Where do you find dude friends?

[_sideways_]

No homo

I feel like I'm almost at my peak. Nice wardrobe/ clothes.
Good build for my size...could be more buff, but then when I'm 50, I'll be saggy skin...
Money in the bank...not rich, but ..passive income...
Healthy eating habits...
Females are all starting to be the same...there's no thrill in the hunt. Teach a man to fish... he'll get tired of fish.

In the military, it was easy making dude friends...similar schedules and hobbies.

Now,. Civilians, or regular dudes don't work out.
9-5 then happy hour with burger and fries....
I thought about joining a soccer league....but then it's structured and not really friends.
One option.

My brothers have their careers...hardly ever call me to see whats going on with me.

A true homie....chit chat...grab a couple of drinks and eat and enjoy the women around us.

Not Chad...gym guy that has no time to drink 2 Heineken.

Everybody has obligations, i understand this.
But...like two lions....walk about... stress free.

Maybe it's a personal problem with me because i have more free time.
Other dudes have problems i don't have.

So...how do you guys make friends?

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Depends what you mean by friends. Do you mean with dudes you to hang out with but only have a superficial friendship with? Join a sport club, martial art practice, improv club, PUA groups, business seminars... whatever floats your boat...and some of these have the advantage of possibly meeting women as welll.

If you're talking about genuine, long lasting friendships with good men you can trust and confide in? For me, that only happens when I meet men who share similar values, beliefs, and who have strong moral character. Overwhelming majority of men do not qualify, so I'm unbelievably selective in that regard. You should be too.

You only really need a small handful of lifetime friends, and maybe a dozen superficial ones that change depending on where you live/what you do.

 

[Gamisch]

No homo

I feel like I'm almost at my peak. Nice wardrobe/ clothes.
Good build for my size...could be more buff, but then when I'm 50, I'll be saggy skin...
Money in the bank...not rich, but ..passive income...
Healthy eating habits...
Females are all starting to be the same...there's no thrill in the hunt. Teach a man to fish... he'll get tired of fish.

In the military, it was easy making dude friends...similar schedules and hobbies.

Now,. Civilians, or regular dudes don't work out.
9-5 then happy hour with burger and fries....
I thought about joining a soccer league....but then it's structured and not really friends.
One option.

My brothers have their careers...hardly ever call me to see whats going on with me.

A true homie....chit chat...grab a couple of drinks and eat and enjoy the women around us.

Not Chad...gym guy that has no time to drink 2 Heineken.

Everybody has obligations, i understand this.
But...like two lions....walk about... stress free.

Maybe it's a personal problem with me because i have more free time.
Other dudes have problems i don't have.

So...how do you guys make friends?

A true friend is a rare commodity. Almost like family. That's means, if he has a major downfall in life you still gotta treat him like your close peer. Or if you dont see him for years , the two of you will still be close. But that doesn't seems to be what you're looking for

Like practically any relationship, it's hard to predict what it will look like in the future. 1 friend became an incel, another one a criminal. That 1 got married and moved, another one got depressed .

Your best bet is to learn and embrace being alone. If you meet people who are likewise , just enjoy their company for as long as it lasts. People come and go. They will be chapters in your book. You are the lead role. The hero in the movie always walks of alone in the end doesn't he?

Join a soccer team like you suggested. 20 dude dudes. Might be 1 or 2 there who click with you.

 

[SW15]

You might be able to find male friends around your apartment community if you're in a larger building or community. Co-ed sports leagues can also be a place for that.

 

[2Rocky]

Focus on Sport related leagues. The "Pub run" is a relatively new phenomenon.

Rugby is heavy on Socialization. Look into it if you are tough enough.

Crossfit gyms are ultra focused on self improvement. If you have the $cratch...

Ever thought about coaching Youth sports?

Many motorcycle gangs formed from post WWII veterans. Around the same time a number of Men's Horseback riding groups were created as well. the focus is on the brotherhood felt with people you served with.

Fraternal orgs. ELks, Moose, Eagles, Rotary, Lions, Native Sons, etc.

Good article on friendships...

 

[BillyPilgrim]

You might be able to find male friends around your apartment community if you're in a larger building or community. Co-ed sports leagues can also be a place for that.

