Am I the only wimp who this happens to?

[Steno]

I've noticed that there are 3 category of chicks for me:

1. Chicks that I find to be okay-looking and im not that into, regardless of how cool their personality is
2. Chicks who are very attractive but have ****ty personalities or aren't pleasant to be around
3. Chicks who are very attractive and delightful to be around.

For the first 2 categories of girls I get bored after smashing them like 2 or 3 times and I lose all motivation to continue interacting with them, very rarely do I keep in touch with them after 2-3 weeks even if the sex is phenomenal.

The problem with me is those very attractive chicks whose presence I enjoy, they are my kryptonite. I always end up catching feelings regardless of how mentally guarded I am and how glaring the "not relationship material" red flags are and it becomes difficult for me to break it off. I also lose motivation to see other women because all my needs are being satisfied. This happens even when I only see the chick once a week and rarely text/phone them. Usually after like 2-3 months they start to pull-away because they sense I won't give them commitment and when we finally stop seeing each other the whole process is very heart breaking and emotionally draining for me, almost as if I broke up from an actual relationship.

2nd problem is that I hate chasing women. I've noticed that instead of continually chasing women and having to find a new one every 2 weeks that I enjoy more keeping a hot chick around for a few months even if shes not LTR material. Im just trying not to make a habit of it because I fear that one day I will eventually cave in and LTR an unworthy chick just because shes hot which can end up ruining my life.

Does anyone have the ability to continue seeing a hot chick with a pleasant personality and not get attached? I've read that the best way to deal with them is to only have sex with them once and then disappear, but if that's the case then I rather not deal with them at all.

 

[The Duke]

Date more hot girls, you'll get past it.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Don't be thinking of yourself as a wimp, man.

 

[SW15]

I've noticed that there are 3 category of chicks for me:

1. Chicks that I find to be okay-looking and im not that into, regardless of how cool their personality is
2. Chicks who are very attractive but have ****ty personalities or aren't pleasant to be around
3. Chicks who are very attractive and delightful to be around.

Does anyone have the ability to continue seeing a hot chick with a pleasant personality and not get attached?

Don't be thinking of yourself as a wimp

I'd agree that it is best not to think of yourself as a wimp. It's normal to get attached and have feelings for an attractive woman with a pleasant personality. Sex promotes attachment. It's difficult for me to have a one night stand as I tend to get attached, even with women in your category #2. I don't think of myself as a wimp and I have had one night stands.

Women in category #3 would be women I desire for girlfriends.

Your personality type might be more prone to attachment, similar to how I attach after sex.

@Howiestern has good advice.

 

[Eddie3232]

All times a girl way above most in some (very importante to note: only a incomplete amount of all required) personality aspects + very attractive got into my way for some time (and, lets say the truth, this is becoming rare due to how one sided and empty people usually are) , i was into ****ty situations where my life was downhill or some major serious **** happened, which led me to ignore all red flags and not see the other half of those personalities, which is usually a pile of ****.

I have nowadays a ****ty case of a 20 years old one who i only keep contact and "friendship" (as she genuinely views as that but i don't) because i clearly know both care about eachother. But i got to know ver in such a ****ty state that she views me in a very low value frame and is, not only platonic and sexually uninterested, but exceptionally skilled in unconsciously wanting to piss me off by behaving or doing something that is equal to treating me like someone of no value but in a very passive and silent way, anger of which dropped in frequency as i simply started to not take her seriously and to see her as the piece of **** deranged (clinically diagnosed) deceitful depressive disorder anxiety disorder trainwreck (but yet somehow good hearted) she is and got to know by raw knowledge of self she isn't even nearly on my standards.

When you don't care as a human about the other person and she doesn't as well, you can simply cut ties even when still in oneitis or heavy feelings for her. But when she genuinelt cares about you as a human being in her completely bat****ed self-mind**** and you too, you know just severing ties or disappearing would create pain when the person knows the crap she did. And that time will come, as i got to hear her saying in a completely out of context moment she coudn't understand me and was at fault in so many conflicts and silent aftermaths recently. She even humiliated herself at a time to me in a very unmistakable way, sending half-nudes and dozens of messages in clearly desperate (very sure it wasn't a narcisistic crisis) So if you leave, you are accepting to be week simp who cannot see things long term and replace her, and just ignore the hollow bull**** and just not let be used or an orbiter. But if you blindly accept your feelings or the idea that "i must love who see me as nothing" and let her use you as a tampon for family or Chad dumping issues, interesting chats, or whatever the **** she decides to (i.e you are not getting equal benefits from the interaction), you will be as equally a chode and will become some kind of orbiter or stomping footcleaning carpet. They will dump you as you say and this is not really an issue for girls you still ****, because they can replace you. When you don't **** them, they may replace you but they will a day or another wake up in consciousness about the mistake she did and will go into a self-loathing hell.

