Who "enjoys" approaching women?

[Josh Davidson]

Who actually "enjoys" approaching some girl you've never met before and hitting on her? I ask this becuase so far I haven't. Far from it. So far I would have to say I really "dislike" doing it. I still do talk to them though. I wonder if my success rates would be better if I enjoyed it? How do you enjoy it?

I think this is an important question for guys here on this board as you read a lot of posts where guys really seem to be "forcing" themselves to do something they really do not like doing.

So for those who do enjoy it - please tell us how we can enjoy it too

thanks

I don't mind it but my chances of getting even a phone number have been about 1% (about 7% of those who say they are single when I ask them). I wouldn't say that I enjoy it either.

 

[SargeMaximus]

When I first began (years and years ago) I really enjoyed it. It was a whole new world and I was smashing my limitations and it seemed like anything was possible. Of course, after a few years I realized how approaching didn’t mean you’d be successful and I began to hate it. Now I’d rather stay home, so I do.

 

[deadmasterx]

To be honest, I have no problem with approaching women. The thing that "breaks my heart is finding out that she is painfully boring to the point that I have to say "Hey, I gotta run now. It was nice to meet you, take care." because I can't stand her anymore (even if it has been just a few minutes talk.

It happens about 70% of the time with me. I could say that I'm "too picky", but the deal is that most women has this princess complex where they thing you must do all the talking, she just needs to be there like an enlightned being answering your questions. I just can't stand that.

 

[Robert28]

I used to. Now I’ve gotten to where I hate it when they try to talk to me. I’ll avoid talking to them as much as possible. I’ve seen too much and had too much happen to me to know better than to bother with them.

 

[daproest1]

Who actually "enjoys" approaching some girl you've never met before and hitting on her? I ask this becuase so far I haven't. Far from it. So far I would have to say I really "dislike" doing it. I still do talk to them though. I wonder if my success rates would be better if I enjoyed it? How do you enjoy it?

I think this is an important question for guys here on this board as you read a lot of posts where guys really seem to be "forcing" themselves to do something they really do not like doing.

So for those who do enjoy it - please tell us how we can enjoy it too

thanks

I hate it. I’ve always hated it. Except when I was a bartender.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

The thing about approaching that makes it exciting is that their is no skill ceiling, development is constant and the attributing nuances are possibly innumerable.

 

[SargeMaximus]

The thing about approaching that makes it exciting is that their is no skill ceiling, development is constant and the attributing nuances are possibly innumerable.

I disagree. People have patterns and are a certain way. After a while it seems very limiting

 

[SW15]

I do not enjoy approaching or the early stages of romantic relationships. I prefer the stage of relationships where the sex has been had, it is good, and the relationship is escalating or fully mature.

 

[Borknagar]

I hate it with a passion, cause I have hardly any experience in even having female friends let alone girlfriends.

I'm afraid she'll reject me and embarass me, or I'll screw up.

I hate it with a passion, cause I have hardly any experience in even having female friends let alone girlfriends.

I'm afraid she'll reject me and embarass me, or I'll screw up.

Damn my first "reply on this site". Damn have times changed.

 

[SW15]

I hate it with a passion, cause I have hardly any experience in even having female friends let alone girlfriends.

I'm afraid she'll reject me and embarass me, or I'll screw up.

Damn my first "reply on this site". Damn have times changed.

Your first reply was on October 8, 2001. That's over 20 years ago. Everyone's attitudes shift somewhat in 20 years based upon experiences.

I've never enjoyed approaching. I prefer other parts of the interaction far more than approaching. Approaching is a rather unpleasant pain.

 

[thelambofdeth]

If women didn't seem so closed off and unapproachable I don't think it would be nearly as daunting. It seems like women just never want to be approached, unless you're super hot or they already know you. It never seems like the right time or intuitive at all. At least not for me. I have no idea guys actually enjoy approaching women, unless they're just a uber Chad and they already know most women want them to. The thing is, due to sheer odds, there are probably instances in which women want you to or would be susceptible to an approach...yet oftentimes you'd have no way of knowing it because by default women look so disinterested these days.

