For those who are curious, this post is inspired by my daily cold approach log available here.
www.sosuave.net
As I write to you, it is currently a few days before Christmas. Reflecting back on the past couple months of me approaching girls, I see more failure than I do success(honestly). But I’ve learned a lot, and come to realize that enjoying the process is what this is all about.
Although, from the outside looking in, you could say my log was successful, I don’t exactly think of it as such. My conditions for victory include having a lay rate of 1/10 of my approaches, and dealing with my approach anxiety to where I am never self-blocked to approached.
I did not achieve either of those goals, but I made a lot of progress towards them, in my opinion. I learned a lot, and I’m going to detail exactly what I learned in this post. This post took a few hours to write, so if you appreciate it, please consider liking it or sharing some feedback, because it really encourages me.
Preface
Before listing what I learned, I’m going to also include, what I call, my “Moment of Internalization” where I really internalized the lesson. All lessons on pickup are already on the internet, but I’ve learned the difference between reading the lessons and practicing the lessons is huge. Like reading about baseball versus playing baseball. Get it?
Lesson 1: This game is long, hard, and should be respected. A lot of people underestimate that learning how to get girls via cold approach is akin to learning a new, advanced hobby, such as playing the piano or sailing. It’s very challenging, fraught with disappointment, and will most likely take you at least a year or two to get good at. Many coaches promise you can get results in as little time as one day with them. Sometimes this is true, but you need to gain the confidence and experience to approach on your own, which takes months(if not years).
Moment of internalization: I was thinking one day on how long I’ve been reading and studying game content(2 years, only about 6 months seriously though), and why I wasn’t able to magically have a 100% hit rate. Why does it take me 8-10 approaches to get a date? Oh wait… this is hard.
Lesson 2: Coaches and others with a financial incentive to get you to something should be taken for what they are - salespeople. No matter how good their “content marketing”(aka videos/blogs are), if the coach frequently promotes their service, they should not be trusted. Why? Two reasons. Firstly, they most likely wouldn’t be making the Youtube videos if they weren’t a coach. Secondly, more subtle, a coach will not share their best material on their Youtube videos, because they would have nothing to coach with.
Moment of internalization: I was trying to solve a problem in my approaches, and I would watch these coach’s videos and, for the most part, they would share the same basic **** that I hear over and over again. I asked a friend on this forum for advice, and that advice was 10x better than a coach’s video on the topic.
Lesson 3: Fundamentals will get you very far. I seriously think that fundamentals will take you to a point where you are pretty happy with yourself. In review, the fundamentals that matter most(my opinion) are - Eye contact, body language, leading, social skills, your own mood control, and style. If you can get good at those, you’ll have a lot of success.
Moment of internalization: I got so bogged down in making essentially “if this then that” statements for every possible texting permutation. Then I realized the complexity was bogging me down, and I need to focus on my first principals(not being too forward, leading, outcome independence, etc).
Lesson 4: The best way to improve is to get feedback quickly. I have a checklist I compare myself to after every approach. Things like “Did I initiate touch?” “Did I make her laugh at least twice?” “Did I cold read her?” “Did I suggest a date before asking for her number”, etc are on it. Then immediately after the approach I look at the checklist and see how I could do better.
Moment of internalization: I would do 4 approaches in a day and two of them would go good but two wouldn’t. Why? Well, I didn’t follow a documented system.
Lesson 5: You will make mistakes. You’ll most likely fail more than you succeed for a long time. Are you comfortable doing 20+ approaches without getting a date on a cold streak? Or ****ing up a texting you were gonna send and conveying too much neediness, and losing a girl you were excited about? It’ll all happen, I can guarantee you. You must proceed forward in these situations.
Moment of internalization: I felt I was getting better but kept making mistakes. I realized that no matter how good someone is, they won’t catch every mistake before it is made, and as long as you’re trending positively, then that’s what matters.
