She was lying about a dude, hard next?

[AbaGanov]

Dating this girl (33 years old, i'm 39) in the last 6 weeks.

for context I live in a small place in Asia where a lot of travelers come and stay for a while, she is one of them.

When I first met her she told me about this male best friend she got here that came with her from back home, they were hanging a lot together and i kept seeing them at places having dinner etc. also I got a strange vibe from him that he doesn't like me.

As things got a bit more serious between us i asked her what's the deal with this dude, she told me "we tried dating each other for a bit a few years ago, it didn't work out and we just became really close friends since then" Ok cool.

Last night I came to pick her up and she seem sad, she told me that this dude was telling her this morning that he have feeling her and wants to be with her and she told him she is not interested, and they had fallen out because of that.

Later that evening I asked her more questions about this and it kind of came out from her that he was actually her boyfriend for 2 years(!)

So yeah she lied to me about that, i guess to keep from being bothered about them hanging out so much and being so close.

Besides the fact that i hate that she was bull****ing me about this, I feel like all this time I was placed in this disadvantaged place in the dynamic between the three of us, as I was the only one that wasn’t aware of the truth. this tbh makes me feel a like a fool when I look back at things during the last month.

My question as I am trying to wrap my head around this, would this a hard next for you?

 

[Bigpapa]

No , no hard next . Try to sleep with her with as much less effort as possible

 

[Striker_93]

You should fvck her then disregard her.

 

[TB24]

Maybe she lied, because she is a bad person. Or she lied, because she feared your reaction. That you would not be ok with it. And obviously you mean something to her. The question is: Would you have been ok with it if you knew?

The goal is not to tolerate sh*t. The goal is to become bullet proof, so that a women's past does not affect your ego.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Just for the fun of it ask her, straight up why she lied to you. Do it in person and watch her try to tiptoe through that answer.

 

[Bigpapa]

Just for the fun of it ask her, straight up why she lied to you. Do it in person and watch her try to tiptoe through that answer.

most likely she did know how he would take it , and that is why she lied through omission

i doubt that there is anything else . She is just a fool for believing that a guy who was her bf would come to a trip with her only because he wants to be just friends

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

oh, but there is no sweeter nectar than catching a woman in her duplicity, making her know that you know and watch her try to gaslight herself out of it. Also makes for hot ass sex as an apology.

I usually take the sex and use it to escalate sexually to super rough behavior like a hand on the back of her head smashing her face into the surface she’s on, some vigorous titty slapping etc.

Rome is burning, why not make some sport of it?

most likely she did know how he would take it , and that is why she lied through omission

i doubt that there is anything else . She is just a fool for believing that a guy who was her bf would come to a trip with her only because he wants to be just friends

 

[Stuffnu]

Its only been 6 weeks.
So they were in a previous relationship - big deal. Just plate her.
This other guy is clearly orbiting after her “let’s just be friends” speech.
He’s weak so be the bigger man. Your strength and holding frame will spread her goal posts.

 

[Bokanovsky]

No need for a hard next but don't treat her as an exclusive or serious prospect.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I disagree with all the answers in this thread.

Bottom line is this- you keep banging her. I am assuming you want an LTR with her. If so, she has to be the one to bring it up. Now that you’re aware of this ex boyfriend, any commitment from you is contingent on her blocking all communication with him. If she refuses, keep things the way they are with her being booty call until she gets rid of him or you.

Men, stop taking other dudes so seriously. Until she wants your exclusivity, other men (including exes) are irrelevant.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Dont give her any exclusivity. Plate material only

 

[EyeBRollin]

Dont give her any exclusivity. Plate material only

I disagree. She hasn’t even made a choice yet.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I disagree. She hasn’t even made a choice yet.

Personally, I would have ejected way sooner, I would have ejected since the "she has a male best friend here that came with her" part. But most members here would be like "doesn´t matter, 99.99% of girls have a past" While true, I rather keep looking, even if it took me decades to find a unicorn.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I successfully dated a woman with a male “best friend.” He was a pvssy. Total beta chump. I was skeptical at first but seeing how cringeworthy he was gave me a different outlook.

