Friendzone is a MYTH

[Velasco]

Authenticity is often preached here. but if the guy approaching a girl in cold approach context. He likes what she looks like physically. They talk. But she is not interested in him sexually. If he goes the friend route. He is being inauthentic. Because what he really wants is to fvck her.

The friends thing where girls introduce you to other hot friends is either

A) a social circle phenomenon. Where one example is the guy is friends with one of the girls she is friends with. The guy is funny/cool but she is just not attracted to him. She and her other friends can provide him preselection walking into a club together. Invite him to parties (again if he's cool). But will not fvck him. This is the classic friendzoned (you will not fvck her but there is some benefits if you just forget about that possiblity and focus on the net postives of being friends with her).

B). a girl you are already fvcking with some bi-curiosity. Introduce you to girls who they'd wouldn't mind having a threesome with.

C). A girl in a cold approach setting with her friends. The girl is not available but knows one of the girls in the group who is available and throws you on her for an easy lay.

The context where you approach a hot girl, let's say out on the street where she is walking somewhere. And she gives you her number. But later reveals thru text, she is in a relationship. This is the authenticity incongruence. Do you really want to keep talking to her now that she just told you she's happily in a relationship? ("Oh how long have you guys been together?") Or are you just doing so because you know ok not now but maybe in the future she will be available so I'll keep talking to her. Not authentic friendship. It's just a means to eventually sleeping with her.

 

[Pandora]

Be aware most women are a rubix cube of emotion and indecision you could waste months or years trying to figure out wtf she wants , its just not worth going down the rabbit hole

Find one that wants to fvck you , and build the rest from there

This is gold brotha. This is really all we need to know about dating. Its simple but difficult to follow.

 

[SW15]

I used to have 100% masculine interests and I was never friendzoned because I didn't bring anything to the table friends-wise to women. It really was dating or nothing. By friendzone I mean when they actually try to keep you around as friends, they had no reason to. I know a lot of guys in the construction business like this, they just rarely have female friends in general, much less friendzoned. Now, I have a lot of female friends and it happens often. I don't believe either way is better or worse.

I don't have any female friends I am attracted to. Over time, I have received few "Let's Just Be Friends" offers. The few I have received have all been rejected.

 

[Aesthetix29]

I have this 1 female friend that I like and She knows it and plays on it all the time. Like we do things together and it’s just sad, for some reason I can’t break the cycle ... I’m like a proper simpleton .. she calls I run WTAF ha ha

I really need to just break away from it and move on but every time I do .. she messages me after like a week or 2 of absence to see what I’m up to and if I want to go to such a place ... she’s just dangling the carrot.

Now I don’t want to block her number as that comes off weak etc ..

I just really need to break this cycle somehow and move on to the next but don’t want come across as a douche.

She’s one of these that thrives of attention and validation. That’s more than enough for her.

 

[Aesthetix29]

I would boil this down to its essence. Is your relationship (however defined) with her a net positive, or negative, for you?

For me, if I decide it's causing more harm than good, I would put it on ice. I'd just stay busy and politely decline meeting with her. I don't think it's douchey to be busy, and I'd just tell her as much.

Or if she presses, I'd just tell her why. "But I don't want to seem butt-hurt!" some guys say. Who says you have to? It's a simple fact: I'm attracted, you're not, better that we don't hang out for now. Anything that comes out of your mouth can be framed from either a high value or low value position. As long as you can forget about any expectations, you can handle it however you like.

As it’s stands right it’s obviously doing more harm than good because everything time we go out I’m expecting more and the time I’m putting into this could be put elsewhere, but then on the other side we go to nice places and it’s good to get out and see new places and I enjoy it etc ... but I defiantly want more. Honestly it’s the weirdest thing .. it’s like we do everything a couple would do minus the sex.

I think I’m going to try and take a step back and be more busy with my time, hoping to get back in the gym this week or next as I’m not very well atm.

I’ve made some pretty big changes in the last few months with my lifestyle and very proud of that

My next phase is to get back into good shape and start dating again but I can’t do it when I’m being strung along by her if that makes sense.

