Spent the night with girl without having sex - best way to proceed

[coyote_astro]

Hello everyone!

Yesterday night I went out on a first date with a girl I met from online dating. The chemistry was very good and after going to two bars back-to-back, we ended up back to her place together. Even though we made out a bit, I failed to escalate fully so we did not have sex. We just made out, cuddled etc and then slept together.
The reason I failed to escalate is not such a huge mystery btw: I've been super focused on my career over the past few months, and this was the first date that led to some action after quite a while. So I was pretty much 'out of it'. The fact that she had just moved to my city from another state did not help things either, as she was clearly tired and fell asleep quickly. The main blame is on how I handled it, though.

Next morning (which was today) we kissed and chatted a bit more and then I left. Obviously I'm well aware that I might have crossed the 'point of no return' and might end up getting friendzoned, which is quite annoying to think. But I want to take my shot and see if this can be saved. Aside from my failure to close, she was really into me, and quite hot, so it's worth another chance.

How would you guys handle this situation? Should I text her or should I wait and see if she texts me first? If we end up chatting again, I was thinking of inviting her over to my place in the coming days, or something along those lines.
Any advice or thoughts appreciated!

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Good luck with this. When a woman gives you a green light and you don't take advantage of it, the odds are not in your favor.

A woman doesn't want a guy who doesn't know how to close the deal when he is given the opportunity. She wants a guy who is able to close.

 

[RickTheToad]

Hello everyone!

Yesterday night I went out on a first date with a girl I met from online dating. The chemistry was very good and after going to two bars back-to-back, we ended up back to her place together. Even though we made out a bit, I failed to escalate fully so we did not have sex. We just made out, cuddled etc and then slept together.
The reason I failed to escalate is not such a huge mystery btw: I've been super focused on my career over the past few months, and this was the first date that led to some action after quite a while. So I was pretty much 'out of it'. The fact that she had just moved to my city from another state did not help things either, as she was clearly tired and fell asleep quickly. The main blame is on how I handled it, though.

Next morning (which was today) we kissed and chatted a bit more and then I left. Obviously I'm well aware that I might have crossed the 'point of no return' and might end up getting friendzoned, which is quite annoying to think. But I want to take my shot and see if this can be saved. Aside from my failure to close, she was really into me, and quite hot, so it's worth another chance.

How would you guys handle this situation? Should I text her or should I wait and see if she texts me first? If we end up chatting again, I was thinking of inviting her over to my place in the coming days, or something along those lines.
Any advice or thoughts appreciated!

Only way out of this one is to hang back and see if she reaches out. If she does, invite her over, buy a bottle of wine, and cook for her. After cooking, put on a movie and get in her. It's possible she will come around, but DO NOT CONTACT HER AT ALL. You need her to chase you. Still possible, but it can be a trying task if she has other dudes she's fvcking.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

This happened to me last night. Girl would make out but every time I tried to escalate she would get nervous and pull back. I’m not going to pursue her anymore because I’m too old for that shvt.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Yeah “rules”? Not when you’re both obviously attracted. We’ve decided within seconds if we would bang, or not. Women might come to the crossroads after a little while, once you sprinkle the additional needed ingredients in proper quantities. But if it’s not on after the first date it’s like NEXT! Unless she follows up, plans and pays. Or she decides to come over .

paraphrasing tomassi:

The girl who tells you that she wants a relationship first is the same girl who facked the hot guy at the foam cannon party in Cabo on spring break half an hour after meeting him.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Had 2 similar events in my Bluepilled Disney princess days. Ultimately, in both cases. We did have sex. But not that night.

 

[RBK]

Yea you might of ****ed this up, should of banged first night. Women HATE to feel rejected and from what im reading you had a green light here. Hard to circle back in these spots.

Invite out again for drinks and escalate but she might think you are jonny beta having sleepovers and not ****ing.

 

[Epimanes]

I think this is good. Shows self restraint... and self respect.

 

[Jair213]

Thi

I think this is good. Shows self restraint... and self respect.

This is also valid.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I think this is good. Shows self restraint... and self respect.

Would have been better for him if he needed to feel self respect that he just leave instead of sleeping in her bed.

It doesn't come off as having self respect by not banging a chick if you sleep in her bed, it comes off as being scared to progress things, not knowing how to progress things, or being uninterested in progressing things.

None of which are good.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

I’ve learned to never date a girl unless she sees you as a high interest in her eyes. You never want her to just settle for you. Now depending on the girl, and I’ll let you be the judge of that, she would’ve basically initiated sex for a Chad lol. She might have given you one lazy clue to approach her, but afterwards the floodgates would’ve open. Yes, you can possibly fvck this girl the second night, but understand she will be pulling the bullshvt games and shvt tests on you constantly.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I’ve learned to never date a girl unless she sees you as a high interest in her eyes. You never want her to just settle for you. Now depending on the girl, and I’ll let you be the judge of that, she would’ve basically initiated sex for a Chad lol. She might have given you one lazy clue to approach her, but afterwards the floodgates would’ve open. Yes, you can possibly fvck this girl the second night, but understand she will be pulling the bullshvt games and shvt tests on you constantly.