Either way, I think women always have to be put into a position of choosing you. Guys these days next prematurely.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I view this as a result of previous interactions with dudes who are paranoid about a woman remaining friendly with her ex.

She probably was afraid you would react the same way...

Not like she is anywhere nearby where something could happen so I wouldn't worry about it. Sounds like he is a beta chump by the Convo and he will do his best to push her away for you.

 

[Black Widow Void]

She lied to you. Rationalize it as you may but she lied to you about another man and she continues to invest time with him.

Other than one final grudge f*ck, has she proven herself worthy of your time. Think about that.

If you spend further time with her, you are sub-communicating that her behavior is acceptable. She will do it again, but this time it will be your fault. You gave her the greenlight when you returned after the first lie.

This isn’t even so-called “plate” material. At best, she is only deserving of a grudge f*ck.

Sometimes we don’t have other options ( I’ve been there before - I admit it). However we always have our self dignity. The moment you give that away, you not only lose the girl, but also a feeling of self-worth.

 

[EyeBRollin]

She lied to you. Rationalize it as you may but she lied to you about another man and she continues to invest time with him.

If you think a woman is never going to lie, go ahead and become a monk.

I view this as a result of previous interactions with dudes who are paranoid about a woman remaining friendly with her ex.

This is an accurate assessment. The intent here is quite obvious.

Also the OP does not yet own this girl. He has no claim to her. A Girlfriend / Fiancé / Wife lying about an interacting with an ex is completely different context than some broad you’ve only known for 6 weeks.

 

[Bigpapa]

Also the OP does not yet own this girl. He has no claim to her. A Girlfriend / Fiancé / Wife lying about an interacting with an ex is completely different context than some broad you’ve only known for 6 weeks.

What changes ? A woman lying or withholding all the info is a woman lying and should be treated as such , not reliable and for sure not LTR material

the rest is just bla bla

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Dating this girl (33 years old, i'm 39) in the last 6 weeks.

for context I live in a small place in Asia where a lot of travelers come and stay for a while, she is one of them.

When I first met her she told me about this male best friend she got here that came with her from back home, they were hanging a lot together and i kept seeing them at places having dinner etc. also I got a strange vibe from him that he doesn't like me.

As things got a bit more serious between us i asked her what's the deal with this dude, she told me "we tried dating each other for a bit a few years ago, it didn't work out and we just became really close friends since then" Ok cool.

Last night I came to pick her up and she seem sad, she told me that this dude was telling her this morning that he have feeling her and wants to be with her and she told him she is not interested, and they had fallen out because of that.

Later that evening I asked her more questions about this and it kind of came out from her that he was actually her boyfriend for 2 years(!)

So yeah she lied to me about that, i guess to keep from being bothered about them hanging out so much and being so close.

Besides the fact that i hate that she was bull****ing me about this, I feel like all this time I was placed in this disadvantaged place in the dynamic between the three of us, as I was the only one that wasn’t aware of the truth. this tbh makes me feel a like a fool when I look back at things during the last month.

My question as I am trying to wrap my head around this, would this a hard next for you?

Not sure why so many members here think with their penis.

But one word: Respect

Never allow disrespect whether it is a stranger, someone you just met, or worse someone you know well and trust. She lied, next. Plenty of women you can use your penis with, no need to give it to her.

I've said this multiple times but value yourself as a man. Your resources (time, energy, money, etc) should be appreciated and respected.

Modern Man Advice

 

[Bigpapa]

Not sure why so many members here think with their penis.

But one word: Respect

Never allow disrespect whether it is a stranger, someone you just met, or worse someone you know well and trust. She lied, next. Plenty of women you can use your penis with, no need to give it to her.

I've said this multiple times but value yourself as a man. Your resources (time, energy, money, etc) should be appreciated and respected.

Modern Man Advice

depends what is the objective , if the objective is to be this Ancient Greek philosopher that preaches about virtues and so on , then yeah what you are saying is legit. The problem is that most likely you would not have got laid 2000 years ago , and for sure neither in the present days

if your objective is to get laid , you should put little to no effort in women who are not worth LTR . But for sure you should sleep with them when you have the opportunity , otherwise you will get laid infrequently waiting for a proper LTR woman ( if they even exist , I do not think they do , it is like waiting for a cat that will be a dog )