Got Married After Following My Own Advice

[logicallefty]

Wanted to give an update to the forum community. The Moderator Team has known this for a while now, and now I'm posting it in the general forum. I got married last year. I followed my own advice upon doing so. Not my old advice from years ago which was "never get married" which I did say after my crisis in 2012. But my more recent advice I have posted several times in recent years which is to use the woman's age to guide you. Then do one of two paths if you want to make her your wife.

The FIRST age path I have talked about would be to get with a woman when she is in her teens or early 20s, and build attraction and respect that borders on her being scared of you. If that is strong enough, then you have a chance at making through her crazy 30s when the risk if her cheating or divorcing you is highest, IMO.

The SECOND age path I have talked about, the one I used, is to wait until a woman is past 40 and has all of her CC riding and crazy 30s shyt behind her. My wife is 49 and I am 48. She's 5'6, 130lbs. Blonde. Looks maybe 35. Kids are grown. I've known her since high school. We dated when we were 39. She was still immature even at 39, had some CC riding to get out of her system, and some attitude adjustment that life still needed to hand her. I dumped her back in the day for being a disrespectful cvnt and violating my boundaries multiple times. I may have posted about it here. After I dumped her, her life went completely south in a very bad way. She has had life completely kick her in the t\/\/at multiple times with work, other guys, and her own kids. She got scammed out of like $70,000.00 these people owed her. At one point she was in a homeless shelter and her kids wouldn't have anything to do with her. She was drinking and loosing friends. After all this she matured and figured out that she's not as tough and independent as she once thought she was. She's not a party girl anymore. Men think she is attractive, but they don't worship her like they did in earlier years. And now she makes a pretty good wife for me and has a really good job she loves. She matured and learned her limits. I know a lot of you guys hate on older women, but after their 30s you can still find a good one to settle down with. There aren't as many, but they are out there. Hard to find, but worth the wait..

 

[Murk]

I like threads like this that go against the grain, life can’t always be planned and quantified.

Out of interest, why didn't you go for a younger women? Even a 28-32 yea old? What has attracted you to this women, by your post above seems like she has been through some ****.

 

[logicallefty]

I like threads like this that go against the grain, life can’t always be planned and quantified.

Out of interest, why didn't you go for a younger women? Even a 28-32 yea old? What has attracted you to this women, by your post above seems like she has been through some ****.

Women 28-32 aren’t mature enough to be along term partner. Good to fvck and have for a FWB but that’s it. This might be hard to understand but trust me when you get into your 40s it will make more sense.

 

[logicallefty]

The elephant in the room is that this is not the ideal situation and you are settling, probably forced to by life circumstances (including the overall state of the dating market) at some level. I'm not judging at all because the older I get the more obvious this becomes in my personal situation as well. I am just saying this for the benefit of the forum. I regret squandering my best years on work and education in that regard, but then again I'm not certain settling down early would have made me happy either.

I agree that path number #1 That I mentioned would have been more ideal than the path #2 that I took. But otherwise I’m in no way settling. We will have to agree to disagree on that.

 

[Murk]

I agree that path number #1 That I mentioned would have been more ideal than the path #2 that I took. But otherwise I’m in no way settling. We will have to agree to disagree on that.

As long as you are happy which you clearly are. What qualities does she have, this maturity you speak of that 30 y/o don't possess?

I have a friend who is extremely handsome and we always got hot girls together back in the day, he settled 4 years ago with a really average girl, they've bought a house, planning a kid. He seems happy. One night while drunk he admitted she isn't that attractive but she has a great personality and does things for him/supports him and they tackle life together.

I feel I'm in the same boat, lots of options but really just seeking a quality mother/wife long term even if it goes against what is preached on this site.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Women 28-32 aren’t mature enough to be along term partner. Good to fvck and have for a FWB but that’s it. This might be hard to understand but trust me when you get into your 40s it will make more sense.

im almost 30 and I find the maturity gap between me and a girl under 25 too high. Idk what these older men are smoking talking about gaming 18-25 year olds lol.

 

[The Duke]

Happy for you! What made you decide to marry vs. living together?

 

[logicallefty]

Happy for you! What made you decide to marry vs. living together?

We both decided it was a "put your money where your mouth is" kind of a thing. Party1: "Are you serious about me?". Party2: "yes". Party1: "OK then, prove it". It was both ways this way. We evaluated the risks, especially me. We do not share bank accounts, and she has already said she was OK with me having my daughter as beneficiary on everything instead of her. Which right now, it's 50/50, but if I made it 100% my daughter the wife could give two shyts. That right there was a big seller for me too. Shows me she was is it for the right reasons. Also, we wanted to put her on my health insurance which is 100x better than what she had.

