Some lessons I learnt so far in 2022 (Jan - March)

[jamesfromhouston]

Hey gents.

James here. Just checking in with my dear bros. We are now a quarter of a way through 2022 and I'd like to share some thoughts of things I've discovered this year, so far:

- Girls don't really have much power and they usually play the same tricks.
They all want their life to matter. They want their lives to be epic and fun. They want to go on whirlwind adventures. They want life to imitate rom-com movies. But most of them are unable to do this on their own. So they seek out great guys. But most girls don't have much in the way of their 'arsenal' to get a great guy. They sort of just make themselves look pretty, post on social media and wait for guys to come in and scoop them up. Of course, girls can gain power because guys can be thirsty and horny and of course most BP guys fall into that category. Girls tend to play with the same tricks, the most common of which is to f'ck with your mind by delaying their response/attention to make it seem like their presence/attention is valuable. Tricks that are designed to engage us emotionally as they make no rational sense. For the longest time this year, it confused me that many girls who were clearly interested in me (e.g. we constantly date/f'ck) would go hot and cold on text and communication. Its all a tactic really.

- Only chase after girls that have interest. Don't waste time.
This is one of the biggest lessons I've learnt personally and applied this year. I used to think that you have to actively generate attraction in a girl, overcome their resistance and woo them. And after much effort, in the past, I've succeeded, but it was always fleeting relationships with mediocre attraction. I realized my time is valuable and it is so much easier to chase after girls that are interested in you. You seriously don't have to spend as much effort and everything is much more smooth with girls that are interested. Rather than waste time individually trying to attract girls, I've spent more time to make myself more attractive this year and that has helped me close much much better. I've always been developing a more acute sense to pick up on the vibes/signs of interest.

Recently I was at a club; I noticed a pretty cute girl glancing at me a few times and very very subtle smile. I looked back at her a few times. And after confirming we had a vibe I went over and probably said the most stupidest thing but somehow got her number. At that point, I realized it was probably one of my most successful club number closes. I used to think club game sucked for me but then I am starting to realize maybe I went into a club with the mentality that I 'should be' able to close any girl I wanted. That was unhealthy and unrealistic.

- The crave/chase is always powerful but once you get the girl, it might turn out to be bland.
Recently I booked a swanky hotel for 2 nights, and f'cked 2 different girls that I've been craving, back to back on the different nights. (More tiring than it sounds). I remember I was scrolling through their Instagrams before the meet ups. I was thinking of when we would hook up and how amazing it would be when we f'cked. How hot they looked on IG. In particular one of the girls was a girl that I've been chasing for 3 years but I was so BP and had no game back then so ended up being an orbiter. She is this super super tall model that most thirsty guys stalked. I remember on the recent night of the hook up, (maybe because she was girl 2 - 2nd night), the sex was honestly mediocre. Logically it was really epic; but in all seriousness the sex was just sex, nothing special at all. I think I enjoyed the chase much more and overall, sex with the 2 girls were enjoyable but nothing extraordinary. Got me thinking that this is the case most of the time with my hookups in the last 2 years, the lead up is always epic and maybe more enjoyable and the actual act although fun, is nothing as high/fun.

- Girls come and go. Nothing lasts really.
I've been thinking about how my plates were in my lives for awhile and they disappear/get in relationships and some old flames reappear but might also disappear. I used to think these great affairs might have strong foundations and last but truth is, they have been fickle. Even the serious relationships which I had when I was BP, when I would think they would last, they didn't. Nothing really lasts. It would be really BP to convince yourself in a happily ever after. Realizing this has helped me to be more sane and in control; it has also allowed me not to overinvest in my encounters with women. This has been a good thing so far.

- The key of the game is to be/maintain a level head.
I am starting to think that the key to winning the game with women is to learn to be level headed at all times. They have the ability to make you lose your cool and behave irrationally. When this happens, you burn yourself and give them too much power. I've been more mindful of how I am reacting to the various women that have come into my life this year. When I look back to the past years before I found SS and the RP awakening, I seriously was such a clown. I totally overinvested and acted like a simp which led to girls to have absolutely no interest in me and just enjoyed my attention/clowning. Now that I am level headed, I have been able to navigate the world of women much much better.

