I'm in the best relationship of my life right now

[firstbornunicorn]

To combat some of the negativity of this forum I just want to say that the girl I started dating back in September and I have slowly gotten into an amazing relationship. She's 23, I'm 29, and things are amazing.

We met in person during a camping trip, there was no real interest from neither of us then, but she had a lot of modelling photos on her IG, and I'm a photographer for fun, so I suggested doing a shoot. We had a 6 hour shoot and we were laughing the entire time, I felt a vibe. After dropping her off I just said "I really liked our vibe today, are you seeing anyone?" (initially the directness shocked her, but later one she said she loved it), after her answer I asked what kind of dates she likes, she said she likes active dates, so we went rock climbing.

After rock climbing I was half making a move, but she seemed not interested, so I dropped her off and forgot about her. Assuming she wasn't into me.

A couple days later she messages me asking if I want to get together, and since we already had one date, I suggest her coming over and we cook dinner. She was excited for it and that's the night things happened.

I brought up exclusivity very early on (like 2 weeks in) and she displayed some resistance. I told her "I didn't ask you to marry me, I just don't wanna share you rn. Let's see how it goes". And we just took it slow from there. But the sex is always very good, and the chemistry we have outside the bedroom is also very good. Later on she explained why she didn't want a relationship (I won't share here) but as we got to know each other more she felt much more secure in our relationship than she expected. And she did the escalating from then on. Inviting me to meet her parents, labelling it as bf/gf (even though she HATES labels), saying she's mine, first "I love you", etc, etc.

I think "leading the way" like I did in the beginning here signals a few things that some women like.

The first time I realized I wanted things to work was one night after finishing work at 21:00 on a Sunday (own business), she asks if I wanna come over. I say that I can't because I just left work, and I have to eat, etc. And she told me to come and I arrived to a warm home made meal ( ! it may sound like nothing but I dated someone for 3 years and she never ever did this).

She asks me for advice about her studies, career, relationships with her friends, etc. I'm on her side and pushing her up as much as I can.

We literally laugh 90% of the time we're together. It's good.

I'm in love, yes.

But anyway, AMA?

 

[2Rocky]

Congrats. The reason to spin plates is to give yourself perspective on what you want in a relationship. It seems you found it and went after it. Congratulations.

 

[Konada]

The first time I realized I wanted things to work was one night after finishing work at 21:00 on a Sunday

Not when she cleaned your skid marks in the toilet or kissed your peepee goodbye?

Well that's a disappointing story...

 

[DonJuanjr]

Not when she cleaned your skid marks in the toilet or kissed your peepee goodbye?

Well that's a disappointing story...

I'm surprised he didn't say it was when she checked his prostate.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Glad to read of a positive situation.

There’s usually this fine line between enjoying a situation and being on guard. Sounds like things are working out. Happy for you.

 

[Barrister]

Good to hear your story, brother. You’re still relatively early in your LTR. There are going to be some challenges ahead so be ready for them and be ready to apply S&D when you need to to keep things fresh and her respect for you at a 100.

Good luck!

 

[Konada]

Congrats OP. Sounds like from what I've read you are the one wearing the pants in the relationship and she lets you lead.

Highly interested women make it easy for you to lead, however, you must not be complacent and stop being the leader in the relationship, that is the quickest way for them to lose that sense of security and respect with you.

 

[firstbornunicorn]

OP gots the eyetis.

If I ever speak about a woman like this I hope someone shows up to punch me in the face.

All this since September. Congrats your in la la land. The pendulum will swing back the other way. Maybe you will get lucky but the numbers are not good.
Any guy that gets serious with a chick in 7-8 months and declares hid undying love is not in a good place. Its a dopamine hit.

This is the negativity I'm talking about. It's OK to live you know?

 

[eli77]

congrats man.

 

[Barrister]

Son listen. Living for women is a fools errand.
Im happy you are on your honeymoon. But Ill leave this here.
"Make her a celebrity and she will make you a fan"

Unicorn's OP was a little on the gushy side I will agree. It reads like he may be losing himself a bit - and that level of interest is certainly not sustainable without negative consequences from the woman over the long-term (loss of respect, increase in sh1t tests/testing of frame, etc.). I will give him the benefit of the doubt that he is still maintaining his frame and leading this woman properly.

