shaky voice because I am nervous

[espanish]

I've had this problem for a long time and I decided to post about it here because I love the people here, some of you really know what you're talking about.

The good news is while I have approach anxiety, it's not so debilitating that i don't bother doing the approach. but when I start talking to a girl, I am so nervous that my voice shakes. I don't know what thoughts go through my mind, probably because I am so nervous I don't form memories so I can't remember my thoughts. But it's something like "I am bothering her. she is thinking I am disrupting her day. she's thinking what a weirdo. she might react in a negative way and say leave me alone." oftentimes I have to cut an interaction short, I have things to say but I can't say them due to my throat locking up and my voice shaking.

when I ask her a question I often interpret her facial expressions in a negative way. I think "omg what a stupid question I asked, I shouldn't have said that, now she is going to say get away from me. now I am going to lose her"

if you're going to say "it's all in your head, your voice doesn't sound shaky" one girl actually told me "your voice was shaking when you were asking for my number" I don't know why she agreed to go on a date with me lol

this is not just about girls. when something bad happens to me and I am describing the experience to someone, my voice starts shaking. For example, this guy hit my car and said "I have no insurance and no bank account, sue me" I was describing this experience to someone and my voice was shaking.

I am against using alcohol but I am considering having a little as a "crutch" every time I go out until this problem resolves itself. I don't know what else to do, I don't want to do those stupid exercises on youtube (open your jaw wide, say ha. breath from your diaphragm. whatever)

 

[BillyPilgrim]

People tend to hold tension in different places in their body, in this case it may be your throat.

I suggest practicing meditation if you don't want to do any voice exercises.

 

[DonJuanjr]

I think this is a fairly common symptom of approach anxiety. At my worst, I could barely talk, and the vibe was so awkward that the chick actually looked at me like I was a serial killer. This was during blue pill pedestalization days... I built her up in my mind, that the idealization of her is what caused it.

Just power through it my man.... It will chill out. Guaranteed.. With the first few chicks, realize you're not going to be successful and they'll probably have bad thoughts about you, but who cares? Their opinions don't matter. They're not men, and will never be in a position where they have to approach... They have it easy, so who cares what they think? Do you care about rich dudes born with a silver spoon in their mouths looking down on you?

 

[Gamisch]

I've had this problem for a long time and I decided to post about it here because I love the people here, some of you really know what you're talking about.

The good news is while I have approach anxiety, it's not so debilitating that i don't bother doing the approach. but when I start talking to a girl, I am so nervous that my voice shakes. I don't know what thoughts go through my mind, probably because I am so nervous I don't form memories so I can't remember my thoughts. But it's something like "I am bothering her. she is thinking I am disrupting her day. she's thinking what a weirdo. she might react in a negative way and say leave me alone." oftentimes I have to cut an interaction short, I have things to say but I can't say them due to my throat locking up and my voice shaking.

when I ask her a question I often interpret her facial expressions in a negative way. I think "omg what a stupid question I asked, I shouldn't have said that, now she is going to say get away from me. now I am going to lose her"

if you're going to say "it's all in your head, your voice doesn't sound shaky" one girl actually told me "your voice was shaking when you were asking for my number" I don't know why she agreed to go on a date with me lol

this is not just about girls. when something bad happens to me and I am describing the experience to someone, my voice starts shaking. For example, this guy hit my car and said "I have no insurance and no bank account, sue me" I was describing this experience to someone and my voice was shaking.

I am against using alcohol but I am considering having a little as a "crutch" every time I go out until this problem resolves itself. I don't know what else to do, I don't want to do those stupid exercises on youtube (open your jaw wide, say ha. breath from your diaphragm. whatever)

Respect to you OP, despite your self analysis of your flaws you still go out into the woods and make it happen! You are a hunter, and remember, anxiety = neccessary tension to go for the kill!

Look at it from the bright side; you still got her on a date , which proofs it's just a minor flaw women are willing to look past.

Practice my brother. Practice in front of the mirror , and my useall stick; more small talk all around. Be careful with alcohol though, its shouldn't be your spinach , I believe you can do fine without it!

Dont underestimate YouTube videos though. Give it a try and see if it benefits you. You gotta put in the work somehow somewhere and you obviously got a lot to gain!

Last tip: use a memo recorder so you can hear your own voice . Even better would be calling a girl and somehow record the call and learn from it.

You got this bro

 

[espanish]

I think this is a fairly common symptom of approach anxiety. At my worst, I could barely talk, and the vibe was so awkward that the chick actually looked at me like I was a serial killer. This was during blue pill pedestalization days... I built her up in my mind, that the idealization of her is what caused it.