- The most painful breakups eventually go away.
For those of you who followed me since I joined SS. I joined SS because of a terrible terrible break up in Jan 2021. It totally destroyed me and led to a RP awakening. That girl held a very special place in my heart and I honestly have never hurt the way I did with her in my life. But truth is, today, the pain has gone away. I often find times when I realize how deluded I was with her and sometimes struggle to see what I liked about that girl besides the fact she had great t'ts and was a sexual freak. Other than that, I don't think it was worth the pain I put myself through. The pain has gone away. I thought it would stay forever but it doesn't. For those interested, you can check out my NC journey where I documented a year of my NC journey in great detail.

- Girls are only as special as you make them.
Kind of continuing from the above and really other girls I've met since my break up. There is really nothing special about most girls I've met. They've only been as special as I've projected them to be in my mind. But truth is most of them are the same: needy, insecure, manipulative, trying to score a good guy, sometimes desperate. So I've gone from a mindset where I very easily thought I met someone very special to being more careful to who I select to be that special someone in my mind and letting them occupy my mental spaces if that makes sense.

- Online dating is a large waste of time. Don't overinvest.
I've been OLDing for 4+ years. Increasingly it has become a waste of time and energy. I wouldn't write it off entirely. Its sort of like lobster traps. I have them set up and see which ones bite and which ones have interest then I try pursue but the fact is most of the girls on there are super flaky and entitled. I've still had many lays rom OLD but its better to realize that you can't depend on it too much or read too much into it that has helped me to maintain my cool while OLDing.

___


So guys those are the insights I've gathered so far. I'm definitely no senior don juan but hope it might bring value to some of you guys.

Would be happy to hear what you guys have learnt so far this year.


- James

 

[GioWolf]

Great content. Thanks for sharing and I agree with what you have said. I really agree with the not wasting time/high interest. The older I get, I've learned it's better to be more honest and direct. In the past I have invested so much time on women who were most likely talking to 10 other guys at the same time and/or using me for validation. I have very little patience for being "friends" with women these days so I like to escalate/make my intentions known sooner than later. I've scared some away, but they were most likely time wasters seeking validation. More time to focus on women who are interested.

Also, I've really been hitting the gym hard in the past few years and I've found it to help change my perspective on how much effort I put into women. I don't spend 6 days a week in the gym to chase a chubby 4 like I did when I was younger. Kind of like what you were saying "girls are only as special as you make them". They just show up and look cute. But working hard to improve myself has helped raise my standards and become more outcome independent.

 

[Barrister]

Nice post, James.

My experience is that generally the hotter the woman the worse she is in bed. They tend to be the most insecure and therefore are afraid of how they look while they are having sex -- so they generally don't get very crazy in bed. You have to really lead them into what you want.

Glad to see you have finally shaken off the sh1tty feeling you had after your breakup. Sounds like you are slaying it out there. Keep it up, brother.

 

[Rukas]

I really have plan to meet my life partner

 

[Chuck Taylor]

Good post bro.

I've learned that it's always best to focus on myself. Period. I need to stop trying to impress women. Just do me. It she doesn't like who I am - the real, authentic me - she can hit the road.

Quick story - I was on a 1st date last Thursday night with a girl I met at Starbucks. During dinner, we're having a good conversation. She asks me why I ordered such a big steak. I said, "because I like steak. Nothing makes me happier." She responded with this vegan-inspired message and told me that my arteries were just clogging up from eating that way.

This girl is a solid 8, so normally I'd just deal with it, make some CF response, and move on. I told her that if I want to order 3 steaks, a baked potato with extra butter, and a salad with a big bucket of ranch dressing, that's what I'll do.

She said, 'that's stupid.' I finished dinner, then promptly said that I have an early morning and need to get going.

Fellas, just do you. Be unapologetically, unashamedly, you. Don't bend over backwards to impress some girl you met in a coffee shop.

 

[spred]

Thanks for sharing OP.

 

[manfrombelow]

Very good topic, OP.

And may I add one more lesson that I learnt the hard way:

Women, no matter what is said about them by the media or books or whatever, should only occupy a small portion of your life, not all of it.

Your main focus should be on your mission, aka what makes you better as a human being (building a good fortune, raising your income, discovering new hobbies, hitting the gym more, writing a book, etc...).

Most clueless chumps are doing the opposite: They spend a great deal of their resources into the pursuing of women, and in the long run have nothing for themselves - which, ironically, makes their pursuit of women a failure eventually.

 

[SW15]

- Girls don't really have much power and they usually play the same tricks.

They have a vagina and men crave that vaginal access. Men keep getting more and more thirsty.

- Only chase after girls that have interest. Don't waste time.

It takes some time to determine who has interest and who doesn't if you're looking for something more involved than a one night stand.