I don’t want to cut ties completely but I just don’t want to be her go to simpleton guy who orbits and gives her the validation and attention she craves with nothing in return.

Just wanted some opinions on how to go about it without ghosting her really and still come across as alpha ha.

 

[FenixRising]

I'm going thru similar as you Aesthetix29, it's like they keep us in a cloud of fog. Neither yes or no... just meh. I am trying to use the dissapointment/ anger about it to get fitter but its hard to stay focused and motivated lately.

 

[Mike32ct]

I'm going thru similar as you Aesthetix29, it's like they keep us in a cloud of fog. Neither yes or no... just meh. I am trying to use the dissapointment/ anger about it to get fitter but its hard to stay focused and motivated lately.

You be warned/careful. At some point, she’s going to drop that she’s dating someone else, and that news is going to hurt.

Being in friendzone/limbo/“breadcrumb land” is easy to tolerate with a cute chick that is single. But once she drops the name of her new guy that she’s dating, then ouch.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I’ve only read the first couple pages of this thread due to time constraints, so the following comment may be relevant or may not.

I observe that the friend zone is a place where a woman’s “pseudo-boyfriends” are kept. Her male friend partially fulfills her desire for a boyfriend. He is a temporary stand-in, giving her a vague feeling of being desired in place of the empty feeling of having no man in her life. He can also be the pseudo-boyfriend when she’s not with her real boyfriend. In that case, she smooths out the spikes and valleys of loneliness by having her “friend” at her beck and call.

In short, she uses her male friends as a drug to numb her from the pain of fluctuating attention. If you are the “friend” of a woman, you are a token that is being used by her to avoid anxiety spikes.

 

[spred]

Like atom smasher I read only the first two pages, but I think that Friendszone is a construct of men.
From my experience some women will drop you and keep you as a friend because:a) they are too nice to reject- they will ghost you soon after, b) you have social status, money, or something else of value non-romantic c) to keep you for attention or possible provider.
My experience the percentages are:
a) 75
b) 20
c) 5.

 

[Mike32ct]

I’ve only read the first couple pages of this thread due to time constraints, so the following comment may be relevant or may not.

I observe that the friend zone is a place where a woman’s “pseudo-boyfriends” are kept. Her male friend partially fulfills her desire for a boyfriend. He is a temporary stand-in, giving her a vague feeling of being desired in place of the empty feeling of having no man in her life. He can also be the pseudo-boyfriend when she’s not with her real boyfriend. In that case, she smooths out the spikes and valleys of loneliness by having her “friend” at her beck and call.

In short, she uses her male friends as a drug to numb her from the pain of fluctuating attention. If you are the “friend” of a woman, you are being used by her to avoid anxiety spikes.

Absolutely spot on. And the poor friendzoned guy believes that “Things will work out; it just needs time.” He’s convinced that she will fall in love with him and upgrade him from pseudo-boyfriend to full boyfriend if they spend enough time together (or in contact). But sadly, it’s never going to happen that way.

 

[Mike32ct]

It’s sort of like, as a guy, you’re single at the moment i.e. don’t have a girlfriend. But you have this fat chick friend/sister figure who is funny, intelligent, caring, and otherwise good company. Rather than be completely alone, you go out for a beer with her for conversation and a few laughs. But you could never see yourself having sex with her or making her your girlfriend.

Bottom Line Cruel Truth:

A chick that friendzoned you considers you the male equivalent of a fat chick with a good personality.

 

[Robert28]

Absolutely spot on. And the poor friendzoned guy believes that “Things will work out; it just needs time.” He’s convinced that she will fall in love with him and upgrade him from pseudo-boyfriend to full boyfriend if they spend enough time together (or in contact). But sadly, it’s never going to happen that way.

Ive been that guy.

 

[Mike32ct]

Ive been that guy.

I was that guy for over three years with one chick. Went out to dinner, dancing, to the park, for ice cream, etc. many times. She even slept over my house a dozen times, but insisted on sleeping on my couch. Never got more than a hug despite our apparent “connection.”