In a nutshell, learn to be as cold in reasoning in the worst times, screen, detect the crap inside her personality, and leave as early as possible. If you don't, you will, in the least of the worst cases, not be able to break contact without mentally ****stomping some ****ed up personality disorder or depressive person, and will have to carry the living rotten corpse in your life somehow. In the worst, you can end like Depp, but hope you have his luck i.e money and fame

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

@Steno
Sex without commitment can be demoralizing for most women, since they are equating themselves to a fleshlight. It can happen to men too, if you smash enough women you'll start to feel used and as if it's pointless without a deeper purpose, then you'll see the value of LTRs.

When you have all the sex you want from multiple women, sex becomes normalized, easy, and loses all value. Only then you'll seek novelty in other ways, either through kink or LTRs/STRs.

It sounds like you're biting off more than you can chew with category three. Either step your game up or settle for less. They are beautiful and fun to be around, but your first love should be a higher calling that keeps you grounded.

You're also describing codependency, which is toxic. If you were interdependent rather than codependent then you'd be unfazed when a girl announces she's leaving you. You'd be happy for her and commend her good communication skills, then wish her the best and go on about your day. The fact that it wrecks you is a sign of too little going on in your life.

If you were travelling, networking with tons of cute girls, building businesses, or doing whatever you have a passion for and things were going really well, then you'd react in the vein I described above.

The answer is obvious, you know what to do.

 

[Gamisch]

@Steno
Sex without commitment can be demoralizing for most women, since they are equating themselves to a fleshlight. It can happen to men too, if you smash enough women you'll start to feel used and as if it's pointless without a deeper purpose, then you'll see the value of LTRs.

When you have all the sex you want from multiple women, sex becomes normalized, easy, and loses all value. Only then you'll seek novelty in other ways, either through kink or LTRs/STRs.

It sounds like you're biting off more than you can chew with category three. Either step your game up or settle for less. They are beautiful and fun to be around, but your first love should be a higher calling that keeps you grounded.

You're also describing codependency, which is toxic. If you were interdependent rather than codependent then you'd be unfazed when a girl announces she's leaving you. You'd be happy for her and commend her good communication skills, then wish her the best and go on about your day. The fact that it wrecks you is a sign of too little going on in your life.

If you were travelling, networking with tons of cute girls, building businesses, or doing whatever you have a passion for and things were going really well, then you'd react in the vein I described above.

The answer is obvious, you know what to do.

Good post, but the codependency might have a deeper underlying reason. Sometimes its something that's not to be taking lightly.

As you say ,its extremely toxic. I speak from personal experience here. I wished it would left me unfazed when a girl left me. I must admit I indeed didn't had roo much going on and what ever woman hurt me was the sun of life.

Maybe OP (like me) needs therapy to soul search .

I've noticed that there are 3 category of chicks for me:

1. Chicks that I find to be okay-looking and im not that into, regardless of how cool their personality is
2. Chicks who are very attractive but have ****ty personalities or aren't pleasant to be around
3. Chicks who are very attractive and delightful to be around.

For the first 2 categories of girls I get bored after smashing them like 2 or 3 times and I lose all motivation to continue interacting with them, very rarely do I keep in touch with them after 2-3 weeks even if the sex is phenomenal.

The problem with me is those very attractive chicks whose presence I enjoy, they are my kryptonite. I always end up catching feelings regardless of how mentally guarded I am and how glaring the "not relationship material" red flags are and it becomes difficult for me to break it off. I also lose motivation to see other women because all my needs are being satisfied. This happens even when I only see the chick once a week and rarely text/phone them. Usually after like 2-3 months they start to pull-away because they sense I won't give them commitment and when we finally stop seeing each other the whole process is very heart breaking and emotionally draining for me, almost as if I broke up from an actual relationship.

