardment on a daily basis.

Well yeah thats my exact plan, to get a job, move out, go back and get a CS degree. First step is getting a job and moving out, the only issue is i only know HTML /CSS /WordPress and basics of JS and PHP pretty much. I get the interview but once the learn what I know or given a technical test i dont do to well on the technical then i dont get the job

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Well yeah thats my exact plan, to get a job, move out, go back and get a CS degree. First step is getting a job and moving out, the only issue is i only know HTML /CSS /WordPress and basics of JS and PHP pretty much. I get the interview but once the learn what I know or given a technical test i dont do to well on the technical then i dont get the job

Start taking free online courses...I would highly highly recommend this free one done by the University of Helsinki. It's exceptional. Will get you started with React and it's an actual college course that is taught at the University they now have it open to the public and free.

Edx, Coursera, etc are good places to take college courses that you can get certificate of completion for that are relatively inexpensive($50-100). Not exactly showing a degree but showing some initiative and that you have completed to course work.

Not a giant fan of boot camps, to be honest. I think retention of knowledge is often an issue and also not really understanding context with a lot of stuff being learned or when to use/not use it. With so many free resources, not sure why anyone would pay that money now a days.

Full stack open

Open online course on JavaScript based modern web development by University of Helsinki and Houston Inc..

fullstackopen.com

 

[SW15]

move back to Dallas to Florida since the cost of living is cheaper and it has warmer weather.

How long were you in Dallas? Dallas is no longer the bargain it once was. Rents are high. Basic, 1 bedroom apartments built prior to 1980 are going around $1,300 - $1,600 whereas they were below $1,000 prior to the pandemic. I'm in a newer apartment since women in Dallas are more likely to have sex with you in a newer apartment. A pre-1980 construction apartment makes it more difficult for a guy to get laid in Dallas because women are fussy, pretentious, and demanding in this market. That's mostly a White woman thing. You'd be better off dealing with non-White women if your apartment in Dallas is older.

Im 35 i should be able to do what i want to do when i want to do it, while i CAN do that for the most part yet but i still need to live under my dads rules since i live with him which is do respect besides the drinking aspect. I have to hide it from him or I will be kicked out of the house.

A little stuck on what to do here, i only need about $4000-$5000 a month to live.

Even if your parents were awesome, most women would frown upon a 30-39 year old man still living with his parents. I just explained that women in Dallas are often pretentious about the age of men's apartments, age/make/model of men's cars. While many other cities are not nearly as bad as Dallas about this, it is an uphill battle.

I'm 39 and I couldn't go live with my mom if I ran into financial problems. The living situation would be way too uncomfortable.

Toxic parents can destroy their children for life, literally.

OP, please believe me when I say I sympathize with every word you wrote there, because I have almost the same story.

I believe the root cause still originated from your toxic parents and the kind of toxic (and stupid) upbringing they gave you since your childhood.

For now, make moving out the top of your priority list, and start re-building your life from that point.

Not only your parents, you must stay away from toxic people in general as well.

I relate, as I had two toxic parents as well who had a dysfunctional relational dynamic. Both were broken to certain degrees. Mom is the lesser messed up of the two, but even she's quite difficult to deal with under the same roof. I don't enjoy visiting her either since she had boyfriends/remarried since my parents divorced.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

How long were you in Dallas? Dallas is no longer the bargain it once was. Rents are high. Basic, 1 bedroom apartments built prior to 1980 are going around $1,300 - $1,600 whereas they were below $1,000 prior to the pandemic. I'm in a newer apartment since women in Dallas are more likely to have sex with you in a newer apartment. A pre-1980 construction apartment makes it more difficult for a guy to get laid in Dallas because women are fussy, pretentious, and demanding in this market. That's mostly a White woman thing. You'd be better off dealing with non-White women if your apartment in Dallas is older.



Even if your parents were awesome, most women would frown upon a 30-39 year old man still living with his parents. I just explained that women in Dallas are often pretentious about the age of men's apartments, age/make/model of men's cars. While many other cities are not nearly as bad as Dallas about this, it is an uphill battle.

I'm 39 and I couldn't go live with my mom if I ran into financial problems. The living situation would be way too uncomfortable.



