A direct insult.

[Mr. Personality]

Saturday night I’m drinking wine with this girl who I’ve been sleeping with since mid-late December. We’re sitting there relaxing, she looks at me and goes “what are you thinking…”

To which I respond “you’re ugly, like no you’re ugly..”

This girl already knows I think she’s attractive. We’ve had countless sex. Last weekend she goes “I want you to **** me like I’m your GF..”

So with that all in mind. I said what I said and stood by it. She got up. Blew the candles out. Finished her wine. And went to lay down. She asked for an apology which I danced around until the bitter end.

I will admit, I apologized for hurting her feelings but the sex that took place after was probably our most intimate sex to date, with this specific girl. She came 3 times. Faked the 4th, which I didn’t care about but the point being, I directly insulted her.

I also had already established frame prior to me saying this, from the beginning of us hanging out, mid December. So I said it with my “frame” already being the “frame” …

Now I know what people will say, but honestly, she didn’t want me to go, I had already said mean things to her which is the nature of our banter. And she usually shrugs off..

Therefore I think she either wanted to have an argument or just wanted to get upset with me like how normal couples are or do.

Or her getting “mad” was a **** test.

This happened Saturday. That following day , now I usually stay for coffee but I was out at 9 am sharp. No coffee. Nothing. I said bye and left

There’s been very minimal communication since, so now I think the best option is to let her stew in how she was insulted and angered by me but also wanted to have sex with me immediately after.

I can guarantee this girl has never delt with a man like me. Now I’ll probably never call her ugly again but now I’m curious to see her behavior and demeanor going forward. She’ll either want to continue seeing me or she’ll jump ship. Or maybe she’ll be more attracted to me.

It could go 50/50. I’m not saying what I did was right, ethical, or moral, but it certainly took stones. If she wanted me to leave I probably would have left. But she didn’t….

I know some will say I’m crazy but I would like to hear people’s thoughts, even if negative. Thank you

 

[firstbornunicorn]

What do you want here? I tease similarly but after you're more intimate the teasing will inevitably hurt some feelings. Since I don't want to get someone to stick around by striking at their insecurities, I tone it down.

The girl I'm seeing now has a scar under her chin from falling when she was a kid. On our first date I asked her if it was the scar from the double-chin implants (still rofl at this one).

Later on she mentioned how self conscious she was about the topic, she even cried one night. I still tease her, but I tone it down on things I know are insecurities, but now she's also for sure that I'm into her so she sees as it is – playful. Not a serious remark.

She can also strike just as hard.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Why the hell would you call a woman you are banging ugly?

Come on, OP. This is not “negging,” it is a straight up insult.

 

[bmp2cpm]

Personally, I have always hated the “what are you thinking” test. They are basically looking for signs of commitment with that question.

I think the best approach is to give silly answers when they give you the question. Silly answers make them wonder why you gave that answer and wonder how committed you are to them. The more they think about you, the better.

I cannot find fault in your particular solution to the question. Your answer works in a way. But be careful, as too many signs of no commitment will make her look elsewhere.

 

[Stoic]

It just seems like way too much gamesmanship to me.

What did you hope to achieve by calling her ugly?

It seems that you are operating out of same playbook and not being authentic.

If you lead well in a relationship, everything else falls into place. No games, no bs. No off the wall tactics in an effort to keep her interested...

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Ugh. Not a good long term thing to do. Here’s why. Insults like this express contempt.

Contempt is the single biggest indicator that a relationship, marriage or interaction will fail. Why would you elict insecurities and hurl insults? What if she said “Yeah, well I’ve had better lovers and your d I c k isn’t all that…”

Banter like that is negative, cringeworthy and feels bad to the recipient.

People fall in love with how they feel. You make her feel bad? You’ll beat her down or you’ll lose her. Neither is a good outcome. This is an insult pure & simple.

I’d immediately issue a guy walking papers for this. Immediately.

Clearly she isn’t that self confident. Poor girl.

Insults do not work in the long run. It’s a terrible strategy.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I’ve found out the hard way, that women really don’t like being teased about their physical attributes. All a woman has is her looks. Deep down, even a joking neg about her appearance really hurts. And stays with them for years.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

Saturday night I’m drinking wine with this girl who I’ve been sleeping with since mid-late December. We’re sitting there relaxing, she looks at me and goes “what are you thinking…”

To which I respond “you’re ugly, like no you’re ugly..”