 

[Black Widow Void]

I wish you great success and I’m happy because you are happy. This is with no intention to poo poo on a positive posting however I do think this needs to be expressed.

I get the impression that her improved positive attributes were developed by default? In other words, you’ve seen her not so good sides, and (from what you shared) it only seemed to improve when she had no way to go but up.

This makes you wonder… When your life becomes more comfortable for her, will she revert back to certain traits that you deemed as break up material?

Granted, as women age, they don’t have the smugness of the eye turning teenager or 20 something gal, however, it may still reside within.

Again, I sincerely wish you the very best. I hope you don’t object to a less than positive type response.

 

[BadBoy89]

We both decided it was a "put your money where your mouth is" kind of a thing. Party1: "Are you serious about me?". Party2: "yes". Party1: "OK then, prove it".

Couldn’t you have proved it by buying her a nice ring?

I’m a bit younger than you and know some hot girls in their late 30s, heck early 30s. I don’t think I could *emotionally and legally” commit to them though.

Don’t know your situation. To each his own I guess.

It was both ways this way. We evaluated the risks, especially me. We do not share bank accounts, and she has already said she was OK with me having my daughter as beneficiary on everything instead of her. Which right now, it's 50/50, but if I made it 100% my daughter the wife could give two shyts.

I would do it today.

Remember, women are unpredictable. How they act today means nothing about how they are going to act tomorrow.

My brothers wife was a virgin. My parents really wanted grandkids. She said “absolutely we will bring children, 3 or 4.” As soon as she was legally able to take half his money, she killed him and went to marry another guy. The courts and society said “you are young, fertile women, the money is yours and you are not responsible.”

The point is bro, congrats on the marriage, but be very careful. Women are crafty.

 

[logicallefty]

As long as you are happy which you clearly are. What qualities does she have, this maturity you speak of that 30 y/o don't possess?

Well let’s see, she finally learned how to manage money. When we were together before she couldn’t budget a dollar and a dime store. She doesn’t have the attitude she used to. When we went out before she was very flirty and couldn’t walk past a dyck in public without interacting with it. Flirting is one thing but when the woman your out with is excessive with it it gets tiresome. No more of that. She is with me and everyone knows it. She likes politics now, same ones as me. Before she made fun of me for liking politics and said “that has nothing to do with me why do I care.” Now she knows politics have a lot of direct input on her life and she better care.

These are the ones I thought of off the bat but I might think of more later.

 

[tightgrp]

Wanted to give an update to the forum community. The Moderator Team has known this for a while now, and now I'm posting it in the general forum. I got married last year. I followed my own advice upon doing so. Not my old advice from years ago which was "never get married" which I did say after my crisis in 2012. But my more recent advice I have posted several times in recent years which is to use the woman's age to guide you. Then do one of two paths if you want to make her your wife.

The FIRST age path I have talked about would be to get with a woman when she is in her teens or early 20s, and build attraction and respect that borders on her being scared of you. If that is strong enough, then you have a chance at making through her crazy 30s when the risk if her cheating or divorcing you is highest, IMO.

The SECOND age path I have talked about, the one I used, is to wait until a woman is past 40 and has all of her CC riding and crazy 30s shyt behind her. My wife is 49 and I am 48. She's 5'6, 130lbs. Blonde. Looks maybe 35. Kids are grown. I've known her since high school. We dated when we were 39. She was still immature even at 39, had some CC riding to get out of her system, and some attitude adjustment that life still needed to hand her. I dumped her back in the day for being a disrespectful cvnt and violating my boundaries multiple times. I may have posted about it here. After I dumped her, her life went completely south in a very bad way. She has had life completely kick her in the t\/\/at multiple times with work, other guys, and her own kids. She got scammed out of like $70,000.00 these people owed her. At one point she was in a homeless shelter and her kids wouldn't have anything to do with her. She was drinking and loosing friends. After all this she matured and figured out that she's not as tough and independent as she once thought she was. She's not a party girl anymore. Men think she is attractive, but they don't worship her like they did in earlier years. And now she makes a pretty good wife for me and has a really good job she loves. She matured and learned her limits. I know a lot of you guys hate on older women, but after their 30s you can still find a good one to settle down with. There aren't as many, but they are out there. Hard to find, but worth the wait..

At around 49, their minds go through a change. Maybe menopause. Good luck. Protect yourself.