- Girls come and go. Nothing lasts really.
I've been thinking about how my plates were in my lives for awhile and they disappear/get in relationships and some old flames reappear but might also disappear. I used to think these great affairs might have strong foundations and last but truth is, they have been fickle. Even the serious relationships which I had when I was BP, when I would think they would last, they didn't. Nothing really lasts. It would be really BP to convince yourself in a happily ever after. Realizing this has helped me to be more sane and in control; it has also allowed me not to overinvest in my encounters with women. This has been a good thing so far.

Yes. Even in extended relationships, there's a shelf life of goodness. One of the biggest issues for blue pill men is that they don't realize that nothing lasts. I'm sure all of this know blue pill men in our social circles that have put a ring on a woman. It is more likely than not to end in a divorce. Additionally, many of the relationships that keep going are not as good as a lot of married people want you to think that it is. Married and LTR people are good at hiding their problems from the outside world.

- The key of the game is to be/maintain a level head.
I am starting to think that the key to winning the game with women is to learn to be level headed at all times. They have the ability to make you lose your cool and behave irrationally. When this happens, you burn yourself and give them too much power. I've been more mindful of how I am reacting to the various women that have come into my life this year. When I look back to the past years before I found SS and the RP awakening, I seriously was such a clown. I totally overinvested and acted like a simp which led to girls to have absolutely no interest in me and just enjoyed my attention/clowning. Now that I am level headed, I have been able to navigate the world of women much much better.

This all makes sense to me.

- Online dating is a large waste of time. Don't overinvest.
I've been OLDing for 4+ years. Increasingly it has become a waste of time and energy.

Best lesson here. Too much guys get sucked into the convenience factor of swiping. When you do in-person approach sessions, you have to get up, get dressed, go somewhere, etc. That's an effort. With swiping, you think you're interacting with women while sitting at home in your underwear and not making effort. However, since the swipe apps are all huge sausage fests, it's a bigger effort to make something happen there than going out into the real world and hunting down approaches. In-person approaching is more difficult than a lot of men make it seem here but it's still worth doing even if you can only approach 2-3 women in a 2 hour approach session.

 

[RangerMIke]

Yep:

All women are pretty much the same, they might have different values, but they ALL respond to the same things. Their 'values' only weighs factors they respond to, and what of all the things that attract them: Social standing, how a man shows up looks wise, his level of resources. What drives up her interest is again based on her values and how you act like a man: Do you have emotional self-control, do you go for what you want, do other women want you.

The hotter she is, the more pain in the @ss she will be.

How interested in her you are is the most irrelevant thing in the world. Women do not care how you 'feel' they only care about how you make them feel.

To women, most men are just useful tools to their purpose. What 'tool' she thinks you are is not something you can change.

All relationships have an expiration date. The best you can hope for is to be in a 'relationship' long enough where you just get into a comfortable routine.... this only happens when your values are aligned. Truth is that this is all up to the woman. They are capable of changing their values: men can not to this unless they go through a significant emotional event. A woman can not change a man without the man becoming something that she is no longer attracted too.

Cast a broad net, toss back in the water chicks that do not fit you. This is easier than you think, because if she fits... she will make an effort... if she doesn't make an effort the juice is not worth the squeeze.

 

[derby1]

Another for the list:

No Girl is single

If she has any kind of normal BMI, she will have some man living with her to bill share., and they hide it very well. They have sized the guy up, that he wont cause them any hassle, they dont respect him, but he brings in 500 pay packet every week.

She has probably argued with him in the night before, and she will bomb you with high interest. Expect her to ghost.

 

[RangerMIke]

Another for the list:

No Girl is single

If she has any kind of normal BMI, she will have some man living with her to bill share., and they hide it very well. They have sized the guy up, that he wont cause them any hassle, they dont respect him, but he brings in 500 pay packet every week.

She has probably argued with him in the night before, and she will bomb you with high interest. Expect her to ghost.

LOL!!! YES. You can be sure that if a woman you are friends with suddenly starts being flirty and reaching out, there is a 85% chance that she had a fight with whatever she thinks is her BF.

MY GOD.... I have seen this so many times, it's likely higher than 85%. And like you said, as soon as they patch things up... she will ignore you.

I have a lot of recent experience with women who circle back around after things went sideways with their BF, we go out a few times have sex... and the next thing you know... the woman just goes POOF... gone, no longer responding to my calls. Then the next thing I hear though the grapevine is that she is engaged to the poor pathetic bast@rd that she'd been dating prior to us hooking back up again.