2nd problem is that I hate chasing women. I've noticed that instead of continually chasing women and having to find a new one every 2 weeks that I enjoy more keeping a hot chick around for a few months even if shes not LTR material. Im just trying not to make a habit of it because I fear that one day I will eventually cave in and LTR an unworthy chick just because shes hot which can end up ruining my life.

Does anyone have the ability to continue seeing a hot chick with a pleasant personality and not get attached? I've read that the best way to deal with them is to only have sex with them once and then disappear, but if that's the case then I rather not deal with them at all.

Is normal OP. It's the journey of (most) man.

Do these women you categorized also switch overtime? ( 1 to 3, 3 to 2 ect) I think a hot chick with a nice personality is kryptonite for most of us( we men are easy to fool ain't we?) I mean ,what do think Leo and Lebron looking for (besides a crazy fetish here and there)? Exactly.

You call yourself a whimp which leads me to believe you have a (low) self esteem issue. So when category 3 ****s with you you almost dont understand what happens. While the next man might view her as "just a woman". Make up, clothes, fitness and Lord knows what she did be attractive. Fair game , but you gotta understand the recepy.

Like previous poster said, if you slay enough the specialty will wear off. And that's a gift and a curse...

Get your self esteem up by any means necessary for starters. Basic man shyt as fitness money ect. Read the forum and pick the right youtubers. Assess what leads you to believe what you posted, and if needed get pro help to guide you through this.

Shalom

 

[Steno]

Just for clarification, I just added the word wimp to the topic title to give it more drama lol. I don't actually think im a wimp. I shouldn't have done that though lol

Date more hot girls, you'll get past it.

That wasn't working for me. I was seeing a chick of the same caliber toward the end of my time with the last chick I broke it off with. I feel like once I catch feelings its too late, its going to sting regardless if theres a viable back-up option. I was also involved with another chick towards the middle and that didn't help either, but to be fair this particular chick wasn't of the same caliber.

Women in category #3 would be women I desire for girlfriends.

Same here I wouldn't mind cuffing category #3 chicks, just as long as they don't have any glaring red flags.

Your personality type might be more prone to attachment, similar to how I attach after sex.

Yeah I think my personality type is the main problem, Im just going to screen harder and pass up on chicks who don't pass the LTR test asap. I read somewhere that you shouldn't have sex with a chick more than once if you want to assure you don't get attached, was just wondering if theres any other way to avoid it.

In a nutshell, learn to be as cold in reasoning in the worst times, screen, detect the crap inside her personality, and leave as early as possible. If you don't, you will, in the least of the worst cases, not be able to break contact without mentally ****stomping some ****ed up personality disorder or depressive person, and will have to carry the living rotten corpse in your life somehow. In the worst, you can end like Depp, but hope you have his luck i.e money and fame

I think you are referring to the category #2 chicks. I usually stay far away from chicks who show red flags that revolve around mental health or emotional issues. I tend to put those unpleasant personality chicks in category #2, I usually can't get attached to them if their personality or presence doesn't gel with me regardless of how physically attractive they are. And with the category #3 chicks Im not commiting to them, I usually just see them casually once a week. Its usually just some baggage or thotty like tendencies which makes me not want to commit, its not their personality per say.

If you smash enough women you'll start to feel used and as if it's pointless without a deeper purpose, then you'll see the value of LTRs.
The answer is obvious, you know what to do.

When you have all the sex you want from multiple women, sex becomes normalized, easy, and loses all value. Only then you'll seek novelty in other ways, either through kink or LTRs/STRs.

I am at the point where I don't care at all for random sex, it doesn't do anything for me.

It sounds like you're biting off more than you can chew with category three. Either step your game up or settle for less. They are beautiful and fun to be around, but your first love should be a higher calling that keeps you grounded.

I'm not sure how you jumped to the conclusion that they are my first love

You're also describing codependency, which is toxic. If you were interdependent rather than codependent then you'd be unfazed when a girl announces she's leaving you. You'd be happy for her and commend her good communication skills, then wish her the best and go on about your day. The fact that it wrecks you is a sign of too little going on in your life.

If you were travelling, networking with tons of cute girls, building businesses, or doing whatever you have a passion for and things were going really well, then you'd react in the vein I described above.

The answer is obvious, you know what to do.

