New GF likes to text a lot

[jnMissouri]

At first when we were dating neither one of us texted much. It wasn't until a couple weeks in that we started texting daily. Prior to that we'd both go 2-4 days without texting. That was when we were getting to know each other.

In the weeks leading up to becoming a couple and now, we text daily. Her texts have steadily increased, to the point that they start in the morning and go on all day. Even if I end the conversation, an hour or so later there are more texts flowing in. Even at night when I try to end the conversation it keeps going each time I try to end it.

It's a good problem to have, high interest. But my concern is being too available. At the same time, if I tell her she texts a lot, she'll not text much at all. I'm looking for a balance. If I just ignore her for hours on end that will likely also backfire.

I don't MIND the texting, so much as it puts a lot of pressure on me to be engaging.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

1:3 ratio and keep responses short, but not curt.

Don’t respond too quickly remember you want her chasing. Even if you’re head over heels and want to put a ring in it, familiarity breeds contempt. You’re a man that has an agenda, sure to do, people to see, can be texting nonstop…

 

[jnMissouri]

1:3 ratio and keep responses short, but not curt.

Don’t respond too quickly remember you want her chasing. Even if you’re head over heels and want to put a ring in it, familiarity breeds contempt. You’re a man that has an agenda, sure to do, people to see, can be texting nonstop…

Define too quickly, depending on the text or time of day I respond in 15-60 minutes.

Initiating 1:3 texts sure, but if I ignore 2 out of 3 of her messages/respond to only 1/3 of hers I can tell you that's going to get noticed fast....As it stands I never initiate a text with her and never make plans with her, she's the one that always asks when she will see me next and initiates texts.

But I hear ya on the familiarity thing. That's a big worry for me. The texting increases more and more the higher her attraction is. I ignored her sexting last night. Only to wake up to a wall of sexting she had sent in the middle of the night. No issue, I am flattered, and ignoring her texts last night after I ended the convo resulted in her escalating due to her anxiety. Doing what I've been doing has increased her attraction. But I do fear if I am always available I'll be taken for granted. But at the same time, just disappearing all day or for days on end will make her suspicious I'm doing something, which can also backfire...

This problem may solve itself when she goes back to work. Then I'll probably be on here complaining my gf suddenly stopped texting as much lol.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Announce that you will have a super busy period of work coming up but keep up the texting in the mean time. Then in a few days or a week, cut back on the responses and claim it's due to work. You'll have a few days to concoct details to the story lol.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Hrmmm how old is the girl again?

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

As a rule of thumb, I would try to avoid intitiating text conversations for the most part. Let her text you. And another good rule of thumb is to avoid texting back quicker or more wordily than her. It may also help to silence your phone and put it face down instead of anticipating her texts 24/7.

Someone recently pointed out to me that overcommunicating is also bad because it can make you paranoid if you detect subtle changes in her communication. Better to under-communicate than over communicate. I usually tell women I date that it's better not to over-text so we have more things to talk about when we see each other.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

At this point it won't matter, she has very high interest.

If done right, it can help her feel connected between dates.

 

[ubercat]

Fvck me just set expectations. Babe I m not a big phone guy. That s just me. But I know you love to text. I LL text back when I can.

Then leave your ph at home occasionally. The world won't end.

 

[andreihaha]

Then leave your ph at home occasionally. The world won't end.

This is golden. It helps with many other problems guys talk about on SS also.

 

[EyeBRollin]

You are correct that this pattern will eventually doom your relationship. Tell her to stop fvcking texting you. Do it in a sugar coated way.

 

[Barrister]

You are under no obligation to text her back at anytime in particular. If it is becoming too much, just stop texting. If she gives you sh1t, then tell her you can't be constantly texting like that while you are at work, etc. There isn't any rational basis for her to argue with this. But if that doesn't stop her, you simply have a nagging, pestering girlfriend on your hands. All I can say then is that you picked her ha.

 

[Jor-El]

At first when we were dating neither one of us texted much. It wasn't until a couple weeks in that we started texting daily. Prior to that we'd both go 2-4 days without texting. That was when we were getting to know each other.