To these chicks, I am just a useful tool, a living breathing vibrator, and a means to make BF jealous enough to where he will try and lock her down by getting married. That's fine with me, I get what I want... she gets what she THINKS she wants. It isn't my responsibility to care about some dude I don't know that thinks marrying a woman is the answer to his problems.

 

[derby1]

LOL!!! YES. You can be sure that if a woman you are friends with suddenly starts being flirty and reaching out, there is a 85% chance that she had a fight with whatever she thinks is her BF.

Any woman that sends me over 3-4 lines in a DM is now a major warning sign to me. Ive had 5 women in the last year treat me like a demi-god with their interest level, theyre always the ones who go poof.

And like you say, I will see them a month later with her boyfriend & his beer belly , that tolerates everything.

 

[manfrombelow]

Another for the list:

No Girl is single

If she has any kind of normal BMI, she will have some man living with her to bill share., and they hide it very well. They have sized the guy up, that he wont cause them any hassle, they dont respect him, but he brings in 500 pay packet every week.

She has probably argued with him in the night before, and she will bomb you with high interest. Expect her to ghost.

Fvck yes brother. Fvck yes!

A woman with at least 5 or 6/10 value in terms of look is NEVER "single". She's just waiting for the best option to come.

 

[manfrombelow]

To these chicks, I am just a useful tool, a living breathing vibrator, and a means to make BF jealous enough to where he will try and lock her down by getting married.

And so is the poor guy that's lucky enough to wed her haha. Guys are women's tools.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Another for the list:

No Girl is single

If she has any kind of normal BMI, she will have some man living with her to bill share., and they hide it very well. They have sized the guy up, that he wont cause them any hassle, they dont respect him, but he brings in 500 pay packet every week.

She has probably argued with him in the night before, and she will bomb you with high interest. Expect her to ghost.

Nonsense.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Hey gents.

James here. Just checking in with my dear bros. We are now a quarter of a way through 2022 and I'd like to share some thoughts of things I've discovered this year, so far:

- Girls don't really have much power and they usually play the same tricks.
They all want their life to matter. They want their lives to be epic and fun. They want to go on whirlwind adventures. They want life to imitate rom-com movies. But most of them are unable to do this on their own. So they seek out great guys. But most girls don't have much in the way of their 'arsenal' to get a great guy. They sort of just make themselves look pretty, post on social media and wait for guys to come in and scoop them up. Of course, girls can gain power because guys can be thirsty and horny and of course most BP guys fall into that category. Girls tend to play with the same tricks, the most common of which is to f'ck with your mind by delaying their response/attention to make it seem like their presence/attention is valuable. Tricks that are designed to engage us emotionally as they make no rational sense. For the longest time this year, it confused me that many girls who were clearly interested in me (e.g. we constantly date/f'ck) would go hot and cold on text and communication. Its all a tactic really.

- Only chase after girls that have interest. Don't waste time.
This is one of the biggest lessons I've learnt personally and applied this year. I used to think that you have to actively generate attraction in a girl, overcome their resistance and woo them. And after much effort, in the past, I've succeeded, but it was always fleeting relationships with mediocre attraction. I realized my time is valuable and it is so much easier to chase after girls that are interested in you. You seriously don't have to spend as much effort and everything is much more smooth with girls that are interested. Rather than waste time individually trying to attract girls, I've spent more time to make myself more attractive this year and that has helped me close much much better. I've always been developing a more acute sense to pick up on the vibes/signs of interest.

Recently I was at a club; I noticed a pretty cute girl glancing at me a few times and very very subtle smile. I looked back at her a few times. And after confirming we had a vibe I went over and probably said the most stupidest thing but somehow got her number. At that point, I realized it was probably one of my most successful club number closes. I used to think club game sucked for me but then I am starting to realize maybe I went into a club with the mentality that I 'should be' able to close any girl I wanted. That was unhealthy and unrealistic.

- The crave/chase is always powerful but once you get the girl, it might turn out to be bland.
Recently I booked a swanky hotel for 2 nights, and f'cked 2 different girls that I've been craving, back to back on the different nights. (More tiring than it sounds). I remember I was scrolling through their Instagrams before the meet ups. I was thinking of when we would hook up and how amazing it would be when we f'cked. How hot they looked on IG. In particular one of the girls was a girl that I've been chasing for 3 years but I was so BP and had no game back then so ended up being an orbiter. She is this super super tall model that most thirsty guys stalked. I remember on the recent night of the hook up, (maybe because she was girl 2 - 2nd night), the sex was honestly mediocre. Logically it was really epic; but in all seriousness the sex was just sex, nothing special at all. I think I enjoyed the chase much more and overall, sex with the 2 girls were enjoyable but nothing extraordinary. Got me thinking that this is the case most of the time with my hookups in the last 2 years, the lead up is always epic and maybe more enjoyable and the actual act although fun, is nothing as high/fun.

