Getting over a beautiful woman

[viking22]

I thought I had outgrown oneitis but after years of dating and relationships with moderately attractive women this summer I fell head over heels for a classic heartbreaker. You know the type. A beautiful social butterfly who lights up the room and is delightfully feminine and charming. We were dating/sleeping together for about 4 months. She didn't want to commit and eventually gave me the "I feel something is missing" "I do not feel enough of a connection" lines and broke up with me and disappeared from the face of the earth.

The usual break up advice is to date other women. But I'm an average looking guy so my options are limited to moderately attractive women who are usually nice but boring so they pale in comparison to her. And I cannot help beating myself up about the mistakes I made wondering if I had done things differently the outcome might have been different. So I am ruminating about that a lot and over-analyzing the situation to death. I also cannot seem to help myself insta-talking her and of course in her photos she looks happier than she ever was when she was with me especially in the final weeks when she was increasingly moody and irritable.

And I am 37 so at an age where I do not really want to play the field. I want to fall in love and settle down into a LTR. But until now was never willing to commit because I was never that interested in the women I was with. But with this girl I would have been happy to commit. But of course she did not want to commit to me. I have tried listing all her faults and the ways in which we were incompatible as well as trying to remember how badly she treated me but it does not really help. And I know that realistically I am unlikely to get many more chances with women as beautiful as her. It was pure luck that physically I happened to be her type and could make her laugh.

Any advice from men who have been in a similar situation?

 

[RickTheToad]

Simple. Work on yourself and find other females to penetrate. Over time, the pain will subside. Get to it (with protection).

 

[Stuffnu]

She didn’t want to commit and you were “Plated”.
Plain and simple.
You want to “fall in love and settle down”. You projected a fantasy that respectfully, wasn’t going to happen.
“Limited to moderately attractive women“ is the wrong mindset. Hold your head-up as you were getting laid by a beautiful girl. Perhaps you’re better looking than you think or you’re setting your bar too low.
Yes, the best way to forget a girl is always by finding another.

Go get her!

 

[Striker_93]

You move forward with your life like a grown ass man is suppose to, your 37, don't let some petty shvt like this trouble you, and fix your attitude man, you pulled a hot girl and was fvcking her, hold ya head and go get another one.

I promise you she's not giving you any thought.....

 

[viking22]

Yeah. I'm trying to take it as a positive that I was bedding her and kept her around for 4 months as over her lifetime she must have had legions of guys interested in her and the vast majority got absolutely nowhere. This girl was easily a 9 whereas most girls I date are 6s or 7s.
So maybe I can do better than I think.

 

[Barrister]

I thought I had outgrown oneitis but after years of dating and relationships with moderately attractive women this summer I fell head over heels for a classic heartbreaker. You know the type. A beautiful social butterfly who lights up the room and is delightfully feminine and charming. We were dating/sleeping together for about 4 months. She didn't want to commit and eventually gave me the "I feel something is missing" "I do not feel enough of a connection" lines and broke up with me and disappeared from the face of the earth.

The usual break up advice is to date other women. But I'm an average looking guy so my options are limited to moderately attractive women who are usually nice but boring so they pale in comparison to her. And I cannot help beating myself up about the mistakes I made wondering if I had done things differently the outcome might have been different. So I am ruminating about that a lot and over-analyzing the situation to death. I also cannot seem to help myself insta-talking her and of course in her photos she looks happier than she ever was when she was with me especially in the final weeks when she was increasingly moody and irritable.

And I am 37 so at an age where I do not really want to play the field. I want to fall in love and settle down into a LTR. But until now was never willing to commit because I was never that interested in the women I was with. But with this girl I would have been happy to commit. But of course she did not want to commit to me. I have tried listing all her faults and the ways in which we were incompatible as well as trying to remember how badly she treated me but it does not really help. And I know that realistically I am unlikely to get many more chances with women as beautiful as her. It was pure luck that physically I happened to be her type and could make her laugh.