In the weeks leading up to becoming a couple and now, we text daily. Her texts have steadily increased, to the point that they start in the morning and go on all day. Even if I end the conversation, an hour or so later there are more texts flowing in. Even at night when I try to end the conversation it keeps going each time I try to end it.

It's a good problem to have, high interest. But my concern is being too available. At the same time, if I tell her she texts a lot, she'll not text much at all. I'm looking for a balance. If I just ignore her for hours on end that will likely also backfire.

I don't MIND the texting, so much as it puts a lot of pressure on me to be engaging.

I hear you buddy. iv had the same issue. its a delicate dance,to show basic politeness and interest BUT at the same time,not overdoing the texting which kills the attraction,and if they like texting,it becomes tricky so im all ears also

 

[Gamisch]

Generally speaking I don't like it. It's one of those things we men let women get away with, but if the tables were turned you'd be punished for this behaviour. Its neediness, and don't be fooled its bc you're such a great guy. Its bc of her mental issue's.

Tbh it's a huge red flag. Clamping on to somebody you just know like that isn't healthy. It's hard to win with women like this. Women like this want you to jump fast, be her bf LTR ect. If you don't respond she'll feel neglected. If you do respond you'll get used to the pace she set, and you lose (a whole lot of) frame in the process. Its 100 % interest now, and soon it will fade to 80, 60, 40 ect.

Like flex is saying, she'll got you overthinking her actions when it drops. Get her accustomed to the fact you have life. You respond after work ,gym, cooking and cleaning. Small window for texting. The main purpose of texting should be to set up meetings. Little gauge of interest is possible , but less is more!

Remember, easy come easy go..

 

[jnMissouri]

I hear you buddy. iv had the same issue. its a delicate dance,to show basic politeness and interest BUT at the same time,not overdoing the texting which kills the attraction,and if they like texting,it becomes tricky so im all ears also

EXACTLY! If you text too little it's a problem, if you text too much it's a problem. I'm thinking she initiates 95%+ of the time so it's not an issue yet. I don't really initiate. I do disappear mid convo sometimes on purpose for 1-4 hours. I think a key is to not be predictable. Be random. But generally reciprocate when she texts, but not always right away. And disappearing mid convo and sometimes leaving her hanging are also good. I think a key is to kindle their desire...you want to pull away to leave a little doubt/create a little doubt as to what you're doing, who you're with, why you haven't responded (especially at night) and make her wonder...but not so much so that she loses hope. Right before that happens you surprise her with a text back.

 

[jnMissouri]

Generally speaking I don't like it. It's one of those things we men let women get away with, but if the tables were turned you'd be punished for this behaviour. Its neediness, and don't be fooled its bc you're such a great guy. Its bc of her mental issue's.

Tbh it's a huge red flag. Clamping on to somebody you just know like that isn't healthy. It's hard to win with women like this. Women like this want you to jump fast, be her bf LTR ect. If you don't respond she'll feel neglected. If you do respond you'll get used to the pace she set, and you lose (a whole lot of) frame in the process. Its 100 % interest now, and soon it will fade to 80, 60, 40 ect.

Like flex is saying, she'll got you overthinking her actions when it drops. Get her accustomed to the fact you have life. You respond after work ,gym, cooking and cleaning. Small window for texting. The main purpose of texting should be to set up meetings. Little gauge of interest is possible , but less is more!

Remember, easy come easy go..

All true, agreed on a drop of attraction over time, but that's normal in any relationship, even as a guy I lose some interest over time as I get familiar with them and have them...

The sucky thing is this is a LDR for now until I relocate (was moving there anyways) something I neglected to put in my OP which is a big consideration. So it's not like we can keep texting to only meetups, we are apart for 1-2 weeks at a time until my next trip, etc.