This girl already knows I think she’s attractive. We’ve had countless sex. Last weekend she goes “I want you to **** me like I’m your GF..”

So with that all in mind. I said what I said and stood by it. She got up. Blew the candles out. Finished her wine. And went to lay down. She asked for an apology which I danced around until the bitter end.

I will admit, I apologized for hurting her feelings but the sex that took place after was probably our most intimate sex to date, with this specific girl. She came 3 times. Faked the 4th, which I didn’t care about but the point being, I directly insulted her.

I also had already established frame prior to me saying this, from the beginning of us hanging out, mid December. So I said it with my “frame” already being the “frame” …

Now I know what people will say, but honestly, she didn’t want me to go, I had already said mean things to her which is the nature of our banter. And she usually shrugs off..

Therefore I think she either wanted to have an argument or just wanted to get upset with me like how normal couples are or do.

Or her getting “mad” was a **** test.

This happened Saturday. That following day , now I usually stay for coffee but I was out at 9 am sharp. No coffee. Nothing. I said bye and left

There’s been very minimal communication since, so now I think the best option is to let her stew in how she was insulted and angered by me but also wanted to have sex with me immediately after.

I can guarantee this girl has never delt with a man like me. Now I’ll probably never call her ugly again but now I’m curious to see her behavior and demeanor going forward. She’ll either want to continue seeing me or she’ll jump ship. Or maybe she’ll be more attracted to me.

It could go 50/50. I’m not saying what I did was right, ethical, or moral, but it certainly took stones. If she wanted me to leave I probably would have left. But she didn’t….

I know some will say I’m crazy but I would like to hear people’s thoughts, even if negative. Thank you

The fact that you're not asking a question means you're not seeking advice but rather just any kind of attention, kind of like what you did by calling her ugly, maybe in some pathetic attempt to feel better about it.

If you enjoy treating women like this then you enjoy preying on their insecurities to feel better about yourself. The reality is it takes absolutely no stones to call someone smaller and weaker than you ugly. If she was some kickboxing champion hard body biitch that pops watermelons with her thighs for fun you probably wouldn't dare say something so stupid, unless you have some loose teeth you want knocked out.

I can't think of a single scenario where saying something like this would go in your favor, unless your intent is to burn the bridge.

A relationship can survive in a dysfunctional state, but that doesn't mean it's healthy for either of you. If she doesn't drop you like the turd you are then she'll probably never open up to you emotionally ever again, and possibly break down crying during sex one night, or she'll become numb to you and treat you with the same disrespect/disregard.

Your second biggest mistake is thinking sex is as valuable to her as it is to you. To attractive people sex alone is meaningless, so she's either butt ugly and can't get sex elsewhere, or has been treating you and is now preparing to fuuck with you emotionally in retaliation (assuming she doesn't ghost).

It sounds pretty toxic, if it continues and she doesn't leave I guarantee she will fuuck with your head out of shear resentment until YOU leave, and she will use sex to do it. She may try to piss you off until you hit her, then call the cops on you, who knows. You're playing a stupid and dangerous game and I get the feeling you have absolutely no idea what you want.

 

[manfrombelow]

Even though you and her ended up having sex after the insult, but trust me, insults breed resentments.

And resentments, gentlemen, are never good for any kind of relationship, no matter short-term or long-term.

 

[Mr. Personality]

This tactic does work on some women, but it's borderline mentally abusive and is only sustainable through negative energy. I wouldn't advise going this route. You set yourself up either for unnecessarily mean spirited breakups, or cycles of insults and make-ups (extreme push/pull). IMO it requires putting up a front. Too much bad mojo for me anyway, and you won't leave her better than you found her.
[/QUOTE

Personally, I have always hated the “what are you thinking” test. They are basically looking for signs of commitment with that question.

I think the best approach is to give silly answers when they give you the question. Silly answers make them wonder why you gave that answer and wonder how committed you are to them. The more they think about you, the better.

I cannot find fault in your particular solution to the question. Your answer works in a way. But be careful, as too many signs of no commitment will make her look elsewhere.

Yes. Thank you. I literally kissed her all over after. Now she could ghost me but I’d be very surprised if she split.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The stuff people do that is just simply idiotic and try to play like it's some chess move is ridiculous at times.