 

[logicallefty]

At around 49, their minds go through a change. Maybe menopause. Good luck. Protect yourself.

Whatever might happen to a woman at 49, I don’t think there is any way it could be more risky to a man than being lawfully married to a woman in her 30s. IMO 30s women are the really dangerous heavy hitters for cheating, divorcing, and ruining mens lives.

 

[bat soup]

Once they are too old for the kok carrousel, they're marriage material. Excellent advice.

 

[logicallefty]

Once they are too old for the kok carrousel, they're marriage material. Excellent advice.

It’s not exactly that she is too old for it but more so that she has it out of her system. At 49 my wife could still go ride around if she wanted to. Wouldn’t have as many options as she had before but believe me she would still have plenty. Every woman has an inner slvt. What I am saying in my OP is wait till she gets her carousel riding out of her system. And then take her as a wife. Guys who marry women before their 30s but don’t have a rocksolid frame and attraction built are the ones who get divorced or cheated on. Or both. The 30s is the danger zone.

 

[bat soup]

It’s not exactly that she is too old for it but more so that she has it out of her system. At 49 my wife could still go ride around if she wanted to. Wouldn’t have as many options as she had before but believe me she would still have plenty. Every woman has an inner slvt. What I am saying in my OP is wait till she gets her carousel rating out of her system. And then take her as a wife. Guys who marry women before their 30s but don’t have a rocksolid frame and attraction belt are the ones who get divorced or cheated on. Or both. The 30s is the danger zone.

It seems a bit depressing to think that way but I don´t totally disagree. It´s true women are eventually going to get tired of that life. In any case I think that women generally have a much lower sex drive than men.

 

[logicallefty]

It seems a bit depressing to think that way but I don´t totally disagree. It´s true women are eventually going to get tired of that life. In any case I think that women generally have a much lower sex drive than men.

It is a depressing situation overall between women and men. Especially all of the millions of men who do not understand how dangerous women are in their 30s. And the psychology behind why they are. As men we are all here to try and learn from each other and make the best of it.

 

[bat soup]

It is a depressing situation overall between women and men. Especially all of the millions of men who do not understand how dangerous women are in their 30s. And the psychology behind why they are. As men we are all here to try and learn from each other and make the best of it.

They can be. But so can men, to be fair. I´d say you have to be very sure about a woman before you get married. You should be with someone for at least 5 years and intend to stay with them forever before even considering it. And in the USA, you need a prenup.

 

[logicallefty]

They can be. But so can men, to be fair. I´d say you have to be very sure about a woman before you get married. You should be with someone for at least 5 years and intend to stay with them forever before even considering it. And in the USA, you need a prenup.

The 5 year thing is good advice for sure. The longer the better. In my case ive known my wife since 1991. And known her ex husband longer than that. He’s told me some stuff he went through with her. And I have shyt tested the crap out of her to make sure she’s matured from the way she used to be .

 

[Serenity]

Guys who marry women before their 30s but don’t have a rocksolid frame and attraction built are the ones who get divorced or cheated on.

Yeah and despite having a rock solid frame and attraction built up she might be the wrong woman and still make stupid choices. Difference might be that a guy with such a frame is very attentive before the marriage and isn't afraid to leave at the earliest signs, before the damage can be done.

I had already been a member of this forum for a couple of years before I met my now wife. I always took the warnings seriously, but I wanted a stable marriage with kids without waiting until the woman can barely even produce a child and not being stuck with any left in the house after retirement. So I put a TON of effort into testing her and paying close attention to her behaviors and attitudes. She moved in after a year and we lived together for 3 years before we married. We've now been married almost 3 years and together for 7, haven't gotten any negative surprises yet. We're both 30 now.

It can be done, but that doesn't take away from your point that it's risky. A guy needs to be knowledgeable about the risks and take them very seriously. I still haven't stopped paying attention to the state of our relationship and never will, both because it's a necessary part of maintaining it and you'll overlook the danger signs if you don't and they appear. Despite having a child and another one coming very soon I don't fear upending my life if for some unexplainable reason her personality were to do sudden a 180, which would be weird since she's been completely consistent for 7 years straight.

Not sure whether I'd even recommend anyone here going for marriage before 30, I would at the very least recommend taking the dangers very seriously and make as sure as possible she's a very unlikely candidate to do anything bad down the road. Perhaps the most difficult part is to remain critical, it's easy to be carried away by emotions and make bad decisions, it is after all one of the strongest emotions in the human experience we're up against. Unless a guy has a VERY firm grip of his own emotions it's probably best not to do it.