The gym girl and fixating on not appearing "over-eager" .......

[MysteryMuchacho]

Anyone who frequents a gym has one of these.

Some simply don't want to crap where they eat.
Some are in a never ending game of exchanging glancing looks.
Some move in for the kill or at least break the seal.

After months of being being unable to get myself out of the "exchanging looks" phase - I finally broke the seal last week. It was one of those rare days my brain was on auto-pilot, once again she was in my general vicinity too many times to ignore, and I just said f' it. I have a social theory about that which I deem "The Law of Proximity".

The conversation started great. Big smiles. She asked me for my name (twice actually), mentioned how I'm one of her "3pm regulars" and we had some good laughs. Found out the dude she almost always works out with is just a friend (or so she says). But if I'm going to be honest the conversation ending could've been smoother - maybe it was just the starvation and build up from waiting so long. I also didn't rip cord out of there first and she was the one to politely end it. Instead of feeling good that I had done it, the rest of the day I was too fixated on that ending.

Yesterday as I was staring at the clock, as I turned my head I noticed she had walked by me without saying anything. She'd end up walking by me again later on and shot this "what's up" at me that didn't seem anything special nor did she stop to chat. So today I decided to keep to myself, no looks exchanged, no nothing. Noticed towards the end she was still there even after the workout dude left (something she NEVER does).

To be quite honest, I hate when I pull this crap. It's this obsessive, almost pathogenic desire to avoid ever being thought of by any female I meet as the "over-eager guy." I've been told that it makes me appear standoffish or not interested. Then again I broke the silence with her first, figured OK let's see if she reciprocates (I'm huge on that) - but I have no idea what she's thinking.

Is this mindset familiar? How did you overcome it? It's a needy thought process and I'm exhausted from the crutch it has become.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Wall of text. It's mental masturbation over 1girl.

You simply care too much. Shoot your shot or stfu and get on with it.

If you see a baddie across the gym, it's try hard to approach and make the track. YOU as a man should have the ability to do so.

A better play would be to hit the water fountain and BAM she's just there. Wuddup!

Do both.

I've done both. The alternative approach is better but i don't give a ****kkkk. I disassociate from the environment. Obviously exercise common sense. I see dorks chatting attention *****s for hours as I crush PRs. Finish my workout and dorks still simping. Don't be that guy.


In either predicament, SHOOT YOUR SHOT. do your Damn workout. Chat up baeeeee. Small talk. Exit. Take digits or ig but exercise discretion. Re approach even next time. Even a few. Don't hover. Don't over stay.

Lastly exercise discretion in such a way you get her # or ig but NOBODY should know. It demonstrates high social equity. Simply don't be a dumb ass.

 

[MysteryMuchacho]

Wall of text. It's mental masturbation over 1girl.

You simply care too much. Shoot your shot or stfu and get on with it.

If you see a baddie across the gym, it's try hard to approach and make the track. YOU as a man should have the ability to do so.

A better play would be to hit the water fountain and BAM she's just there. Wuddup!

Do both.

I've done both. The alternative approach is better but i don't give a ****kkkk. I disassociate from the environment. Obviously exercise common sense. I see dorks chatting attention *****s for hours as I crush PRs. Finish my workout and dorks still simping. Don't be that guy.


In either predicament, SHOOT YOUR SHOT. do your Damn workout. Chat up baeeeee. Small talk. Exit. Take digits or ig but exercise discretion. Re approach even next time. Even a few. Don't hover. Don't over stay.

Lastly exercise discretion in such a way you get her # or ig but NOBODY should know. It demonstrates high social equity. Simply don't be a dumb ass.

Highlighted the standout comments. That's what I'm saying though - I go to great lengths to make sure I never look like a simp and making sure I'm portraying high value. I need to show that while chatting her up though - just trying not to be that dude who now that he broke the seal that one time is now always going up to her.

Btw, hell to the no would I ever exchange digits and stuff like that in front of others in the gym. In a setting like that it's either "Hey here's my IG name find me" or ask them for theirs and add it later.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Highlighted the standout comments. That's what I'm saying though - I go to great lengths to make sure I never look like a simp and making sure I'm portraying high value. I need to show that while chatting her up though - just trying not to be that dude who now that he broke the seal that one time and now always going up to her.

Btw, hell to the no would I ever exchange digits and stuff like that in front of others in the gym. In a setting like that it's either "Hey here's my IG name find me" or ask them for theirs and add it later.

Your going to take Ls. Don't blow out your entire gym.

You can't be half a gangster.

 

[Gamisch]

Gym is one of the worst places to approach. You'd be better of approaching her at a party and use the shared membership as a ( cheesy) icebreaker.