 

[Mr. Personality]

It just seems like way too much gamesmanship to me.

What did you hope to achieve by calling her ugly?

It seems that you are operating out of same playbook and not being authentic.

If you lead well in a relationship, everything else falls into place. No games, no bs. No off the wall tactics in an effort to keep her interested...

I expected a silly “shut up..” which is what she usually responds to when I bust her stones.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I expected a silly “shut up..” which is what she usually responds to when I bust her stones.

I don’t endorse “busting” on women at all. They aren’t designed to take insults. I don’t know where people get the idea that putting her down is a net positive.

 

[Robert28]

Advice from the old lady:

Ugh. Not a good long term thing to do. Here’s why. Insults like this express contempt.

Contempt is the single biggest indicator that a relationship, marriage or interaction will fail. Why would you elict insecurities and hurl insults? What if she said “Yeah, well I’ve had better lovers and your d I c k isn’t all that…”

Banter like that is negative, cringeworthy and feels bad to the recipient.

People fall in love with how they feel. You make her feel bad? You’ll beat her down or you’ll lose her. Neither is a good outcome. This is an insult pure & simple.

I’d immediately issue a guy walking papers for this. Immediately.

Clearly she isn’t that self confident. Poor girl.

Insults do not work in the long run. It’s a terrible strategy.

If only women followed your same advice. Ive had plenty of women insult me and play on my insecurities but since I’m a man it’s ok, I’m just supposed to take it. Not every guy is self confident and there’s a reason, maybe women have beat them down enough but nobody ever says anything or cares. Men are just supposed to get over it but not poor women.

 

[jnMissouri]

My girlfriend jokes with me that she doesn't like me or that I'm ugly (once when I caught her staring at me and asked her about it) when we are bantering, as does her daughter and I joke with them like that either back or first sometimes. She knows she's not ugly, she get's hit on constantly and she's a dime, and I know I'm not ugly or she wouldn't have gone out with me based on my pictures alone, then fallen for me for my personality. I also know she loves me because of how much crap we've already been through, she would have left already if she didn't love me, let alone like me.

I can joke with her like this because I know she knows she is not ugly and she can joke with me like this because I have her hot piece of A$$ and give her facials, nut inside her ussy or her mouth, depending on how I feel at the moment. We're both secure enough to joke around about our looks as a result.

That said, you have to make sure you know your audience when teasing like this AND gauge the mood. A couple times I said something about her getting fat (she's extremely petite and proportional) and she gave me an angry look....

 

[Mr. Personality]

My girlfriend jokes with me that she doesn't like me or that I'm ugly (once when I caught her staring at me and asked her about it) when we are bantering, as does her daughter and I joke with them like that either back or first sometimes. She knows she's not ugly, she get's hit on constantly and she's a dime, and I know I'm not ugly or she wouldn't have gone out with me based on my pictures alone, then fallen for me for my personality. I also know she loves me because of how much crap we've already been through, she would have left already if she didn't love me, let alone like me.

I can joke with her like this because I know she knows she is not ugly and she can joke with me like this because I have her hot piece of A$$ and give her facials, nut inside her ussy or her mouth, depending on how I feel at the moment. We're both secure enough to joke around about our looks as a result.

That said, you have to make sure you know your audience when teasing like this AND gauge the mood. A couple times I said something about her getting fat (she's extremely petite and proportional) and she gave me an angry look....

Yes. The content was not malicious and this girl is very attractive. 5’10 blonde hair. I mean if she really wanted me gone I’m pretty sure she would have had me leave.

 

[Stoic]

I expected a silly “shut up..” which is what she usually responds to when I bust her stones.

I get what you are saying and I tease the woman I am with as well. And occasionally I go too far also. I would just lay off teasing about looks entirely. Women are far more emotional and sensitive than we are. Even if they act like they have thick skin, they almost never do.

So we cannot tease women like we do our buddies. I make remarks, jokes, insults about my buddie's looks all the time. But, it only works because they have thick skin, and they know its not coming from a mean place.

 

[DonJuanjr]

I make remarks, jokes, insults about my buddie's looks all the time.

Is there truth to it?

 

[Stoic]

Is there truth to it?

Yes.

 

[DonJuanjr]

Yes.

Sure they can handle it, but it most certainly does come from a mean place. You're pointing out traits that are a net negative to their well being. The fact that the traits stick out to you shows they're a net negative.