jnMissouri
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 2, 2014
- Messages
- 793
- Reaction score
- 322
She follows my boundaries to a T, even calls me to ask about anything unclear or if xyz is OK, and when I tell her no that's dangerous I don't want you to do it, she accepts it and says OK. She asks me if I'm ok with her doing this or that now in general if there is anything unclear, no argument really. Maybe a little tude sometimes, but meh, she has admitted she is hard headed. She got rid of male friends, etc. without a problem. So big stuff she complies with no problem.
But there are scenarios where she argues over petty things like...
1) She was sick one time and I told her I was coming over to take care of her. She argued with me for an hour on the phone, being adamant I not come, doesn't want me to catch it, her house is dirty, etc. I dominated and went anyways, told her I was hanging up and I would be there in an hour after my meeting. She told me the next day she was happy I came....now mind you she argued with me NOT to come prior to that....
2) It took an hour of asking her to promise me she will tell me she is sick from now on which after an hour of no, no, no, 500 no's she finally gave in and promised.
2) I wanted to get the address of where she is working right now for a project she is working on so I can send her food on days she doesn't get the chance to eat due to her busy schedule, or even flowers on valentines day. She would bring me food all the time at my house when I was working so I wanted to return the favor. She said she doesn't want anything from me, even for her birthday, etc. I asked her REPEATEDLY for the suite number (I have the street address since we share location info from phones) but she said she doesn't want me to spend my money on her. This goes on for an hour. Finally she says what has been bothering her, which is basically she thinks I said my wealth is more important than our relationship....this stemmed from a conversation about the risk of marriage for me since she brought up engagement a few times early on in our relationship. I never said that, she took it that way because I said if we get divorced I've already lost her so why lose my wealth. She took that to mean money > her. She's more emotional than your typical girl...logic is not her strength or even on her radar...
3) I wanted to go see her for her birthday while she is out of state for the project, and she had told me even when she was here her birthday is not important (her culture apparently) but yet she didn't mind that I made plans for it, had gift ideas, etc. She kept saying I don't need gifts at times etc. She said the same thing for xmas though and when xmas came around, she was happy to give and receive thousands in gifts (she went all out for me and I returned the favor). So she said no don't worry about coming for my birthDAY, we can celebrate when I'm back before I have to return here for work. I told her I want to come down on her birthday anyways, she said I'll have to work all day, just come for the weekend the Friday of my birthweek if you want instead of the Wednesday that's the actual day, she'll feel bad about leaving me in the hotel all day while at work and only being able to hang out after work. Her brother is with her on the trip (they share a room) so even if I don't go, he will at least take her out so it's not like I'm abandoning her if I don't go on her actual birthday but still....she argued so much about this...but as usual I kept arguing with her and dominated so I was going down on her birthday...but then she mentioned she prefers if someone surprises her rather than TELLS her that they are coming, etc. Still, endless argument for days about this one thing...at the end she hinted she wants my coming down to be a surprise...but endless argument about it...
4) She wanted to ask me to go someplace with her for her vehicle service out of state. It's a 3 hour drive. She had even talked to her sister about her being nervous about asking me. Her sister offered to text me to ask me FOR her but she said no I'll ask him. It took her an HOUR on the phone to ask me. She said she is very independent and doesn't like asking anyone for help including her family. Her sister has told her she is too masculine, I told her I agree with her sister...
Point being, she does the important things I ask of her, no male friends, don't be out past this time, let me know if you're going out with the girls and where, etc. but she argues with me for hours over the simplest things. Should I just let these small things go? I told her last night fine, I won't ask you again, I won't send you flowers on valentines day. From now on I told her, I will ask you once and if you say "no" once I'm not going to keep asking you and get 500 no's. I will just not get you anything. She hesitated and didn't like that when I said that. My friend even noticed it who was with me when I was talking to her on the phone....
So am *I* too argumentative with her? I know my friend who overheard our calls said she is the problem, and I agree, but I told him, let's keep perspective, she is doing everything important that I ask of her to protect our relationship and respect my boundaries, but she argues with me over trivial things that would benefit HER by ME doing something for HER....