Lesson 6: If you can learn to free your mind of anxiety, worry, and doubt, you will come to enjoy the process. I was thinking about titling this lesson “Learn to enjoy the process” but I felt like that was too cliche and not specific enough. Let me tell you my view on this subject. But first, answer this question please - What’s the worst part about game? I’m just trying to get you to think for a second.
I’ll tell you my answer, and it’s not approaching women or dealing with flakes. Rather, it’s how I feel when I’m doing all the aspects of game(including approaching, texting, etc). Think about it this way - is approaching a girl that hard, physically? No. The hard part is the mental aspect… revving yourself up to deal with approach anxiety, then opening in a calm way and smiling, then dealing with your nervousness when talking to her. Those are all internal feelings. The girl doesn’t do any of that to you directly, she just talks to you.
Moment of internalization: Very recently. I realized I could do the number of approaches a day I needed to hit my goal, but I wasn’t happy about it. I understood that in order to make this a concrete part of my life, I need to remove approach anxiety. Also some forum posters helped me figure this out.
Most important information of this post: No one you think is an expert acts like the god-like figure you think they are every day. No matter how good someone is, there will be days they underperform. There are days that the above lessons are things I don’t abide by, for whatever reason. The most important lesson is that you’re moving in the right direction.
For anyone wondering, that is Berkshire Hathway’s stock graph. One of the most success companies in history, with a lot of days they went down!
To use an analogy, say you buy a stock for $10 and you want it to go to $20. It doesn’t just get to $20 in a day, it takes a lot of time for it to do that. If it went to $20 a day after it was $10, you would think something could be wrong, right? In reality, a solid, firmly built company builds their stock price over years of compounded effort. In those years is lot’s of bad days where the stock underperforms, as a matter of fact.That is you with game. Years of compounded effort, with lot’s of ups and downs, will bring you the results you want.
Lastly, I want to say that THESE LESSONS ABOVE DO NOT CONSTITUTE AN "ENTIRETY" or "ABSOLUTE" OF ANYTHING. These are simply the biggest lessons I'VE learned from my log.
Suave1's Approach/Dating Journal
Hey boys. I have been a lurker on this forum for a year. This is my attempt at a daily journal documenting my progress. About me: -I am a incoming senior at a major US college(30k students) that is now opening after the lockdown -I cold approach on my campus because Idgaf. I’m not in a frat(I...
www.sosuave.net
As I write to you, it is currently a few days before Christmas. Reflecting back on the past couple months of me approaching girls, I see more failure than I do success(honestly). But I’ve learned a lot, and come to realize that enjoying the process is what this is all about.
Although, from the outside looking in, you could say my log was successful, I don’t exactly think of it as such. My conditions for victory include having a lay rate of 1/10 of my approaches, and dealing with my approach anxiety to where I am never self-blocked to approached.
I did not achieve either of those goals, but I made a lot of progress towards them, in my opinion. I learned a lot, and I’m going to detail exactly what I learned in this post. This post took a few hours to write, so if you appreciate it, please consider liking it or sharing some feedback, because it really encourages me.
Preface
Before listing what I learned, I’m going to also include, what I call, my “Moment of Internalization” where I really internalized the lesson. All lessons on pickup are already on the internet, but I’ve learned the difference between reading the lessons and practicing the lessons is huge. Like reading about baseball versus playing baseball. Get it?
Lesson 1: This game is long, hard, and should be respected. A lot of people underestimate that learning how to get girls via cold approach is akin to learning a new, advanced hobby, such as playing the piano or sailing. It’s very challenging, fraught with disappointment, and will most likely take you at least a year or two to get good at. Many coaches promise you can get results in as little time as one day with them. Sometimes this is true, but you need to gain the confidence and experience to approach on your own, which takes months(if not years).
Moment of internalization: I was thinking one day on how long I’ve been reading and studying game content(2 years, only about 6 months seriously though), and why I wasn’t able to magically have a 100% hit rate. Why does it take me 8-10 approaches to get a date? Oh wait… this is hard.
