In my experience women get worse with age.
That's just a fact.
OP at 29 you're on the cusp of knowing thyself, give it a bit more time. At 28/29 I joined this forum a complete mess, smashing h0es on OLD, feeling depressed, doing cocaine and drinking through the week. 4 years later you would meet me and think wow, this guy has it all figured out, he's so lucky/blessed.
From 29-33 (present) I did all my maturing, I figured myself out, I started my business, learned and understood myself, did some real shadow work on what makes me tick, I'm still learning. Don't be disheartened, you're not really a man yet. Some people with perfect upbringing seem to have it all figured out, some of us take a little time to get there, it's ok.
Keep progressing in your work/money situation, keep working out and being healthy, everything will fall into place.
I grew up so poor, nobody could come to my house, it was disgusting. It's ok to be poor in the ghetto, everyone is the same, that same poor upbringing. I grew up poor around not poor people (some wealthy, but on average normal income). That affected my friendships and relationships, women wanted me, but for an unspoken reason, I had to push them away, always. Men too, best friends I couldn't let in and be "normal" with. I had all the natural gifts and tools but none of the outside influence I needed, normality. Never letting anyone in, male or female. I still feel that loss today. "Why can't we come to your house" how do you answer that question at 12 years old? 17 years old? 21 years old? Meeting the girl of your dreams at 24 years old? Being poor and being abused, internalising so much angst and despair and having NOBODY to talk to, no real best friend. How do you tell a girl you love you can't let her into your life, that you're destined to be alone and unhappy? I felt worthless. I got a job, my first job, aged 21 after I dropped out of uni, but as we all know life is expensive, I was still no better off, I needed a lump sum of £50,000 to turn my fortunes around, that never happened. I effectively lived in solitarity confinement for 25 years as a handsome charismatic man who received attention and love from people. It was a death sentence, created by me, my own mind and fear of judgement for being poor (something I was born into) with a sh!t upbringing and family (something I was born into) crippled my growth and happiness.
That's why I turned to drink, drugs and anarchy, to self comfort/sooth/medicate.
My mum was mentally ill (RIP) and I felt I had to hide from the world. I contemplated suicide, there was no out, no change, no hope. That changed slowly from 2016 onwards. We all need to go at our own pace. Not having social media helped me. It made me very resilient, loving and open.
I've gone off on a tangent here, but my point is, if you stay focused and positive, your fortunes can change in an instant. Money is the real problem, not love of money, excess of money, but financial freedom to really be yourself without limitations.
If you had £3,000,000 in your bank account you wouldn't be posting this.
So go and earn some money, graft, work, give everything to make your life better. I'm posting this because this will resonate with someone reading this, if not you OP, someone out there needs to hear this. I'm richer than anyone I know, because I lived in a prison of poverty all my life, due to judgement and society.
