Girl complains that I don't show her enough affection

[StacksHitEmUp]

lol you could take her on a week long romantic excursion to French Polynesia then the next week she is mad at you because you didn’t call her on Tuesday night because she was feeling randomly sad that night. To hell with women like this lmao.

It really was like that. I feel pity for the man who ends up marrying one of these. He's going to ruin his life.

 

[Stoic]

Op, Respectfully, I think it's cheap and petty not to buy the girl you are with an inexpensive potted plant when she is at the store with you.

An easy gesture like that goes a long way.

As far as not being affectionate. I am the same way. I compensate by actively working on being generous and unselfish. These are good traits for men to cultivate.

Best of luck man.

 

[RobbyDog]

It really was like that. I feel pity for the man who ends up marrying one of these. He's going to ruin his life.

I married one. Nothing was ever enough for her. No matter what she could always find fault in my behaviour. Never again.

 

[Clamslammer]

I don't know if I'm really asking for advice or typing this out for self-reflection. Still, it would be good to get some input on this rather silly situation.

For context, she is in her late 20's. No kids. Eastern European but spent most of her life here. Very attractive - easily an 8. She's also intelligent and has a decent job (although I make a lot more than she does). We met about four months ago and started seeing each other exclusively almost right away. Three things conspired to make me move faster than usual. One, we had a strong connection. Not only was there mutual attraction but we also have the same views on social and political issues (which doesn't happen often, as I live in a very left-leaning city). Two, because of severe COVID-related lockdowns/restrictions around here, meeting new people is a major pain in the @ss at the moment. And three, we live very close to each other. Now, there were a number of red flags as well, which made me skeptical as to whether things would work out in the long run, but at the end of the day, having a steady supply of nice pvssy within walking distance was an attractive proposition even if it wasn't meant to last forever.

Things were fine for the first couple of months but we had two big fights recently (both initiated by her) and broke up this weekend. The gist of her complaints is that she thinks that I didn't show her enough affection. Now keep in mind, we spent every weekend together and also saw each other once or twice during the week as well. Sex was good (we banged every time we met and she never said no to sex). However, she wanted me to text her more during the week (like good morning/good night texts and general lovey dovey crap). I am not a big fan of superficial texting but I told her that I could make more of an effort, as long as it was mutual (i.e. she would have to initiate, too). That was after our first big fight and we both started texting each other more often after that.

Another thing that she kept complaining about was that I didn't do"romantic" things for her, like buying flowers, chocolates, small gifts, etc. In her mind, those things are signs of affection. I was rather annoyed by this, as I always paid when we went out or ordered food, bought alcohol, etc. Basically, I paid for everything when we did stuff together. I bought her a nice Christmas gift too. So this really felt like an unfair complaint.

With all of this in mind, our second fight happened this weekend when we went shopping. She got herself a potted plant for her condo and I got a couple of things for myself. We went to a self-checkout register, I scanned and paid for my items and waited for her to pay for her plant. As soon as we left the store, she had a complete meltdown. Accused me of being "cheap" and said if I don't buy her flowers, at least I could have bought her the potted plant. She said that it was easy for me to make a romantic gesture and that I chose not to do so, which made her feel like she "didn't have a boyfriend". She also made it known that once we got back, she was going to pick up her stuff from my place (she only had her makeup and skincare there).

Now I just couldn't believe that she was having such a freak-out over a damn potted plant!! LOL. I was also pretty pissed off by the fact that she called me "cheap" and by her attitude in general but I kept my cool and said "whatever". We drove back in silence and then she went up to my place, picked up her stuff, said "thanks for everything, good luck" (non-sarcastically) and left.

What I find annoying about this whole situation is that I don't know if she was gaslighting me or if she was genuinely upset. If she did this to provoke a reaction, then obviously, fvck her. If she was genuinely upset, she was still being unreasonable, obviously, but as we all know, women are unreasonable in general and attractive women even more so. In that case, I could see myself reaching out and trying to patch things up to stretch this relationship out for another few months. Although, I have to say that my patience is running thin and I'm getting tired of her drama.

What do you guys think?

Run forest run...she is passive aggressive. Run forest run. She is in her late 20s acting like this.