Lesson 2: Coaches and others with a financial incentive to get you to something should be taken for what they are - salespeople. No matter how good their “content marketing”(aka videos/blogs are), if the coach frequently promotes their service, they should not be trusted. Why? Two reasons. Firstly, they most likely wouldn’t be making the Youtube videos if they weren’t a coach. Secondly, more subtle, a coach will not share their best material on their Youtube videos, because they would have nothing to coach with.
Moment of internalization: I was trying to solve a problem in my approaches, and I would watch these coach’s videos and, for the most part, they would share the same basic **** that I hear over and over again. I asked a friend on this forum for advice, and that advice was 10x better than a coach’s video on the topic.
Lesson 3: Fundamentals will get you very far. I seriously think that fundamentals will take you to a point where you are pretty happy with yourself. In review, the fundamentals that matter most(my opinion) are - Eye contact, body language, leading, social skills, your own mood control, and style. If you can get good at those, you’ll have a lot of success.
Moment of internalization: I got so bogged down in making essentially “if this then that” statements for every possible texting permutation. Then I realized the complexity was bogging me down, and I need to focus on my first principals(not being too forward, leading, outcome independence, etc).
Lesson 4: The best way to improve is to get feedback quickly. I have a checklist I compare myself to after every approach. Things like “Did I initiate touch?” “Did I make her laugh at least twice?” “Did I cold read her?” “Did I suggest a date before asking for her number”, etc are on it. Then immediately after the approach I look at the checklist and see how I could do better.
Moment of internalization: I would do 4 approaches in a day and two of them would go good but two wouldn’t. Why? Well, I didn’t follow a documented system.
Lesson 5: You will make mistakes. You’ll most likely fail more than you succeed for a long time. Are you comfortable doing 20+ approaches without getting a date on a cold streak? Or ****ing up a texting you were gonna send and conveying too much neediness, and losing a girl you were excited about? It’ll all happen, I can guarantee you. You must proceed forward in these situations.
Moment of internalization: I felt I was getting better but kept making mistakes. I realized that no matter how good someone is, they won’t catch every mistake before it is made, and as long as you’re trending positively, then that’s what matters.
Lesson 6: If you can learn to free your mind of anxiety, worry, and doubt, you will come to enjoy the process. I was thinking about titling this lesson “Learn to enjoy the process” but I felt like that was too cliche and not specific enough. Let me tell you my view on this subject. But first, answer this question please - What’s the worst part about game? I’m just trying to get you to think for a second.
I’ll tell you my answer, and it’s not approaching women or dealing with flakes. Rather, it’s how I feel when I’m doing all the aspects of game(including approaching, texting, etc). Think about it this way - is approaching a girl that hard, physically? No. The hard part is the mental aspect… revving yourself up to deal with approach anxiety, then opening in a calm way and smiling, then dealing with your nervousness when talking to her. Those are all internal feelings. The girl doesn’t do any of that to you directly, she just talks to you.
Moment of internalization: Very recently. I realized I could do the number of approaches a day I needed to hit my goal, but I wasn’t happy about it. I understood that in order to make this a concrete part of my life, I need to remove approach anxiety. Also some forum posters helped me figure this out.
Most important information of this post: No one you think is an expert acts like the god-like figure you think they are every day. No matter how good someone is, there will be days they underperform. There are days that the above lessons are things I don’t abide by, for whatever reason. The most important lesson is that you’re moving in the right direction.
For anyone wondering, that is Berkshire Hathway’s stock graph. One of the most success companies in history, with a lot of days they went down!
To use an analogy, say you buy a stock for $10 and you want it to go to $20. It doesn’t just get to $20 in a day, it takes a lot of time for it to do that. If it went to $20 a day after it was $10, you would think something could be wrong, right? In reality, a solid, firmly built company builds their stock price over years of compounded effort. In those years is lot’s of bad days where the stock underperforms, as a matter of fact.That is you with game. Years of compounded effort, with lot’s of ups and downs, will bring you the results you want.
Lastly, I want to say that THESE LESSONS ABOVE DO NOT CONSTITUTE AN "ENTIRETY" or "ABSOLUTE" OF ANYTHING. These are simply the biggest lessons I'VE learned from my log.