And that's just at night. I literally cannot imagine doing a cold approach during the day lol.

 

[SW15]

I have no idea guys actually enjoy approaching women, unless they're just a uber Chad and they already know most women want them to.

I have no idea how any man would enjoy approaching women either. It is one of the least fun parts of the seduction.

If women didn't seem so closed off and unapproachable I don't think it would be nearly as daunting. It seems like women just never want to be approached, unless you're super hot or they already know you.

Over the years, I've definitely had problems competing with headphones/earbuds. If I could do a better job with women wearing earbuds/headphones, that could be great.

It never seems like the right time or intuitive at all. At least not for me.

The absolute easiest approaches you can do are at singles events or Meetup events. These are places where approaching is expected. Singles events and Meetup events are bottom of the barrel type quality though. Other organized, non-business events are good too in terms of ease of approaching. Pre-pandemic, a lot of guys would go business networking events and hit on women, often leading to bad outcomes because the women couldn't get out of business mode.

One of the best aspects of going to bars is that most women will be unattached there. If they were attached, they wouldn't bother being in a bar. There is more of an expectation of approaching. Still, the group dynamics often stink in there. Some venues can be loud and it might require late nights.

Daygame is the most difficult form of approaching.

 

[thelambofdeth]

Over the years, I've definitely had problems competing with headphones/earbuds. If I could do a better job with women wearing earbuds/headphones, that could be great.

Just in general nowadays people are always preoccupied and segregated, especially while out during the day. Women always have their phones out or are purposely avoiding eye contact or stopping. There always seems to be some barrier unless it's strictly a social event, and even then women are just sectioned off with whatever group she arrived with most times.

The absolute easiest approaches you can do are at singles events or Meetup events. These are places where approaching is expected. Singles events and Meetup events are bottom of the barrel type quality though. Other organized, non-business events are good too in terms of ease of approaching. Pre-pandemic, a lot of guys would go business networking events and hit on women, often leading to bad outcomes because the women couldn't get out of business mode.

This is exactly what I've heard...either it's a sausage fest full of mostly men with just a couple of women being hounded, or the women there are meh. In most regards, it doesn't seem like decent women take those kinds of events seriously.

One of the best aspects of going to bars is that most women will be unattached there. If they were attached, they wouldn't bother being in a bar. There is more of an expectation of approaching. Still, the group dynamics often stink in there. Some venues can be loud and it might require late nights.

And the later it gets, the more the quality of women drops. Not to mention all the women that go to bars just for affirmation and to bolster their ego with no real desire to meet anyone.

Daygame is the most difficult form of approaching.

I'd imagine if done properly, day approaches reap the best rewards, but there are SO many reasons that make this type of approach painstakingly difficult for such a small window of opportunity each one is. You have to be so on-point, exemplary, and lucky for it to ever actually go well.

 

[SW15]

Just in general nowadays people are always preoccupied and segregated, especially while out during the day. Women always have their phones out or are purposely avoiding eye contact or stopping. There always seems to be some barrier unless it's strictly a social event, and even then women are just sectioned off with whatever group she arrived with most times.

This is accurate.

This is exactly what I've heard...either it's a sausage fest full of mostly men with just a couple of women being hounded, or the women there are meh. In most regards, it doesn't seem like decent women take those kinds of events seriously.

Also accurate. Meetup is complete shiit. Very few women above a 6 will ever attend a Meetup event. Additionally women who are in the 5.5-6.5 range get swarmed at Meetup events, often by Indian spam approachers in larger cities.

The last singles event I attended had more women than men but the female quality was lacking. Only one woman above a 6 in looks, and she was a 6.5-7. That event was mostly 4.5s-6s in looks. One woman who was a 6 was a boring AF accountant. Definitely a weak talent pool for women. I overheard some other men trying to run game and they were pathetic conversationalists. I was peacocked, looked awesome, talked and carried myself differently. I got one number and a date agreement, and she flaked on it.