Just power through it my man.... It will chill out. Guaranteed.. With the first few chicks, realize you're not going to be successful and they'll probably have bad thoughts about you, but who cares? Their opinions don't matter. They're not men, and will never be in a position where they have to approach... They have it easy, so who cares what they think? Do you care about rich dudes born with a silver spoon in their mouths looking down on you?

the rich dude example is a good one and I know plenty of people who think because they were born to rich parents they are special.
but when you say "it will chill out. guaranteed" well I am losing my patience since this has been going on for years.

 

[DonJuanjr]

I think it's more about using exposure therapy to kill the reflex. Not so much a change in mindset.

 

[DonJuanjr]

well I am losing my patience since this has been going on for years.

How many approaches have you done in that time?

 

[espanish]

How many approaches have you done in that time?

by "in that time" I assume you mean my whole life. I have a poor memory, I was looking at my phone contacts the other day and realized I have no idea who the hell most these people are. as a side note, one of my contacts is "fat guy" another contact is "gay guy" lol.
but my best estimate is 350.

 

[DonJuanjr]

I don't know.... I'd have thought it would have worn off by now. I don't think for you it's a reflex, that needs exposure therapy. You've had the exposure... I think you just care too much what people think, so it is a mindset issue... The only thing I can suggest is start approaching in front of spectators. You'll bomb it in front of people. This may help with not caring what people think. When I approached in front of people, and got rejected, there was a relief that accompanied it.

 

[espanish]

I don't know.... I'd have thought it would have worn off by now. I don't think for you it's a reflex, that needs exposure therapy. You've had the exposure... I think you just care too much what people think, so it is a mindset issue... The only thing I can suggest is start approaching in front of spectators. You'll bomb it in front of people. This may help with not caring what people think. When I approached in front of people, and got rejected, there was a relief that accompanied it.

I've tried that and I am ok for the rest of the day, but the next day I am back to my old self.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP I forgot to mention, try acting classes. Also a good way to meet girls.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Take a Xanax or Kratom. Or find a community college and take a public speaking class or join toastmasters.

 

[Murk]

Are you speaking and projecting from the stomach? I was raised by a single mum and developed a higher pitch voice than I feel natural. I began watching videos, speaking from the stomach and not using "head voice" - maybe researching that can help you, I have no experience with shaky/nervous voice, I talk for a living.

 

[jimwho]

I hope you can figure out a way to overcome this. I have zero professional advice but if you were my brother or son I would remind you how flawed humans are. Were all a bunch of idiots one way or another. Even our own family. Try an realize this when you go out in public. look around what do you see? A bunch of morons trying to get by just like you and I. Do you see that hot chick? A lot of makeup looking down at her phone? She's probably insecure, and envision her with no makeup wearing jammies, eewwww. She's probably more trouble than she's worth and a serial nag.

I think I read it here? Thomas Jefferson said Act-Action will define who you want to be. So I'm reading that like acting might be a good exercise for you to employ. Act calm basically. Mind tricks work, I used to race and would put my head down close my eyes and think of getting a crazy good start and putting time on my competitors. Did it work? I don't know but I employed that tactic with precision and my brain & I were a team.

Meditation, self hypnosis, I haven't tried myself but sounds solid. Run straight at your fears dude, go after it.

 

[Aurora Demon]

I have a year training in improv acting, 2-3 years film actor training, and a year of vocal singing training, here's my personal advice: Also willing to talk to you on the phone about this, I remember when my voice was bad. Message me if you want more personalized advice or wanna talk on the phone or skype. I also can send some programs or books on speaking or singing.

You can hire a vocal coach, but the issue is that its circumstancial.

I'd practice and gradually work my way up to in-person conversations.

Join Toastmasters for public speaking perhaps.

A crowd or something more difficult will condition you to speak properly.

There's vocal training online that teaches you to speak more properly.

Most are for speaking disabilities, which I've never had.

I used to have a strong Asian accent in middle school and was teased a lot. Now I have a deep voice and have been asked to be an announcer and other **** that I don't want to do. Will be trying out to be a voice actor for cartoons.

My acting teacher actually thought I had professional acting vocal training because of the way I speak.

Not trying to brag, just wanted to show credentials if you want to talk ont he phone.

My issue with voice is I'm usually not feeling much so it comes off as monotone or emotionless, but that's when I'm bored, it's good for the types of acting scenes I do though.

Singing lessons will help your range.


1. Try phone calling guys you know and talking in public.
2. Talk to strangers (not female or at least not attractive ones).
3. Talk to girls on the phone (can be attractive)
4. Older women like old age women can be good practice versus guys.
5. Public speaking.
6. Attractive girls required to talk to you like store employees.
7. Then work up to conditioning yourself to in-person attractive girls.

It's in your head, but that doesn't make it easy to switch off, it's a habit, you have to undo the habit and recondition a replacement habit.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The more you do something the less nervous you'll become.

The only way for it to change is by doing it enough times that you no longer are nervous.

 

[Smok1nAce]

stop looking at porn and lusting over women in general .

have some fun to release the tensions you might have.