When they have a boyfriend, but they are obscure about it because they find you attractive?

[oc16]

Maybe I am overthinking things, but short story.

Met a woman last night in an interactive cooking class. We were talking a little bit back and forth about living situations and I used to live in the town she lives now. She just said a couple of times, well "we" live in an apartment, and "we" are not ready to buy yet. I took it as she is NOT single but thought it odd, she did not say "My boyfriend/fiance/husband.......or My ______(fill in the blank) John.

I assume this woman was taken but didn't want to mention a significant other (such as "My" or a name) since perhaps she felt attraction?

This has happened in other situations as well.

 

[SW15]

Always be closing. Also use boyfriend destroyer lines when you get the IHAB. Push back on that shiit. A good portion of the time the boyfriend is 100% fictional. I haven't gotten the IHAB in a long time. I thought women were getting more sophisticated in their excuse making or were also getting better at flat out saying no. I have seen approaches online when guys were getting IHAB'ed. I can't explain why I don't get IHAB'ed but used to more in the past.

You could have asked "who is we?" That's typically how I deal with pronoun confusion.

 

[oc16]

Always be closing. Also use boyfriend destroyer lines when you get the IHAB. Push back on that shiit. A good portion of the time the boyfriend is 100% fictional. I haven't gotten the IHAB in a long time. I thought women were getting more sophisticated in their excuse making or were also getting better at flat out saying no. I have seen approaches online when guys were getting IHAB'ed. I can't explain why I don't get IHAB'ed but used to more in the past.

You could have asked "who is we?" That's typically how I deal with pronoun confusion.

IHAB? What does that acronym mean?

 

[Billtx49]

IHAB? What does that acronym mean?

I have a boyfriend

 

[bat soup]

Maybe I am overthinking things, but short story.

Met a woman last night in an interactive cooking class. We were talking a little bit back and forth about living situations and I used to live in the town she lives now. She just said a couple of times, well "we" live in an apartment, and "we" are not ready to buy yet. I took it as she is NOT single but thought it odd, she did not say "My boyfriend/fiance/husband.......or My ______(fill in the blank) John.

I assume this woman was taken but didn't want to mention a significant other (such as "My" or a name) since perhaps she felt attraction?

This has happened in other situations as well.

Actually, she's probably KOKblocking you by saying "we". She didn't need to say it. She could have said "I live in...etc" if she didn't want to mention her bf.

But the point you make is valid. Sometimes women will deliberately avoid mentioning their bf if they like you.

 

[SW15]

Actually, she's probably KOKblocking you by saying "we". She didn't need to say it. She could have said "I live in...etc" if she didn't want to mention her bf.

But the point you make is valid. Sometimes women will deliberately avoid mentioning their bf if they like you.

It's still good to ask "who is we?" Always push back and challenge them. I think women are IHABing less these days because more and more men realize that IHAB is often a crock of shiit. Even if the boyfriend is real, you want to plant the idea in her mind that her boyfriend is crap and her hypergamy needs to come out and she needs to perceive the benefits of the monkey branch to you.

 

[bat soup]

It's still good to ask "who is we?" Always push back and challenge them. I think women are IHABing less these days because more and more men realize that IHAB is often a crock of shiit. Even if the boyfriend is real, you want to plant the idea in her mind that her boyfriend is crap and her hypergamy needs to come out and she needs to perceive the benefits of the monkey branch to you.

I'd ask who she means by "we" because I'd want to know if I'm wasting my time. But if she didn't bring it up then I wouldn't ask.

In any case I'd try to get close and escalate and base my opinion on how she responds to proximity, touch etc rather than anything she says.

I once met a girl for coffee who told me that she was lesbian and lived with her gf. But she didn't move away when I touched her. Later we were banging in her car.

 

[2Rocky]

When I have a woman saying "WE" I ask point blank, "Who is the other part/rest of 'we'?" I've had women answer , 'oh my 4 year old daughter' or point across the room to their husband.

They are ambiguous because they want you to ask.

 

[member160292]

When I have a woman saying "WE" I ask point blank, "Who is the other part/rest of 'we'?" I've had women answer , 'oh my 4 year old daughter' or point across the room to their husband.

They are ambiguous because they want you to ask.