You are jumping to some extreme assumptions, you pretty much said that any guy who catches feelings for a women is codependent, toxic and has nothing going on in his life. I'm not sure how you jumped to that side of the pool...

As you say ,its extremely toxic. I speak from personal experience here. I wished it would left me unfazed when a girl left me. I must admit I indeed didn't had roo much going on and what ever woman hurt me was the sun of life.

I treat women very well so they rarely initiate break ups, unfortunately I am usually the one who has to do that. Also I don't like to waste women's time. I generally break things off amicably and respectfully once:

1. They ask for commitment and I know I can't give it to them

2. They start pulling back or I see a noticeable drop in investment. Usually its only chicks with trust issues who do this without first communicating why their unhappy etc

Do these women you categorized also switch overtime? ( 1 to 3, 3 to 2 ect) I think a hot chick with a nice personality is kryptonite for most of us( we men are easy to fool ain't we?) I mean ,what do think Leo and Lebron looking for (besides a crazy fetish here and there)? Exactly.

No they don't change. I think I see why you ask that question though. The problem with me is that thot like tendencies do not impact me like a bad personality does. So even if I know a girl is a thot, if shes hot and pleasant to be around and I have sex with her enough times I will catch feelings. If shes hot but lets say shes rude or annoying to be around, then I don't catch feelings. I generally have 0 control of who I catch feelings for, all I can do is recognize patterns and try to avoid my kryptonites.

 

[Eddie3232]

I think you are referring to the category #2 chicks. I usually stay far away from chicks who show red flags that revolve around mental health or emotional issues. I tend to put those unpleasant personality chicks in category #2, I usually can't get attached to them if their personality or presence doesn't gel with me regardless of how physically attractive they are. And with the category #3 chicks Im not commiting to them, I usually just see them casually once a week. Its usually just some baggage or thotty like tendencies which makes me not want to commit, its not their personality per say.

I think it's good to stay away from those. This happened to me when i was into such a bad moment in life, that i could not notice the red flags at all or decided to ignore them due to bad judgement. About the personality thing, i think these thotty tendencies are more than ever attached to how the girl is in personality. There hasn't ever been a moment where these tendencies weren't hiding some very nasty stuff very deep and which made me wonder who i was dealing with and discover some terrible things along the way or rationally get them. I can give an example of subpar investment. Its not normal when a girl doesn't invests enough or even delays messages or acts ****ty and ignores you when she is all over and into you, even in the slightest way. It doesn't makes sense. All times i got to see this it showed me she had some severe issues with understanding value. Girls who understand value and have normal self worth will look to have the investment upper hand and will be at least very deep into guys who invest ans she is all into, even if he goes nuts and all over her (at least for the first few days). Girls who do otherwise are not normal and its even worse when they will actively put effort on someone before you who doesn't gives a **** about her. It can be only worse if she approaches very specific guys she doesnt even know starting conversations in a very pushy way. In all times i saw this stuff i knew something was off on her personality, because normal girls understand value, normal girls will not be the ones actively engaging guys in conversations and especially guys of a specific look/racial profile/physical caractheristics, or even, in worst cases, guys with suspicious-criminal looks

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

Just for clarification, I just added the word wimp to the topic title to give it more drama lol. I don't actually think im a wimp. I shouldn't have done that though lol

That wasn't working for me. I was seeing a chick of the same caliber toward the end of my time with the last chick I broke it off with. I feel like once I catch feelings its too late, its going to sting regardless if theres a viable back-up option. I was also involved with another chick towards the middle and that didn't help either, but to be fair this particular chick wasn't of the same caliber.


Same here I wouldn't mind cuffing category #3 chicks, just as long as they don't have any glaring red flags.

Yeah I think my personality type is the main problem, Im just going to screen harder and pass up on chicks who don't pass the LTR test asap. I read somewhere that you shouldn't have sex with a chick more than once if you want to assure you don't get attached, was just wondering if theres any other way to avoid it.


I think you are referring to the category #2 chicks. I usually stay far away from chicks who show red flags that revolve around mental health or emotional issues. I tend to put those unpleasant personality chicks in category #2, I usually can't get attached to them if their personality or presence doesn't gel with me regardless of how physically attractive they are. And with the category #3 chicks Im not commiting to them, I usually just see them casually once a week. Its usually just some baggage or thotty like tendencies which makes me not want to commit, its not their personality per say.


