How many of us have an overinflated sense of self?

[Pierce Manhammer]

I often see posts from guys on the board that say something along the lines of “I don’t know why I can’t get women, I’m 6’4” and ripped and good looking”.

While I’m sure a fraction of the posts are true, I’m wondering how many of those posters are actually not what they claim to be, and are attempting to bat waaaaay out of their leagues.

In the past I’ve been sitting at a venue having a brew with a buddy that’s fairly unattractive and orca fat, a hot shapely gal walks past and I’m like “daaaaaimmmmm”, and fat Albert says “dood, she’s fat!”. The only thing going through my mind at this point is: she’s not, and if she was, have you looked in the mirror recently?!?!

One thing I’ve learned is that dating, for the most part is assortative as has been said by many, that is people of similar SMV’s tend to gravitate towards one another. Yes there are factors like wealth and fame, but for the rest of us mere mortals this precept holds true.

Dating is like selling a piece of real estate, you keep lowering the asking price till the market meets you. That or you tart the place up - e.g. improve it till it garners the attention of buyers willing to buy it.

I guess this begs the question: are many guys complaining about paltry selection/success just not being honest with themselves about what they may be capable of attracting?

p.s. also so many posters are like “man I get mad beeches beeches beeches - Dey all hawt” this simply cannot be true, seriously. This is most likely just an artifact of being online and wanting approval despite it being dishonest.

 

[Striker_93]

Ey, they usually tell on themselves if giving the opportunity.....

They say sh!t like, "I'm a very attractive guy, but I don't get attention from women"

Lol, go figure.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You’re absolutely correct.
Most men go for women who are so out of their league that these men are considered objects to walk around, like a lamp post or trash bin. These men are invisible to higher quality women.
But instead of bringing themselves up to a level where they are visible as desirable men, they sit at their keyboards decrying how picky women are.
They put in no effort to be fit, no effort to wear decent clothing and little effort at personal hygiene. Still they reject women in their own league and wonder why better women aren’t attracted.

It’s called “Magical Thinking” and represents a refusal to look at reality.

I continually tell men to be the Kings of their kingdoms, but this only applies to men who are on the path to improving themselves. The non-kings ask me “How can you be a king and still believe in leagues? What about abundance?” Meanwhile women take one look at them and say, “Nope!” This is because one look is all that is necessary to detect a lack of self-respect.

SMH. Men just don’t realize how utterly invisible they are. And then when they force themselves into her awareness, they wonder why she is horrified and the b!tch shield goes up.

Men, you need to understand that women need only to “be”, while men need to “become”. This is simply nature. Nature is eminently unfair. So are you going to leverage this knowledge to your advantage, reader, or are you going to cry even more about the situation.

If I, a former completely clueless loser was able to straighten myself out and become valuable to high-value women, then most men should be able to.

The solution to the dilemma we find ourselves in is within these pages for anyone who is willing to dig for the gold.

 

[Barrister]

I often see posts from guys on the board that say something along the lines of “I don’t know why I can’t get women, I’m 6’4” and ripped and good looking”.

While I’m sure a fraction of the posts are true, I’m wondering how many of those posters are actually not what they claim to be, and are attempting to bat waaaaay out of their leagues.

In the past I’ve been sitting at a venue having a brew with a buddy that’s fairly unattractive and orca fat, a hot shapely gal walks past and I’m like “daaaaaimmmmm”, and fat Albert says “dood, she’s fat!”. The only thing going through my mind at this point is: she’s not, and if she was, have you looked in the mirror recently?!?!

One thing I’ve learned is that dating, for the most part is assortative as has been said by many, that is people of similar SMV’s tend to gravitate towards one another. Yes there are factors like wealth and fame, but for the rest of us mere mortals this precept holds true.

Dating is like selling a piece of real estate, you keep lowering the asking price till the market meets you. That or you tart the place up - e.g. improve it till it garners the attention of buyers willing to buy it.

I guess this begs the question: are many guys complaining about paltry selection/success just not being honest with themselves about what they may be capable of attracting?

p.s. also so many posters are like “man I get mad beeches beeches beeches - Dey all hawt” this simply cannot be true, seriously. This is most likely just an artifact of being online and wanting approval despite it being dishonest.

You certainly have this type on SS - but I think this is forgivable because I think most of us here at SS used to be this way. That is, we did not completely understand why we weren't pulling more tail and needed to discover why. It takes longer to discover that for some than for others. What you describe is just a blue-pill guy making excuses for not approaching (she is just a little too fat for me - so I am not going to talk to her, etc.) - it is very common. I don't fault this because I think this is something that gets drilled into men's heads by society.

I find the much more annoying persona here is the faux cold approacher who acts like they have all of the answers but offer nothing of substance.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Part of my motivation to post is to try to shake some sense into folks, or at least hope they read it and decide to improve instead of whine.

It IS hard to take a step back and criticize oneself. My biggest issue is one I cannot change: height I’m just average at 5’9 that said I’ve longer term dated women taller than me - not common but certainly occurs. That is a major structural issue that I cannot change, but I know this: that I have other areas that compensate and that in it self is a motivator to continue to improve even as I begin to become increasingly more invisible to the younger set (20-somethings, I’m in my 50’s).