For now I rarely initiate, it's usually her, I can't even remember when I've initiated recently. But I'll say in the week before we met up, her texting started to increase, until it was waiting for me in the morning when I woke up and we talked throughout the day except for periods I'd bid her a good day so I could have a break 4 or so hours at a time back then, texting picking up again until bed time after the breaks. Post meetup and officially becoming a couple, the texting has stayed the same or increased. Although I think we are getting in a rhythm where she is being a little less texty, largely because she is getting back to work/getting ready to go back to work at her new employer. But also because I think we are settling in. Eventually people get more comfy and it's not the new and exciting of the very beginning.

I do feel like I need to give her the gift of missing me more, but not like disappearing for a whole day or two where she wonders if I'm with another girl...that could backfire.

I've met her kids and her mom who likes me. Again, this is in the first time meeting her after talking for 4 or so weeks before meeting. Dating long distance is different. This is worth it for me because I wanted to move to that state anyways so I figured find a new gf there...and also her family is extremely wealthy plus she's hot.

 

[Zimbabwe]

Announce that you will have a super busy period of work coming up but keep up the texting in the mean time. Then in a few days or a week, cut back on the responses and claim it's due to work. You'll have a few days to concoct details to the story lol.

This is exactly what I do, I notice women get mad if I just disappear for a few days without warning.

 

[Bethatsocialguy]

At first when we were dating neither one of us texted much. It wasn't until a couple weeks in that we started texting daily. Prior to that we'd both go 2-4 days without texting. That was when we were getting to know each other.

In the weeks leading up to becoming a couple and now, we text daily. Her texts have steadily increased, to the point that they start in the morning and go on all day. Even if I end the conversation, an hour or so later there are more texts flowing in. Even at night when I try to end the conversation it keeps going each time I try to end it.

It's a good problem to have, high interest. But my concern is being too available. At the same time, if I tell her she texts a lot, she'll not text much at all. I'm looking for a balance. If I just ignore her for hours on end that will likely also backfire.

I don't MIND the texting, so much as it puts a lot of pressure on me to be engaging.

If she is texting more, that is because you are also accepting it too. You have to control the tempo. Just because she texts, you dont have to reply to every single text quickly.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

All true, agreed on a drop of attraction over time, but that's normal in any relationship, even as a guy I lose some interest over time as I get familiar with them and have them...

The sucky thing is this is a LDR for now until I relocate (was moving there anyways) something I neglected to put in my OP which is a big consideration. So it's not like we can keep texting to only meetups, we are apart for 1-2 weeks at a time until my next trip, etc.

For now I rarely initiate, it's usually her, I can't even remember when I've initiated recently. But I'll say in the week before we met up, her texting started to increase, until it was waiting for me in the morning when I woke up and we talked throughout the day except for periods I'd bid her a good day so I could have a break 4 or so hours at a time back then, texting picking up again until bed time after the breaks. Post meetup and officially becoming a couple, the texting has stayed the same or increased. Although I think we are getting in a rhythm where she is being a little less texty, largely because she is getting back to work/getting ready to go back to work at her new employer. But also because I think we are settling in. Eventually people get more comfy and it's not the new and exciting of the very beginning.

I do feel like I need to give her the gift of missing me more, but not like disappearing for a whole day or two where she wonders if I'm with another girl...that could backfire.

I've met her kids and her mom who likes me. Again, this is in the first time meeting her after talking for 4 or so weeks before meeting. Dating long distance is different. This is worth it for me because I wanted to move to that state anyways so I figured find a new gf there...and also her family is extremely wealthy plus she's hot.

You met her kids and her Mom the first time you met her?

That's a massive red flag. Especially the kids part

 

[Murk]

Get her accustomed to the fact you have life. You respond after work ,gym, cooking and cleaning.

The problem is men have too much free time because they don't focus on the above.

 

[Sgthaytham]

The way I see texting is that it's always better if she's texting and initiating text more, if not completely (which is ideal).

Response time from your part doesn't really matter, but it's preferable not to answer straight away.

If she's initiating a lot it means three things: she's comfortable with you, she wants your attention, and she likes you.

For example:

Woman I've been seeing for the last month texted me late last night (I was asleep). She's like "omg I'm so drunk help me"

Next day I responded, she answered within 10 mins.

It's the best place to be.