Key word: "larger". You don't want dudes randomly knocking on your door wanting to drink beer, borrow stuff, etc. Having to drive across a complex rather than walking makes a difference.

 

[SW15]

Key word: "larger". You don't want dudes randomly knocking on your door wanting to drink beer, borrow stuff, etc. Having to drive across a complex rather than walking makes a difference.

It's possible to walk across most apartment complexes that feature multiple, garden style 2 and 3 story buildings.

Another common apartment style is the mid-rise building (4-9 stories) or the high rise (10+ stories). In a mid-rise or high rise, someone is walking to your unit if they live on a different floor.

To me, the definition of a larger apartment complex is 200 or more units.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

It's possible to walk across most apartment complexes that feature multiple, garden style 2 and 3 story buildings.

Another common apartment style is the mid-rise building (4-9 stories) or the high rise (10+ stories). In a mid-rise or high rise, someone is walking to your unit if they live on a different floor.

To me, the definition of a larger apartment complex is 200 or more units.

Imo the key is that it takes at least 3 minutes or so to get to your door. Even if you get along great with your next door neighbor, you still want to keep a certain distance. Then it can become almost like a roommate situation.

 

[Dash Riprock]

A true friend is a rare commodity. Almost like family. That's means, if he has a major downfall in life you still gotta treat him like your close peer. Or if you dont see him for years , the two of you will still be close. But that doesn't seems to be what you're looking for

Like practically any relationship, it's hard to predict what it will look like in the future. 1 friend became an incel, another one a criminal. That 1 got married and moved, another one got depressed .

Your best bet is to learn and embrace being alone. If you meet people who are likewise , just enjoy their company for as long as it lasts. People come and go. They will be chapters in your book. You are the lead role. The hero in the movie always walks of alone in the end doesn't he?

Join a soccer team like you suggested. 20 dude dudes. Might be 1 or 2 there who click with you.

Good advice.

 

[_sideways_]

If you're talking about genuine, long lasting friendships with good men you can trust and confide in? For me, that only happens when I meet men who share similar values, beliefs, and who have strong moral character.

This.

I only have one homie that no matter where I'm at in the globe.
Always checks in...and he has two girls in softball... military guy ...we always check in...doesn't ask for money...we just make sure we stay on the path of fitness health and if women follow ...so be it.
But we joke about military stuff.
I count myself lucky because why he still wasting his precious time with me.

 

[_sideways_]

Good advice....
General advice...
Sports ...
Join a team ..bring a cooler ....
...i guess, I'm shy-er talking with dudes than with women....

Like, how do you bring up ..yo bro...can i play.

Women are easier.
A smile, a smirk...you're in.

I have my own insecurities you know... PTSD...yadda yadda.

I'm just tired of being alone

 

[SW15]

Imo the key is that it takes at least 3 minutes or so to get to your door. Even if you get along great with your next door neighbor, you still want to keep a certain distance. Then it can become almost like a roommate situation.

That's fair. In all of the apartment complexes where I've resided, I've never been friends with a next door/upstairs/downstairs neighbor. I have had friends in other parts of complexes where it did take like 2-3 minutes to walk over to his place.

I've had male friends in nearby apartment complexes that were walking distance as well.

 

[CoandaEffect]

This is a really great question and the forum has already given some good answers.

Check out meetup.com, there could well be some mens groups on there that you could join. If not then you could start one, I guarantee you guys would join if you did guy activities. I have some great guy friends that I met riding my motorbike. That started on meetup but a group of us started our own email group to organize rides together. They are some of the best friends I have.

At the end of the day you just have to put yourself in a place where you will meet men. Making that meaningful connection though is difficult because you could come across as being gay. The thing to do is focus on an activity. Since you are x military, how about a gun club or hunting?

 

[RBK]

Not easy 30+, most men are married with kids. Look at places with sports as suggested. Meetup.com is another one that can help.

Really hard to make quality friends after 30 I've learned. Sports leagues, beer leagues, gym, MMA training is another good one.

 

[Namebejed7]

Something not mentioned yet is outdoor activities. I have one good friend, who I met through a backpacking group. Being in the woods for a few days at a time is a pretty bonding experience. I know a lot of ex-military never want to don a ruck again, but it's an option. Or hunting groups, but that is typically something set up with people you already know.