DarwinTaurus
Senior Don Juan
Hi all,
I’m a long time lurker, and I have been reading this message board for nearly a year now. I thought I’d finally register, I’ve been going through a bit recently.
I’ve recently turned 45. I’ve never really had a long term relationship, just mainly flings in my youth which always seem to last on average around 3 months. I’m currently living in Darwin Australia, and have so for nearly 20 years. When I first moved here, I didn’t know anyone aside from my parents, so I decided to try online dating, which was in its infancy at the time. I met a girl, and things seemed to be going well. I remember though a red flag in hindsight, in that she liked girls, and I was the first Man she had slept with. Anyway, it didn’t last long. I left with the experience of feeling used, that I was just an experiment to see what a d!ck is like. I wasn’t pretty burned by that, and just focused on career and friends for the next decade or more.
Cut to 2021. I really begin to feel the desire to start dating, with the goal of developing a long term relationship. I’m not super confident of cold approaches, so try online dating again, specifically Tinder and Bumble. At the start of last year, get a match, chat for a few weeks, decide to meet for a coffee date, then ghosted. Give it a few more months, try again, get another match, let’s call her Denise. We chatted for a month, it was going well, I tried to organize a time to meet, and I always seemed to get an excuse. I knew she was specifically close one tonight (she knew where I was, suggested we meet, then after I felt like I was getting flaked again, I cut all contact.
November 2021, I try one more time. I get a match on Bumble. Let’s call her Lisa. Her photo is her with standing next to a politician whom I wouldn’t vote for, however, there is something about her, she has a great smile, and had a good vibe, that I swiped and matched. We chatted for a week, going fantastic, and she suggests to meet up, selects the place for a drink. Great! High interest level. We meet, and get on like a house on fire. Now, I knew this before we met in person, that she is going through a divorce, and she has two kids (she is 38). I find her attractive, warm, great personality, and decide to give this ago. That first night, she walked me home, I invited her upstairs and we kissed. Slept with each other by the third date. We started a relationship. It was going great! Although she did keep her children situation separate. When her husband left her, he started a new relationship pretty much straight away, so the kids were finding that difficult. We only were able to see each other one, two sometimes three times a week. We would alternate with her staying at my place, and me at hers.
As I said, it was going great, although I do admit I developed “oneitis”. We never had an argument or fights, we were very affectionate, she would cook for me, treat me like a king. Nearly six months later, last Sunday I’m on a night off, watching my friends band play at the local pub. I get a TEXT MESSAGE from her at 9pm, breaking up with me, saying she is finding it too hard, she is going through anxiety with her divorce, plus with her kids, and she’s just taken up studying nursing. I’m getting the whole “It’s not you, it’s me”. Firstly I was gutted she didn’t have any respect for me to talk in person, and do it over text, and secondly, I just felt that she was throwing such a great thing away. There were no bad signs before this. I sent a few texts back and forth, then finally decided to cut all contact and block her (by this stage, I was getting drunk). I kind of regret blocking her, but I don’t trust myself that will have a few drinks and drunkenly decide to reach out.
I really thought I had a future with this woman. I work a great job, have a salary in the 6 figures, so could have offered her the world. She said that she’ll probably regret this in a few years, however, how does that help me now. And to make this situation even worse, my DAD DIED just over two weeks ago.
Finally, it was my birthday a week ago. She gave me a gold keychain, one side saying “Lisa loves M”, and the other side, the date we first met. Why would she give this to me, and suddenly change her mind a week later? Her Mum recently just moved in with her temporarily from interstate, I know her Mum did make a comment that she thought Lisa was moving too fast… perhaps her Mum was put words in her head, against the relationship.
Sorry about the long first post, just wanted to put my situation out there, and that I’m feeling very down at the moment.
I’m looking forward to getting to know people here…
PS: After I wrote this, whilst waiting for my account to be approved, I ended up unblocking her, and sending her a message. I just wanted to end it than what happened at the pub, with me being in shock. I know this is clichéd, however, she asked if we could remain friends, and catch up one day for a drink now and again. I accepted this. I’m not sure how I’ll handle seeing her when I do, just hope the pain has receded.