Personally I try to avoid this shyt. I assume women go to the gym to work out ,not to be chatted up. Dont wanna boost their little egos unless I get something in return. She has to approach me and even then I dont go in all hungry and starved. If I am in a good mood I might say hi and smile ,but then I'll say it to everyone, not just women.

When I entered the room I get all kinds of IOI and sometimes a girl will position herself in such a way that approach is possible but fvcuk that . You'll see her frequently, let her wheel spin for you instead.

 

[MysteryMuchacho]

Gym is one of the worst places to approach. You'd be better of approaching her at a party and use the shared membership as a ( cheesy) icebreaker.

Personally I try to avoid this shyt. I assume women go to the gym to work out ,not to be chatted up. Dont wanna boost their little egos unless I get something in return. She has to approach me and even then I dont go in all hungry and starved. If I am in a good mood I might say hi and smile ,but then I'll say it to everyone, not just women.

When I entered the room I get all kinds of IOI and sometimes a girl will position herself in such a way that approach is possible but fvcuk that . You'll see her frequently, let her wheel spin for you instead.

I've yet to see her anywhere else, so at this point the gym is all there is. It's kinda got me boxed in and it's generally not a place I'm trying to meet women at.

After I broke the seal last week and approached her I was kinda hoping to see the IOI's escalate to more obvious level i.e. her chatting me up when I saw her this week.

Im not trying to be up her azz though - especially when she's got the workout guy friend with her.

 

[Zimbabwe]

Just don't be autistic, even if you get rejected you can still go to the same gym. You won't be kicked out if you just talk to her like a normal human being.

 

[Murk]

I thought the point is the be kind of eager, to show you're interested. If I see a girl I like and I'm going for her she will know I don't just want to make small talk. Sounds like you're halfway there but you care wayyyy too much what other people think.

I've never approached at the gym, I get my head down and get out.

 

[MysteryMuchacho]

I thought the point is the be kind of eager, to show you're interested. If I see a girl I like and I'm going for her she will know I don't just want to make small talk. Sounds like you're halfway there but you care wayyyy too much what other people think.

Perhaps that's where I need to re-frame my mentality about the whole thing. I'm so concerned with not ever being confused for a simp and not being up anyone's backside that maybe I've forgotten how to show genuine interest. The bolded part is 100% is unfortunately still true about me.

 

[2Rocky]

How much you paying for this gym membership? Because Time is money when you are there, and you should be putting your workout ahead of other distractions when you are on the floor. if you aren't, you are not working out hard enough. You do that for 3 months and she and every other good looking woman in the place will be stopping you in the hall to the locker room to ask what you are training for...

Then you can ask her if she feels like a shower beer at your place.

 

[MysteryMuchacho]

We were both in there today and she wasn't with the workout "guy friend" again. Prior to approaching her last week that has NEVER been the case and we're talking 6-7 months (maybe one sporadic day here or there)- but this week it has been multiple times. Decided just be cool, work out as normal, and if we crossed paths say hello otherwise wasn't looking to chase her down or anything.

Towards the backend of my work out, I can tell from the mirror she sees where I'm at and comes strolling by me. She stops to chat with some of her lady friends she saw standing a few feet away to my right. If she thought I was a disgusting creeper she wouldn't come anywhere near me, but I didn't get a hello that's for sure. As I walked to snag a snip of water at the fountain I wanted to see if she'd make eye contact - she did and I gave her a high five then just left it alone.

Of course as I'm doing abs - otw out she runs over to quickly chat up a low quality dude in the area that I've seen her talk to before. How nice. One side of the coin says maybe she's just shy around dudes she's attracted to. The other said says f- hope, be logical, and take things at face value.

Man I'm struggling to find a win lately.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Highlighted the standout comments. That's what I'm saying though - I go to great lengths to make sure I never look like a simp and making sure I'm portraying high value. I need to show that while chatting her up though - just trying not to be that dude who now that he broke the seal that one time is now always going up to her.

Btw, hell to the no would I ever exchange digits and stuff like that in front of others in the gym. In a setting like that it's either "Hey here's my IG name find me" or ask them for theirs and add it later.

Invite her on a short insta date after the workout to go get a coffee or a smoothie or whatever and then get her number there if that's a concern.

While you are sitting around overthinking it and playing cool, some dude who doesn't give a fvck is taking her out and banging her brains out.

 

[MysteryMuchacho]

Thought this thing became a cold case file.

A day in August she was obviously orbiting me so I called her over and we got to talking. She insisted she wanted to text me about some supplement recommendations for hangovers. Figured ok now we're onto something. She saved my number I saved hers. Texted her next day to thank her - no response. Thought ok I'm wrong here and backed off again.