I relate, as I had two toxic parents as well who had a dysfunctional relational dynamic. Both were broken to certain degrees. Mom is the lesser messed up of the two, but even she's quite difficult to deal with under the same roof. I don't enjoy visiting her either since she had boyfriends/remarried since my parents divorced.

IMHO, OPs first focus should be on obtaining employment and a steady income so he can execute the other parts of the plan...

Again, I would highly recommend that fullstackopen course I linked to.

 

[SW15]

IMHO, OPs first focus should be on obtaining employment and a steady income so he can execute the other parts of the plan...

You're correct. He can't really do much on the attraction-seduction stuff until he figues out the employment aspect. I relate. I graduated into the 2008 labor part. I graduated from an MBA program in the worst year to graduate since the end of World War II.

Although Roosh wrote the definitive guide to getting laid while unemployed in 2011 (near the end of the Great Recession), unemployment and unsteady employment is still an obstacle to abundance in poontang. Some of this article is difficult to implement in real life. Not only did I graduate into 2008, I have endured layoffs.

Getting Laid While Unemployed And Living In Your Dad’s Basement

 

[Crissco]

How long were you in Dallas? Dallas is no longer the bargain it once was. Rents are high. Basic, 1 bedroom apartments built prior to 1980 are going around $1,300 - $1,600 whereas they were below $1,000 prior to the pandemic. I'm in a newer apartment since women in Dallas are more likely to have sex with you in a newer apartment. A pre-1980 construction apartment makes it more difficult for a guy to get laid in Dallas because women are fussy, pretentious, and demanding in this market. That's mostly a White woman thing. You'd be better off dealing with non-White women if your apartment in Dallas is older.



Even if your parents were awesome, most women would frown upon a 30-39 year old man still living with his parents. I just explained that women in Dallas are often pretentious about the age of men's apartments, age/make/model of men's cars. While many other cities are not nearly as bad as Dallas about this, it is an uphill battle.

I'm 39 and I couldn't go live with my mom if I ran into financial problems. The living situation would be way too uncomfortable.



I relate, as I had two toxic parents as well who had a dysfunctional relational dynamic. Both were broken to certain degrees. Mom is the lesser messed up of the two, but even she's quite difficult to deal with under the same roof. I don't enjoy visiting her either since she had boyfriends/remarried since my parents divorced.

I was in Dallas for two months until my GF broke up with me....Also 1300 is CHEAP compared to the $2000 plus rent where i live in New York so to ME, Dallas is super cheap lol so i cant complain...And yes I understand the family dynamic my parents are divorced also.

 

[Crissco]

You're correct. He can't really do much on the attraction-seduction stuff until he figues out the employment aspect. I relate. I graduated into the 2008 labor part. I graduated from an MBA program in the worst year to graduate since the end of World War II.

Although Roosh wrote the definitive guide to getting laid while unemployed in 2011 (near the end of the Great Recession), unemployment and unsteady employment is still an obstacle to abundance in poontang. Some of this article is difficult to implement in real life. Not only did I graduate into 2008, I have endured layoffs.

Getting Laid While Unemployed And Living In Your Dad’s Basement

Not to toot my own horn but i have over 200 matches in the past 2 months since the break up on Tinder and bumble and banged 3 chicks already at my dads house. Not sure if you know my history but i have over 120 plus lay count, thats including losing my virginity at 22. Even being out of shape now a bit i still get girls and go on dates / get laid at my dads...YET I know money should always come first, my issue is i put woman over money and that was always my biggest issue. I guess i was making up for lost time since i was a virgin until 22 / found this site.

 

[Crissco]

Start taking free online courses...I would highly highly recommend this free one done by the University of Helsinki. It's exceptional. Will get you started with React and it's an actual college course that is taught at the University they now have it open to the public and free.

Edx, Coursera, etc are good places to take college courses that you can get certificate of completion for that are relatively inexpensive($50-100). Not exactly showing a degree but showing some initiative and that you have completed to course work.

Not a giant fan of boot camps, to be honest. I think retention of knowledge is often an issue and also not really understanding context with a lot of stuff being learned or when to use/not use it. With so many free resources, not sure why anyone would pay that money now a days.

Full stack open

Open online course on JavaScript based modern web development by University of Helsinki and Houston Inc..

fullstackopen.com

Im currently doing codecademy JavaScript right now actually, I want to take the harvard cs50 course(intro to computer science) as well at some point, but will look into what you mentioned as well man