Most singles events draw a weak talent pool. Good looking women don't take them seriously. And often the ratios stink at them.

And the later it gets, the more the quality of women drops. Not to mention all the women that go to bars just for affirmation and to bolster their ego with no real desire to meet anyone.

Your 2nd sentence is the #1 problem with night game.

My city has a 2 AM closing time. One of my male friends, when he was single, had a decent night game system. He would drink in his apartment and arrive at the bars at midnight. From midnight - 2 AM, he would spam approach until he found a taker. He could get away with spam approaching with a weak opener because he is 6'4", White, former college athlete in a country club sport, and had a white collar job post athletic career. That's a profile that plays well with yuppie White women with bachelor's degrees +. He got a bunch of one night stands and some short term casual sex doing that until he got into a long term relationship with a questionable woman and put a ring on it.

This is a triple digit notch count guy who ran that game. He never did daygame and only dabbled in online game.

I'd imagine if done properly, day approaches reap the best rewards, but there are SO many reasons that make this type of approach painstakingly difficult for such a small window of opportunity each one is. You have to be so on-point, exemplary, and lucky for it to ever actually go well.

This has been my experience with daygame. Daygame has the highest barriers to entry, which is why most men won't do it. Most men don't have the ability to approach in a non-bar, non-event context while sober.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I hate it with a passion, cause I have hardly any experience in even having female friends let alone girlfriends.

I'm afraid she'll reject me and embarass me, or I'll screw up.

OK. So what if she did? Who is going to see it that you know? Nobody.

And even if they saw it, most people simply wouldn't care...they are far too busy worrying about things going on in their own life to spend much time on something like that.

Condition your mind. Your mind is holding you back.

 

[Who Dares Win]

I would like to teleport back to 2001 when OP and other guys were complaing about approchaing...I would like to show them on a smartphone (to amaze them even more), the current state of dating, dating apps, me too and so on.

Regarding approaching girls, I dont mind it actually for two reasons.

The first one is that I have so much experience that I can tell if a girl is interested even before doing the actual approach, the second one is that wheter its successful or not I can disengage with no further explanations if I'm not having fun.

As long as we avoid attempt in places we often attend, there should be no risk of gossip or drama.

 

[thelambofdeth]

Condition your mind. Your mind is holding you back.

Easier said than done. What about people who dont get IOIs or choosing singals and just assume every woman is going to reject them? You can't just alter your mindset without proof of the inverse.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Easier said than done. What about people who dont get IOIs or choosing singals and just assume every woman is going to reject them? You can't just alter your mindset without proof of the inverse.

Why are any of those things required? The only thing required is action on your part. Nothing else.

You could follow the advice from this site and have normal conversations with them, then transition once things are going well.

How to Ask Someone Out: 8 Steps For A Yes Every Time

How to ask someone out: It’s a harrowing, anxiety filled, awkward experience. And worst of all, no one has ever given us any real guidance on the subject

www.scienceofpeople.com

 

[Borknagar]

OK. So what if she did? Who is going to see it that you know? Nobody.

And even if they saw it, most people simply wouldn't care...they are far too busy worrying about things going on in their own life to spend much time on something like that.

Condition your mind. Your mind is holding you back.

Oh that was a 20 y/o post man. 10 years after I made this reply I went full blown, lol

 

[thelambofdeth]

Why are any of those things required? The only thing required is action on your part. Nothing else.

You could follow the advice from this site and have normal conversations with them, then transition once things are going well.

How to Ask Someone Out: 8 Steps For A Yes Every Time

How to ask someone out: It’s a harrowing, anxiety filled, awkward experience. And worst of all, no one has ever given us any real guidance on the subject

www.scienceofpeople.com

Bc without IOIs or choosing signals you're just shooting in the dark.