Or you are not dating and courting her correctly and just inviting her for a bang and she feels that you don't care thus she is trying to make you show her that you care. You not texting her or not buying her is not the real issue, it is you not caring. I cannot tell how you are with her ie if you are slightly cold and just using her as a bang. That's for you to figure out and learn from. A lot of these redpill threads teach men to treat women as replaceable. Sure that mindset works in the beginning when you are first dating but if you are in a relationship that won't fly you have to act like you give a crap.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Run forest run...she is passive aggressive. Run forest run. She is in her late 20s acting like this.

Or you are not dating and courting her correctly and just inviting her for a bang and she feels that you don't care thus she is trying to make you show her that you care. You not texting her or not buying her is not the real issue, it is you not caring. I cannot tell how you are with her ie if you are slightly cold and just using her as a bang. That's for you to figure out and learn from. A lot of these redpill threads teach men to treat women as replaceable. Sure that mindset works in the beginning when you are first dating but if you are in a relationship that won't fly you have to act like you give a crap.

I really don’t think most men treat women that they generally like as disposable plates. I think most guys just go on the internet and speak Cap just to look cool and suave.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Thanks for the thoughtful replies, everyone. It’s funny how some you have mentioned the “love languages”. I remember her bringing that up at one point. Chicks love that kind of pop psychology BS.

In any event, I have decided to make peace with her, at least for now. We’ll see how things do. If it doesn’t work out, I won’t exactly be heartbroken.

 

[Kotaix]

She is an 8. She is accustomed to getting everything she wants, and she has an undending firehose of male attention.

Also, eastern european women are raised to expect men to dote on them. Even if she grew up in the west, she would still get exposure to that mentality from her mother.

If you are tired of her drama then there is no reason to expect it ever to improve. In fact it will only get worse if you stay with her longer.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

She is an 8. She is accustomed to getting everything she wants, and she has an undending firehose of male attention.

Also, eastern european women are raised to expect men to dote on them. Even if she grew up in the west, she would still get exposure to that mentality from her mother.

If you are tired of her drama then there is no reason to expect it ever to improve. In fact it will only get worse if you stay with her longer.

Do they get more corrosive and corrupt the longer they live like this?

 

[DonJuanjr]

Also, eastern european women are raised to expect men to dote on them.

I don't understand what this means.

 

[spred]

Some insight from somebody from Eastern Europe:
- it wasnt a **** test
- she expects you to pay for everything
- the flow sex by 3rd date, asking for exclusivity and game in general are alien to her
- real expectations in her mind : sex by date no 10, move together one year after you met her parents

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

My read is she maybe thinks you're only interested in her for sex.

All the things she says are indications of affection are also indications that you enjoy her personality as much as you like sex.

You can solve this problem without spending any money, if that's what you want (solve the problem).

 

[dude99]

I don't know if I'm really asking for advice or typing this out for self-reflection. Still, it would be good to get some input on this rather silly situation.

For context, she is in her late 20's. No kids. Eastern European but spent most of her life here. Very attractive - easily an 8. She's also intelligent and has a decent job (although I make a lot more than she does). We met about four months ago and started seeing each other exclusively almost right away. Three things conspired to make me move faster than usual. One, we had a strong connection. Not only was there mutual attraction but we also have the same views on social and political issues (which doesn't happen often, as I live in a very left-leaning city). Two, because of severe COVID-related lockdowns/restrictions around here, meeting new people is a major pain in the @ss at the moment. And three, we live very close to each other. Now, there were a number of red flags as well, which made me skeptical as to whether things would work out in the long run, but at the end of the day, having a steady supply of nice pvssy within walking distance was an attractive proposition even if it wasn't meant to last forever.

Things were fine for the first couple of months but we had two big fights recently (both initiated by her) and broke up this weekend. The gist of her complaints is that she thinks that I didn't show her enough affection. Now keep in mind, we spent every weekend together and also saw each other once or twice during the week as well. Sex was good (we banged every time we met and she never said no to sex). However, she wanted me to text her more during the week (like good morning/good night texts and general lovey dovey crap). I am not a big fan of superficial texting but I told her that I could make more of an effort, as long as it was mutual (i.e. she would have to initiate, too). That was after our first big fight and we both started texting each other more often after that.

