Progress Report... But what are the next steps? (2 Questions for experienced PUAs)

[gwoppin]

Just left my job and have the free time, so I want to spend this time improving my game / social skills, more specifically cold approaching.

I've been practising my skills in making confident small talk with strangers. When the opportunity comes up for small talk with a cashier, a stranger who asked for directions, clients at work etc, I will always take it and make the most of it.

This is my current progress with this:

First, I just wanted to be able to hold a conversation with a stranger whilst having control of myself, not getting awkward, etc.

Next, I wanted to be able to get more of an emotional reaction. For example a laugh, tell me small personal info, or to get them to want to carry the conversation.

This next part was definitely the scariest transition, as it was a landmark of saying 'You've finally learnt how to socialise, you are now ready to play the game.' To bridge the gap in my mind between small talk and gaming, my next step was to slowly implament more conversational techniques - mirroring, small routines / stories / snippets to DHV, throwing fun lightly-flirty lines in there, you get the idea. (I did this to normalize these concepts.)

WHERE TO NOW?!

My questions to everybody here with experience:

1. How did you PERSONALLY begin cold approaching?

2. How would you RECOMMEND for me to begin cold approaching?

 

[2Rocky]

1. How did you PERSONALLY begin cold approaching?

Doing retail sales. Opening people to ask if I could help them.

2. How would you RECOMMEND for me to begin cold approaching?
Get a part time job where you work with the public

 

[oldmanofthesea]

1. Read a lot of books, youtube videos, online content, etc. Made up my own mind as to what was garbage and what made sense and aligned with my morals. Then set goals for myself on how many hours a week and how many women I would approach and did my best to hit those goals. For me this meant going to the busiest part of the city I could find and spending a few hours approaching, with the only outcome I desired to be to man-up and DO the approaches. Then pushing myself into progressively more and more difficult situations, like approaching groups of women or approaching women in places like a line where everyone around them is bored and has nothing to do but stare and watch the interaction.

2. I suggest the same for you. It will help if you can recruit a friend into going out with you and making a game of it. Like he points out a girl you MUST approach and you have to do it, no excuses.

 

[member160292]

1. Every transaction/interaction you have during the day, make it a conversation. You'll need to get into the social mindset.
I've seen old dudes striking up conversations with everyone holding up the grocery line. I bet they can talk to any HB10 out there without hesitation.

2. Uhhhh, haven't got that far yet lol. Coming out of a relationship with my tail in between my legs

 

[Bigpapa]

Just left my job and have the free time, so I want to spend this time improving my game / social skills, more specifically cold approaching.

I've been practising my skills in making confident small talk with strangers. When the opportunity comes up for small talk with a cashier, a stranger who asked for directions, clients at work etc, I will always take it and make the most of it.

This is my current progress with this:

First, I just wanted to be able to hold a conversation with a stranger whilst having control of myself, not getting awkward, etc.

Next, I wanted to be able to get more of an emotional reaction. For example a laugh, tell me small personal info, or to get them to want to carry the conversation.

This next part was definitely the scariest transition, as it was a landmark of saying 'You've finally learnt how to socialise, you are now ready to play the game.' To bridge the gap in my mind between small talk and gaming, my next step was to slowly implament more conversational techniques - mirroring, small routines / stories / snippets to DHV, throwing fun lightly-flirty lines in there, you get the idea. (I did this to normalize these concepts.)

WHERE TO NOW?!

My questions to everybody here with experience:

1. How did you PERSONALLY begin cold approaching?

2. How would you RECOMMEND for me to begin cold approaching?

just go with the flow , if you see something that catches your eye just at them and smile . Then after you are comfortable doing eye contact and smiling just say hello . And so on

step by step

 

[gwoppin]

1. How did you PERSONALLY begin cold approaching?

Doing retail sales. Opening people to ask if I could help them.

2. How would you RECOMMEND for me to begin cold approaching?
Get a part time job where you work with the public

Thanks, I'll be working with people all day at my new job at the gym.