Any advice from men who have been in a similar situation?

You're putting this woman on a pedestal. And for what reason? Because of how she looks? That is no accomplishment and you are essentially degrading yourself to have this viewpoint. Like most other women, her looks will fade in time and she will be left with nothing. She will either have a couple of kids and become solely identifiable as a mother or she will become a bitter, jaded woman who continues to date many men and rides the c0ck carousel until her options are severely limited. You are a man whose value will continue to increase into your mid-50s.

It is also likely you are greatly inflating this woman's looks in your own mind. You think she is a HB 9 right now because your mind is telling you how great she is. She is likely more like a HB 7 - cute but nothing truly special. It is impossible for us to turn this off sometimes - but know your mind is playing tricks on you.

If you aren't ready to date other women then don't do it. Take some time. But DO right now start focusing on yourself - get in the gym, improve your career, etc. Also, stop torturing yourself looking at her social media. This is absolutely pointless and will delay your healing process - not to mention it isn't an accurate view of her life anyway. Good luck.

 

[Bingo-Player]

there are "beautiful" women everywhere

What you are saying is that because this one was attracted to you she was special

you are telling yourself she is worth more than you and nobody on this fvcking earth should be worth more than you

sober up pull yourself together and get out meeting new chicks

there is ALWAYS the next one just around the corner

 

[Dr.Suave]

Ive been there op. I know it sucks right now.

In my experience, all u can do is keep imporving urself and keep meeting girls until you meet a girl u like more than her, or at least as much. This might just start the cycle again but its something.

 

[Barrister]

Beautiful woman Bridget Fonda

Then:

and today:

https://pagesix.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2022/01/Bridget-Fonda-now-09.jpg?quality=90&strip=all&w=682

I’ve seen this posted in a few different places and still can’t believe it’s real. But it is. It’s actually very scary.

 

[bmp2cpm]

I thought I had outgrown oneitis but after years of dating and relationships with moderately attractive women this summer I fell head over heels for a classic heartbreaker. You know the type. A beautiful social butterfly who lights up the room and is delightfully feminine and charming. We were dating/sleeping together for about 4 months. She didn't want to commit and eventually gave me the "I feel something is missing" "I do not feel enough of a connection" lines and broke up with me and disappeared from the face of the earth.

The usual break up advice is to date other women. But I'm an average looking guy so my options are limited to moderately attractive women who are usually nice but boring so they pale in comparison to her. And I cannot help beating myself up about the mistakes I made wondering if I had done things differently the outcome might have been different. So I am ruminating about that a lot and over-analyzing the situation to death. I also cannot seem to help myself insta-talking her and of course in her photos she looks happier than she ever was when she was with me especially in the final weeks when she was increasingly moody and irritable.

And I am 37 so at an age where I do not really want to play the field. I want to fall in love and settle down into a LTR. But until now was never willing to commit because I was never that interested in the women I was with. But with this girl I would have been happy to commit. But of course she did not want to commit to me. I have tried listing all her faults and the ways in which we were incompatible as well as trying to remember how badly she treated me but it does not really help. And I know that realistically I am unlikely to get many more chances with women as beautiful as her. It was pure luck that physically I happened to be her type and could make her laugh.

Any advice from men who have been in a similar situation?

OP you have about 8 years left before you hit your peak with women.

You want never to commit to settling down ever. Instead, you make her want to convince you to commit to settling down.

Never commit unless she has a lot to offer, eg chemistry, great social skills, responsible, moral, can cook or clean, low partner count, and most importantly no inhibitions in the bedroom.

Half the fun of going into a long-term relationship is the woman working her a** off to win you, the prize.

You seem to want to avoid the beginning and middle of the movie and go straight into the end of the movie where you just hand her the prize. It does not work that way. Plus it is a huge turn off for women.

“We pursue that which retreats from us.” - The Tao of Steve.

Everyone else: What happened to Fonda? Holy cow!