Not true at all

 

[IKO69]

Good luck with this. When a woman gives you a green light and you don't take advantage of it, the odds are not in your favor.

A woman doesn't want a guy who doesn't know how to close the deal when he is given the opportunity. She wants a guy who is able to close.

That is a possibility.

It is definitely going to leave her wondering what the hell happened because it is clear from the OP's description sex was pretty much on the table. OP just maintain contact with her and eventually try to setup another opportunity to meet. If you want this girl you are going to have be more aggressive. It's not necessarily a fatal mistake but if a pattern develops and you fail to make a move she will eventually lose attraction and any possibility of having sex will likely be gone for good. It's clear from what you wrote there is nothing to worry about so do it.

 

[coyote_astro]

Good points everyone, thanks!

It's a fact that I messed up by not capitalizing on the clear opportunity I was given, no doubt. I am just trying not to be bitter and take the lesson.

Like some posters above, I also believe I might get another (last) chance at this, which is why I asked for opinions on how to proceed. The context is the following:
This girl has literally just moved to my city from a state down South, and only has one single girl friend up here. No social circle at all, and this was her first night out in the city (she used Hinge from the remote location, that's how we had connected in advance of her arrival). But of course, the challenge is that now she will be talking to other dudes on OLD, as she did with me. She has made it clear that she was super into me from the very beginning. So I hope that all it takes is for her to feel lonely one night and want to meet again.
I've had two instances a few years ago, in which I failed to close given a green light, but the girl eventually gave me another opportunity at a later time.

For now I have not reached out to her at all, and I'm waiting to see how it goes. It's been only 12 hours since I left her place.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Good points everyone, thanks!

It's a fact that I messed up by not capitalizing on the clear opportunity I was given, no doubt. I am just trying not to be bitter and take the lesson.

Like some posters above, I also believe I might get another (last) chance at this, which is why I asked for opinions on how to proceed. The context is the following:
This girl has literally just moved to my city from a state down South, and only has one single girl friend up here. No social circle at all, and this was her first night out in the city (she used Hinge from the remote location, that's how we had connected in advance of her arrival). But of course, the challenge is that now she will be talking to other dudes on OLD, as she did with me. She has made it clear that she was super into me from the very beginning. So I hope that all it takes is for her to feel lonely one night and want to meet again.
I've had two instances a few years ago, in which I failed to close given a green light, but the girl eventually gave me another opportunity at a later time.

For now I have not reached out to her at all, and I'm waiting to see how it goes. It's been only 12 hours since I left her place.

When she reaches out, invite her over for dinner and then bang her senseless. If you fail to close the next time tho it's likely game over.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Not true at all

It’s not rocket science. What else could’ve OP done besides rape this girl? He made out, he got physical, was he supposed to just stick his penis in her next? If she wanted Op then she would’ve either opened the bridge to sex or told op I’m not comfortable having sex right now. If she takes that much peeling then the lemon is not worth the squeeze.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP, in future situations like this (you're at a sex location, you're cuddling with her, but she's not escalating or initiating - always go for the massage. Works as a great transition from cuddling into actual sex.

Also, be wary of this chick. If she's "making it clear she's super into you" why tf is she being lazy about actually having sex when you're alone?

 

[coyote_astro]

When she reaches out, invite her over for dinner and then bang her senseless. If you fail to close the next time tho it's likely game over.

For sure man, I am not going to waste another change!
Only question now is what happens if a week or more passes by without her getting in touch with me. In that case I'm gonna have to choose between reaching out to her myself (even though this is not ideal) or just abandoning this option..

 

[coyote_astro]

It’s not rocket science. What else could’ve OP done besides rape this girl? He made out, he got physical, was he supposed to just stick his penis in her next? If she wanted Op then she would’ve either opened the bridge to sex or told op I’m not comfortable having sex right now. If she takes that much peeling then the lemon is not worth the squeeze.

OP, in future situations like this (you're at a sex location, you're cuddling with her, but she's not escalating or initiating - always go for the massage. Works as a great transition from cuddling into actual sex.

Also, be wary of this chick. If she's "making it clear she's super into you" why tf is she being lazy about actually having sex when you're alone?

You both have a point. As I said previously, I mainly blame myself for not handling this properly, so not looking for excuses.

BUT, having said that, her behavior got me confused quite a bit. First, she made it super easy for me to go back to her place; I did not even need to seed the pull beforehand, we just walked together there after the bar. But then we went to her bedroom and she was not helping things move forward at all, besides the kissing/cuddling part. She does not look like a shy girl either.I left her place a bit confused, honestly..

In contrast to the above experience, in my very first same-night lay from OLD, years ago, I again easily ended up at that girl's home. But after I made the first move to kiss her, she made it so easy and obvious for sex to happen, that only a total retard could have blown that. Same with another similar experience from OLD.
So I guess I expected the escalation to progress equally easily, given how easy it was to get back to the 'sex' location, and then ended up confused when this did not go that way.

 

[Barrister]

Most times when you have the green light and don't take it it is "Game Over" as other posters have alluded to. In some cases, however, it actually makes the woman even more eager. I hope it is the latter for you -- but if you do get that second shot you will need to take it or else she will almost assuredly be done with you if she comes on strong again and you act disinterested.