I have, however maintained long term liaisons with hard 8’s and 9’s that were 30 years my junior and taller than me, albeit not by much. Rare, but again it happens.

One of my favorite movie quotes is “there is no fate but the one we make”.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Back when I was single I liked to bat above my league. Why try anything else?

If I get rejected by someone higher on the smv, I dont care. It was supposed to happen.

If would go for someone below my league and get rejected, that would get to me. I someone below me would not reject me, I would feel like Im settling when I could have more.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

I hear ya brother. I don’t think there is one man in this board who is a slayer who has not been in a situation where they’re sarging a gal below his SMV in hopes of getting some quick gash to break a slow streak or whatever and has been rejected by said chick. For me I just learned to laugh at it, in the beginning it was soul rendering.

Back when I was single I liked to bat above my league. Why try anything else?

If I get rejected by someone higher on the smv, I dont care. It was supposed to happen.

If would go for someone below my league and get rejected, that would get to me. I someone below me would not reject me, I would feel like Im settling when I could have more.

 

[Smok1nAce]

Lets start by saying this is an anonymous internet forum. People can claim anything they want.

There was a thread last week with a guy still living with his parents at 27 who got dumped over nothing the day after valentines day from a girl living a city away from his gf while she was making 500k a year. In what world does this remotely sound like a 100% true story. It take everything with a grain of salt and hope in good faith that people are honest but even in the real world people hide behind their own narratives.

The reality is if you fairly average man living in America with a college degree making average money finding women to date is proboley not an issue for you.

The problem with the internet that has happened in the last decade is it has become a place for everyone to spill their negative feelings and thoughts. But anyways.

I think lots of men without a decent social circle really don't know where their SMV stands. So they find their either shooting to low or to high. If a good looking guy is shooting to low hes going to get the same games/attitude a ugly guy would get shooting to high. Thats why it so important for men to stay of social media and get a real sense of where you stack up.

It took me awhile to figure this out. I was constantly getting games/attitude from average women. So I started lowing my standards and got even more friction. It was damming and I though maybe their is something wrong with me. So then I started going after cute/hot women and was actually getting a positive vibe and things quickly clicked. I know where I fit in and still wouldn't say I have an overinflated value for myself.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Study: Unattractive people far overestimate their looks

The finding is remarkably similar to the Dunning-Kruger effect, which describes how incompetent people tend to overestimate their own competency.

bigthink.com

 

[ubercat]

Geeze compared to what I see on chicks Instagram accounts I don't think too many guys need to worry. Yes work out and try and earn bank and learn some minimum game. Otherwise take your shots and the chips will fall.

 

[bmp2cpm]

I often see posts from guys on the board that say something along the lines of “I don’t know why I can’t get women, I’m 6’4” and ripped and good looking”.

While I’m sure a fraction of the posts are true, I’m wondering how many of those posters are actually not what they claim to be, and are attempting to bat waaaaay out of their leagues.

OP: You are thinking like a man. Think like a woman instead.

1) Women do not care how a man looks. They care about his resources and getting the man to share his resources with them. Note that resources are not just money.

2) Regarding being 6’4: Height is definitely a resource. It offers a woman protection from unwanted male advances. In my experience, very short women and very tall women fiercely compete for the tallest guys. Women 5’4” to 5’8” do not seem to be as competitive for really tall guys.

3) Mating has nothing to do with how you view yourself. Consider that a women’s value decreases every day. Men’s value increases everyday. The woman who you consider out of your league today may be in your league tomorrow.

4) As a man, your are competing with other men resource-wise for a woman. You have to have the best matching resources at the right time when meeting the woman. Some of it is just dumb luck, being in the right place at the right time. It is good to try a lot even if it means lots of failed attempts.

5) Do not focus on if a woman is in your league or not. Focus on chemistry and compatibility.

 

[DonJuanjr]

The non-kings ask me “How can you be a king and still believe in leagues?

"Be a king of your world..... but view those women as impossible to get from your current status." I see a disconnect here. I was simply asking so I could be enlightened with your eternal wisdom. Instead of explaining, you'd rather not give me the dignity of a response and then criticize later on.

From reading your previous posts on "Master Key". I took it as view all women as beneath you. So that's why I asked.

The idea here is to be friendly and have fun, but to PROJECT that you are above her. You should be convinced of your superiority and it should be as obvious to you as the fact that the sky is blue. A total buy-in to your own magnificense relative to her.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

OP: You are thinking like a man. Think like a woman instead.

1) Women do not care how a man looks.

I vehemently disagree.

 

[Robert28]

If women didn’t care about how a man looks there would be no Friendzone. No orbiters.

 

[Stoic]

I vehemently disagree.

The truth is women do not care about a mans looks to the same degree as men care about a woman's looks.

 

[sangheilios]

Lets start by saying this is an anonymous internet forum. People can claim anything they want.