Hopefully he is just saving all of this outpouring of enthusiasm for us on the board. I do agree with him that this place can be overly negative most of the time. Being realistic though is paramount.

 

[2Rocky]

FBU, as long as you feel like if the relationship ended tomorrow, you could go back out and meet new women and be dating effectively again there is nothing wrong with what others incorrectly call "oneitis". It really is when your obsession with one PROSPECT keeps you from pursuing others.

If a woman elevates herself above other prospects enough to warrant monogamy and you can continue to be true to your own standards and ideals then LTR is worthwhile. Don't let the negative talk from folks who can't or won't maintain a relationship deter you if it meets your needs.

 

[Barrister]

Totally get you but think about how many times you have seen this movie?
Being realistic is not necessarily being negative.
Yall wont see this but I am one of the most upbeat person in my circles. Why?
How can that be with my content here?
I get it. Ive overcome the mind that tries to destroy you. That BP conditioning. Oneitus is serious. It kills men everyday.
Understanding what is happening in this cycle is paramount to staying ahead of this curve.
Pedalstalizing a girl is the first death blow in most relationships.
OP doesn't sound like hes in a place that when or If she is gone one day will do well.
Good advice is for a moment each day pretend that she dies.
This doesnt mean you cannot enjoy her. To the contrary what im talking about here makes it 10x better. Gotta let the ego die first though.
That ego that butters your azz telling you in your head "shes all mine" i finally made it. Its a killer.

I agree with everything you just said. No push back from me on that at all.

It is difficult to be in an LTR and walk that line of giving the woman the attention she deserves from that title vs. overdoing it and killing all attraction because you become too easy. I think the advice that is given around here that is sound is to never base your primary purpose on a woman. She is there to accentuate what you have already built and help you obtain goals that you have set. But never should she be the goal.

I think this is wise advice. If someone is ever at the point where all they care about is getting through their day to see their woman (or women), they have a problem.

 

[firstbornunicorn]

Hopefully he is just saving all of this outpouring of enthusiasm for us on the board.

Yes.

At this point I know a bit better how women work. I still go out with single guy friends & we open groups of women, etc, etc. (of course at some point I do mention I'm not single, but I do get asked for my number/snap/etc). And I'm a busy guy, do I don't reply immediately. I'm not too available, and still give her space for her initiate coming over and such. I like her, but I don't need her. If we broke up tomorrow: yes I'd be sad for a while, but I have a few I could call to help me get over it.

What @stringpuller describes is what I did at 23-26 with a 3 year LTR. And yes, I'm not making that mistake again. I'm just enjoying the now with fewer expectations for the future. It's nice right now, and it's ok to enjoy it without

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

The pendulum will swing back the other way.

Once a guy decided to jump off the top of a building.

The adrenalin rush was amazing.

About halfway down, some dude in an office stuck his head out the window:

"How's it going?"

The guy coming down from the roof:

"So far, so good!"'

To OP:

Enjoy and don't get lazy or complacent.

Good relationships are like a six pack.

Very hard to get and very hard to keep.

Be able to pop out of the subjective experience and manage it objectively.

And manage HER effectively.

Keep your wits about you and don't mess it up.

 

[RBK]

Good anology.
Be the motion. Not the pendulum to one side or the other.

Theres a story I read before. A man was in a car wreck. His friends came and said.
"This is unfortunate. You are lucky to be alive"
That night his house burns down while he is in the hospital.
His friends came back to visit.
" you are lucky you were in the hospital, you could have been killed in the fire"

Lesson in there.

Chinese farmer proverb. http://www.drmarlo.com/dr-marlo-speaks/maybe-so-maybe-not-well-see/

 

[firstbornunicorn]

Of course but to me this is a far different tone then your OP.

I simply didn't get into those details. It's good, yes. It can end at any point, also yes. I can deal with that & still enjoy the moment.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Glad for you op. Enjoy!!!

 

[Striker_93]

Have fun and enjoy yourself.

Ignore the guys who can't get women/get laid they have nothing but negative sh!t to say, they are jealous.