I always thought it would be a natural thing to ask. What's she going to say? You're not privy to that information? lol

 

[Gamisch]

If I respond solely to the title I would say; every woman hb5 ( 4 maybe )and up is involved with a man. Either she has a bf, she's chasing a man, or she strings one along.

Problem nowadays is women collectively decided its perfectly oke to monkeybranche to a better option. Real players know that any title a man claims or gets is pretty much worthless. There's no honour anymore.

I repeat: EVERY woman is involved with a man. We as men should be way more ruthless. Maybe the mayor difference is men are willing to fight stab and shoot each other over women, while women are less likely to do these things to each other over a man. So when you hear she married or in a LTR you know at some point dude might confront you as a last resort to show her he is " a real man".

 

[2Rocky]

@catsmeow
SO I have run into that ambiguous conversation with a woman issue a lot lately. Most recently was a woman who was a client of our company, who was really making laser eye contact, and searched me out on social media the next day. We met outside of work, and had a common interest.

This week she sent me a direct message on SM inviting me to lunch and drinks in the Director's room at a future event. 10 minutes later she adds "and a guest too!" So I had to ask one of her male colleagues, who I knew before her, if she was asking me out... I figured she was attracted then checked out my SM profile and saw pictures of "US" as a couple, and then modified her invite.

So we guys do appreciate it when you ladies let us know,gently but clearly, when you are in a committed relationship. Especially when you aren't wearing a ring on your ring finger... Those of us who are successful in attracting women assume attraction anyway.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

In my experience, a woman who immediately says "we" and keeps using it in a conversation is trying to tell you she isn't interested in you romantically and is hoping you aren't going to make a pass at her because she doesn't want to have to reject you and deal with the potential consequences. Confident women aren't worried about having to a reject a guy and they enjoy getting hit on and take it as a compliment. But awkward and anxious women generally try to cut you off at the pass as covertly as possible to allow you to save face and lower the risk of her having to reject you and deal with a potentially big, angry, insecure reaction from a dude. If it was just her daughter or room-mate or dog something, there would be no reason to bring that other person into her answer to your question. Is this true 100% of the time? No, but it's so high that I don't bother with women who say that. At best if I'm feeling especially saucy I might smirk and say, "we?" but I can't recall recall off the top of my head a time where "we" didn't mean a romantic partner.

I used to push through the "I have a boyfriend" comments (or the many covert versions of that like "my fiance and I" or "we" etc), and if you are a young DJ trying to sharply hone your game I would suggest doing the same, but after some years of experience, I have just found the failure rate to be SO high that you almost never end up closing the deal with a girl who does that. Women who do that have low to low-medium interest in you and to me that juice is just not worth the squeeze. I will take medium, to high interest women at this point in my life and I get enough of them that it doesn't impact my abundance - in fact, it's better because it means less time wasted on flakes. But if you don't have the abundance you want yet, then by all means, try to close them all no matter their interest level.

 

[2Rocky]

OMOTS, you reminded me of the bartender who got off shift , bought me a drink and then bitched about her boyfriend spending a huge sum for Burning Man tickets, then she asked me to walk her out to her car.....Talk about mixed signals....

 

[Gamisch]

I'm not quite getting your rationale about that.

Confident women enjoy getting hit on when in a committed RL? And will intentionally mislead a guy by withholding that they're in a relationship for this purpose? Getting hit on and eating up men's attention?

And anxious awkward women will cut men off at the pass?

I think you've it got backwards mate unless I'm missing something.

It's actually neither. A woman in a committed relationship who discourages another man from hitting on her by telling him she has a boyfriend or saying "we" is respecting her boyfriend and their relationship.

It has very little to do with enjoying getting hit on or fearing his reaction by rejecting him.

It's about respect, plain and simple.

Obvisouly ( I assume) the woman in the story gave OP IOI. So let's say his judgment was she liked him but yet talked about her SO. That's confusing to say the least. Could also be OP isn't experienced enough and sees things that were not there.

Abundant thinking is the magic phrase imo. He can just have a nice convo with her without thinking too much about it, see her next class and gauge her IL.

But generally speaking, yes, I see it all the time , women claim to have a bf but yet their behaviour tells the opposite. Recently I was involved with a woman who had a bf but still slept with me( and she initiated the whole thing).