 

[gwoppin]

1. Read a lot of books, youtube videos, online content, etc. Made up my own mind as to what was garbage and what made sense and aligned with my morals. Then set goals for myself on how many hours a week and how many women I would approach and did my best to hit those goals. For me this meant going to the busiest part of the city I could find and spending a few hours approaching, with the only outcome I desired to be to man-up and DO the approaches. Then pushing myself into progressively more and more difficult situations, like approaching groups of women or approaching women in places like a line where everyone around them is bored and has nothing to do but stare and watch the interaction.

2. I suggest the same for you. It will help if you can recruit a friend into going out with you and making a game of it. Like he points out a girl you MUST approach and you have to do it, no excuses.

This is just what I'm looking for, thank you.

I'll let you know this works out.

 

[gwoppin]

There are no substitutes for:

1. Practice
2. Self-confidence in who you are and what you bring to the table as a person
3. Having a mile wide but inch deep conversational understanding of most topics
4. Dressing as well as you can

Can you elaborate on the third point? I only THINK I understand what you're saying here.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

This site has pretty much everything you need to boost your effectiveness with cold approach. Should be require reading for anyone just getting started with it.

Stumbled across this Science Of People post on "How To Ask Someone Out" and it has some really great tips to help guys who have trouble in person..

Some really great practical advice you can pretty much use any time you are out and about anywhere and want to ask someone out. Highly recommend reading and incorporating some of this. https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-ask-someone-out/

www.sosuave.net

 

[SW15]

1. How did you PERSONALLY begin cold approaching?

Doing retail sales. Opening people to ask if I could help them.

I don't think there's as much of a relationship between the two as you think. In retail sales, customers expect to be approached. In non-bar settings, women never expect to be approaches. You could argue that retail sales could be closer to doing approaches at bars/nightclubs since there is a greater expectation of approaching there. I worked retail sales before I got my bachelor's degree and I don't think it made me a better cold approacher in a romantic context.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

There are no substitutes for:

1. Practice
2. Self-confidence in who you are and what you bring to the table as a person
3. Having a mile wide but inch deep conversational understanding of most topics
4. Dressing as well as you can

This is a good and succinct list, but my God if #3 doesn't go against the grain as who we are as men...

 

[gwoppin]

I don't think there's as much of a relationship between the two as you think. In retail sales, customers expect to be approached. In non-bar settings, women never expect to be approaches. You could argue that retail sales could be closer to doing approaches at bars/nightclubs since there is a greater expectation of approaching there. I worked retail sales before I got my bachelor's degree and I don't think it made me a better cold approacher in a romantic context.

It gives him a chance to practise his social skills which would translate in some way.

 

[Murk]

My questions to everybody here with experience:

1. How did you PERSONALLY begin cold approaching?

2. How would you RECOMMEND for me to begin cold approaching?

1. From 15-18 years old with friends after school, we would hang around, and force each other to talk to girls as they come past. We got talking to a girl who ended up giving all of us head in the park, even other guys too, my first bj at 16, my d!ck didn't remain hard (literally 5 guys waiting around looking) she called me "pathetic" and this caused self-confidence issues into my early 20s about my d!ck size/ability.

2. I recommend starting in your teens before life gets in the way. Failing that, literally anywhere you see a girl in your proximity, you can strike up a convo or at least make some passing comment about something in the vicinity. If they think you're attractive the rest is easy. Stop thinking "I'm going to day game or cold approach this girl" and start being confident/high energy and interacting with people (male and female) whenever you can. IMO, there should be no difference the first minute of convo if its a hb 10 or a guy you work with.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Not sure what country you are in, but here I. The US you can take community college classes cheaply and quickly- most of these colleges have public speaking classes. Take one- never mind that you’ll be around a lot of young women at college as well.

You can also join public speaking groups like
Toastmasters. Confidence and presence is everything in this game. Both of the above modalities will teach you these things quickly and inexpensively.