There was a thread last week with a guy still living with his parents at 27 who got dumped over nothing the day after valentines day from a girl living a city away from his gf while she was making 500k a year. In what world does this remotely sound like a 100% true story. It take everything with a grain of salt and hope in good faith that people are honest but even in the real world people hide behind their own narratives.

The reality is if you fairly average man living in America with a college degree making average money finding women to date is proboley not an issue for you.

The problem with the internet that has happened in the last decade is it has become a place for everyone to spill their negative feelings and thoughts. But anyways.

I think lots of men without a decent social circle really don't know where their SMV stands. So they find their either shooting to low or to high. If a good looking guy is shooting to low hes going to get the same games/attitude a ugly guy would get shooting to high. Thats why it so important for men to stay of social media and get a real sense of where you stack up.

It took me awhile to figure this out. I was constantly getting games/attitude from average women. So I started lowing my standards and got even more friction. It was damming and I though maybe their is something wrong with me. So then I started going after cute/hot women and was actually getting a positive vibe and things quickly clicked. I know where I fit in and still wouldn't say I have an overinflated value for myself.

This is exactly what I was experiencing and I thought that there was something wrong with me. However, when I joined this forum I found that much of the issues I had were similar to other men out there. I personally feel that most people have a general sense of where they actually line up and go for those that are roughly around their level. I feel that many men actually undervalue themselves, while many women in fact overvalue themselves. I can personally cite many examples of women being incredibly picky with men with standards that they themselves don't live up to. For instance, I've seen a few cases of overweight women refusing to date a man that is on her level physically and saying how he is "fat" lol. I've honestly not seen many men criticize women all that readily and more often than not see them date/sleep down from their actual level compared to that of women.

As for having a decent social circle, or lacking one all together, I actually think there is a lot of truth to this and something I can relate to. I remember in the past I'd see some really average men with very attractive women and it confused me. However, when I started hanging out with people I saw that a big factor was that these men had the same social circle as the women they were dating and they already knew each other, which is a much more comfortable place for most people. Most men aren't out there cold approaching totally random women and getting countless dates. While this does exist, it's almost always involving women that they are around in some sort of capacity (school, work, social circle, church, etc.).

Your point about social media is solid. One thing that I can cite is that many people, both men and women, regularly create an image on there that they are better than they actually are. This can be editing photos or literally taking hundreds of them and selecting for only the best ones. There is a guy in my area, huge douchebag, that posts all of this stuff about having this lavish lifestyle and being super fit, etc. He's actually average financially but up to his eyeballs in debt and looks like an average guy at the gym lol.

 

[Stoic]

Op- here is what has worked for me.

If I were you, and I was not having the success that I wanted with women, I would work on ACCENTUATING a different part of your IMAGE. This is not in anyway to say to be inauthentic. Your identity now to members here and certainly the women you meet is something of a tall, athletic gym rat. Here is something I did that worked for me. First, like you, I am a bit of a gym rat. I was almost always in athletic clothes or tennis shoes. So my image was that of an athlete which is fine. But, for whatever reason it did not seem to maximize my results with women. So I changed my image and accentuated a different part of my identity that DID attract women.

I just made a slight but significant pivot. Just reached out and emphasized a different part of my identity. I am also a business man. I accentuate I work a lot of hours and love to work. One change I made is that whenever I go out, I can now almost always be seen in classy, traditional business attire. Nothing crazy and honestly, I only wear two different shirts, business blue or white. I wear a tie. I look more respectable and get treated with more respect by men and women alike versus when I was only in gym attire. People take me more seriously.

One other image change I made. I am ALWAYS SOCIABLE now. This was a bit of a reach for me. As I am naturally a bit more reserved and introverted. Now I briefly chat with everyone. Old men, old women, hot girls, ugly girls, cute babies, ugly babies, dogs, etc. If I am on an elevator, I challenge myself to always be the one to initiate conversation. Sometimes I say the most outrageous things (but still respectful) possible simply to amuse myself and maybe get a laugh out of the person I am interacting with. The reason I get away with it now is because I look respectable and don't give off a sociable business man vibe.

 

[DonJuanjr]

You should be convinced of your superiority and it should be as obvious to you as the fact that the sky is blue. A total buy-in to your own magnificense relative to her.

@Atom Smasher Still waiting for you to explain how a guy can simultaneously hold ^^^ mindset...

Still they reject women in their own league and wonder why better women aren’t attracted.

It’s called “Magical Thinking” and represents a refusal to look at reality.

while holding ^^^ mindset.

How it looks is, "Be superior to all women, while accepting reality that some women are better than you." Aren't the two thoughts mutually exclusive?

 

[EyeBRollin]

Most people in the west overvalue themselves

 

[Stoic]

@Atom Smasher Still waiting for you to explain how a guy can simultaneously hold ^^^ mindset...


while holding ^^^ mindset.

How it looks is, "Be superior to all women, while accepting reality that some women are better than you." Aren't the two thoughts mutually exclusive?

I think I can say it in different words. You need to approach women with the mindset that you are superior to them and they need to know it. Some women just are not going to buy in to this mindset and you are not likely to have success with them. A woman cannot feel attraction to a man she is superior to.