Another thing that she kept complaining about was that I didn't do"romantic" things for her, like buying flowers, chocolates, small gifts, etc. In her mind, those things are signs of affection. I was rather annoyed by this, as I always paid when we went out or ordered food, bought alcohol, etc. Basically, I paid for everything when we did stuff together. I bought her a nice Christmas gift too. So this really felt like an unfair complaint.

With all of this in mind, our second fight happened this weekend when we went shopping. She got herself a potted plant for her condo and I got a couple of things for myself. We went to a self-checkout register, I scanned and paid for my items and waited for her to pay for her plant. As soon as we left the store, she had a complete meltdown. Accused me of being "cheap" and said if I don't buy her flowers, at least I could have bought her the potted plant. She said that it was easy for me to make a romantic gesture and that I chose not to do so, which made her feel like she "didn't have a boyfriend". She also made it known that once we got back, she was going to pick up her stuff from my place (she only had her makeup and skincare there).

Now I just couldn't believe that she was having such a freak-out over a damn potted plant!! LOL. I was also pretty pissed off by the fact that she called me "cheap" and by her attitude in general but I kept my cool and said "whatever". We drove back in silence and then she went up to my place, picked up her stuff, said "thanks for everything, good luck" (non-sarcastically) and left.

What I find annoying about this whole situation is that I don't know if she was gaslighting me or if she was genuinely upset. If she did this to provoke a reaction, then obviously, fvck her. If she was genuinely upset, she was still being unreasonable, obviously, but as we all know, women are unreasonable in general and attractive women even more so. In that case, I could see myself reaching out and trying to patch things up to stretch this relationship out for another few months. Although, I have to say that my patience is running thin and I'm getting tired of her drama.

What do you guys think?

She is shiit testing. Plain and simple.
She was probably used to being fawned over and drooled over and flooded with gifts by simpy guys hoping to get her attention. You came along and was normal and she wanted to see if she could simp you too. You didn't bite. Good for you.

She was acting like a spoiled brat. Very immature. Chicks are used to manipulating guys and yes she was gaslighting you to see if she could break you. Like you said you paid for everything how does that make you cheep.

Next. Don't let the door hit you in the a$$ on the way out.

My number 1 rule, never reward bad behavior. You didn't. Good job.

 

[manfrombelow]

OP, if we are to look at this story from a logical point of view, I agreed with one of the posters here about you and her spoke two different "love languages" (despite this term sounds cliché as sh!t).

Perhaps, to this woman, the act of getting flowers/gifts means A LOT to her and help her feel more safe and secure in the relationship with the guy she's having sex with. And to you, obviously, this doesn't.

HOWEVER, this cannot justify her mental breakdown and over-reaction and dramatic behaviour that she bestowed upon you.

Here, you DID NOT DO anything WRONG (like cheating, beating her, calling her names etc...).

You only DID NOT DO something SHE SUBCONSCIOUSLY WANTED YOU TO DO FOR HER. And this is NOT YOUR FVCKING FAULT.

This woman sounds like big trouble in the long run. She'll keep wanting more and more and more, and if you succumb to her eventually, you'll be turned into something/someone you are NOT. And you will resent her, and yourself, for it.

Anyway, if the sex was good, 90% she'll come back at some point. In the meantime, DO NOT CHASE AFTER HER. Go out and date other women instead.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

If OP truly drops this bvtch, three weeks from now he will realize that he was in an emotionally abusive relationship and that the sex was not worth it in the long. This is me right now lol.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

I agree she is being unreasonable…but women are sometimes unreasonable. So she complained, took her proverbial ball and went home to pout.

Ok.

So give it time to breathe. Maybe you two speak different love languages. That’s certainly possible. Maybe this is the culmination of some laundry list of percieved slights, that’s also possible. Maybe she was super hormonal and unreasonably sensitive that day, that’s possible too. Who cares about why she behaved that way…she did.

So you reward her tantrum with silence & distance. Remember. Women are like cats. If you chase them they will hide under the bed & hiss at you. But if you mind your own business and do your thing then (if they like you) they get curious & come around.

She’s trying to boss you & frame grab. Her breaking up was her nuclear move. So what? You be patient. If she reaches out you re engage. If she doesn’t? Fine. You will run into her locally. If you do you behave in an amused flirty but not too available way. And see how she responds. If the ballsy bold move is more your style you do that.