PPS: Sorry again for the long post, I just needed the cathartic experience of getting this all out…
I’m a long time lurker, and I have been reading this message board for nearly a year now. I thought I’d finally register, I’ve been going through a bit recently.
I’ve recently turned 45. I’ve never really had a long term relationship, just mainly flings in my youth which always seem to last on average around 3 months. I’m currently living in Darwin Australia, and have so for nearly 20 years. When I first moved here, I didn’t know anyone aside from my parents, so I decided to try online dating, which was in its infancy at the time. I met a girl, and things seemed to be going well. I remember though a red flag in hindsight, in that she liked girls, and I was the first Man she had slept with. Anyway, it didn’t last long. I left with the experience of feeling used, that I was just an experiment to see what a d!ck is like. I wasn’t pretty burned by that, and just focused on career and friends for the next decade or more.
Cut to 2021. I really begin to feel the desire to start dating, with the goal of developing a long term relationship. I’m not super confident of cold approaches, so try online dating again, specifically Tinder and Bumble. At the start of last year, get a match, chat for a few weeks, decide to meet for a coffee date, then ghosted. Give it a few more months, try again, get another match, let’s call her Denise. We chatted for a month, it was going well, I tried to organize a time to meet, and I always seemed to get an excuse. I knew she was specifically close one tonight (she knew where I was, suggested we meet, then after I felt like I was getting flaked again, I cut all contact.
November 2021, I try one more time. I get a match on Bumble. Let’s call her Lisa. Her photo is her with standing next to a politician whom I wouldn’t vote for, however, there is something about her, she has a great smile, and had a good vibe, that I swiped and matched. We chatted for a week, going fantastic, and she suggests to meet up, selects the place for a drink. Great! High interest level. We meet, and get on like a house on fire. Now, I knew this before we met in person, that she is going through a divorce, and she has two kids (she is 38). I find her attractive, warm, great personality, and decide to give this ago. That first night, she walked me home, I invited her upstairs and we kissed. Slept with each other by the third date. We started a relationship. It was going great! Although she did keep her children situation separate. When her husband left her, he started a new relationship pretty much straight away, so the kids were finding that difficult. We only were able to see each other one, two sometimes three times a week. We would alternate with her staying at my place, and me at hers.
As I said, it was going great, although I do admit I developed “oneitis”. We never had an argument or fights, we were very affectionate, she would cook for me, treat me like a king. Nearly six months later, last Sunday I’m on a night off, watching my friends band play at the local pub. I get a TEXT MESSAGE from her at 9pm, breaking up with me, saying she is finding it too hard, she is going through anxiety with her divorce, plus with her kids, and she’s just taken up studying nursing. I’m getting the whole “It’s not you, it’s me”. Firstly I was gutted she didn’t have any respect for me to talk in person, and do it over text, and secondly, I just felt that she was throwing such a great thing away. There were no bad signs before this. I sent a few texts back and forth, then finally decided to cut all contact and block her (by this stage, I was getting drunk). I kind of regret blocking her, but I don’t trust myself that will have a few drinks and drunkenly decide to reach out.
I really thought I had a future with this woman. I work a great job, have a salary in the 6 figures, so could have offered her the world. She said that she’ll probably regret this in a few years, however, how does that help me now. And to make this situation even worse, my DAD DIED just over two weeks ago.
Finally, it was my birthday a week ago. She gave me a gold keychain, one side saying “Lisa loves M”, and the other side, the date we first met. Why would she give this to me, and suddenly change her mind a week later? Her Mum recently just moved in with her temporarily from interstate, I know her Mum did make a comment that she thought Lisa was moving too fast… perhaps her Mum was put words in her head, against the relationship.
Sorry about the long first post, just wanted to put my situation out there, and that I’m feeling very down at the moment.
I’m looking forward to getting to know people here…
PS: After I wrote this, whilst waiting for my account to be approved, I ended up unblocking her, and sending her a message. I just wanted to end it than what happened at the pub, with me being in shock. I know this is clichéd, however, she asked if we could remain friends, and catch up one day for a drink now and again. I accepted this. I’m not sure how I’ll handle seeing her when I do, just hope the pain has receded.
PPS: Sorry again for the long post, I just needed the cathartic experience of getting this all out…