 

[spred]

I was that guy for over three years with one chick. Went out to dinner, dancing, to the park, for ice cream, etc. many times. She even slept over my house a dozen times, but insisted on sleeping on my couch. Never got more than a hug despite our apparent “connection.”

This is exactly what am I going through since 2,5 years. Today is day 7 of no contact.

 

[Mike32ct]

This is exactly what am I going through since 2,5 years. Today is day 7 of no contact.

Then (after 3 years) one night before we headed out dancing, she said she had to leave immediately after the dance. She suddenly drops that she’s dating a guy, and he was not happy about her and I hanging out.

We went dancing that night for a few hours. She was staring into space and she suddenly burst out laughing hard when the DJ played “Hot stuff baby tonite.” The dance ended and she raced over to his place at midnight. You can fill in the blanks

 

[The_Hand_Of_God]

You be warned/careful. At some point, she’s going to drop that she’s dating someone else, and that news is going to hurt.

Being in friendzone/limbo/“breadcrumb land” is easy to tolerate with a cute chick that is single. But once she drops the name of her new guy that she’s dating, then ouch.

It's a very painful ouch aswell. And then they start going distant n cold with you even as a 'friend' and your sat there thinking 'what the **** did i do wrong to her?'.

 

[Robert28]

It's a very painful ouch aswell. And then they start going distant n cold with you even as a 'friend' and your sat there thinking 'what the **** did i do wrong to her?'.

You have to understand that long term friendships mean nothing to women as they do to men. Women see friends as replaceable and temporary, men don’t.

 

[The_Hand_Of_God]

You have to understand that long term friendships mean nothing to women as they do to men. Women see friends as replaceable and temporary, men don’t.

Learned this the hard way. In my situation she literally went from speaking most days, sending snapchats etc everything too one word answers and never starting or even trying to have a conversation. Like wasn't even gradual she just suddenly switched. I've actually gave up trying to figure out why as it is exhausting.

 

[Robert28]

Learned this the hard way. In my situation she literally went from speaking most days, sending snapchats etc everything too one word answers and never starting or even trying to have a conversation. Like wasn't even gradual she just suddenly switched. I've actually gave up trying to figure out why as it is exhausting.

Just be glad she isn’t trying to use you, I’d rather they do what she’s doing.

 

[Robert28]

I was that guy for over three years with one chick. Went out to dinner, dancing, to the park, for ice cream, etc. many times. She even slept over my house a dozen times, but insisted on sleeping on my couch. Never got more than a hug despite our apparent “connection.”

I almost ruined myself hanging around in the friendzone for almost 3 years. Looking back I know exactly why it happened, I was in a bad place self esteem wise for the past year before I met her. My luck with dating had hit a rut and I was racking up rejection after rejection and had never had to work through anything like that. So when I met her and we went on like 5 dates it didn’t take me long to start getting relaxed because I hadn’t had any luck the past year prior to that. I started to simp, be a nice guy, do everything wrong even though I knew I was wrong when I did it. The problem is I couldn’t stop. So she Friendzone me and instead of walking away I agreed to meet up to go to a concert with her like 4 weeks later. That’s when **** took off. We spent the entire summer together doing everything under the sun, except sex of course lol well after 6-7 months of this I’m hooked. I even tried going on dates with other girls but I wasn’t giving my whole self to them because I was only doing it to keep from falling in love with the other girl. Wasn’t working. Finally after a year and a half we had a fight and didn’t speak for 5 months. Thought I was free, I started dating this really awesome girl too not even 2 weeks after our fallout. Well she sees the pics of us on Facebook and sends me a message “I miss us, I miss our friendship, I miss our good times.” Well I stupidly agreed to meet up with her for a drink and fell in love all over again, told her so. She was like “sorry I don’t feel that way, but I need you in my life. Blah blah blah” Well I thought fine I can be a friend. Nope. Things were never the same as before and for the next year she got to where she’d always ask for favors and hit me up only when she wanted something. My relationship with the other girl suffered because my mind was elsewhere and it showed. I lost her and was needing to get out of this Friendzone situation where I lost myself and my self respect. The girl who once was a fun decent friend wasn’t looking at me the same or treating me the same and I hated it.