- Girls come and go. Nothing lasts really.
I've been thinking about how my plates were in my lives for awhile and they disappear/get in relationships and some old flames reappear but might also disappear. I used to think these great affairs might have strong foundations and last but truth is, they have been fickle. Even the serious relationships which I had when I was BP, when I would think they would last, they didn't. Nothing really lasts. It would be really BP to convince yourself in a happily ever after. Realizing this has helped me to be more sane and in control; it has also allowed me not to overinvest in my encounters with women. This has been a good thing so far.

- The key of the game is to be/maintain a level head.
I am starting to think that the key to winning the game with women is to learn to be level headed at all times. They have the ability to make you lose your cool and behave irrationally. When this happens, you burn yourself and give them too much power. I've been more mindful of how I am reacting to the various women that have come into my life this year. When I look back to the past years before I found SS and the RP awakening, I seriously was such a clown. I totally overinvested and acted like a simp which led to girls to have absolutely no interest in me and just enjoyed my attention/clowning. Now that I am level headed, I have been able to navigate the world of women much much better.

- The most painful breakups eventually go away.
For those of you who followed me since I joined SS. I joined SS because of a terrible terrible break up in Jan 2021. It totally destroyed me and led to a RP awakening. That girl held a very special place in my heart and I honestly have never hurt the way I did with her in my life. But truth is, today, the pain has gone away. I often find times when I realize how deluded I was with her and sometimes struggle to see what I liked about that girl besides the fact she had great t'ts and was a sexual freak. Other than that, I don't think it was worth the pain I put myself through. The pain has gone away. I thought it would stay forever but it doesn't. For those interested, you can check out my NC journey where I documented a year of my NC journey in great detail.

- Girls are only as special as you make them.
Kind of continuing from the above and really other girls I've met since my break up. There is really nothing special about most girls I've met. They've only been as special as I've projected them to be in my mind. But truth is most of them are the same: needy, insecure, manipulative, trying to score a good guy, sometimes desperate. So I've gone from a mindset where I very easily thought I met someone very special to being more careful to who I select to be that special someone in my mind and letting them occupy my mental spaces if that makes sense.

- Online dating is a large waste of time. Don't overinvest.
I've been OLDing for 4+ years. Increasingly it has become a waste of time and energy. I wouldn't write it off entirely. Its sort of like lobster traps. I have them set up and see which ones bite and which ones have interest then I try pursue but the fact is most of the girls on there are super flaky and entitled. I've still had many lays rom OLD but its better to realize that you can't depend on it too much or read too much into it that has helped me to maintain my cool while OLDing.

___


So guys those are the insights I've gathered so far. I'm definitely no senior don juan but hope it might bring value to some of you guys.

Would be happy to hear what you guys have learnt so far this year.


- James

This is a good post. Nice job. I pretty much agree with what you wrote---and I've been in the game a while.

Just be careful of your word "chase." A man shouldn't ever have to chase a woman. Pursue means you show interest, invite her out, give her opportunities to engage with you, BUT you have your own goals and life to live and her accepting/declining your invitations isn't the be-all-end-all.

Good luck to you.

 

[member160292]

- The key of the game is to be/maintain a level head.
I am starting to think that the key to winning the game with women is to learn to be level headed at all times. They have the ability to make you lose your cool and behave irrationally. When this happens, you burn yourself and give them too much power. I've been more mindful of how I am reacting to the various women that have come into my life this year. When I look back to the past years before I found SS and the RP awakening, I seriously was such a clown. I totally overinvested and acted like a simp which led to girls to have absolutely no interest in me and just enjoyed my attention/clowning. Now that I am level headed, I have been able to navigate the world of women much much better.

This is essential to success with women. Not to arrogant, but you have to come from a place where you value yourself more than than her and she is earning your time. It can't be stressed enough that you must remain indifferent to the outcome. Play the game and have fun - the moment she realizes you have a motive she has the upper hand. Keep her guessing and watch her interest level rise.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP, let me share with you something I've learned in years past and was reiterated this year:

Stay in Houston. It appears to be one of the best cities for game in the U.S. I always test out online openers there, because the response is so positive compared to wherever I am that it makes the process much less tedious.