Anxiety from hot girls

[anonymous12345]

I’ve the problem that girls that I find very attractive give me anxiety. It’s a strong spike first, and then reduces somewhat. It seems to be a hindrance for game and I can’t figure out why I get it and what to do about it, apart from the usual practice and exposure. In one way it sounds like a version of the common “Dude, women scare me man.”

It’s primarily girls in real life, but also illustrations/photos. I think I get a feeling of missing out on something, a feeling of scarcity, that someone else gets this fantastic girl while I’m left alone.

Sometimes it’s if I’m missing out on something I find particularly nasty (say, two bi girls making out with a guy at the club the other day, or an illustration of domination of an attractive girl).

I’ve had a very long porn addiction and still have with masturbation. Working on this at nofap.com. It might be this anxiety is a new thing after I quit porn, so maybe something is changing.

Maybe the anxiety is a layer on top, and there’s something (good) beneath: arousal, stability, confidence or so.

Anyone knows about this or have had the same problem?

 

[biggoal]

You mean just nervous? I think that's normal. Most guys get nervous around hot women, especially if it's one you have a crush on. That's natural. Around hot women I don't know i'm really not that nervous. It's more like when working with a coworker or classmate you have a crush on you're a bit nervous because you want to approach them and ask them out but worried about what to say.

I think this is a big reason many guys fail at dating is because they're too nervous to approach or are so nervous the woman can see it clearly.

 

[oc16]

As others have said here: Picture her taking a dump, farting or having a **** stain on her underwear.

Hard to believe it, but beautiful women still have all the nasty bodily functions that we men do.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

I’ve the problem that girls that I find very attractive give me anxiety. It’s a strong spike first, and then reduces somewhat. It seems to be a hindrance for game and I can’t figure out why I get it and what to do about it, apart from the usual practice and exposure. In one way it sounds like a version of the common “Dude, women scare me man.”

It’s primarily girls in real life, but also illustrations/photos. I think I get a feeling of missing out on something, a feeling of scarcity, that someone else gets this fantastic girl while I’m left alone.

Sometimes it’s if I’m missing out on something I find particularly nasty (say, two bi girls making out with a guy at the club the other day, or an illustration of domination of an attractive girl).

I’ve had a very long porn addiction and still have with masturbation. Working on this at nofap.com. It might be this anxiety is a new thing after I quit porn, so maybe something is changing.

Maybe the anxiety is a layer on top, and there’s something (good) beneath: arousal, stability, confidence or so.

Anyone knows about this or have had the same problem?

Sure, we all struggle with it at some point. Stop fapping and focus your life on building a reserve of skills that help you feel grounded and confident in your adventure through life. The more control and understanding you have about everything around you, the more confident you'll naturally be. At a point this confidence becomes so great that it oozes out of you in how you carry yourself everywhere, including in front of hotties. They may be hot, but can they do x, y, z like you can? Probably not. Do they understand a, b, c like you do? Probably not. This awareness will be a nice little feedback loop that perpetuates the self confidence.

When you're constantly doing things that are very difficult, girls become child's play. If I go to the gym and hit my weight max and completely gas myself, I'll be in so much pain that idc what anyone says. Or the projects I work on that take years to complete, full of hard problems, do you really think I'll stop or change those because of what some girl says? Anything a girl says or does by comparison suddenly becomes incredibly insignificant. Instead I naturally start to feel attraction to women that support my adventures and want to come along. Challenging yourself and overcoming obstacles naturally manifests an aversion to people that try to get in your way, and an attraction to people that support you.

In reality you chose how anyone's behavior affects you. Personally if someone is mean to me or tries to put me down I'm flattered, because it means they see me as a threat. If a girl tries to hurt my feelings I'm again flattered, I laugh it off and move on to a girl that would love to spend time with me. I have no interest in changing a girl's mind, if she doesn't recognize my value she's simply incompatible.