She admits she is hard headed....she admits she is argumentative. Does she like the chase when I keep asking her until she gives in? It frustrates the crap out of me and I want to hang up on her and have before and she has on me because she doesn't like when I keep pushing. But I told her I will only ask once from now on and if she doesn't tell me I'll not ask her again and she won't get anything from me for her birthday or Valentines day...she hesitated when I said that...
But there are scenarios where she argues over petty things like...
1) She was sick one time and I told her I was coming over to take care of her. She argued with me for an hour on the phone, being adamant I not come, doesn't want me to catch it, her house is dirty, etc. I dominated and went anyways, told her I was hanging up and I would be there in an hour after my meeting. She told me the next day she was happy I came....now mind you she argued with me NOT to come prior to that....
2) It took an hour of asking her to promise me she will tell me she is sick from now on which after an hour of no, no, no, 500 no's she finally gave in and promised.
2) I wanted to get the address of where she is working right now for a project she is working on so I can send her food on days she doesn't get the chance to eat due to her busy schedule, or even flowers on valentines day. She would bring me food all the time at my house when I was working so I wanted to return the favor. She said she doesn't want anything from me, even for her birthday, etc. I asked her REPEATEDLY for the suite number (I have the street address since we share location info from phones) but she said she doesn't want me to spend my money on her. This goes on for an hour. Finally she says what has been bothering her, which is basically she thinks I said my wealth is more important than our relationship....this stemmed from a conversation about the risk of marriage for me since she brought up engagement a few times early on in our relationship. I never said that, she took it that way because I said if we get divorced I've already lost her so why lose my wealth. She took that to mean money > her. She's more emotional than your typical girl...logic is not her strength or even on her radar...
3) I wanted to go see her for her birthday while she is out of state for the project, and she had told me even when she was here her birthday is not important (her culture apparently) but yet she didn't mind that I made plans for it, had gift ideas, etc. She kept saying I don't need gifts at times etc. She said the same thing for xmas though and when xmas came around, she was happy to give and receive thousands in gifts (she went all out for me and I returned the favor). So she said no don't worry about coming for my birthDAY, we can celebrate when I'm back before I have to return here for work. I told her I want to come down on her birthday anyways, she said I'll have to work all day, just come for the weekend the Friday of my birthweek if you want instead of the Wednesday that's the actual day, she'll feel bad about leaving me in the hotel all day while at work and only being able to hang out after work. Her brother is with her on the trip (they share a room) so even if I don't go, he will at least take her out so it's not like I'm abandoning her if I don't go on her actual birthday but still....she argued so much about this...but as usual I kept arguing with her and dominated so I was going down on her birthday...but then she mentioned she prefers if someone surprises her rather than TELLS her that they are coming, etc. Still, endless argument for days about this one thing...at the end she hinted she wants my coming down to be a surprise...but endless argument about it...
4) She wanted to ask me to go someplace with her for her vehicle service out of state. It's a 3 hour drive. She had even talked to her sister about her being nervous about asking me. Her sister offered to text me to ask me FOR her but she said no I'll ask him. It took her an HOUR on the phone to ask me. She said she is very independent and doesn't like asking anyone for help including her family. Her sister has told her she is too masculine, I told her I agree with her sister...
Point being, she does the important things I ask of her, no male friends, don't be out past this time, let me know if you're going out with the girls and where, etc. but she argues with me for hours over the simplest things. Should I just let these small things go? I told her last night fine, I won't ask you again, I won't send you flowers on valentines day. From now on I told her, I will ask you once and if you say "no" once I'm not going to keep asking you and get 500 no's. I will just not get you anything. She hesitated and didn't like that when I said that. My friend even noticed it who was with me when I was talking to her on the phone....
So am *I* too argumentative with her? I know my friend who overheard our calls said she is the problem, and I agree, but I told him, let's keep perspective, she is doing everything important that I ask of her to protect our relationship and respect my boundaries, but she argues with me over trivial things that would benefit HER by ME doing something for HER....
She admits she is hard headed....she admits she is argumentative. Does she like the chase when I keep asking her until she gives in? It frustrates the crap out of me and I want to hang up on her and have before and she has on me because she doesn't like when I keep pushing. But I told her I will only ask once from now on and if she doesn't tell me I'll not ask her again and she won't get anything from me for her birthday or Valentines day...she hesitated when I said that...
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