She may not like it but she will gain respect for you in this way. Might just need some time. You should be withdrawing your attention for bad behavior at the moment any way. She put herself in timeout for you. Let her realize you aren’t running after her. This will give her the time & space needed to process what happened. She might realize she was the idiot. You never know.

 

[MatureDJ]

Victim blaming is a narcissists favourite tactic, you didn't do anything wrong and she is very clearly gaslighting you. She sounds a lot like my Belarussian Ex. She's been emotionally manipulating you, trust me do not go back to her.

Sounds like my Ukrainian ex too. Obviously a lot of folks here like to GeoMax in the same domain that I so.

 

[manfrombelow]

Sounds like my Ukrainian ex too. Obviously a lot of folks here like to GeoMax in the same domain that I so.

Come on man, Slav girls are the best. Their pvssies are worth all the BS drama that come along with them HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHÂ

 

[Atom Smasher]

She seemingly overreacted about the plant because she had reached the end of her rope and she was compelled to make this a test. The plant became the acid test for the relationship because she has been harboring resentment for a long time about the OP’s lack of generosity.
OP, you don’t strike me as an overly generous person, as evidenced by the plant and other things you say.
Generosity and selflessness is a huge turn-on for women, and that includes generosity toward other people, not just her.
We men would do well to understand token generosity with women. It doesn’t have to be anything huge, doesn’t have to be candy or flowers. The tiniest little thought of her at the store is huge to her.
Most of the men here take our principles here way too literally and formulaically. They are merely training wheels or guidelines. We can’t be robotic about them.
Isn’t generosity an attractive trait for men and women alike? I have found that generosity is an excellent trait to cultivate. We can still be firm, have backbone, and be respected while being known for being generous.
All this making her pay for her own stuff I read on this site is taken to the extreme. That applies to high school and college age interactions, but most definitely doesn’t work for adults.
I talk a lot here about judging women and holding their feet to the fire, yet they find me to be extraordinarily friendly and generous. How can this be? Unfortunately something gets lost in verbalizing it. I wish I could demonstrate my style on video, but here we get into the problem of anonymity.
I almost always advise against buying women traditional flowers and candy and such. But to see her and say, “Here, I was at the store the other day and thought of you” and hand her a tiny token thing that you know she likes (see the “Skittles” post above), will work wonders in establishing you as a massively generous person. Women love tokens way more than they love extravagance. Extravagance is perceived as transactional and with strings attached. It has that “expected” feel to it. But a pack of gum or other simple little thing she likes goes a long way.
Little gifts should be rare but still should be given.
Generosity is a massively attractive trait for both genders. When she sees you helping the old lady next door or sees you jump starting another person’s car, she will bank these things in the plus column forever.
Generosity is healthy for you, it benefits the world, and it is massively attractive. Any man who does not cultivate a generous personality is extremely short-sighted.

 

[Zimbabwe]

Come on man, Slav girls are the best. Their pvssies are worth all the BS drama that come along with them HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHÂ

Not really, these same women refuse to cook or clean while still expecting men to pay for dates and buy them things.

 

[TitusRamsies]

To be frank, to have reached this point in the relationship, it's clear that you have lacked a strong frame throughout the relationship. You have not led your girl by rewarding good behavior( giving her attention) and punishing bad behavior(withdrawing your attention) throughout the relationship. From the Eastern European women I've met, they tend to marry betas but ideally(like every other chick) want a solid dominant male figure in their life...even more so than American women, due to the harsh conditions, those regions of Europe have experienced(being demolished during WWII, etc.). All that said, grow a pair; if she doesn't like your way of being, she can leave. ( It may be too late to salvage the relationship as your prior weakness may cause her to forever see you as beta,regardless you have to start strong with the next chick.) If you fret over her breaking up, build yourself into a man with numerous options because he has such a high value. She should be afraid of losing you, man. Also can't believe how many males have mentioned love languages, wtf kind of soy beta crap. Stop appealing to the feminine frame; she is either submissive to you or not; she either wants to **** you or does not. Any withdrawal of sex, general affection, or commitment is how females manipulate you into their frame of reality and transform you into a nice domesticated shell of a man. She broke up with you; don't grovel, don't reach out to make things better. Even if she wants to get back together with you, make it clear that you have already started talking to other chicks, and she's going to have to earn her spot back..be a challenge. You have way more to offer than she does....or at least I hope; P