Four weeks ago she pulled up beside me to workout and chat for 20mins. In the middle of her conversation about her upcoming work/conference travels she was all "you should come." In my head I was like did I just hear that correctly because #1 we hadn't talked in weeks and #2 she said it kind of fast as she was turning her head.

She also wanted me to read this health book she loves and insisted I photoshop her health cert so I could order labs thru her work. She did in fact email me her cert (haven't ordered anything yet) and ended up bringing the book - was really excited about about it too touching my arm, even chest bumped me. I had never seen her act that way around me before.

I liked the initiative, so I decided to be more proactive the next 2-3 times I saw her. All of the convos were short and FLAT. One day in particular she just seemed very irritated and it really rubbed me the wrong way so back I went to doin my own thing.

It's def ice cold. I don't ignore her but I'm mirroring her behavior. She saluted me from afar the other day (wtf) and I've given her a few high fives but haven't stopped to talk. Hell today she came in my area to chat someone else up 5 feet away from me - no acknowledgment.

WTH is this girls deal? By the way I should probably note the red flags here. #1 apparently she's in an open marriage. #2 in one of our convos she mentioned her anniversary for being medication-free. #3 that book she brought me seemed VERY heavy on healing mental issues thru diet.

It donned on me maybe she's pissed because I didn't order the labs? Would seem stupid though - not like it's a big sale or anything.

 

[pipeman84]

WTH is this girls deal? By the way I should probably note the red flags here. #1 apparently she's in an open marriage. #2 in one of our convos she mentioned her anniversary for being medication-free. #3 that book she brought me seemed VERY heavy on healing mental issues thru diet.

You answered your own question there...
Now, it's a question of how much self-respect you have and what you want out of life...me personally, I would totally ignore this girl.

 

[SW15]

WTH is this girls deal? By the way I should probably note the red flags here. #1 apparently she's in an open marriage. #2 in one of our convos she mentioned her anniversary for being medication-free. #3 that book she brought me seemed VERY heavy on healing mental issues thru diet.

Open marriage isnt a red flag if you're looking for sex only. Women in open marriages are also only looking for sex. Some of the dynamics surrounding meeting and seducing women in open marriages can be somewhat complex to navigate though.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I can kind of relate. The girl at the front desk of my gym laughs at all the dumb shyt I say, she knows I have three kids, she’s probably just a nice person but I also don’t want to pollute the water at the effin front desk so I don’t go further with it. May be too much in my dome. Over the summer a personal trainer was talking to me. In a couple of minutes I’m asking her out. She says maybe or you could book a training session with me. I’m like oh ok I kind of run my own program but thanks. Then she shows the ring which I did not observe or would not have approached. So one… she’s a shameless person... She knew what was going on…but two, I still workout there and I almost never see her. I’m actually in the shytter at the gym now about to go get started

 

[MysteryMuchacho]

Open marriage isnt a red flag if you're looking for sex only. Women in open marriages are also only looking for sex. Some of the dynamics surrounding meeting and seducing women in open marriages can be somewhat complex to navigate though.

Ya, I'm picking up on that and it's not something I have any experience with. When I heard - I was like OK that's fine I'm still ridiculously attracted to her and wouldn't mind a romp or two, but not sure if that opportunity has already left (or if it was even there in the 1st place.

 

[MysteryMuchacho]

You answered your own question there...
Now, it's a question of how much self-respect you have and what you want out of life...me personally, I would totally ignore this girl.

I mean I'm already the dude who's places high priority on not being seen as a simp - so I'm more focused on self-respect than hooking up with her.

What specifically stands out to you though that's signalling "preserve your self respect"? Is this girl just toying with dudes in a gym like a kid in a candy shop because of her open marriage status?

I forgot to mention she told me in conversation that she's always been a "Bro's girl" i.e. mostly has guy friends rather than girl ones.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I mean I'm already the dude who's places high priority on not being seen as a simp - so I'm more focused on self-respect than hooking up with her.

What specifically stands out to you though that's signalling "preserve your self respect"?

She has ignored you like 18x

there’s a 23 year old that was going to jump on my lap that looked me up and nowknows I am 38 with kids that has gone silent now for 12 hours. I have no intention toask her twice

 

[MysteryMuchacho]

She has ignored you like 18x

there’s a 23 year old that was going to jump on my lap that looked me up and nowknows I am 38 with kids that has gone silent now for 12 hours. I have no intention toask her twice

If someone were simply ignoring me from the jump or "18x" as you have summized it I wouldn't be here asking questions. Cmon man.