I attract but intimidate and Im confident but inexperienced with approach

[envydakid]

Whats up Kings.
I am having trouble getting to meet as many girls as I would like to. I am a local celebrity in my hometown who's on its way to being nationally famous. I hang out with big time celebrities and my looks are quite "exotic"? I dont know what term to use, but definitely not a 9-5 look, full rockstar vibes. I am saying all these "positive" things because these are the things that I feel are part of a peculiar formula thats keeping me from the "promise land". Like the title says, I attract but my aura is so different from most people here (Its not the US) that I feel like girls are more nervous to put themselves out there with me. Combine that with the fact that approaching is my definite weak point and what you have is some sort of a staring contest lol.

What Im looking for from you is advice on how to approach girls during the day mostly and what kind of approach can I take. Throughout my life I had to play the "I dont care about you" strategy with girls because they didnt want me, but now it feels like the "I dont care about you" attitude combined with my looks is not working.

Another question is, there's this cute girl at the gym who I see and there's this tension between us. She NEVER looks at me in the eyes directly, but Ive caught her looking and walking to where I am. You know, when you feel THE tension? My question is, should I look at her until we meet eyes a couple of times and then approach? or should I just approach casually??

Damn I feel like a kid with these questions but sometimes I gotta get em out of my head.


Thanks for you time kings.

 

[Serenity]

If you've accurately described your situation and you really are intimidatingly attractive, then you're gonna have to step up and start approaching.

Approach casually and be down to earth, don't play silly games with eye contact and timing arbitrary things, that's always overthinking. Just walk over and start chatting, either they seem to like it or they don't and if the don't just walk away again. Simple.

If women aren't taking action, then you'll have to get the ball rolling yourself. You strike me as someone who doesn't take action, just looks from a distance hoping they'll come to you. Regardless of your looks and status, this is always a bad strategy because you have no control over it and leave it up to chance.

 

[envydakid]

If you've accurately described your situation and you really are intimidatingly attractive, then you're gonna have to step up and start approaching.

Approach casually and be down to earth, don't play silly games with eye contact and timing arbitrary things, that's always overthinking. Just walk over and start chatting, either they seem to like it or they don't and if the don't just walk away again. Simple.

If women aren't taking action, then you'll have to get the ball rolling yourself. You strike me as someone who doesn't take action, just looks from a distance hoping they'll come to you. Regardless of your looks and status, this is always a bad strategy because you have no control over it and leave it up to chance.

Thanks legend. You are completely right. Ive always been this way and I think its the only aspect of game thats holding me back from things I cant even imagine. Im forcing myself to speak to strangers in general to get desensitized from talking to random people about random **** in the streets.

Its specially true because most of these girls are in their early 20's and so I would imagine that makes them even less likely to take action.

Let me know if you have any tips on how to break this "fear" or uncertainty of approaching, this is an important part of my life that I really want to change. Its silly but I dont want to have sex with girls who want me just because. Its way more engaging when I feel like I actually did something to get them. It may be a really hot girl but if its too easy its boring

 

[Serenity]

Let me know if you have any tips on how to break this "fear" or uncertainty of approaching

I wouldn't mind helping you with that, but I have no idea what about it you fear or feel uncertain about. What exactly are you insecure about?

 

[envydakid]

I wouldn't mind helping you with that, but I have no idea what about it you fear or feel uncertain about. What exactly are you insecure about?

Literally just approaching and saying some random ****. My logicall mind makes me overthink what I should say or when to say it.
Specially in public places where I feel like people are watching me lol. Its the price to pay for looking different than everybody. It attracts attention for the good and for the not that good.

Specially at the gym or at a bar.

Also kinda related Ive read that smiling in general attracts women but Im naturally a serious looking person. Like I dont want to be smiling in the middle of the gym type **** lol, what do you think about that?

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Maybe join toastmasters for a while or take a public speaking class at a community college, you’ll be surrounded by 20-something’s most female, and you’ll learn to improv. I’ve taken a number of ps classes over the years, you have to write a 5 minute speech in 20 minutes and deliver it to the class, take questions etc. you’re handed your topic randomly which makes you quick on your feet just like with direct approach, be able to make a conversation out of anything.

There are different types of speeches or addresses you learn for example convince, tell a story, inform, etc.

try it

 

[Serenity]

Literally just approaching and saying some random ****. My logicall mind makes me overthink what I should say or when to say it.
Specially in public places where I feel like people are watching me lol. Its the price to pay for looking different than everybody. It attracts attention for the good and for the not that good.

Specially at the gym or at a bar.

Also kinda related Ive read that smiling in general attracts women but Im naturally a serious looking person. Like I dont want to be smiling in the middle of the gym type **** lol, what do you think about that?

So basically you're afraid of what others may think of you? If that's the case then stop giving a fvck.

Your "logical mind" isn't the issue, that's a cover for the real issue, your irrational fear.

 

[envydakid]

So basically you're afraid of what others may think of you? If that's the case then stop giving a fvck.

Your "logical mind" isn't the issue, that's a cover for the real issue, your irrational fear.

Great point. You could be my shrink.

You're very right.

Do you think my strategy of just talking to people everywhere is a good way to start?

 

[Serenity]

Do you think my strategy of just talking to people everywhere is a good way to start?

Yes, especially if you're insecure about how well you perform in conversation and it's better than doing nothing, that's for sure. If you happen to suck at it then it's all the more reason to continue practicing it, can't improve without practice.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I agree with the other posters about speaking, both the public speaking and the random talking to strangers. If your looks are exotic and off-putting, you can train your voice to be "normal" and engaging and soothing. Once your looks and vibe are established as being attractive to a girl, the next main thing they will encounter will be your voice.

I'd go even further and practice speech exercises, resonance, breath support, etc. Ideally, you want to sound like a radio personality (think Howard Stern) as much as you can. If you have an unusual voice (high pitched, low pitched, nasal, etc) you can train it to be more common.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

In experienced with approaching? I wonder what the solution is, ???

 

[Gamisch]

Whats your end goal? Just bang as much as possible? Be careful though because this amis a never ending rabbit hole lol.

Personally I would drop gym approaches all together. Gym is a great place to casually chat up women, but do so without the need to close ,just for practice purposes.

My other tip is conversate as much as possible. Not just women , everything and everyone. Be big with small talk.

And the anxiety when approaching is normal. You are a lion that needs to be hyper focused before he goes in for the kill. The more you are among people , the bigger chance you have to find a woman. Ne o the look out for IOI ,that might make it all so much easier.