You said it yourself, you feel yourself coming from scarcity. Constantly work on filling your life with abundance and enjoy the fruit it bears.

 

[anonymous12345]

I see your point @EyeOnThePrize and I agree. I'd say I have confidence; on my education, previous career, body (I work out too), intellect, leisure activities, and so on. I'm proud of myself and I think legitimately so. Previously I did a lot of self-loathing, as Tomassi says is typical for betas.

But still it then remains to explain this anxiety at hot girls or when there's an opportunity for escalation. For instance, a girl outside the club yesterday, young and slutty. I instantly rationalised she wasn't interested despite IOIs, I fled without even having an actual, realised failure to learn from.

I've landed those kind og girls before, but I maybe was a bit more crazy back then. I don't know what happened, it's as if I've internalised some kind of guilt or "she can't possibly be with me" (so that's lack of confidence) or "no, I cannot do that, that's sinful". What the heck. I want to reach this and change it, but it's all automatic.

There is this discrepancy between my sexual fantasies, appearance (posture, clothing, etc.) and general way of being, and those moments where I instantly and automatically draw those complete opposite conclusions.

I realise it's very close to my situation a week ago:

Addressing self sabotage

Everyone improving their game are working on different things, and my current problem is self sabotage. I get periodically attractive women handed me on a silver plate or opportunities served in front of me. I either choose to not see them, shy away from them, or even make up some excuse. This...

www.sosuave.net

 

[darksprezzatura]

As others have said here: Picture her taking a dump, farting or having a **** stain on her underwear.

Hard to believe it, but beautiful women still have all the nasty bodily functions that we men do.

Bump.

I read a line somewhere, it's not anxiety or nervousness.

It's excitement.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I’ve the problem that girls that I find very attractive give me anxiety. It’s a strong spike first, and then reduces somewhat. It seems to be a hindrance for game and I can’t figure out why I get it and what to do about it, apart from the usual practice and exposure. In one way it sounds like a version of the common “Dude, women scare me man.”

It’s primarily girls in real life, but also illustrations/photos. I think I get a feeling of missing out on something, a feeling of scarcity, that someone else gets this fantastic girl while I’m left alone.

Sometimes it’s if I’m missing out on something I find particularly nasty (say, two bi girls making out with a guy at the club the other day, or an illustration of domination of an attractive girl).

I’ve had a very long porn addiction and still have with masturbation. Working on this at nofap.com. It might be this anxiety is a new thing after I quit porn, so maybe something is changing.

Maybe the anxiety is a layer on top, and there’s something (good) beneath: arousal, stability, confidence or so.

Anyone knows about this or have had the same problem?

There are a few things to break down here so let's get started...

Your reaction is natural due to the social conditioning and perception of beauty. Meaning, society has immensely corrupted and placed on a pedestal a specific form/view of beauty. The keyword here is "pedestal".

Our job is to tear those constructs apart. Understand that what you might consider attractive is not factual per se. This effectively allows you to let go of the sense someone, in this case, an "attractive" woman is on "another league" and stratus of society.

This reaction is also a byproduct of porn (media in general). Our perception of intergender dynamics including sex is often a byproduct of years and years of allowing porn to condition your brain in many levels.

Our job is to attain self-control and deattach from the effort to rewire our brains by media, social and informational conformity. (PS: I am about to publish an article on the subject on my website, feel free to check out sometime next week).

Before closing up, being nervous is a natural reaction that even the most confident and seasoned men still experience. The difference is how your brain reacts to it. Fight or flight. Do you freeze and whimp out or do you use it to propel you to take action? The ladder is what will allow your brain to positively rewire.

Lastly, this also stems from a lack of security and sense of self-worth. This plays a huge factor in this equation. Your job is to work on yourself neverendlessly. Get to know and fully appreciate yourself so that an abundance of sustainable confidence radiates from you and helps you understand and feel as worthy and valuable as those who society deem "models", etc.

Hope this helps.


Modern Man Advice