I am at the point where I don't care at all for random sex, it doesn't do anything for me.


I'm not sure how you jumped to the conclusion that they are my first love


You are jumping to some extreme assumptions, you pretty much said that any guy who catches feelings for a women is codependent, toxic and has nothing going on in his life. I'm not sure how you jumped to that side of the pool...


I treat women very well so they rarely initiate break ups, unfortunately I am usually the one who has to do that. Also I don't like to waste women's time. I generally break things off amicably and respectfully once:

1. They ask for commitment and I know I can't give it to them

2. They start pulling back or I see a noticeable drop in investment. Usually its only chicks with trust issues who do this without first communicating why their unhappy etc


No they don't change. I think I see why you ask that question though. The problem with me is that thot like tendencies do not impact me like a bad personality does. So even if I know a girl is a thot, if shes hot and pleasant to be around and I have sex with her enough times I will catch feelings. If shes hot but lets say shes rude or annoying to be around, then I don't catch feelings. I generally have 0 control of who I catch feelings for, all I can do is recognize patterns and try to avoid my kryptonites.

Yes, as I described, if you're super broken up when a girl leaves, that means you had a codependent relationship with her, otherwise you'd wish her the best and it wouldn't phase you. There are literally more women on this planet than seconds in your life, if you get bent out of shape over one it's due to a shiity scarcity mindset. If what I explained doesn't resonate, then we're too far apart, cheers.

 

[Solomon]

If you like them and they check all your boxes why not commit to them?

I don't understand why so many guys want to live the "Player" lifestyle. It's not very fulfilling especially as you get older.
For me I would have no issues with committing to a chick who is attractive and pleasant to be around. The problem is most chicks where I live are liberal so they are looking for a beta cuck.
Being a black man who is damn near conservative in a liberal state I'm virtually eliminated from 95% (99& of BW since they all democrats)of dating options. So unfortunately I have to keep my views on the low

 

[Steno]

About the personality thing, i think these thotty tendencies are more than ever attached to how the girl is in personality. There hasn't ever been a moment where these tendencies weren't hiding some very nasty stuff very deep and which made me wonder who i was dealing with and discover some terrible things along the way or rationally get them.

I have come across a few chicks like that but for the most part most thots aren't that crazy. Its just a guess but I feel like the thottiness that exists today is because society promotes it and because its so easy to do, not because of some extremely, deep or nasty issue that is affecting the women.

If an average man had the ability to have sex with hot women easily then all men would be trashy too, so I can't blame or judge women for being a product of their environment. Thats just my 2 cents though.

Girls who understand value and have normal self worth will look to have the investment upper hand and will be at least very deep into guys who invest ans she is all into, even if he goes nuts and all over her (at least for the first few days). Girls who do otherwise are not normal and its even worse when they will actively put effort on someone before you who doesn't gives a **** about her. It can be only worse if she approaches very specific guys she doesnt even know starting conversations in a very pushy way. In all times i saw this stuff i knew something was off on her personality, because normal girls understand value, normal girls will not be the ones actively engaging guys in conversations and especially guys of a specific look/racial profile/physical caractheristics, or even, in worst cases, guys with suspicious-criminal looks

Yes that is very accurate especially for women who have severe self esteem issues, some healthy women might endure that for a short duration too but only when she is young or naïve. The way that you describe a women valuing herself is tricky because value is subjective. What a typical women values nowadays is radically different than what a women in the 1920's did like for example a husband for financial security, family values, stable household etc. So to us men it might seem like she doesn't value herself but to that women in her brain she derives some sort of justified value from whatever toxicity it is she's doing. But I understand what you mean and I agree that the things that women value today are completely catastrophic in producing healthy relationships.

If you like them and they check all your boxes why not commit to them?

I don't understand why so many guys want to live the "Player" lifestyle. It's not very fulfilling especially as you get older.
For me I would have no issues with committing to a chick who is attractive and pleasant to be around. The problem is most chicks where I live are liberal so they are looking for a beta cuck.
Being a black man who is damn near conservative in a liberal state I'm virtually eliminated from 95% (99& of BW since they all democrats)of dating options. So unfortunately I have to keep my views on the low

I agree, the player lifestyle isn't for me. I don't commit to these women for the same reason that you don't, a vast majority aren't LTR material. If they were LTR material I would happily commit.