I bet there are tons of guys who felt like you were flirting with them while you were just being friendly.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

A woman in a committed relationship who discourages another man from hitting on her by telling him she has a boyfriend or saying "we" is respecting her boyfriend and their relationship.

I think you've it got backwards mate unless I'm missing something.

You appear to think my post was a debate about what a woman should or shouldn't do, based on her being in a relationship. I have zero interest in that debate because women fall all over the moral fence and I have zero control over that. I'm not even talking about my opinion on what a woman should or shouldn't do. Instead, I'm providing input on what a MAN should do, based on what a woman is communicating or sub-communicating to him, and also sharing my personal experience with how women act, and what it means when they act that way.

Whether she has a boyfriend or not is completely irrelevant to me. Notice I didn't even mention that in my previous post - I didn't address whether she did or didn't have a boyfriend, because it's irrelevant for two reasons: 1 - I have no way of knowing if she is being honest in her claim of a boyfriend and 2 - She might still sleep with me even if she does. Her relationship status matters nothing - what matters is what she is trying to communicate to me which is whether or not she is interested in me, NOT whether she actually has a boyfriend. Proof of this is in the number of women who claim to have a boyfriend but do not.... why? Because they aren't interested. An interested woman is not going to say "we" whether she has a BF or not. A disinterested woman may likely say "we" or bring up her boyfriend to discourage being hit on whether she has a BF or not.

It has very little to do with enjoying getting hit on or fearing his reaction by rejecting him.

My own experience and conversations with many women I have dated begs to differ.

Sure, plenty of women with boyfriends will say "we" or "my boyfriend" as well. But confident/taken women who are enjoying polite conversation with a guy aren't SO worried a guy is going to hit on them that they bring up "we" in the first 1-2 sentences of the interaction. This is my point about how confident vs anxious women will act.

 

[2Rocky]

I bet there are tons of guys who felt like you were flirting with them while you were just being friendly.

Example

Some at Safeway Decry Smile Policy
L.A. TIMES ARCHIVES
SEPT. 3, 1998 12 AM PT
FROM ASSOCIATED PRESS
A dozen Safeway Inc. employees have filed grievances over the supermarket chain’s smile-and-make-eye-contact rule, complaining that they are being propositioned by shoppers who mistake company-required friendliness for flirting.
Richelle Roberts, a produce clerk, said she is hit on every day by men who think she is coming on to them. Another produce worker, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said she has hidden in a back room to avoid customers who have harassed her, propositioned her and followed her to her car.
“Let me decide who I am going to say hello to with a big smile,” Roberts said.
Safeway spokeswoman Debra Lambert acknowledged that “sometimes customers get out of line,” but added, “We don’t see it as a direct result of our initiative.”
Under Safeway’s “Superior Service” policy, employees are expected to anticipate customers’ needs, take them to items they cannot find, make selling suggestions, thank them by name if they pay by check or credit card and offer to carry out their groceries.
ADVERTISEMENT

 

[SW15]

I've tried boyfriend destroyer lines also, and found them to be useless. I figure if a woman is interested, she'll keep the boyfriend info to herself.

Even though I recommend using boyfriend destroyer lines, I have never once gotten one to work. However, since I have gotten IHAB'ed very few times since learning of them, I don't have a large sample size.

 

[2Rocky]

Lol, I think every service industry worker has experienced that.

It can be a fine line between being friendly and flirting and a lonely man who gets little attention from women may misinterpret and become offended when he discovers a woman was simply doing her job.

It was around this time when I was newly a father, and was shopping alone that I encountered a grocery union rep in one of the other grocery chains who was talking with one of the employees as I walked by. She definitely gave me the FXCK _ME eyes and bent her back to show off her bolt-ons as I approached. I said hello and had some small talk before I excused myself to finish shopping. Even though I was madly in love with my new little family, I never wanted to ask a woman out so badly as then.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

As I’ve mentioned before to female friends who constantly complain about men “getting the wrong idea”, they are usually super friendly females who are borderline flirts - they exist. The issue is that men in general are so used to rejection from even marginally attractive females, that when they don’t they’re like “omg this one wants me!”.

it’s sad, but true.

más we all know it is very rare that a man and a woman “can just be friends”. Most women justify being “friends” with men by saying “well of course he’d love to have sex with me, but I don’t want him, so we’re just friends”.